Bacheolrette Crossover

VulgarGirl · May 2014

So, one of FI's wedding peeps, and one of my wedding peeps have already started thinking about bacheolrette parties. They want to throw separate ones for each of us, not a combined one (which is what we're doing for the shower) and it didn't take long to figure out...we have a lot of in common friends we'd each like to invite.

Now I know the no crossover for bridal shower rule, which makes sense because you're giving gifts. But if you were invited to one bachelorette party for one bride and then another for the second bride (in the same wedding) would you side eye or would you party?

ladyamanuet · May 2014

It depends. If it is a one-night thing, def! But if both are OOT, multi-day things, no.

ETA: But that's a money thing

photokitty · May 2014

Depends on the cost involved. Two nights out on the town (in town) of my own dinner and drinks, buy the bride drinks as I please - I'm down. Two destination or high ticket bachlorette parties - I'm probably going to choose one. ________ My sister and her wife had a combined one and it worked out great. They only wanted one in the end, in the beginning they were thinking about two separate ones, but cost became an issue. ___________eta wtf paragraphs??? grrrr

AprilH81 · May 2014

I agree with @ladyamanuet ... If you keep it local and relatively inexpensive (or at least affordable for your circle) I wouldn't side-eye that plan.

Maggie0829 · May 2014

Completely depends on the costs involved. Like others said if it were in town for a night out then I am in, but if they are destination affairs then I would choose which dates of the parties work best with my schedule.

JCbride2015 · May 2014

Yep, depends on the cost. If I could comfortably afford both, no problem. Otherwise I'd feel awkward about choosing just one because it would imply I'm picking favorites between my two friends.

VulgarGirl · May 2014

I think they're both thinking in town one night deals. We did the wild out of town party down all weekend thing when we were younger. Now we're all like "But we need to save our vacation days" because we're all grown up now.

VulgarGirl · May 2014

JCbride2015 said:

Yep, depends on the cost. If I could comfortably afford both, no problem. Otherwise I'd feel awkward about choosing just one because it would imply I'm picking favorites between my two friends.

Well yeah...how else will we know who loves us best?

phira · May 2014

Depends on the cost and the location. If the overlap is really significant, I might suggest (together with your fiancee) to both wedding peeps that they work together to have a joint party. Obviously, if they want to throw two different ones, then yay okay, their decision, but if it's going to be like ... 20 people invited to both and 2-3 people each invited to one, you might get better attendance if you do one.

But again, if it was inexpensive for me to attend, and it wasn't hard to get to either party, I'd go to both.

photokitty · May 2014

FWIW...and still not saying having 2 is bad call, but...

Back story...I got married a month before my sister, well sort of. She and her wife went to DC alone in June and got married bc our state does not have same sex marriage, so they then had their ceremony and reception in August. (Gay marriage/commitment ceremony & reception in states without legal same sex marriage don't count as PPDs, in case anyone is wondering, bc you can't legally get married where and when you want to) I was married in July - second wedding and I had a torn calf in a boot, so I didn't have a real bachelorette party, just drinking with my sisters at home.

Their bachelorette was 10 days before my wedding, so by the end of the night they had me on stage and with a bride sash and telling everyone it was my party too. Which was really sweet and made me feel special & loved. But I guess my point is, you're probably not going to have it just be one person's bachlorette party, unless the other bride stays home. So you might end up feeling odd when the second party comes around bc you'll end up celebrating both brides all over again.

But if it's not cost prohibitive and I was available I'd still be happy to go out and party 2 nights.

VulgarGirl · May 2014

@photokitty, I think they're thinking of not inviting the other bride. So I won't go to FI's and she won't come to mine.

I don't really care about being the only bride. Because I'm not the only bride. I think both our friends just want us to each have a special "about you only and your friends" thing. Since we do pretty much everything else together.

[Deleted User] · May 2014

I kinda like the idea of having a separate night. That way, once I get home, I have someone sober waiting for me with a huge glass of water a couple Advil, someone ready to strip me down to my skivvys and get me into bed, someone with Gatorade and coffee and a giant plate of bacon for me in the morning.

photokitty · May 2014

MagicInk said:

@photokitty, I think they're thinking of not inviting the other bride. So I won't go to FI's and she won't come to mine.

