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Honeymoon Registry/shower

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Re: Honeymoon Registry/shower

  • emmaaaemmaaa North Carolina mod
    Moderator 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
    edited June 2014
    chibiyui said:
    I fail to see how "buying" a swim with the dolphins on a honeymoon registry is less personal then writing a check, given that your "purchase" arrives to the couple as a check minus fees. You want to give a personal gift, no ones stopping you. But it does require more effort then clicking through a honeymoon registry.
      I actually said the opposite.  Writing a check is less personal than buying something from their registry.  No matter WHERE you register, how many people these days do you think go to an actual store to shop vs. buying online?  Clicking through a honeymoon registry is no different than clicking through a Crate & Barrel registry.

    Clearly I have a minority opinion here but I still can't fathom how a guest could be SO judgmental about the bride & groom's choices.  Who cares?  It's what they want... it's their day.  I don't understand why it's "rude" or "offensive" to clearly tell your guests what you want. 

    Maybe you are all just catty bitches so you think everyone else is that way too.  Yep, I just took it to the next level.
    Name calling is against TOS. But at least you spelled it right.

    ETA: spelling least and TK won't let me fix it

    ashley8918
  • Knottie51909909 now look who's being rude?
  • A family member offered to throw a shower - and was 100% behind the honeymoon idea after we talked through the whole traditional registry problems. I personally feel it's far more rude to expect someone to buy you physical gifts that I have already. We do not expect gifts at the shower OR at the wedding because gifts are always optional. Registry is for guidelines only. I've been to very traditional showers where checks were written, along with gifts, along with nothing at all. I guess I just assumed that mine would be similar - checks can be written, physical gifts can be given, and the registry may or may not serve as a guideline. 

    Again (and again, and again). The ONLY time I've ever heard of a honeymoon registry being tacky is here, so you all sparked my concern and seem only content on cancelling the entire event with no regard to the people who have chosen to contribute to the honeymoon registry. I think that's very rude. I realize we do not get the planned event, but we're putting the money towards the planned event so, what's the difference? 

    Anyways, like I've said, a number of times already - I thank you for your opinions, they are understood. 


  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Ok. I actually never thought it was tacky - I'm reacting to the comments here mostly. 

    Definitely not very constructive feedback. Maybe I didn't make it clear to begin with - but this is already set up and done. The registry is set up - we've already received gifts from it, and the shower is scheduled. Not calling it a shower is a good idea, I suppose. It can just be a ladies brunch/mini-shower? 

    I don't know. I've always loved contributing to these things, so the idea of it being tacky is new to me. 
    Actually, you were given very constructive feedback; you just didn't want to hear it.

    Showers are occasions where physical gifts are opened-not envelopes of cash, gift cards, or "we donated to X in your honor" notes.  If you don't want to open boxed gifts, then don't have a shower.  You can still have a party, but it should not be called a "shower" because that implies that boxed gifts will be given and open.  Even if the person throwing it is someone whose feelings you don't want to hurt, if this person is throwing you a "shower," then you either need to suck it up and open the boxed gifts in front of everyone, or you need to tell that person that you'd prefer not to have a "shower."
    PrettyGirlLost
  • eljayeeljaye member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    @cupcait927:  So while I don't agree with you, at least your post is polite and respectful.

    I see a few things at play here.  One, there are cultural norms that may be affecting the decisions.  OP, where are you from?  Some places in the country are more prone to giving cash at a wedding vs. others.  I'm in the South, and here most wedding gifts are physical items.  While in the north, where some of my family lives, they are more likely to give cash.  That may be something to consider.

    Anyway.  If someone is inclined to give a physical gift, but notices that there is an option for a honeymoon registry, then perhaps that person will be more likely to go that route.  This person was probably not going to give cash to begin with, but now since they know this is something the couple wants, they've given money to a cause.

    I don't see it as money grubbing - maybe this couple truly can't afford the honeymoon they want to take.  The people you invite to your wedding are (ideally) close family and friends, and would understand and support the decisions made by the couple.
  • cupcait927cupcait927 Western NY wine country member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    @cupcait927:  So while I don't agree with you, at least your post is polite and respectful.

    I see a few things at play here.  One, there are cultural norms that may be affecting the decisions.  OP, where are you from?  Some places in the country are more prone to giving cash at a wedding vs. others.  I'm in the South, and here most wedding gifts are physical items.  While in the north, where some of my family lives, they are more likely to give cash.  That may be something to consider.

    Anyway.  If someone is inclined to give a physical gift, but notices that there is an option for a honeymoon registry, then perhaps that person will be more likely to go that route.  This person was probably not going to give cash to begin with, but now since they know this is something the couple wants, they've given money to a cause.

