Wedding Etiquette Forum

Question on shower invite

Hi all! This is my first post, but I just really want to know if my gut is right on this one!

I received an invite to a bridal shower yesterday for an old college friend. I've already RSVP'd no to the bachelorette party and the wedding, and was planning on sending a small gift as congratulations since I couldn't make it.

Until I got this invitation. Not only are her registries listed on the invite, but there is also an address listed for "those who are planning to mail a gift." My brain immediately exploded a little. It felt really gift-grabby, and now I'm thinking just a card sent after the wedding is all I'll do.

I guess my question is, am I right on this one? Is this completely inappropriate? Since I'm planning my own wedding right now I tend to analyze other people's invites (and these boards!) for ideas on what to do and what not to do. Any insight would be helpful! Thanks guys!

Re: Question on shower invite

  • It's trashy and crass. Do whatever you originally intended to do unless she says something nasty to you. Her level is not your level.



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  • Since a bridal shower is a gift giving event, it's way more acceptable to put registry info on the invitation.  Some people still don't like that, but it's not a huge faux-pas or anything.  Giving her address is the same thing.  I personally wouldn't put that on there since people can just contact the host if they need that info, but it's not rude.

    This is all assuming she isn't hosting her own shower, of course.
    melbelleup
  • Listing registries on a shower invitation is completely acceptable since the purpose of a shower is for people to give you gifts; you're not supposed to include registry information with a wedding invitation.  I wouldn't have listed my address as people can get that from your registry or simply by asking.
    melbelleupBlue_Bird
  • The registry part makes sense-- thanks for clearing that up! I always wasn't sure about that. I guess the address part was the part that made me scratch my head. 
  • Actually, I don't think this is offensive at all.  Registry information is supposed to go on the shower invite, that's the whole purpose of the shower.  The address is probably redundant (I'd bet most people already know it), but not necessarily wrong.

    I'd be offended if it was a cash/honeyfund registry, or if there were like 5 different registries and they were all really overpriced.  But just listing the registries and address seems fairly normal.
    The address part I actually completely understand, but because of my situation. Most of our shower gifts are in PA even though my address is NC. We're planning on moving back to PA in a year or soon if possible (jobs being the factor) and see no point in moving everything to our tiny town house in NC when we're coming back to PA. So although we live in NC and our RSVP address was our NC one, most people wouldn't know we'd prefer our gifts sent to PA. That being said, our registry address was the PA one (my parent's house). And even if we were sending everything to NC, no one and I mean, no one (other than my parents and my grandma) knows our NC address...
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  • kikilamp said:
    Hi all! This is my first post, but I just really want to know if my gut is right on this one!

    I received an invite to a bridal shower yesterday for an old college friend. I've already RSVP'd no to the bachelorette party and the wedding, and was planning on sending a small gift as congratulations since I couldn't make it.

    Until I got this invitation. Not only are her registries listed on the invite, but there is also an address listed for "those who are planning to mail a gift." My brain immediately exploded a little. It felt really gift-grabby, and now I'm thinking just a card sent after the wedding is all I'll do.

    I guess my question is, am I right on this one? Is this completely inappropriate? Since I'm planning my own wedding right now I tend to analyze other people's invites (and these boards!) for ideas on what to do and what not to do. Any insight would be helpful! Thanks guys!
    Also, please remember that most shower invites are not even seen by the bride so the bride would have no knowledge of what the invite says on it unless someone points it out to her.

    My friends kept telling me they were coming to my shower, but I had to ask them what the RSVP said to do because I had no idea who I had to tell that they were coming (my friends = way lazy, if they can just text me, they will)
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  • I guess my point is that it made me feel like I HAD to send a gift even if I wasn't going to the shower. Aren't people's addresses listed on their registries for those who wish to mail a gift?
  • photokittyphotokitty where I want to be mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    I don't think the bride did anything wrong, unless she issued the invites herself.

    The hosted was not improper to list the registries on the invite. The bride might have a bunch of out of town relatives and as such the hosts included the address to send the gifts so they can be opened at the shower. This maybe a family tradition. I might be surprised to see it on an invite, but I would not consider it gift grabby at all.
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 Dirty Jerz member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    kikilamp said:
    I guess my point is that it made me feel like I HAD to send a gift even if I wasn't going to the shower. Aren't people's addresses listed on their registries for those who wish to mail a gift?
    Not necessarily-- many registries hide the actual address for privacy reasons, although you can have the store ship it there for you.

