is it just me...

LondonLisa · May 2014

or do you also feel that 99.9% of the problems on here could be solved with the posters realising the fundamental difference between can't and won't?

Sorry, I just feel like across the boards lately there has been an abundance of people claiming rudeness is out of their control but they don't want to make the sacrifice as it means they'll have to spend money, lose presents, won't get the attention they want etc.

ShesSoCold · May 2014

But it's MY DAY

AddieCake · May 2014

Yes. Also, if they knew how to Google, they could answer a ton of their own questions.

photokitty · May 2014

I'd say BINGO! But that would sound sarcastic as if it was a bingo square. So I'll emphatically agree with a nod instead.

climbingsingle · May 2014

WHATEVER. I can do whatever I want on my day. People don't need food at meal times or need chairs to sit in!

sophhabobopha · May 2014

phira · May 2014

PRETTY MUCH.

"I CAN'T avoid having a gap!"

"I CAN'T let bridesmaids wear different shoes!"

"I CAN'T do a seating chart."

VulgarGirl · May 2014

You don't understand. My situation is special and different.

photokitty · May 2014

I don't care if you use I can't or I won't as long as it precedes the words "...treat my guests like crap."

Kauris · May 2014

I don't think it's just you. It seems to be a common occurrence lately. I read an article the other day about the entitlement new graduates feel in the work force; namely they are "underemployed" thinking they should be making more money, have immediate benefits, etc. Transfer that attitude over to an industry that is a "Yes, you deserve this special/expensive/exclusive thing" like the wedding industry and there is your recipe for disaster.

My parents raised me to work hard. Earn and save. I've had a savings account since I was eight. If I wanted to have a lemonade stand, I had to figure out how much the supplies would be, use that to determine how much to charge to earn a profit and then pay my parents back for those supplies. I would get excited about a trip to the credit union to deposit money as soon as I earned $20 in allowance for chores. I never went without, but I was taught that those things didn't just magically appear because I wished it so. I think that is missing lately.

lyndausvi · May 2014

Receiving an engagement ring turns so many brides into crazy, illogical and self-fish people.

I wonder if there has been a study done on this phenomena? It's quite strange if you ask me.

phira · May 2014

lyndausvi said:

Receiving an engagement ring turns so many brides into crazy, illogical and self-fish people.

I wonder if there has been a study done on this phenomena? It's quite strange if you ask me.

I have to admit that it's been easy to see how people turn into 'zillas. There's a lot of money involved, a lot of pressure, and there's no way to do a wedding that makes everyone happy. And when you've been taught that you're entitled to your fairytale wedding, it can be easy to hold onto the things you feel like you have SOME control over. Being told, "Hey, a gap is rude," when you feel like you've earned your right to have an evening reception after an earlier ceremony, when you've already compromised on a ton of things with your partner or your parents, can feel like you have zero control over your wedding.

It doesn't mean I think it's okay. I can just see where it comes from.

NYCMercedes · May 2014

Yeah, @LondonLisa, it's not just you. I'd hate to think people are stupid, but maybe it's just the entitlement generation.

Jells2dot0 · May 2014

lyndausvi said:
Receiving an engagement ring turns so many brides into crazy, illogical and self-fish people.

I wonder if there has been a study done on this phenomena? It's quite strange if you ask me.

I've mentioned before how I've seen some similar traits between brides and narcissistic personality disorder. Obviously, that disorder is a real thing and should be taken seriously. However, in a bride's case, it stems purely from entitlement. We've been fed crap our entire lives about how our wedding day is our ultimate dream day, where mom and dad have to pay for it and no expense should be spared to ensure it's perfect and unique. the recent slew of bridal shows hasn't helped. Some girls are mature enough to realize what we've seen on TV is not reality, but others just want to live the dream. After all, it's just one day and it belongs to me and only me!!

Jen4948 · May 2014

Sadly, it does seem to be common.

ab6704a · May 2014

Jells2dot0 said:

show previous quotes
Receiving an engagement ring turns so many brides into crazy, illogical and self-fish people.