    I don't see it as money grubbing - maybe this couple truly can't afford the honeymoon they want to take.  The people you invite to your wedding are (ideally) close family and friends, and would understand and support the decisions made by the couple.

    I think that if a couple really wants money for xyz, that is information that can be passed by word of mouth to family members that may want to contribute. Among other points brought up by PPs regarding honeymoon registries, we've seen so many brides that didn't even use the cash they received from the fund towards their honeymoon, which is essentially lying to your guests. The OP does sound genuine in her intentions but at the end of the day, all you get is a check, nothing booked, planned or reserved for you, and your guests may not know that and would feel deceived when they found out you may not have gotten that dinner they bought you or that excursion they thought you would enjoy.

    FWIW, my mother, who usually could give hoot about etiquette (aside from prompt thank you cards), was horrified at the idea of a honeymoon registry. I think what rubs a lot of people wrong with these funds is that many of us can't afford a honeymoon or dream vacation so we don't really want to contribute to someone else's, particularly when the couple doesn't even get the whole amount we spent (due to fees).

    chibiyuiMGPPrettyGirlLost
  • eljayeeljaye member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    Oh I admit I was being rude - like begets like. 

    "You made a mistake. Shit happens. You can either clean it up or bitch about while the smell wafts around you. Your choice. "

    Oh no, that's not rude at all.

    Anyway, I'm not belittling checks in and of themselves.  I've given checks before.  Nor am I belittling a Walmart registry - in fact my point was to say that plenty of people DO register there and I consider that to be a less typical choice than BB&B or C&B for example... I just don't feel like it's my place to judge what the couple wants, and that's my whole point here.  It shouldn't matter WHERE or WHAT the registry is.  A registry is a registry.
  • emmaaaemmaaa North Carolina mod
    Moderator 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
    @cupcait927:  So while I don't agree with you, at least your post is polite and respectful.

    I see a few things at play here.  One, there are cultural norms that may be affecting the decisions.  OP, where are you from?  Some places in the country are more prone to giving cash at a wedding vs. others.  I'm in the South, and here most wedding gifts are physical items.  While in the north, where some of my family lives, they are more likely to give cash.  That may be something to consider.

    Anyway.  If someone is inclined to give a physical gift, but notices that there is an option for a honeymoon registry, then perhaps that person will be more likely to go that route.  This person was probably not going to give cash to begin with, but now since they know this is something the couple wants, they've given money to a cause.

    I don't see it as money grubbing - maybe this couple truly can't afford the honeymoon they want to take.  The people you invite to your wedding are (ideally) close family and friends, and would understand and support the decisions made by the couple.
    I don't agree with the bolded. I was born and raised and live in the south. While, yes, at showers physical gifts are the norm, most people bring a check to the wedding also. And the reason physical gifts are normal for showers is because the point of a shower is to "shower" you with gifts, not checks.

    cupcait927
  • CMGragain said:
    What if I posted, "I am planning to sell tickets to my wedding because that is the only way I can afford to pay for it.  I don't want negative opinions.  How can I make this less tacky?"

    Now do you understand?
    Absolutely not. That's not the way it's working at all. I know that no one here cares for me to help clear up the misconceptions, but I'm going to anyway. 

    This isn't to pay for anything. We paid for the honeymoon. This is basically to help us prevent people from buying us crap we don't want, or already have. Our friends and family have wanted to contributed, so we thought it was the best option for us. We can start our married life with a little less on our credit card. Yes - it's just a check. I realize that. I thought that taking the precaution of paying the  fees and everything would be a good gesture to lighten the "deceit" (not going to touch that definition with a ten foot pole). CLEARLY - you all do not feel the same way. I get it. 

    However, no one seems to understand that not everyone feels the same as you. Again (shot time), original intention was to find a way to NOT cancel, because cancelling is not a compromise no matter how badly you wish that it was, but to find an inventive way to make it less tacky IF you feel that way. Let me be clear because maybe up until this point, I haven't been - I think it'd rude to cancel when people have already donated. I still think it's a shower in a true sense as physical gifts are also registered for (or not registered for, but appreciated none the less). I think that I came to the wrong place if my intention was to find a broad spectrum of ideas, and for that I have repeatedly apologized. I didn't like the answers, you were right, however I do have to maintain that some people had some tact...while many did not. 
  • eljayeeljaye member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    FWIW, here is a short story about the last honeymoon registry I contributed to.  This couple was going to Hawaii.  One of the things on the HR was a volcano hike - this is what I chose to buy for them.  About a month after they returned from their trip, I received a thank you card from the bride and groom with a picture of them at the top of the volcano.  I thought it was really cute and thoughtful, and it let me know that they did actually use the money for what I had intended.

