Etiquette

is it just me...

LondonLisaLondonLisa London, UK member
Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
or do you also feel that 99.9% of the problems on here could be solved with the posters realising the fundamental difference between can't and won't?

Sorry, I just feel like across the boards lately there has been an abundance of people claiming rudeness is out of their control but they don't want to make the sacrifice as it means they'll have to spend money, lose presents, won't get the attention they want etc. 


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Re: is it just me...

  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Yes. Also, if they knew how to Google, they could answer a ton of their own questions.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • photokittyphotokitty where I want to be mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    I'd say BINGO! But that would sound sarcastic as if it was a bingo square. So I'll emphatically agree with a nod instead.
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    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

    chibiyuiladybird29
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    WHATEVER. I can do whatever I want on my day. People don't need food at meal times or need chairs to sit in! 

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    OliveOilsMomtheartistformerlyknownas
  • sophhabobophasophhabobopha The Midwestern tundra member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
  • phiraphira Bahstin member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    PRETTY MUCH.

    "I CAN'T avoid having a gap!"

    "I CAN'T let bridesmaids wear different shoes!"

    "I CAN'T do a seating chart."
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  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Receiving an engagement ring turns so many brides into crazy, illogical and self-fish people. 

      I wonder if there has been a study done on this phenomena?  It's quite strange if you ask me.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    CamiSelene
  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes BOS, NYC, DC. Forever a city girl member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited May 2014
    Yeah, @LondonLisa, it's not just you. I'd hate to think people are stupid, but maybe it's just the entitlement generation.
    Blue_Bird
  • Jells2dot0Jells2dot0 Cowtown mod
    Moderator Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    lyndausvi said:

    Receiving an engagement ring turns so many brides into crazy, illogical and self-fish people. 


      I wonder if there has been a study done on this phenomena?  It's quite strange if you ask me.
    I've mentioned before how I've seen some similar traits between brides and narcissistic personality disorder. Obviously, that disorder is a real thing and should be taken seriously. However, in a bride's case, it stems purely from entitlement. We've been fed crap our entire lives about how our wedding day is our ultimate dream day, where mom and dad have to pay for it and no expense should be spared to ensure it's perfect and unique. the recent slew of bridal shows hasn't helped. Some girls are mature enough to realize what we've seen on TV is not reality, but others just want to live the dream. After all, it's just one day and it belongs to me and only me!!

     







  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Sadly, it does seem to be common.
  • ab6704aab6704a member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Receiving an engagement ring turns so many brides into crazy, illogical and self-fish people. 

      I wonder if there has been a study done on this phenomena?  It's quite strange if you ask me.
    I've mentioned before how I've seen some similar traits between brides and narcissistic personality disorder. Obviously, that disorder is a real thing and should be taken seriously. However, in a bride's case, it stems purely from entitlement. We've been fed crap our entire lives about how our wedding day is our ultimate dream day, where mom and dad have to pay for it and no expense should be spared to ensure it's perfect and unique. the recent slew of bridal shows hasn't helped. Some girls are mature enough to realize what we've seen on TV is not reality, but others just want to live the dream. After all, it's just one day and it belongs to me and only me!!
    Since I have been planning my wedding, I am convinced that most of the entitlement nonsense that people believe is fed to them by friends and family members even more than the TV shows.   I had a friend tell me to "stop worrying about offending your guests because it's YOUR SPECIAL DAY!"  Ugh.
    ladybird29[Deleted User]
  • KGold80KGold80 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    ab6704a said:
    Receiving an engagement ring turns so many brides into crazy, illogical and self-fish people. 

      I wonder if there has been a study done on this phenomena?  It's quite strange if you ask me.
    I've mentioned before how I've seen some similar traits between brides and narcissistic personality disorder. Obviously, that disorder is a real thing and should be taken seriously. However, in a bride's case, it stems purely from entitlement. We've been fed crap our entire lives about how our wedding day is our ultimate dream day, where mom and dad have to pay for it and no expense should be spared to ensure it's perfect and unique. the recent slew of bridal shows hasn't helped. Some girls are mature enough to realize what we've seen on TV is not reality, but others just want to live the dream. After all, it's just one day and it belongs to me and only me!!
    Since I have been planning my wedding, I am convinced that most of the entitlement nonsense that people believe is fed to them by friends and family members even more than the TV shows.   I had a friend tell me to "stop worrying about offending your guests because it's YOUR SPECIAL DAY!"  Ugh.
    My FI has even said "It's our day!" and "I don't really care where anyone else sits as long as I have a spot." Uhm...no, honey. That's not how this is going down. The end result? I just don't consult him on some things and do what needs to be done to ensure that our guests are taken care of. He'll thank me for it later.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker


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  • KatieinBklnKatieinBkln (NO SLEEP TIL) Brooklyn! member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer First Anniversary
    Eh, I wouldn't totally blame this on an entire generation. By all the metrics I am one of those durn millennials, but it doesn't mean I'm an entitled ingrate suffering from princess delusions.