    I'd let this one slide.  As PP pointed out, brides often don't even see the invite for their shower.  Plus, it's a gift-giving event, so an expectation of gifts is par for the course.  
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

  • photokittyphotokitty where I want to be mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited June 2014
    kikilamp said:
    I guess my point is that it made me feel like I HAD to send a gift even if I wasn't going to the shower. Aren't people's addresses listed on their registries for those who wish to mail a gift?
    Not necessarily-- many registries hide the actual address for privacy reasons, although you can have the store ship it there for you.

    I'd let this one slide.  As PP pointed out, brides often don't even see the invite for their shower.  Plus, it's a gift-giving event, so an expectation of gifts is par for the course.  
    The address listed on the invite is probably the hostess' as she will receive the gifts and have them at the shower for the bride to open.
    The address on the registry would go to the B&G home - mostly likely.
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

  • kikilamp said:
    I guess my point is that it made me feel like I HAD to send a gift even if I wasn't going to the shower. Aren't people's addresses listed on their registries for those who wish to mail a gift?
    Depends on the store.  Typically they have the address for the bride and groom on file and you can choose to have it shipped to them without even seeing the address for privacy reasons.   If you bought a gift that wasn't on their registry, you would need their address to know where to send it.
    melbelleup
  • Thanks for the input guys! I really had no idea whether or not this was okay so I'm glad I asked you all.
    photokittyJCbride2015melbelleup
  • kikilamp said:

    I guess my point is that it made me feel like I HAD to send a gift even if I wasn't going to the shower. Aren't people's addresses listed on their registries for those who wish to mail a gift?

    This is the part that struck me as trashy. Yes registry info is ok since the entire point is gift giving. However, insinuating that a guest is required to gift even if they can't make it is crass.

    The OP did come off as if the bride were planning her own party. If she is not, don't hold it against her for the host's mistake.




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  • I'd also like to throw our there that she probably had no say in her bridal shower invites, so she probably didn't put in the line about mailing gifts, which I do this is a little over the top. 
  • Registry on a shower invite is normal
  • KaurisKauris member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited June 2014
    I can attest to PPs that the bride may not have seen the invitation beforehand. I didn't see my shower invitation, but I wish I had, it had several typos and implies that it is a lingerie shower not a regular shower. Also, it's difficult to read and I'm a graphic designer so I could have warned them of that, since several people have since complained to me, of course. She really may not have known and the hostesses might be new at this.
  • kikilamp said:
    I guess my point is that it made me feel like I HAD to send a gift even if I wasn't going to the shower. Aren't people's addresses listed on their registries for those who wish to mail a gift?
    You could give her (or really the shower host) the benefit of the doubt and assume the address is for people who want to mail the gift ahead of time (who are coming to the shower) but aren't buying off a registry. 

    I wouldn't get upset over this, especially since presumably she did not make the invitation. 
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I agree with you about the line about where to mail gifts is inappropriate, but I'd be willing to give the bride the benefit of the doubt that she isn't responsible for the invitations.
  • vt&dtvt&dt member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    I'm with PPs - the bride isn't hosting her own shower, so she shouldn't be blamed for that.  

    I can see it both ways - it could be helpful if you're inviting a lot of OOT guests that might not be able to make it but want to send something?  (I had lots of far-away aunts send gifts to my shower with other guests).

    I don't really like that line, but don't think it's hugely offensive.  I'd do whatever you were planning on.  :)
  • As PPs have said, including registry info for a shower is common.  Including a mail-to address is odd, but I have to ask, is the shower a surprise?  If it is a surprise the hostess may have wanted to make sure the surprise wasn't ruined by requesting anyone who would like to mail a gift to send to a different address.  Still odd, but could be the reason why the hostess included that in the invitation.

    Even if it is not a surprise, this should not change your opinion of the bride.  Stick to what you originally planned, or what you feel is best. 
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  • I'm guessing her address was included in case the places she registered at didn't have a send to address or if people just wanted to send a card with a gift card. I know when I registered at Crate & Barrel and Target, they both had options on for "where to send gift" My thought is if someone can't come (ex..out of town guest) and they wanted to send a gift they would probably order something off the register online & just have it shipped to me.
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