    I get that maybe not everyone is that way, but... I don't know... I've had positive experiences in general with honeymoon registries. 

    Someone said above "Just because YOU feel that way doesn't mean EVERYONE does".  Well flip that.  Just because YOU ALL feel the way you do doesn't mean every wedding guest feels the same.
  • vt&dtvt&dt member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    OP, I hope you can step back and take a look at the advice you've been given objectively. I know it's probably not what you wanted to hear, but your friends and family are likely to tell you they don't mind/find something tacky because they care about you and don't want to hurt your feelings. 1 - HM Registries are blatantly asking for $, which is tacky, AND is dishonest to the people giving you $, because when they "buy" tickets for you through the registry, you actually get a check for their gift minus 5-10% that the HM registry site keeps. I'd MUCH rather give a couple a check if they weren't registered and then hear that they used it for tickets on their travels in a TY note. 2 - You shouldn't host your own shower. Any party that is about giving you gifts should be hosted by someone else (though the brunch does sound AWESOME). At this point, you could change the name to some type of brunch (I'd ALWAYS go for hosted brunch to celebrate a friend's ANYTHING) - or call it a "recipe" shower - guests bring their favorite family recipes and then celebrate with you. Then you're not breaking etiquette, can still have the brunch, and wouldn't have to open anything in front of people. Good luck.
    chibiyuiSeaCaptainOtterashley8918PrettyGirlLost
  • vt&dt said:
    OP, I hope you can step back and take a look at the advice you've been given objectively. I know it's probably not what you wanted to hear, but your friends and family are likely to tell you they don't mind/find something tacky because they care about you and don't want to hurt your feelings. 1 - HM Registries are blatantly asking for $, which is tacky, AND is dishonest to the people giving you $, because when they "buy" tickets for you through the registry, you actually get a check for their gift minus 5-10% that the HM registry site keeps. I'd MUCH rather give a couple a check if they weren't registered and then hear that they used it for tickets on their travels in a TY note. 2 - You shouldn't host your own shower. Any party that is about giving you gifts should be hosted by someone else (though the brunch does sound AWESOME). At this point, you could change the name to some type of brunch (I'd ALWAYS go for hosted brunch to celebrate a friend's ANYTHING) - or call it a "recipe" shower - guests bring their favorite family recipes and then celebrate with you. Then you're not breaking etiquette, can still have the brunch, and wouldn't have to open anything in front of people. Good luck.
    You just summed up my "I know you don't want to clear up misconceptions" post very accurately. 
  • chibiyuichibiyui The Boring Part of MD member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers

    Oh I admit I was being rude - like begets like. 

    "You made a mistake. Shit happens. You can either clean it up or bitch about while the smell wafts around you. Your choice. "

    Oh no, that's not rude at all.

    Anyway, I'm not belittling checks in and of themselves.  I've given checks before.  Nor am I belittling a Walmart registry - in fact my point was to say that plenty of people DO register there and I consider that to be a less typical choice than BB&B or C&B for example... I just don't feel like it's my place to judge what the couple wants, and that's my whole point here.  It shouldn't matter WHERE or WHAT the registry is.  A registry is a registry.


    Ahem.

    What I posted was not rude.

    Using a metaphor to illustrate that actions have consequences is not rude. The op did something tacky. She has been given ways to rectify (hee hee, yes I'm 12) she complained that our suggestions were not what she wanted. Sometimes we all make honest mistakes. You can either own up to it, or act like nothing is amiss, but to do that will cause people to judge you based on your actions.

    Unless you think I was rude cause I used the word shit, in which case all of my posts will be rude to you.

    And I did misread your one post. My bad.
    image



    Anniversary
    ashley8918Rebl90PrettyGirlLost
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers


    Someone said above "Just because YOU feel that way doesn't mean EVERYONE does".  Well flip that.  Just because YOU ALL feel the way you do doesn't mean every wedding guest feels the same.
    While I don't disagree with your quote, here's the thing to keep in mind: Etiquette is not "feelings" or "opinions" and it isn't generated just by the people in this forum. It applies to everyone across the board because large numbers of people have dealt with the issues in question and the point is considered "established." So one person's opinion constitutes neither etiquette nor a valid exception to it. Regardless of how any particular person feels or thinks about donating to a honeymoon registry by way of giving a gift, etiquette establishes that giving cash as a gift is not appropriate. Although this forum does have some members who express things very bluntly and sarcastically, which I can understand can be very off-putting, especially to newer members who may not be as familiar with the issues, it really is presumptuous to come here, ask for advice or an opinion, and then get all pissed off because most of us don't share your opinion or perspective. If you (generic) have done that, then it really is insulting to those who took the time to answer you (again generic) to claim "just because you feel that way doesn't mean everyone else does."
    KatieinBklnPrettyGirlLost
  • eljayeeljaye member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    So the rules of etiquette can't change with the times? I disagree.  When most of these "rules" of etiquette were established, the world was a very different place.