    But to answer the OP's question, YES. Yes, I do think it's a lot of confusing "can't" with "won't." See also, confusing "want" with "need."
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  • ab6704aab6704a member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Eh, I wouldn't totally blame this on an entire generation. By all the metrics I am one of those durn millennials, but it doesn't mean I'm an entitled ingrate suffering from princess delusions.

    But to answer the OP's question, YES. Yes, I do think it's a lot of confusing "can't" with "won't." See also, confusing "want" with "need."
    Agreed.  I'm a millennial too, but you better believe I'm going to do right by the guests taking time out of their lives to attend my wedding.
    SeaCaptainOtter
  • wrigleyvillewrigleyville Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I really think TV and Pinterest have increased the 'zilla percentage by a landslide. It doesn't help that people can't wait to show off on Facebook.

    The "typical" wedding you see on TV and Pinterest is something that was "for rich people" when I was younger (I'm 37). Most brides were perfectly happy having their reception at the VFW Hall, with streamers and balloons as decorations. If you wanted fancier centerpieces, linens, and so on, you had to have money.

    I also think the wedding industry has become a crazy machine. My cousins, who are 10-15 years older than me, said that catering packages and bar packages are way more expensive than they were when they got married. I remember my family weddings having close to 300 people (we have a huge family), but since it was at the VFW or K of C Hall, and packages were way cheaper, and you didn't need all the fancy decorations, I'm sure it was much easier to provide food and drinks for everyone. Not a single wedding I attended had a cash bar. I didn't even know about such a thing until I joined TK.

    I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting a gorgeous wedding with everything you see on TV and Pinterest, but you have to be real about it too. Those things come at a price, and that's where the entitlement comes in. IT'S MY DAY, SO I HAVE TO HAVE IT. It's like some brides think it won't be real if they don't have cute favors and signs and unique centerpieces. Look at how many brides say their courthouse wedding "wasn't real" - it's simply because they're brainwashed into thinking a "real" wedding involves spending $10,000 or more.

    NYCBruinohannabelle
  • I really think TV and Pinterest have increased the 'zilla percentage by a landslide. It doesn't help that people can't wait to show off on Facebook.

    The "typical" wedding you see on TV and Pinterest is something that was "for rich people" when I was younger (I'm 37). Most brides were perfectly happy having their reception at the VFW Hall, with streamers and balloons as decorations. If you wanted fancier centerpieces, linens, and so on, you had to have money.

    I also think the wedding industry has become a crazy machine. My cousins, who are 10-15 years older than me, said that catering packages and bar packages are way more expensive than they were when they got married. I remember my family weddings having close to 300 people (we have a huge family), but since it was at the VFW or K of C Hall, and packages were way cheaper, and you didn't need all the fancy decorations, I'm sure it was much easier to provide food and drinks for everyone. Not a single wedding I attended had a cash bar. I didn't even know about such a thing until I joined TK.

    I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting a gorgeous wedding with everything you see on TV and Pinterest, but you have to be real about it too. Those things come at a price, and that's where the entitlement comes in. IT'S MY DAY, SO I HAVE TO HAVE IT. It's like some brides think it won't be real if they don't have cute favors and signs and unique centerpieces. Look at how many brides say their courthouse wedding "wasn't real" - it's simply because they're brainwashed into thinking a "real" wedding involves spending $10,000 or more.
    So much of this.  And "reality" TV about weddings hasn't helped either.  They make extravagant weddings appear to be normal/standard.  
    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
  • phiraphira Bahstin member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    Oh god, Pinterest.

    The thing is, I find Pinterest very useful when I want to keep track of a lot of bookmarks. So instead of bookmarking 50 recipes and having to figure out what they are from the URLs, I can have a board with 50 recipes pinned, and nice pretty pictures for me to see.

    And I've used it for wedding planning. The easiest way for my partner and I to make decisions on things like invitations is to have one person pin all of their favorites, and then have the other person log in whenever it's convenient and delete the pins they don't like.

