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Awkward DJ situation

hteverywhere15hteverywhere15 member
100 Comments 25 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this, but you all seem to give good advice so here goes...

My fiance and I have been looking for a DJ for our 2015 wedding and my fiance saw via a Facebook post that a friend of his DJ's at weddings. He isn't a close friend (we aren't inviting him to the wedding) but more of a friendly acquaintance. My fiance got excited and wanted to contact him about our wedding. I had some reservations because he isn't a professional wedding DJ. Music is one area that's really important to my fiance and he really wanted to contact his friend, so I told him as long as he can handle the awkwardness of having to reject a friend if we decide not to hire him, I'd be willing to have an informational meeting with him. 

My fiance set up the meeting and we met over coffee a few days ago. He had a "questionnaire" for us with music preferences etc. and we filled it out as he asked. Things were going ok except he kept talking as though we had already hired him, which I found weird but didn't know what to say/do so I just ignored it.

Then he started trying to sell us on his sister, who is a wedding coordinator, which we both found strange and off-putting. I repeatedly told him I was planning the wedding myself but he kept dropping his sister's name. He also seemed a bit scattered and unorganized throughout the meeting. Overall I just got the feeling he hasn't done a ton of weddings and isn't as familiar with it as true professionals. To top it all off, he told us he doesn't require a deposit and there was no contract or anything. Now I'm an attorney so to me not having a contract for such an important vendor (or any vendor really) is asking for trouble. I didn't say anything at the time because I wasn't sure we were going to use him and figured I'd bring it up later if we decided to use him.

The meeting wrapped up and then he said the oddest thing of all..."Well guys, I'm so happy you guys chose me as your wedding DJ, thank you so much for thinking of me, I'm really honored to be your wedding DJ." I think fiance and I were both so taken aback, we simply didn't know what to say or do. I was hoping fiance would correct him since it's his friend, but he didn't. I know it's both of our faults for not saying anything, but now we're in such an uncomfortable situation because I don't know if I feel comfortable using him as our DJ. He isn't a close friend but he is pretty good friends with one of fiance's closest friends, and I really don't want to hurt his feelings or offend anyone. 

I guess I'm just looking for advice on a tactful way of handling this without being offensive or ending friendships. And I'm afraid this will turn into a fight between fiance and I if he wants to use this guy to prevent an awkward situation while I want to hire a professional to prevent a bad experience at the wedding. My fiance hates confrontation and I feel like he'd rather just use this guy than have to tell him there was a misunderstanding :/ 

Thanks for reading!  
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Re: Awkward DJ situation

  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    You and your fiance need to sit down and discuss whether or not you want this guy as your DJ. If you feel uncomfortable, say so. If he really wants him, he will say so as well. One of you is going to "lose" this battle if that is the case. 

    If you decide not to use him, your fiance should be the one to contact him and simply politely say you have decided to go with someone else. If he pushes for a reason, I would say, "We would just be more comfortable using someone with more experience." He might also say he has decided not to mix business with friendship if he doesn't want to hurt his feelings. 

    Good luck!
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    Just tell him you're in the beginning stages of research and you'll contact him if you choose to use him.

    This is yet another example of why I never would mix business with friends/family.
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  • melbensomelbenso member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary First Answer
    1. I am also an attorney and not having a contract with a vendor makes me uncomfortable. Our cake baker didn't require a contract (did require a deposit). I drafted a simple contract for us both to sign and told her she could use it in the future if she wanted to. Basically it said "melbenso will pay x for [detailed description of cake] that will be delivered by baker to location at Y time on date. Deposit of Z is due by date." She was happy to sign it. She just hadn't made a contract herself.

    So, if you want to hire him, you can certainly work around the no contract thing. You can even tell him that you won't hire him if he doesn't sign the contract.

    2. If you don't want to hire him, you and your FI need to get on the same page ASAP. If FI hates confrontation, you may be the one who has to tell him that you aren't hiring him. Do it just like you would any other vendor you decided not to hire. "DJ, thank you for taking the time to meet with us. We appreciate it. But we have decided to go in a different direction for our wedding."
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  • HisGirlFriday13HisGirlFriday13 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    I agree you need to decide soon whether you're going to use him and if not, your FI has to be the one to tell him that you're not.