I wonder if there has been a study done on this phenomena? It's quite strange if you ask me.
I've mentioned before how I've seen some similar traits between brides and narcissistic personality disorder. Obviously, that disorder is a real thing and should be taken seriously. However, in a bride's case, it stems purely from entitlement. We've been fed crap our entire lives about how our wedding day is our ultimate dream day, where mom and dad have to pay for it and no expense should be spared to ensure it's perfect and unique. the recent slew of bridal shows hasn't helped. Some girls are mature enough to realize what we've seen on TV is not reality, but others just want to live the dream. After all, it's just one day and it belongs to me and only me!!

Since I have been planning my wedding, I am convinced that most of the entitlement nonsense that people believe is fed to them by friends and family members even more than the TV shows. I had a friend tell me to "stop worrying about offending your guests because it's YOUR SPECIAL DAY!" Ugh.

KGold80 · May 2014

ab6704a said:

show previous quotes

Jells2dot0 said:

Receiving an engagement ring turns so many brides into crazy, illogical and self-fish people.

I wonder if there has been a study done on this phenomena? It's quite strange if you ask me.
I've mentioned before how I've seen some similar traits between brides and narcissistic personality disorder. Obviously, that disorder is a real thing and should be taken seriously. However, in a bride's case, it stems purely from entitlement. We've been fed crap our entire lives about how our wedding day is our ultimate dream day, where mom and dad have to pay for it and no expense should be spared to ensure it's perfect and unique. the recent slew of bridal shows hasn't helped. Some girls are mature enough to realize what we've seen on TV is not reality, but others just want to live the dream. After all, it's just one day and it belongs to me and only me!!

Since I have been planning my wedding, I am convinced that most of the entitlement nonsense that people believe is fed to them by friends and family members even more than the TV shows. I had a friend tell me to "stop worrying about offending your guests because it's YOUR SPECIAL DAY!" Ugh.

My FI has even said "It's our day!" and "I don't really care where anyone else sits as long as I have a spot." Uhm...no, honey. That's not how this is going down. The end result? I just don't consult him on some things and do what needs to be done to ensure that our guests are taken care of. He'll thank me for it later.

KatieinBkln · May 2014

Eh, I wouldn't totally blame this on an entire generation. By all the metrics I am one of those durn millennials, but it doesn't mean I'm an entitled ingrate suffering from princess delusions.

But to answer the OP's question, YES. Yes, I do think it's a lot of confusing "can't" with "won't." See also, confusing "want" with "need."

lilacck28 · May 2014

NYCMercedes said:

Yeah, @LondonLisa, it's not just you. I'd hate to think people are stupid, but maybe it's just the entitlement generation.

Every generation claims this about the generation that comes after them. The "in my day..." thing is old. Don't sentence an entire generation to stupidity or rudeness because of the actions of individuals that happen to be part of that generation. And I would venture to say that "selfish bride" is not limited to current young people.

ab6704a · May 2014

KatieinBkln said:

Eh, I wouldn't totally blame this on an entire generation. By all the metrics I am one of those durn millennials, but it doesn't mean I'm an entitled ingrate suffering from princess delusions.

But to answer the OP's question, YES. Yes, I do think it's a lot of confusing "can't" with "won't." See also, confusing "want" with "need."

Agreed. I'm a millennial too, but you better believe I'm going to do right by the guests taking time out of their lives to attend my wedding.

wrigleyville · May 2014

I really think TV and Pinterest have increased the 'zilla percentage by a landslide. It doesn't help that people can't wait to show off on Facebook.

The "typical" wedding you see on TV and Pinterest is something that was "for rich people" when I was younger (I'm 37). Most brides were perfectly happy having their reception at the VFW Hall, with streamers and balloons as decorations. If you wanted fancier centerpieces, linens, and so on, you had to have money.

I also think the wedding industry has become a crazy machine. My cousins, who are 10-15 years older than me, said that catering packages and bar packages are way more expensive than they were when they got married. I remember my family weddings having close to 300 people (we have a huge family), but since it was at the VFW or K of C Hall, and packages were way cheaper, and you didn't need all the fancy decorations, I'm sure it was much easier to provide food and drinks for everyone. Not a single wedding I attended had a cash bar. I didn't even know about such a thing until I joined TK.

