I'm Getting Divorced

sweetwisconsin · May 2014

I am so sorry.

I went through a horrible divorce a few years ago. My only words of wisdom are taking it one day at a time, keeping yourself busy/surrounded by people who care about you, and wine.

Hang in there.

doeydo · May 2014

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JCbride2015 · May 2014

Sending ALL the hugs!!!

AlexisA01 · May 2014

lc07 said:

Hi Guys. I've been MIA pretty much all month. I've missed you guys! I'm not comfortable going into specific details, but my H and I filed for divorce and he moved out of the country earlier this month. It's been a whirlwind emotionally.

I know some of you have been through this before and any support/hugs/advice/words of wisdom you can give me would be much appreciated.

I'm sticking around because this forum is rad.

I am sorry you are going through this. Many Hugs to you right now.

lc07 · May 2014

I love you guys. Seriously. Thank you. This has been so hard. It's been hard for years, frankly. And I've kept mum about it to everyone. So it feels good to let it out.

@HisGirlFriday13, your gifs made me laugh out loud. Thank you for that. I had never seen the last one before and I'm still laughing looking at it now. I definitely don't need a cup. I'm going to go look at that ALL THE TIME.

Thank you @shrekspeare and @pinkcow13 - And thank you for wanting me to stick around. Now the newbs will now also have a bitter, divorced hag to deal with. I also like to drop f-bombs. Someone should also give me a big red flag to wave around. Even though I probably wouldn't have listened, myself.

@jenna8984 it's so odd to me that even though it's only been two weeks of living alone, everyone is ready to set me up with someone. I'm like the chick who got way drunk and swears she'll never drink again only about dating. Because obvi, I'm drinking all the time right now. I also plan to get 5 cats and just be a cat lady. But it is good to know that I have the potential for future dating options. And thank you, I agree.. my future will be bright. Even solo. And I'm sure eventually I will want to date again.

@phira, thank you for taking the time to write out such a long, thoughtful response. And for the love. I think a lot of people are/will be shocked about us splitting. People who have known me for a very long time could see the pain, though, even though I was in denial. And I'm already feeling more like myself. I know it will be hard some days but I know that this is what's best. I'm looking forward to focusing on me and creating the person I truly want to be. And just drinking wine and immersing myself in Game of Thrones when I don't feel well. (No spoilers, please! I'm reading the books having never seen the show and I'm waaaay behind. Just started Clash of Kings). I'm so glad to hear your brother is doing better. Thank you for sharing such personal stories with me. It really helps.

@grumbledore It's good to hear that I'm not alone. I really appreciate your offer to talk with me more about it. I'm sure there will be all sorts of things that come up that I don't know how to deal with. And it will be nice to feel normal feeling those things.

@jennycolada You are so right. I'm really glad I got to a place where I could post this on a public message board. That was terrifying to me a month ago. I'm ready to accept this and step forward. I am also really excited to be "me" again and start over. I'm shocked that I feel this optimistic but I'm running with it.

@musikalbunni It's funny you say that. I explained it that way to a friend recently. That it feels like a death. It's really bizarre. Thank you for cheering me on. And yes, I knew you guys were awesome but this is a whole new level of awesome outpouring of love. I am beyond grateful. Thank you.

@FiancB Thank you. I do feel a lot better having posted this. Most people IRL still don't know. Because I'm obviously not going to do a Facebook post about it so people will just find out as they contact me. But it's nice to not be "keeping it a secret". And I was definitely in a bad situation. And as much as this sucks, I know things will get better.

@sweetwisconsin I'm sorry that you've been through this, too. You're totally right about one day at a time. I am definitely doing that. Before, I was having to do one minute at a time or one hour at a time. Things are starting to feel more manageable already. And thank God (so far) our actual divorce process has been incredibly amicable. We agreed on everything and have already signed the paperwork. No court. We have no kids. No drama there.

@doeydo I have no words. Your gif is the sweetest thing. I want to hug you IRL. I'm creepy like that. Thank you!

Thank you, @Keptinstitches, @loveislouder, @flantastic, cupcait927, @sapphirecounselor, @smgold6, @arrippa, @addiecake, @chibiyui, @mrsmorales2be, @Sophhabobopha (awesome gif!!), @jcbride2015 and @alexisa01

Okay, I know it's super weird to mention everyone in a follow up post but I'm just really grateful and couldn't help myself. Thank you guys.

themuffinman16 · May 2014

Sending you hugs. This community has helped me through so much. There is so much comfort in unloading to people who have a little distance from your situation. I will keep you in my thoughts. I know everything will turn out for the best

Blergbot · May 2014

Reading all this really made me want to get in touch with a friend of mine going through a divorce. Just check in with her and see how she's doing (which I actually think is pretty well. Seeing a new boy and everything--it's been a couple of months). Hugs to you and I hope you find yourself in an even better place than you thought possible.

climbingsingle · May 2014

I'm sorry! Sending you lots of good thoughts and hugs!

