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Is this normal? Would you attend?

jenna8984jenna8984 member
5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
My friend eloped 3 months ago. At the time I sent her a card & check. They are not having any type of celebration party/ after the fact reception. 
I just got an invitation from her mother for a bridal shower. That's fairly improper etiquette, no? I'm leaning towards not going but I'm just not a fan of showers in general lol. 

                                                                 

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Re: Is this normal? Would you attend?

  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    No.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • SammiNJonniSammiNJonni member
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    edited May 2014
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  • HisGirlFriday13HisGirlFriday13 member
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    No it's not normal and no I would not attend.

    And I would RSVP no so fast their heads would spin.
    Anniversary

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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
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  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    normal?  No.  Would I go? no.   









    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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  • OwningAHome1981OwningAHome1981 member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited May 2014
    Im thinking the mother has no clue the daughter is already married
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  • jenna8984jenna8984 member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Ok good now I don't feel so bad for having no desire to attend. 

                                                                     

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  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes member
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    Another no no no!
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  • jenna8984jenna8984 member
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    OwningAHome1981 said:
    Im thinking the mother has no clue the daughter is already married
    She used her new married last name on the invitation! 

                                                                     

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  • OwningAHome1981OwningAHome1981 member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    jenna8984 said:


    OwningAHome1981 said:

    Im thinking the mother has no clue the daughter is already married

    She used her new married last name on the invitation! 

    Oh wow then I'm speechless lol. I'm a no as well. The girl is already married so the shower ship has sailed.
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  • APDSS22APDSS22 member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Nope and if you don't even like going to properly thrown showers I wouldn't feel the least bit bad about not attending an improperly thrown one. 
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  • theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    Nope to the nope.
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  • Fairyjen1Fairyjen1 member
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         I wouldn't attend because I don't like showers, not because of the etiquette breach. I tend to not go to showers that are proper. 

        If you don't go because it breaches etiquette do you tell them why or just not go and hope no one else does either so they get the hint? I'm just curious. I always think if I just RSVP no they don't really learn anything unless everyone RSVP's no and you know a lot of people probably won't. I'm trying to figure out that fine line between educating people around me on proper etiquette and being rude myself because I'm pointing out their rudeness. 
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  • alpacalunchalpacalunch member
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    Hellll naw. Married women don't get 'bridal showers'. 
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  • sophhabobophasophhabobopha member
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  • grumbledoregrumbledore member
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    Hell to the no.

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  • RebeccaB88RebeccaB88 member
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    ...
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  • Simply FatedSimply Fated member
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    Fairyjen1 said:
         I wouldn't attend because I don't like showers, not because of the etiquette breach. I tend to not go to showers that are proper. 

        If you don't go because it breaches etiquette do you tell them why or just not go and hope no one else does either so they get the hint? I'm just curious. I always think if I just RSVP no they don't really learn anything unless everyone RSVP's no and you know a lot of people probably won't. I'm trying to figure out that fine line between educating people around me on proper etiquette and being rude myself because I'm pointing out their rudeness. 
    I honestly really try not to give reasons for my declines, unless asked. And when asked, I try not to sound... holier than thou, I guess? I can't think of the right term. Self-righteous? I give up lol.
    Chances are, they know what they are doing is wrong. Common sense should tell them that it's wrong. So, if common sense and her own mother can't educate her, then my input isn't going to do much except piss her off.
    Just look how many brides on here throw hissyfits because they don't understand why it's wrong to throw yourself a shower, for instance.
    Now, if that friend asked me, "I eloped a few months ago. Would it be wrong of me to have a shower?" then I would tell her what I think.
    I honestly think people respond better to solicited advice moreso than unsolicited.


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  • FiancBFiancB member
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    lilybet13 said:
    I would be so embarrassed were I your friend.

    ETA: Something I could see happening in my family is someone fussing about everything that person everyone else "the eloper" missed out on until she gave in.
    Yeah I kinda see this as being mom's doing. Yikes. No I would not attend. Showers are kind of lame in the best of circumstances. You already congratulated and sent gifts and UM she's already married so no way jose. 
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  • Jells2dot0Jells2dot0 mod
    Moderator Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    lilybet13 said:

    I would be so embarrassed were I your friend.


    ETA: Something I could see happening in my family is someone fussing about everything that person everyone else "the eloper" missed out on until she gave in.
    I agree, but you know what? That is too damn bad for the family. When two adults make a decision to elope or have a private wedding, everyone needs to accept the decision and move on. I'm sure the couple had their reasons. Guilting them into things that go against their wishes or just flat out making the couple feel bad is rude, selfish, and immature. So, I hope this bride isn't being made to feel like she messed up and needs to redo their wedding. If it were me, I'd tell everyone to get over themselves. As a "guest", I'd also not attend the shower.

     







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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Ah, let me see.....Um, well, hmmm......

    No.
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  • OnceUponAVineOnceUponAVine member
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    Is this normal? -Nope!

    Would you attend? - Double Nope!
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  • FiancBFiancB member
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    Maybe they eloped because mom is a control freak that throws parties without input...
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