I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting a gorgeous wedding with everything you see on TV and Pinterest, but you have to be real about it too. Those things come at a price, and that's where the entitlement comes in. IT'S MY DAY, SO I HAVE TO HAVE IT. It's like some brides think it won't be real if they don't have cute favors and signs and unique centerpieces. Look at how many brides say their courthouse wedding "wasn't real" - it's simply because they're brainwashed into thinking a "real" wedding involves spending $10,000 or more.

slothiegal · May 2014

kasmith1 said:

I don't think it's just you. It seems to be a common occurrence lately. I read an article the other day about the entitlement new graduates feel in the work force; namely they are "underemployed" thinking they should be making more money, have immediate benefits, etc. Transfer that attitude over to an industry that is a "Yes, you deserve this special/expensive/exclusive thing" like the wedding industry and there is your recipe for disaster.

My parents raised me to work hard. Earn and save. I've had a savings account since I was eight. If I wanted to have a lemonade stand, I had to figure out how much the supplies would be, use that to determine how much to charge to earn a profit and then pay my parents back for those supplies. I would get excited about a trip to the credit union to deposit money as soon as I earned $20 in allowance for chores. I never went without, but I was taught that those things didn't just magically appear because I wished it so. I think that is missing lately.

Preach.

I live in the Santa Barbara area where we just had that terrible shooting and got into a discussion with friends last night about the shooter and his views on the world. His warped perspective was that the world owed him something and he deserved certain things. Nope. Not how it works.

My mom grew up in a terrible household and became a productive, amazing member of society. Her brother ended up in jail. I remember asking her when I was younger how that happened, how two people with the same background ended up so radically different. She told me, quite simply, that the world owes us nothing and we make choices to create the life we want. It's always stuck with me after all these years and I think more people would do well to take a step back and remember that in all aspects of life.

Wow, that got kind of heavy there for a sec. Here is some cute.

NYCBruin · May 2014

wrigleyville said:

I really think TV and Pinterest have increased the 'zilla percentage by a landslide. It doesn't help that people can't wait to show off on Facebook.

The "typical" wedding you see on TV and Pinterest is something that was "for rich people" when I was younger (I'm 37). Most brides were perfectly happy having their reception at the VFW Hall, with streamers and balloons as decorations. If you wanted fancier centerpieces, linens, and so on, you had to have money.

I also think the wedding industry has become a crazy machine. My cousins, who are 10-15 years older than me, said that catering packages and bar packages are way more expensive than they were when they got married. I remember my family weddings having close to 300 people (we have a huge family), but since it was at the VFW or K of C Hall, and packages were way cheaper, and you didn't need all the fancy decorations, I'm sure it was much easier to provide food and drinks for everyone. Not a single wedding I attended had a cash bar. I didn't even know about such a thing until I joined TK.

I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting a gorgeous wedding with everything you see on TV and Pinterest, but you have to be real about it too. Those things come at a price, and that's where the entitlement comes in. IT'S MY DAY, SO I HAVE TO HAVE IT. It's like some brides think it won't be real if they don't have cute favors and signs and unique centerpieces. Look at how many brides say their courthouse wedding "wasn't real" - it's simply because they're brainwashed into thinking a "real" wedding involves spending $10,000 or more.

So much of this. And "reality" TV about weddings hasn't helped either. They make extravagant weddings appear to be normal/standard.

phira · May 2014

Oh god, Pinterest.

The thing is, I find Pinterest very useful when I want to keep track of a lot of bookmarks. So instead of bookmarking 50 recipes and having to figure out what they are from the URLs, I can have a board with 50 recipes pinned, and nice pretty pictures for me to see.

And I've used it for wedding planning. The easiest way for my partner and I to make decisions on things like invitations is to have one person pin all of their favorites, and then have the other person log in whenever it's convenient and delete the pins they don't like.

But it's so easy to fall into the trap of, "I need these poses for photos because Pinterest," or, "Omigod such a cute idea we have to incorporate it!" because the trap doesn't just end with you incorporating one cute idea, or taking one cute posed picture.

