I just don't know anymore MOH problems

Re: I just don't know anymore MOH problems

• Maggie0829 member

  

  April 2014

  AHessefort said:

  I am just looking for advice and counsel here because I am at the end of the rope with one of my MOHs. Lately it has been nothing but headaches and stress with her and I can't seem to find any footing. The first problem I have is that she had told me she invited her new boyfriend to come to the wedding even with knowing my Fiancé and I have only a select number of people we can invite and so we have had some rules established to make it as fare as possible, one of those rules being established long term relationships only. Secondly while at my wedding/reception she has said she would like to partake in some items that I am not okay with having at my wedding. At all. I told her there would be a bar avaliable and she had no reason for these other items to be anywhere near the wedding and the response I got from her was that I was wrong and I didn't want her drunk at my wedding I would rather have her like she wanted to be because when she drinks she has no filter et al. The third problem is that she is refusing to take part in any way of my bachelorette party because she apparently doesn't agree with one of the events that is taking place (news to pretty much all of us who know her). I have told her we have modified the plans so people can still come and enjoy parts and take part of this day and also the cost went down considerably but she doesn't even seem to be willing to compromise. Last but certainly not least she has started to complain to me about the cost of her dress. She is complain that she has lost too much weight and now needs it severely altered and that she has to pay extra for a bigger size that she doesn't need. My girls have not been asked to do much, they were not asked to contribute anything but time to the bridal shower. I have told them that I have gotten them their jewelry and all they need for shoes is "something silver that they will be comfortable in". Again I just don't know what to do I feel like I am being bullied about the most important day of my life. I she has officially driven me to tears on more than one occasion. Thanks for listening.

  Every person in a relationship should be invited with their SO.  She has a boyfriend and he should be invited.  And what exactly is your definition of "long term?"  Judging the seriousness of someone's relationship based solely on the length of time they have been together is wrong.

  
  

  What things does she want to partake in exactly?  If she wants to partake in illegal substances then I can see you getting upset.  But if she doesn't like what you are hosting and chooses to bring in her own then she will look like a lush and rude ass.  Also, check with your venue because it could be against their rules for someone to bring in outside alcohol.  If it is let your friend know and that if she is caught then she will be asked to leave.

  
  

  She doesn't have to take part in your bach party if she doesn't want to.  It is her decision as to attend regardless of how silly you think her reason is.  If she doesn't come then that is her loss, but she certainly isn't required to attend.

  
  

  Did you ask her (and your BMs) budgets prior to picking the dress.  If not and you picked something that was expensive then I can see why she is upset about the cost.  As for the alterations, that is on her to get them done.  If she doesn't like the price then she should take the dress to another seamstress to get a different quote.

  
  

  You asked them to put in time for your bridal shower?  Just like with the bach party, a bridal shower is optional and something that they do not have to participate or throw for you at all if they don't want to.

  
  

  Is the jewelry their gift per chance?  If so, that is not an appropriate bridal party gift.  Anything that is to be used in the wedding is not a gift but rather part of their outfit for your wedding day.

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• AHessefort member

  

  April 2014

  I guess I was raised old school because in my area it is traditionally the bridesmaids who plan and throw the bridal shower and the bachelorette party.
  
  And as for her date I see where you are coming from and thank you for your opinion, I really do feel like it comes down to feeling bullied by her into this and we had to have some kind of rules set in place because we can only have so many guest.

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• Maggie0829 member

  

  April 2014

  AHessefort said:

  I guess I was raised old school because in my area it is traditionally the bridesmaids who plan and throw the bridal shower and the bachelorette party. And as for her date I see where you are coming from and thank you for your opinion, I really do feel like it comes down to feeling bullied by her into this and we had to have some kind of rules set in place because we can only have so many guest.

  This is what the wedding industry promotes, but anyone can throw you a party regardless if they are in the bridal party or not.  It is not a requirement of the BMs at all and the parties shouldn't be expected.

  
  

  I understand needing to set parameters to your guest list (everyone has to limit their guest list at one point or another), but all SOs need to be invited.  Truly single guests do not have to be invited with a plus one.  And if you invite kids you certainly do not need to invite all kids, but you just can't split up families.  So say you have an age cut off of 13 or older but one family has two kids with one being 7 and the other being 14 it would be rude to just invite the 14 year old.

  
  

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• HisGirlFriday13 member

  

  April 2014

  AHessefort said:

  I guess I was raised old school because in my area it is traditionally the bridesmaids who plan and throw the bridal shower and the bachelorette party. And as for her date I see where you are coming from and thank you for your opinion, I really do feel like it comes down to feeling bullied by her into this and we had to have some kind of rules set in place because we can only have so many guest.

  But tradition =/= necessity. 

  
  

  As for the second bold...you and everyone else. Every single bride on this forum had SOME KIND of constraints -- budget, space, whatever -- on her guest list. We all made it work. If that meant serving a cheaper entree (chicken instead of steak) or having a smaller guest list or having it in the off-season or at an off-time, we did that.

  
  

  Weddings are about making hard choices.

  

  
  

  
  

  I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'

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• MairePoppy mod

  

  April 2014

  1. Don't be rude, invite your M'sOH boyfriend. Cut back somewhere else - favors, centerpieces- to accommodate him. 

  
  

  2. No one is obligated to throw or attend a shower or bp, not even the MOH. She should be invited and allowed to accept or decline as she wishes. There's nothing 'old school' about expecting your bms to throw showers for you.

  
  

  3. It's rude for any guest to suggest that what the host is offering isn't good enough. So your MOH is rude to threaten to bring along her own 'whatever.' Furthermore, she could get thrown out for bringing in, say, a flask. I think the only thing you can do is tip off the banquet manager and let her handle it.

  
  

                     

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• BMoreBride6 member

  

  May 2014

  AHessefort said:

  ...when she drinks she has no filter et al.
  
  Stuck in the box. 
  
  Sorry the literary dork in me can't get past the bolded ; )
  

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• starbright2013 member

  

  May 2014

  I can understand that you're frustrated. I'm assuming she's one of your best friends if she's your MOH and that sounds like she's being inconsiderate from a best friend perspective. However, inconsiderate does not equal out of line. If she doesn't want to come to the bachelorette or the bridal shower, bummer, but it sounds like you'd have more fun without her anyway.

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• ladybird29 member

  

  May 2014

  I'm sorry you're frustrated, but WOW...to deny your MOH a guest is off the chain rude. I don't care if it's someone she just met on the plane en route to the wedding, everyone in your wedding party should be allowed to bring someone. I brought my Mom as my "date" when I was a BM in my friend's wedding out of state a few year's back and didn't think twice about it. No one did. It's one person. Honestly, I wouldn't be in a wedding if I was told I couldn't bring somebody.
  
  With that said, your MOH sounds like one of those difficult people that like to complain a lot and stir up problems...so I'd just ignore her attempts to be a thorn in your side...right after you let her bring her new boyfriend to your wedding.
  

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