I don't really care about being the only bride. Because I'm not the only bride. I think both our friends just want us to each have a special "about you only and your friends" thing. Since we do pretty much everything else together.

I totally understand. That's why they did one, in the end they decided they wanted to be at each other's so they just had the one.

My SIL moved here so she only had two or three friends able to come to the party, that she didn't meet through my sister. And my sisters and SILs come to a total of 6, so we're partially a bachlorette party in and of ourselves :-p - so it just made sense, for them, in the end to only have the one.

adverb1129 · May 2014

My husband had a co-ed bachelor party which overlapped guest lists with my ladies-only bachelorette. We chose different weekends and invited the people we wanted to invite. However, I don't think we had any guests that attended both- one guest was busy for my bachelorette and another skipped out on the bachelor party because it was more pricey. You might see a similar split if you invite the same people to two different events. (All that being said, we both had an amazing time with our respective parties!)

erinlin25 · May 2014

as long as they were budget friendly I would definitely be down for 2 parties. But if they were both weekend extravaganza's, I would probably have to pick one over the other.

I look at it like multiple weddings happening at the same time of year. One year I had 4 friends get married all a month a part, so for about 6 months it was either a bridal shower, bachelorette party or wedding every other week it seemed. All the friends were budget conscious planning the events since they knew a lot of us were crossover guests. I was able to go to all 4 showers, bachelorettes and weddings and was more than happy to celebrate for all of my friends individually.

Simply Fated · May 2014

It would depend on the cost and the date. I would feel really bad if I went to one and not the other. Even if the cost was fine to attend both, if I couldn't make it that night, I'd hope the other friend would understand. Would you be truly okay if all the crossover guests only went to your fiancee's and not yours?

artbyallie · May 2014

I'm wondering about the ratios here. Because if I attended a bachelorette for one half of a couple I'm friends with that consisted of, say, 10 women, and then a couple weekends later attended the party for the other half (assuming I'm one of the people who is friends with both) that was more than half the same people, I would seriously wonder why they needed to have two parties.

I mean, keep in mind this is just my two cents, but if the majority of your friends are people you both hang out with, I don't see the point of splitting you up and partying twice. H and I would've been happy to have a combined B-party just because we're both friends with everyone in our wedding party and the SOs who weren't in it. Though what actually happened was my dad took H and all the men to a baseball game and my mom threw an at-home party for me and all the women.

Inkdancer · May 2014

Depending on where you live, I might be nervous about having one party for two brides just because of homophobic jackass concentration. In my home town, some bars would be totally safe and some would be a recipe for disaster.

VulgarGirl · May 2014

Inkdancer said:

Depending on where you live, I might be nervous about having one party for two brides just because of homophobic jackass concentration. In my home town, some bars would be totally safe and some would be a recipe for disaster.

Oh yeah, we got that here too. Some people are like "yay, that's cool!" and others are like "you're going to hell, let me tell you why".

ashleyep · May 2014

Inkdancer said:

Depending on where you live, I might be nervous about having one party for two brides just because of homophobic jackass concentration. In my home town, some bars would be totally safe and some would be a recipe for disaster.

But they might just assume it's a joint bachelorette party for two women getting married to men and not each other?

Inkdancer · May 2014

ashleyep said:

Inkdancer said:

Depending on where you live, I might be nervous about having one party for two brides just because of homophobic jackass concentration. In my home town, some bars would be totally safe and some would be a recipe for disaster.

But they might just assume it's a joint bachelorette party for two women getting married to men and not each other?

I hope so. I want @MagicInk to have an amazing time!

VulgarGirl · May 2014

Inkdancer said:

ashleyep said:

Inkdancer said:

Depending on where you live, I might be nervous about having one party for two brides just because of homophobic jackass concentration. In my home town, some bars would be totally safe and some would be a recipe for disaster.

But they might just assume it's a joint bachelorette party for two women getting married to men and not each other?

I hope so. I want @MagicInk to have an amazing time!

If I passed as straight they might. But most people are never surprised to learn I'm a gay lady. Though I'm not really butch either. I think most people are just like "That girl totally fucks girls. She might date/fuck guys, but she for sure fucks girls" and they are right. Except that guy part. Gold star gay all the way over here.

AddieCake · May 2014

I would party both times.

Jen4948 · May 2014

I'd be up for partying two times.

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