Honeymoon registry shower - what to do?

yellowdaisies84 · June 2014

This is just my humble opinion...

I would either send a gift or just give her a gift next time that I see her. It's up to you. You said that you'd like to send a gift. So, keeping in mind that is what you want to do I would actually recommend that you contribute to her honeymoon fund.

I am totally against the idea of having a honeymoon fund and no way was I ever considering having one BUT then again I have supported my friends in all of their wishes for their weddings including lots of things that they wanted that I would not have been comfortable for myself. It's part of being a good friend to them (as I see it) and if I'm going to spend money on them to celebrate a big event in their lives I prefer to do it in the way that works best for them, not in what would please me the most.

Maybe you're like me- etiquette is important and it's frustrating when someone else doesn't follow it and doesn't "get" it- but then again my friends are more important to me than anything and I'm not about to start being the etiquette police around them or shaming them on their choices for their wedding.

I also think that the best gift you can give to a friend getting married is to put them in the no-judge zone and cut them lots of slack and show them how happy you are for them. In your own life you can draw your own lines about what types of gifts you will register for, etc for your own wedding.

Again this is just my opinion that I use in my own life but I understand that you might not share this opinion with me and maybe you feel like you truly can't contribute to her honeyfund. I respect that. I'm sure she won't mind that you don't. But really do try to still cut her some slack and not judge her- I'm sure that will make both of you happy.

ETA: Love the metal chicken. Love the Bloggess. Loved that book. Loved that it made it into this thread. haha!

[Deleted User] · June 2014

MGP said:

Hi ladies! I had a feeling I would be posting something like this soon, so here goes:

A few months ago I had posted about a situation where a friend of mine asked me to be part of her "house party" for her wedding (aka second tier bridesmaid/unpaid labor/bridal bitch) and when I reluctantly agreed she then sent me a laundry list of demands including buying a dress and shoes to match the bridesmaids, attending an expensive week long destination bachelorette party, and assistance with DIY projects. She also told me that she really wanted to include me as a bridesmaid but was keeping her wedding party to family members. I found out she lied and has 22 people (yes, that's not a typo) in her wedding party including all of our close girlfriends.

Once I saw her true colors I ran for the hills and told her why. It didn't end well, but with time we are starting to move on. I sent her a Mother's Day card (she is a new Mommy), we have exchanged some friendly "hey I miss talking to you hope you are doing well" texts and ran into each other at a birthday party over the weekend. Things are friendly and civil between us and I take that as a sign that we can move past this although our friendship may never be as tight as it was. I am OK with that.

So here is my issue now. Her shower invite arrived and it is a trifecta of things I hate about showers - Evite, couples shower, and a cutesy "no gifts but if you would like please donate to the honeymoon registry". It is out of town for me and I already have plans, but would like to send a gift. However I want nothing to do with honeymoon registries, their tackiness and the fees involved. The bride doesn't know this and it's no use bringing it up to her.

What do I send? I am not a huge fan of cash for showers. Gift card? Boxed gift of my choice? Am I overthinking this?

If you're going to send a gift for the shower, send her a boxed gift; A picture frame, a picnic basket, tupperware. Or, don't send anything for the shower, but save what you would have spent on her shower gift on her wedding gift whether you decide to get her another boxed item or just put a check in a card. I would never participate in a honeymoon registry since I'd rather my friend get the full $100 I was planning on giving, not $93 to my friend and $7 to the stupid honeyfund people.

bookworm1115 · June 2014

I think I just died laughing. And then I called my mom and read it to her. And she also laughed a lot. Hmm, I thought I was replying to someone. I was laughing about the metal chicken.

As for your gift, I think I like the idea about currency for wherever she's "going".

Or a giant metal chicken.

MGP · June 2014

yellowdaisies84 said:
This is just my humble opinion...

I would either send a gift or just give her a gift next time that I see her. It's up to you. You said that you'd like to send a gift. So, keeping in mind that is what you want to do I would actually recommend that you contribute to her honeymoon fund.

I am totally against the idea of having a honeymoon fund and no way was I ever considering having one BUT then again I have supported my friends in all of their wishes for their weddings including lots of things that they wanted that I would not have been comfortable for myself. It's part of being a good friend to them (as I see it) and if I'm going to spend money on them to celebrate a big event in their lives I prefer to do it in the way that works best for them, not in what would please me the most.

Maybe you're like me- etiquette is important and it's frustrating when someone else doesn't follow it and doesn't "get" it- but then again my friends are more important to me than anything and I'm not about to start being the etiquette police around them or shaming them on their choices for their wedding.

I also think that the best gift you can give to a friend getting married is to put them in the no-judge zone and cut them lots of slack and show them how happy you are for them. In your own life you can draw your own lines about what types of gifts you will register for, etc for your own wedding.

Again this is just my opinion that I use in my own life but I understand that you might not share this opinion with me and maybe you feel like you truly can't contribute to her honeyfund. I respect that. I'm sure she won't mind that you don't. But really do try to still cut her some slack and not judge her- I'm sure that will make both of you happy.

ETA: Love the metal chicken. Love the Bloggess. Loved that book. Loved that it made it into this thread. haha!

Disclaimer: I am responding to you with the most respectful of tone and not a "you people don't know my liiiiiffe" way. While I agree that it's best to not be judgey about other people's choices for their weddings (as hard is it may be) I will not be put in a situation where I feel like a doormat or an ATM and that's exactly how she has made me feel. Her flat out lying to me was the nail in the coffin.

I have no desire to police her and say "Your Honeyfund and DIY burlap mason jar centerpieces suck" (yes this is actually a project on her craft night docket) because it truly does not matter what I think. I just choose to not participate in it. It may disappoint her but it doesn't make me a terrible person or a bad friend.

Don't get me wrong I am very happy for her but this wedding is not the most important thing in my life and personally I shut down when told how and where to spend my time and money. It's been a tough balancing act between truly wanting to mend the friendship to a harmonious state for the sake of our group of friends but still sticking up for what I believe in.

Not sure how old you are but with age comes less tolerance for other people's BS. I wouldn't have felt as strongly about something like this ten years ago.

Thinking about just going with the metal chicken as a gift.

kgd7357 · June 2014

delujm0 said:

Do you know where this alleged honeymoon that everyone is donating to is happening? If it's out of the country, what I would do is go to the bank and get some of that country's currency and stick it in a card. This is two-fold: #1 you don't have to pay stupid website fees, and #2 if she doens't actually take the planned vacation, it becomes a pain in the rear for her to have to go to the bank and convert it back to cash or some other currency. :-)

If she does take the planned trip, you were able to contribute without paying an insane fee, or picking out an arbitrary activity that she may not even do. Giving cash at a shower is still lame...but this would be my work around (unless you can think of a physical gift that she would really love...you can also just send her that instead).

This is a brilliant idea. It would be nice to have a little cash when you got off the plane.

Honeymoon registry shower - what to do?

Re: Honeymoon registry shower - what to do?

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