Kauris · May 2014

I'll be thinking about you. So sorry to hear that. All the hugs, wine and cake for you...

photokitty · May 2014

Life's too short to be unhappy or be married to someone who doesn't make you happy.

Divorce sucks, but it gets better - speaking from experience. I thought it was the end of the world, but it wasn't...it was the best decision I could have made given the situation. I hope you quickly find that to be the same for you.

Many hugs & good vibes!!

beharrington · May 2014

Sending lots of hugs. As everyone mentioned already, now is the time to take care of you!

When I broke up with my cheating asshat ex-boyfriend, I was intensely depressed. People couldn't understand my depression over losing someone who (apparently) cheated on me numerous times and then dumped me on the night I thought he was proposing. I finally figured out that I was mourning the relationship I thought we had and the future we had talked about so often. So, allow yourself to grieve if you need to.

phira · May 2014

beharrington said:

Sending lots of hugs. As everyone mentioned already, now is the time to take care of you!

When I broke up with my cheating asshat ex-boyfriend, I was intensely depressed. People couldn't understand my depression over losing someone who (apparently) cheated on me numerous times and then dumped me on the night I thought he was proposing. I finally figured out that I was mourning the relationship I thought we had and the future we had talked about so often. So, allow yourself to grieve if you need to.

My friend went through a very similar experience. She was with her boyfriend/fiance for 5 years, and she put a lot of work into the relationship and it was supposed to be her forever relationship. He was a really crappy partner. Like, not mean or abusive, just ... bad at being in a relationship. After a really terrible experience where my friend had to be hospitalized suddenly and he didn't understand why she wanted him to come to the hospital, she finally broke up with him.

And she was a wreck, and no one understood why. People figured, "You broke up with him, so why are you upset?" and questioned how she could be sad that she wasn't with him when he was, by all accounts, a terrible boyfriend/fiance. A lot of people just could not accept that she was grieving the loss of their friendship (they had been friends first), and that she had lost the life she thought they might have together. She knew eventually she'd be happier without him--that's why she left--but that's not knowledge that's really that helpful when you're grieving.

jenna8984 · May 2014

I'm all about everyone deserving true happiness. My friend was going through a really rough break up (they were together 5 years but not married). Her ex called me and said "I know she talks to you a lot about what goes on between us and I just want to make sure you're not telling her how horrible I am or anything, because you don't know my side of the stories". I explained to him that I had no problems with him and that I just wanted her to be happy and that even though I barely know him I just want him to be happy too. I said she is wonderful and you are wonderful but that doesn't mean you work together, and there's nothing wrong admitting that and moving on. Sometimes it's hard for people to see that- they want to blame one person for the failure (which is sometime the case) but sometimes it's not the case, it's just 2 great people who aren't meant for each other. Even if you do happen to stay alone forever (which I highly doubt) you will be happier and that's all that matters. Everyone deserves peace and happiness.

sarawifenow · May 2014

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I have never been divorced, but I have been engaged before DF and that was a tough decision to end that. In the end, everything happens for a reason and you will be better of in the end. If I ever saw my ex-FI again, I would high five him because if we had never ended it, I would not be marrying the love of my life this fall. Keep your chin up and know that you have supporters at TK! Hugs!

RebeccaB88 · May 2014

beharrington said:

Sending lots of hugs. As everyone mentioned already, now is the time to take care of you!

When I broke up with my cheating asshat ex-boyfriend, I was intensely depressed. People couldn't understand my depression over losing someone who (apparently) cheated on me numerous times and then dumped me on the night I thought he was proposing. I finally figured out that I was mourning the relationship I thought we had and the future we had talked about so often. So, allow yourself to grieve if you need to.

I had a very similar relationship/breakup to this. Grief is definitely a huge part of it - not for the person, but for everything else. And for yourself. Hugs to you and I'm glad you're sticking around. I did, and I'm glad I did.

Jells2dot0 · May 2014

I have been MIA on this board for a bit (details later), so just now seeing this. I totally understand what you're going through having been down that road before. One of the best things my counselor told me was that in no way should I view a divorce as a failure. It is actually a success- a success that you recognized it wasn't working and you are willing to make the change to improve your happiness. I never really viewed my divorce as a failure, but there were days where I felt depressed and I reminded myself it was "onwards and upwards!"

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