I'm thinking "Has he ever been to a wedding before?" *UPDATE

huskypuppy14 · May 2014

Absolutely do not allow these TWO extra guests to come. I'm all about dying on a hill by principle.

banana468 · May 2014

At this point I'd say, "I already told you that the answer for one extra person was no. You and your FI are invited but if you keep trying to push me then you won't be either. " and I'd absolutely own that statement and wouldn't be afraid to hold to it.

HisGirlFriday13 · May 2014

At this point, I would both die on this hill AND throw my father under the bus.

'Brother, I'm sorry you were mis-informed by dad, but there is no room at our wedding for anyone other than invited guests, which would be you and your GF. No room. Your invitation was for you and GF and no one else. If you can't make it for financial reasons, I would completely understand, but for the last, final, no-further-discussion allowed, your friends cannot be accommodated at my by-invitation-only wedding. Are we clear? Good.'

theartistformerlyknownas · May 2014

I'd also make sure to have a DOC available to kick them out if they crash.

Angeles61 · May 2014

Thanks ladies. I'm glad I'm not just being dramatic.

Our wedding planning has been so drama - free until the last two weeks, haha.

phira · May 2014

@HisGirlFriday13's advice is what I advise. Totally throw your dad under the bus here--if your dad DID in fact tell your brother that info, it wasn't appropriate.

Die heroically on this hill.

APDSS22 · May 2014

Maybe you should look up how to say the word "no" in more languages since you clearly aren't speaking the same one and he needs to understand that no means no. Good luck with it.

beethery · May 2014

Send him this, repeatedly:

If he calls, play this for him:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IkO5VyY78xQ

lyndausvi · May 2014

i'm a pretty laid back person. I didn't mind when SIL and BIL each brought a random friend as their plus ones. One couple ask if their adult daughter could come as their driver (OOT wedding). Sure, no problem. Daughter ended up bring a date unnounced. Weird and odd, but at that point I just didn't care. Beside we had some last minute cancellations and no shows, it cost me nothing extra. We gave all our singles plus ones. I did not care who they brought. If someone's date/so/spouse/whatever could not attend they could transfer the invite. That is just how I roll.

All that said, OH HELL NO to your brother's friend coming, let alone his date. NO! NO! NO! You made it clear he is not invited. PERIOD. END OF DISCUSSION, as far as I'm consered.

Who the hell invites their own guests to an event they are not planning, hosting or paying for ? That is f'd up.

This is a hill worth dying on.

sophhabobopha · May 2014

I woud have my ashes scattered on this hill. Hell to the no.

beethery · May 2014

sophhabobopha said:

I woud have my ashes scattered on this hill. Hell to the no.

I second this. Scatter ashes and salt the fucking earth. Don't let this shit fly.

Angeles61 · May 2014

lyndausvi said:

i'm a pretty laid back person. I didn't mind when SIL and BIL each brought a random friend as their plus ones. One couple ask if their adult daughter could come as their driver (OOT wedding). Sure, no problem. Daughter ended up bring a date unnounced. Weird and odd, but at that point I just didn't care. Beside we had some last minute cancellations and no shows, it cost me nothing extra. We gave all our singles plus ones. I did not care who they brought. If someone's date/so/spouse/whatever could not attend they could transfer the invite. That is just how I roll.

All that said, OH HELL NO to your brother's friend coming, let alone his date. NO! NO! NO! You made it clear he is not invited. PERIOD. END OF DISCUSSION, as far as I'm consered.

Who the hell invites their own guests to an event they are not planning, hosting or paying for ? That is f'd up.

This is a hill worth dying on.

This is how I've been up to this point as well. Guests bringing dates I don't know, bringing daughter instead of husband, it's whatever. If he wanted to bring his friend instead of his girlfriend, even though she was invited by name. Eh, whatever, cool. But inviting extra people? Just cause you think you can and you want to party? I just can't.

My mom tells me to "calm down" like I'm hyperventilating over here and shit. I'm fine.... but he's not coming!

Jen4948 · May 2014

Die on this hill.

"Brother, this is my WEDDING, not a fucking club for you to bring your friends and their dates-of-the-moment. Stop asking if it's okay to bring other people, because the answer is NO, whether you ask me, Mom, or anyone else. Anyone telling you it's okay is out of line, and you are out of line even to think about asking."

LabLove86 · May 2014

Another vote for dying on the hill.

I would also have the friends kicked out if they did show up after everything was said.

Your brother is either being oblivious or rude - but neither would be acceptable after reiterating what you've already said.

lyndausvi · May 2014

Angeles61 said:

lyndausvi said:

i'm a pretty laid back person. I didn't mind when SIL and BIL each brought a random friend as their plus ones. One couple ask if their adult daughter could come as their driver (OOT wedding). Sure, no problem. Daughter ended up bring a date unnounced. Weird and odd, but at that point I just didn't care. Beside we had some last minute cancellations and no shows, it cost me nothing extra. We gave all our singles plus ones. I did not care who they brought. If someone's date/so/spouse/whatever could not attend they could transfer the invite. That is just how I roll.

All that said, OH HELL NO to your brother's friend coming, let alone his date. NO! NO! NO! You made it clear he is not invited. PERIOD. END OF DISCUSSION, as far as I'm consered.

Who the hell invites their own guests to an event they are not planning, hosting or paying for ? That is f'd up.

This is a hill worth dying on.

This is how I've been up to this point as well. Guests bringing dates I don't know, bringing daughter instead of husband, it's whatever. If he wanted to bring his friend instead of his girlfriend, even though she was invited by name. Eh, whatever, cool. But inviting extra people? Just cause you think you can and you want to party? I just can't.

My mom tells me to "calm down" like I'm hyperventilating over here and shit. I'm fine.... but he's not coming!

Even us "cool", "laid-back", "overly accommodating people" have our limits. No is no. We told one guest they could not bring their 10 year old. Had she showed up I would have been pissed.

The question has been asked and answer. NEXT.

Kauris · May 2014

At this point, I don't know if I would fault you for saying, "Brother, it's clear that you can't afford to make it and I would HATE to burden you with this, so maybe we should just have a visit next time I'm in your city. Don't worry about troubling yourself to come."

LondonLisa · May 2014

Ditto PP- I would definitely die on that hill. Also, have a calm chat with your dad also about this situation. If your dad wants to save your brother money HE can pay for a hotel, but he certainly cannot volunteer your hospitality by inviting others to your wedding! Just stay calm, you are 100% in the right here! Hugs

EverAfer · May 2014

Tell him No, his friends are Not Welcomed at any portion of your wedding. Do not ask anyone else or you again. If he can't make it, then that's unfortunate but you would understand. P. S. bro, you're pretty rude.

Another vote for dying on this hill.

Inkdancer · May 2014

Your brother is being an asshole. That is all.

kerbohl · May 2014

This is some crazy stuff . . .
I am confused by something. Your brother tried to convince you to let his friend come and then asked if there were any hot single ladies, and said that the girls would love his friend. Now why would he then respond by asking if this friend can now bring a date? Is his friend a man whore? Is he planning to ditch his date at your wedding for some of the hot ladies? Your brother was on thin ice rudely asking to bring random people in the first place, now he sounds ridiculous. Die on this hill. Death before dishonour (or having to give it to your brother, either one)!

Cookie Pusher · May 2014

Die on that hill! There is no way I'd tolerate that level of entitlement.

KatieinBkln · May 2014

Ugh, your brother is being a dickwad. If he can't afford to come, then he shouldn't come, and you should tell him so. (If you really want to be nasty, you could follow up with, "I think it would be a weight off EVERYONE'S shoulders.")

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