    But it's so easy to fall into the trap of, "I need these poses for photos because Pinterest," or, "Omigod such a cute idea we have to incorporate it!" because the trap doesn't just end with you incorporating one cute idea, or taking one cute posed picture.
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  • KatieinBklnKatieinBkln (NO SLEEP TIL) Brooklyn! member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer First Anniversary
    edited May 2014
    phira said:
    Oh god, Pinterest.

    The thing is, I find Pinterest very useful when I want to keep track of a lot of bookmarks. So instead of bookmarking 50 recipes and having to figure out what they are from the URLs, I can have a board with 50 recipes pinned, and nice pretty pictures for me to see.

    And I've used it for wedding planning. The easiest way for my partner and I to make decisions on things like invitations is to have one person pin all of their favorites, and then have the other person log in whenever it's convenient and delete the pins they don't like.

    But it's so easy to fall into the trap of, "I need these poses for photos because Pinterest," or, "Omigod such a cute idea we have to incorporate it!" because the trap doesn't just end with you incorporating one cute idea, or taking one cute posed picture.



    Yeah, it's like when middle school mean girls imitate the mean girls they saw in a movie because they think that's how life works. Pinterest is for saving (and sharing!) ideas; it is not some ideal reality that you must attain. (Can you imagine? You'd be baking cookies and doing high intensity interval training all while keeping your home scrupulously clean with GREEN, HOMEMADE products all the time).


    Edit: what up with deez boxes, amiright?
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    SP29
  • APDSS22APDSS22 O-K-L-A-H-O-M-A is OK member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    phira said:
    Oh god, Pinterest.

    The thing is, I find Pinterest very useful when I want to keep track of a lot of bookmarks. So instead of bookmarking 50 recipes and having to figure out what they are from the URLs, I can have a board with 50 recipes pinned, and nice pretty pictures for me to see.

    And I've used it for wedding planning. The easiest way for my partner and I to make decisions on things like invitations is to have one person pin all of their favorites, and then have the other person log in whenever it's convenient and delete the pins they don't like.

    But it's so easy to fall into the trap of, "I need these poses for photos because Pinterest," or, "Omigod such a cute idea we have to incorporate it!" because the trap doesn't just end with you incorporating one cute idea, or taking one cute posed picture.
    When I found Pinterest I was elated.  No more will my bookmarks be stored in drop down files and labeled things I thought were descriptive at the time.  I can simply look at a picture and go "oh yeah, I was going to make that roast with the beef I put in the freezer last week." 

    I hardly log in anymore due to what it has become.  I just access my pins for recipes and close the window.

    I do have some hope for the future.  The only PPD I've ever heard about IRL had to be cancelled due to the husband's side not wanting to make the trip since the couple were already married.  She got to thinking about it and decided that her wedding day was special enough after all since she's now married to her husband.

  • I want to throw darts at people who say it's "YOUR day" or it's "MY day"
    imageimageimage

    You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.
    wrigleyvilleredwoodoriginalrajahmdCookie Pusher
  • JennyColadaJennyColada Awesometown, CA member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    Yea. I hate how everyone's always like "it's my day!"

    I mean, let's be real. We all know it's MY day. It's can't be both of our days. Mine. Mineminemine.
    pinkshorts27
  • My father died when I was 15. I was the oldest child. Every time either my mother or my sister said "I can't" it meant that I had to do it. I quickly learned that "I can't" usually meant, "I don't want to". Whenever I hear that phrase, I feel angry!
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    countrygirl061513
  • wandajune6wandajune6 Chicago-ish member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    Pinterest seems to make everyone an expert as well. I keep hearing about how easy and inexpensive all sorts of ideas are. I love the irony of sending me a pin on keeping wedding costs down (best way? Keeping the guest list to a minimum!) while asking to invite more people.

    My favorite: we're ordering cheap, simple bouquets for me and the BMs. I'm not a big flower lover but want fresh flowers. I keep being told that I need bigger, more elaborate bouquets and that I should just make them myself. I know I'll never like my work and don't want to spend the day before my wedding attempting them. But I should know better since Pinterest says it's easy!
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  • lilacck28 said:
    Yeah, @LondonLisa, it's not just you. I'd hate to think people are stupid, but maybe it's just the entitlement generation.
    Every generation claims this about the generation that comes after them. The "in my day..." thing is old. Don't sentence an entire generation to stupidity or rudeness because of the actions of individuals that happen to be part of that generation. And I would venture to say that "selfish bride" is not limited to current young people. 
    That's so true and I always think it's funny when people complain about newer generations (i.e. the millennials). Who do you think raised those generations? They didn't become entitled on their own; I think their parents had something to do with it.
    SP29
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