    DH and I used an acquaintance of mine as our DJ. He does it on the side, for a professional company, and he was great. I loved most that he only charged us $500.
    Anniversary

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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I agree with you about not using a friend to provide professional services-especially without a written and signed contract.

    But whatever you decide to do, you and your FI need to be on the same page about it, and he needs to be the one who tells his friend if you choose another vendor, "Thanks, FI and I talked it over, and while we appreciate the time you've taken to talk to us about what you would provide, we've decided to use another vendor as our DJ."
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  • hteverywhere15hteverywhere15 member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    I agree about getting on the same page. I spoke with my fiancé and he agreed that he needs to let his friend know ASAP that we're still making our decision. I just feel bad and wish I had listened to my instinct of not mixing friends with business! And I'm still perplexed as to how he thought we hired him when all we did was have a consultation/informational meeting.

    Thanks for the helpful responses :)
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  • Sugargirl1019Sugargirl1019 member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Combo Breaker
    I would mention to him that you are still doing research on DJs and will let him know if you have selected him, but also ask to see reviews, videos, mixes of his work. I'd ask for a list of past clients to speak with, also. (Depending on the situation, some will give you contact info, others won't for customer privacy).

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  • hteverywhere15hteverywhere15 member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Well, we just found out from a mutual friend that he did a wedding last weekend for $500 and is trying to charge us $1,000. I guess that makes the decision easier for us.
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  • crunchymamaof2 crunchymamaof2 member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    hopeh18 said:
    Well, we just found out from a mutual friend that he did a wedding last weekend for $500 and is trying to charge us $1,000. I guess that makes the decision easier for us.

    Are you serious? We had a professional DJ (20+ years of experience) work our wedding for about 6 hours for $750. I know cost varies by area but doubling the price for almost identical events? Ridiculous.

    After 6 years and 2 boys, finally tying the knot on October 27th, 2013!

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  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Our DJ is a professional and we are getting 6 hours for 1100, there is no way I would pay that much for a non professional.
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  • beetherybeethery member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    hopeh18 said:
    Well, we just found out from a mutual friend that he did a wedding last weekend for $500 and is trying to charge us $1,000. I guess that makes the decision easier for us.
    Did your mutual friend say whether or not he did a good job? I am interested in this because, from what you said about the meeting, he sounded kind of like a dumbass.

    That extra $500 is some bullshit though, unless your reception is going to be 12 hours long. Tell that guy to pound sand.
    --

    I'm the fuck     out.

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  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    hopeh18 said:
    Well, we just found out from a mutual friend that he did a wedding last weekend for $500 and is trying to charge us $1,000. I guess that makes the decision easier for us.
    Gross.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

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  • hteverywhere15hteverywhere15 member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Nope our wedding is just the normal 5 hours. Honestly I think he saw that we were having a big wedding at a "nice" place and decided to jack the price up. Gross is right. Fiancé told him there was a misunderstanding and we are still meeting with people and his response was "of course, sorry if I came off as pushy". Weirdo.
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  • SapphireCounselorSapphireCounselor member
    250 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    hopeh18 said:

    Nope our wedding is just the normal 5 hours. Honestly I think he saw that we were having a big wedding at a "nice" place and decided to jack the price up. Gross is right. Fiancé told him there was a misunderstanding and we are still meeting with people and his response was "of course, sorry if I came off as pushy". Weirdo.

    Wow...That is crazy that he would just jack up the price on you! Sounds like you guys handled it well though. Hope you find a great DJ!
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  • kitty8403kitty8403 member
    1000 Comments 250 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    hopeh18 said:

    I agree about getting on the same page. I spoke with my fiancé and he agreed that he needs to let his friend know ASAP that we're still making our decision. I just feel bad and wish I had listened to my instinct of not mixing friends with business! And I'm still perplexed as to how he thought we hired him when all we did was have a consultation/informational meeting.

    Thanks for the helpful responses :)


    If it makes you feel better, I kept running into this with caterers. One lady kept calling at all hours for, like, months after we'd said no. Another one did a consult that went decently well, but I didn't agree to hire her! I wasnt satisfied and we were still checking around--and she messages me at 6 weeks out saying hey, come talk to me about finalizing your menu--what??!
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