Fiance's Sisters As Bridesmaids.

casey8784 · June 2014

HisGirlFriday13 said:

I agree with JCBride. In principle and in theory, you can ask whomever you want and he can ask whomever he wants, and if he wants his sisters in the wedding so badly, they can stand on his side. In reality, that might not work. Family dynamics being what they are, it might be easier to have them on your side and keep the peace. Where I grew up, siblings are always in the WP, and assigned side by gender. If a bride DIDN'T have her FI's sisters as BMs, the assumption was the bride was snubbing them and being rude. I think that idea is rubbish and I think it's stupid, but if your FMIL ascribes to the same idea, it might not be a hill worth dying on so early in your relationship with her. These women will be in your life forever. Show them a little kindness now and it might go a long way in your relationship in the future. ETF typo

I agree with @HisGirlFriday13 - at least, I was also in this situation. FI's family is very traditional and siblings were always in the wedding party. (The older relatives on his side would also completely side-eye having women stand on the grooms side and vice versa, but they are also the kind that think a woman cannot be a rabbi or cantor, but that's a whole different story.) FI has 2 older sisters; the eldest is the mom of our two flower girls. I have a great relationship with the other, but it hadn't occurred to me to ask her to stand with me until FMIL mentioned it. I had it in the budget, I knew some people would appreciate it that I "made that gesture," so I was happy to ask her.

Works out for me: even though the other bridesmaids are my childhood and college friends who I would call at 2 am to help hide a body, this FSIL/bridesmaid would be by far the best at knowing where to hide it - best of both worlds...haha!

carliealissa · June 2014

I asked my sister to be my maid of honor, and FI's sister to be my matron of honor. Two friends are bridesmaids. Am I as close to FI's sister as he is? Of course not, I didn't grow up with her. I'm not as close to her as I am to some of my friends. But I do love her, and to me there's something kind of symbolic about it- I'm excited that she is becoming my sister. I think it would be a little weird if we had her stand on his side, TBH- not that it's the worst thing ever but it seems a little divisive to me. Like "I don't want her on MY side, that's YOUR sister". To me, we aren't ONLY marrying each other, we are also celebrating the joining of our families to a certain extent. As others mentioned, the siblings are always going to be around.

Having her in my WP may or may not help our relationship, but it's certainly not going to hurt. It was also such a unexpected great moment when I asked FSIL by the way. I just asked casually while we were at a big group dinner, not thinking it was a huge deal, but I think she was really surprised- she got teary, i got teary, we were hugging. Everyone at the table was like "something's happening!" She announced it, there was a lot of excitement. It was really nice.

With all that said, I do NOT think it's a big deal or that the sisters will be hurt (or should be) if they aren't asked- they really shouldn't be expecting it. If you don't feel like having them in your wedding party, just don't, and don't feel bad about it. No worries:)

Edited: missing paragraphs

KatieinBkln · June 2014

I agree with PP. And just to add a point from my family's experience--my sister had her husband's sisters stand up as bridesmaids. They ended up getting a divorce, and while I don't think my sister regrets including her SILs, she certainly regrets NOT including her close friends. I've been hemming and hawing about my own bridal party, and the one thing that she told me was, "Choose people you know will be in your life forever, no matter what." Clearly people can lose touch, have fallings-out, etc. but it made an impact on me nonetheless to hear her put it this way.

carliealissa · June 2014

If they unfortunately ended up getting divorced, I'm guessing your sister probably has bigger regrets than her bridal party? Just saying, I might be wrong, but I'd make my decisions operating on the assumption that my marriage is going to be forever, even though we know things don't always go as planned in life. Along the same lines. how can you KNOW that anyone is going to be in your life forever- BFF, sister, anyone? I'd try to be content with choosing who is the most important to you at this time, to save from setting yourself up for disappointment later.

phira · June 2014

carliealissa said:

If they unfortunately ended up getting divorced, I'm guessing your sister probably has bigger regrets than her bridal party? Just saying, I might be wrong, but I'd make my decisions operating on the assumption that my marriage is going to be forever, even though we know things don't always go as planned in life. Along the same lines. how can you KNOW that anyone is going to be in your life forever- BFF, sister, anyone? I'd try to be content with choosing who is the most important to you at this time, to save from setting yourself up for disappointment later.

I think that there are plenty of people who don't regret getting married even when that marriage ends in divorce. I think that it's worth considering the value of your friendships, instead of assuming, "Because my marriage will last forever, it's more important that I value my sisters-in-law."

KatieinBkln · June 2014

carliealissa said:

If they unfortunately ended up getting divorced, I'm guessing your sister probably has bigger regrets than her bridal party? Just saying, I might be wrong, but I'd make my decisions operating on the assumption that my marriage is going to be forever, even though we know things don't always go as planned in life. Along the same lines. how can you KNOW that anyone is going to be in your life forever- BFF, sister, anyone? I'd try to be content with choosing who is the most important to you at this time, to save from setting yourself up for disappointment later.