KatieinBkln · May 2014

phira said: Oh god, Pinterest.
The thing is, I find Pinterest very useful when I want to keep track of a lot of bookmarks. So instead of bookmarking 50 recipes and having to figure out what they are from the URLs, I can have a board with 50 recipes pinned, and nice pretty pictures for me to see.
And I've used it for wedding planning. The easiest way for my partner and I to make decisions on things like invitations is to have one person pin all of their favorites, and then have the other person log in whenever it's convenient and delete the pins they don't like.
But it's so easy to fall into the trap of, "I need these poses for photos because Pinterest," or, "Omigod such a cute idea we have to incorporate it!" because the trap doesn't just end with you incorporating one cute idea, or taking one cute posed picture.

Yeah, it's like when middle school mean girls imitate the mean girls they saw in a movie because they think that's how life works. Pinterest is for saving (and sharing!) ideas; it is not some ideal reality that you must attain. (Can you imagine? You'd be baking cookies and doing high intensity interval training all while keeping your home scrupulously clean with GREEN, HOMEMADE products all the time).

Edit: what up with deez boxes, amiright?

APDSS22 · May 2014

phira said:

Oh god, Pinterest.

The thing is, I find Pinterest very useful when I want to keep track of a lot of bookmarks. So instead of bookmarking 50 recipes and having to figure out what they are from the URLs, I can have a board with 50 recipes pinned, and nice pretty pictures for me to see.

And I've used it for wedding planning. The easiest way for my partner and I to make decisions on things like invitations is to have one person pin all of their favorites, and then have the other person log in whenever it's convenient and delete the pins they don't like.

But it's so easy to fall into the trap of, "I need these poses for photos because Pinterest," or, "Omigod such a cute idea we have to incorporate it!" because the trap doesn't just end with you incorporating one cute idea, or taking one cute posed picture.

When I found Pinterest I was elated. No more will my bookmarks be stored in drop down files and labeled things I thought were descriptive at the time. I can simply look at a picture and go "oh yeah, I was going to make that roast with the beef I put in the freezer last week."

I hardly log in anymore due to what it has become. I just access my pins for recipes and close the window.

I do have some hope for the future. The only PPD I've ever heard about IRL had to be cancelled due to the husband's side not wanting to make the trip since the couple were already married. She got to thinking about it and decided that her wedding day was special enough after all since she's now married to her husband.

MuppetOverlord · May 2014

I want to throw darts at people who say it's "YOUR day" or it's "MY day"

JennyColada · May 2014

Yea. I hate how everyone's always like "it's my day!"

I mean, let's be real. We all know it's MY day. It's can't be both of our days. Mine. Mineminemine.

CMGragain · May 2014

My father died when I was 15. I was the oldest child. Every time either my mother or my sister said "I can't" it meant that I had to do it. I quickly learned that "I can't" usually meant, "I don't want to". Whenever I hear that phrase, I feel angry!

wandajune6 · May 2014

Pinterest seems to make everyone an expert as well. I keep hearing about how easy and inexpensive all sorts of ideas are. I love the irony of sending me a pin on keeping wedding costs down (best way? Keeping the guest list to a minimum!) while asking to invite more people.

My favorite: we're ordering cheap, simple bouquets for me and the BMs. I'm not a big flower lover but want fresh flowers. I keep being told that I need bigger, more elaborate bouquets and that I should just make them myself. I know I'll never like my work and don't want to spend the day before my wedding attempting them. But I should know better since Pinterest says it's easy!

tigersgirlgv · May 2014

lilacck28 said:

show previous quotes

NYCMercedes said:

Yeah, @LondonLisa, it's not just you. I'd hate to think people are stupid, but maybe it's just the entitlement generation.

Every generation claims this about the generation that comes after them. The "in my day..." thing is old. Don't sentence an entire generation to stupidity or rudeness because of the actions of individuals that happen to be part of that generation. And I would venture to say that "selfish bride" is not limited to current young people.

That's so true and I always think it's funny when people complain about newer generations (i.e. the millennials). Who do you think raised those generations? They didn't become entitled on their own; I think their parents had something to do with it.

is it just me...

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