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Mom Invited Geusts Not Invited to the Wedding

vanklemavanklema member
Second Anniversary First Comment
in Pre-wedding Parties
My bridal shower is in a month, my mother and MOH are planning it together, but my mom is paying for the event. I'm thrilled to be having a shower, but my mom just informed me that she has invited people who are not invited to the wedding. There is no way at this point to include those people in the wedding and some of them I was vehmently opposed to seeing at all, ever. She seems to think this is fine. I however, know that it is rude to invite people to a shower and not the wedding. But I am stuck at this point with things the way they are. I am looking for advice on what to say to these people when they ask why they haven't recieved a wedding invitaiton. I am at a loss. I'm pretty upset with my mother for doing this as well. But it can't be undone. What would you say to them? 
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Re: Mom Invited Geusts Not Invited to the Wedding

  • LondonLisaLondonLisa London, UK member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I would cancel the shower, especially if it is people you vehemently oppose seeing. You cannot disinvite them and if the come you HAVE to invite them to the wedding. It is really, really rude and although your mother is hosting, it DOES reflect on you. I think you and your mum need to sit down and have some serious boundaries talk- inviting people you don't even speak to is straight up manipulative and aggressive! Cancelling is really your only polite course of action. It sucks, but you need to take it up with your mother as she caused this.
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  • EllieAugustEllieAugust member
    100 Love Its 10 Comments First Anniversary
    I think canceling the shower is a bit rash! Especially since it would hurt your MOH as well. Whether or not you are upset at your mother, she is still your mother and you are going to have to deal with her for the rest of your life! So I agree with letting her know that you are frustrated by what happened, but don't cancel the shower. That will just make it a bigger issue. I would paste a smile on your face, enjoy your self, and spend as little time as possible with the people that you didn't want at your shower. Maybe greet them with, "So great to see you, such a wonderful surprise." That may help them get the hint that this was your mother's faux pas not yours. You are not obligated to invite them to the wedding as, she was the one that was rude not you.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited May 2014
    EllieAugust said:
    I think canceling the shower is a bit rash! Especially since it would hurt your MOH as well. Whether or not you are upset at your mother, she is still your mother and you are going to have to deal with her for the rest of your life! So I agree with letting her know that you are frustrated by what happened, but don't cancel the shower. That will just make it a bigger issue. I would paste a smile on your face, enjoy your self, and spend as little time as possible with the people that you didn't want at your shower. Maybe greet them with, "So great to see you, such a wonderful surprise." That may help them get the hint that this was your mother's faux pas not yours. You are not obligated to invite them to the wedding as, she was the one that was rude not you.
    I would not do this.  It basically rewards both your mother and the people you didn't invite to your wedding for crossing your boundaries, and even though this is your mother's faux pas, by not nipping it in the bud you become either responsible or perceived as responsible when those people don't get wedding invitations.

    Your best course of action is to cancel the shower.
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  • vanklemavanklema member
    Second Anniversary First Comment
    edited May 2014
    As I was specifically asking for advice on what to say, thanks to EllieAugust. I hadn't thought of that line, " What a nice surprise" but it just might do the trick. 

    Cancelling the shower is out of the question and not what I asked for advice on. I didn't ask "What should I do" I asked "What do I say to these unwanted geusts". But thanks for reading and responding anyway everyone else. 
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  • LondonLisaLondonLisa London, UK member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    vanklema said:
    As I was specifically asking for advice on what to say, thanks to EllieAugust. I hadn't thought of that line, " What a nice surprise" but it just might do the trick. 

    Cancelling the shower is out of the question and not what I asked for advice on. I didn't ask "What should I do" I asked "What do I say to these unwanted geusts". But thanks for reading and responding anyway everyone else. 
    OP, the reason we didn't tell you what to say is because there is no polite thing to say. It isn't a surprise that they are coming and you do have the ability to stop it. You just don't WANT to. 

    That is an important distinction. 
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