SIB

Oh, she certainly doesn't spend time fretting over her BP like it was this horrible thing. But she did feel like she picked them more out of a sense of duty than any real bond. I guess the point that I took from her was, choose people who are close to you and who are likely to remain so through thick and thin. Her ex-SILs are nice girls and good people, but their relationship with my sister naturally faded once their brother walked out on my sis. And yes, I do think that blood (if you are, in fact, close to your blood relations) is thicker than water, so yeah, choosing a sister/cousin/brother is has a higher probability of being in your life forever. So do friends, for that matter--no matter how close you are to your in-laws, your relationship with them is most likely pretty inextricably linked to your relationship with your spouse. It isn't as direct a link as that with your friends or blood family, which is not to say it can't be just as strong or stronger, depending on your situation.
So overall I agree with you that bridesmaids should be the people you're closest to. I think for most people, their FSILs are not necessarily those people.

carliealissa · June 2014

I'm definitely not saying choose your FSIL at all costs. I think we're pretty much in agreement.

ashleyep · June 2014

My FI has my brother is in his WP and I asked his sister. We're not particularly close with them, but it was kind of expected and we didn't want to cause any problems. It wasn't really a big deal to us, it's not hurting me to have her in my WP and vice versa.

However, 3 is a lot. I don't know that I would have all 3 in my wedding party if he had 3 sisters.

Ultimately, it's your call. I don't know that I would choose the siblings over the friends though.

bride044 · June 2014

lyndausvi said:

So my feeling on the subject if you are on the fence and they are not drama queens then I see no reason not to have them. Specially since you say your FI is close to them. I think its a nice gesture.

They aren't drama queens at all, they are all very nice, lovely women!

melbelleup · June 2014

mskatia said:

On the other hand, I feel like weddings are a joining of two families, and while friends will come and go, FI's sisters will be my sisters-in-law for the rest of our lives. It's a tough call in some cases.

This is how I feel. We're including my FSIL (my brother's fiance), my SIL (who is in the process of divorcing my brother... awwwkward but I've known her for 10 years), my best friend and my other friend/ 2nd cousin (but she had to drop out due to work) and on the guys side is my brothers (2), his brother and his best friend.

I feel as if you will always have family to rely on. I'd have family any day than friends. But like others said, it depends on your family dynamics.

KelseyBelle24 · June 2014

If he wanted them in the wedding he should have thought about that beforehand and put them on his side. You shouldn't have to have them just to keep the peace. You should talk to your FI about it and tell him how you feel. It shouldn't be that big of an issue he should be able to see how you feel.

lilacck28 · June 2014

KelseyBelle24 said:

If he wanted them in the wedding he should have thought about that beforehand and put them on his side. You shouldn't have to have them just to keep the peace. You should talk to your FI about it and tell him how you feel. It shouldn't be that big of an issue he should be able to see how you feel.

Again, her FI has not demanded or pressured OP into choosing his sisters. She is deciding for herself. Read the posts. Even just the original post.

mrskitty79 · July 2014

I think this is easy. He has 3 sisters, so you ask none. If he had just one sister, it would be different. But with 3, you can tell people you couldn't just choose one sister. That's IF anyone says anything. If no one actually says anything, don't bring it up.

MandyMost · July 2014

If you're not going to include them in the wedding party, you can still include them in things like getting your nails done the day before, and getting ready that day with you. And I assume they'll be invited to the shower, etc., of course.

Really, the only difference between the bridesmaids and these sisters is that the sisters won't be wearing the matching dresses and walking down the aisle, and they won't be shelling out money to host the shower. Everything else can be exactly the same between them. As long as you don't have a "you're not in the bridal party, you can't participate" type of attitude, it can go over just fine.

lizzypoo96 · July 2014

Agree to all of the posts! Everyone's family dynamic is different, and the number of siblings and age of siblings makes a big difference. FI is the youngest of 5, and they're pretty random of who is close and who is not. The 2 siblings he's closest to are his sisters that are 15 years older than us. They have college-aged kids and I think they were a little relieved to not be asked. I agree- Even though there was a definite line as who which sibling he's close to, and which one he's not as close, he just requested we not include any of them. He's also not terribly close to his brother, so he just picked a friend as BM and that was it.

What we did do is get corsages for all siblings and have them do readings- and actually FI wanted to have his nieces do readings instead of siblings so they'll still be "special guests."

I guess at the end of the day you have to ask if it'll be more drama if you ask them or if you don't. If you would rather have your friends and you don't foresee huge amounts of drama from his family, then go with it. I agree that three sisters is definitely different from one!

Jen4948 · July 2014

If he really deep down wants his sisters in the wedding party, he needs to do two things:

1) Say so and not say "do whatever you want" which is passive-aggressive

2) Ask them to be on his side or do readings or be ushers.

He does not get a say in who your attendants are, just as you do not get a say in who his attendants are.

If he or his family think it would be "weird" for them not to be your bridesmaids just because you are all female, you do not have to make it your problem. There are those here who say "the drama and fallout of not making your FSILs bridesmaids isn't worth it," but who attends you really should be your decision alone, and they should be the people you feel closest to-not people you are choosing to avoid "drama and fallout of not making them bridesmaids." Future relationships with in-laws should not be based on who is in your wedding party.

holyguacamole79 · July 2014

bride044 said:

Very similar! His family is very catholic and very traditional as well, so I wonder if it would just make things "easier"....

I don't get this. What does being Catholic have to do with it?

Fiance's Sisters As Bridesmaids.

Re: Fiance's Sisters As Bridesmaids.

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