    Today, we are an instant gratification society.  We are totally dependent upon the internet.  The internet changes the way we do everything in life.  Registries are no different.  Why is it so shocking that someone may want to change up the game a little?  Try something different?  So the HM registry is about getting some cash.  So what?  Money and weddings go hand in hand - I don't think it's rude or offensive to straight up tell people what you want the money for.

    Whatever anyone says, I still maintain that it's the couple's choice to determine how/where they want to register.  Maybe you feel it's rude, but I personally appreciate that they are honest enough to say what they really want.
  • cupcait927cupcait927 Western NY wine country member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    CMGragain said:
    What if I posted, "I am planning to sell tickets to my wedding because that is the only way I can afford to pay for it.  I don't want negative opinions.  How can I make this less tacky?"

    Now do you understand?
    Absolutely not. That's not the way it's working at all. I know that no one here cares for me to help clear up the misconceptions, but I'm going to anyway. 

    This isn't to pay for anything. We paid for the honeymoon. This is basically to help us prevent people from buying us crap we don't want, or already have. Our friends and family have wanted to contributed, so we thought it was the best option for us. We can start our married life with a little less on our credit card. Yes - it's just a check. I realize that. I thought that taking the precaution of paying the  fees and everything would be a good gesture to lighten the "deceit" (not going to touch that definition with a ten foot pole). CLEARLY - you all do not feel the same way. I get it. 

    However, no one seems to understand that not everyone feels the same as you. Again (shot time), original intention was to find a way to NOT cancel, because cancelling is not a compromise no matter how badly you wish that it was, but to find an inventive way to make it less tacky IF you feel that way. Let me be clear because maybe up until this point, I haven't been - I think it'd rude to cancel when people have already donated. I still think it's a shower in a true sense as physical gifts are also registered for (or not registered for, but appreciated none the less). I think that I came to the wrong place if my intention was to find a broad spectrum of ideas, and for that I have repeatedly apologized. I didn't like the answers, you were right, however I do have to maintain that some people had some tact...while many did not. 


    *SIB*
    So your honeymoon is already paid for and you're still asking for guests to contribute to said honeymoon? I can't grasp the knowledge behind this, I'm sorry. So now, instead of just not registering (and getting cash) you're paying fees...to still get cash?
    Regardless of it being rude this just doesn't even make sense.
    If you've already paid for your honeymoon, then why have a shower to ask for more cash for said honeymoon? Why not just use the money you get at the wedding (if people choose to bring checks) to pay down some of the costs? Point blank, there's no way to make this less tacky. There just isn't. I feel like I'm missing something. Why have a shower if you don't care about gifts and you already paid for your honeymoon??
    JCbride2015ashley8918PrettyGirlLost
  • eljayeeljaye member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    Jen4948 said:
      Regardless of how any particular person feels or thinks about donating to a honeymoon registry by way of giving a gift, etiquette establishes that giving cash as a gift is not appropriate.

    So now all of a sudden a check is inappropriate?  I'm confused.  According to a lot of the people posting here, giving a check at the wedding is considered typical.


  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Jen4948 said:
      Regardless of how any particular person feels or thinks about donating to a honeymoon registry by way of giving a gift, etiquette establishes that giving cash as a gift is not appropriate.

    So now all of a sudden a check is inappropriate?  I'm confused.  According to a lot of the people posting here, giving a check at the wedding is considered typical.


    Gift-giving etiquette can be fuzzy.  Me, I have no problems receiving checks or gift cards at other gift giving occasions, like the others who have posted here about it, but very traditional etiquette holds that even checks are inappropriate.  And certainly only physical gifts are appropriate at showers because the point of a shower is to open gifts.

    But that said, I think there are two problems with honeymoon registries according to etiquette:  1) the funds collect a portion of the cash, so not all of it goes to the couple, and 2) honeymoons are by their nature very personal.  Very personal items are often considered not appropriate as gifts but things the persons acquiring or using should finance themselves.  This is also a reason why charitable contributions aren't considered appropriate gifts to third parties-because everyone has personal feelings about what causes they do and don't support and shouldn't expect others to do it for them by way of a gift.
    RebeccaB88PrettyGirlLost
  • vt&dtvt&dt member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    Gifts of money (for any occasion) are always accepted.  Asking for money is never okay.

    http://www.emilypost.com/weddings/a-guide-for-guests/845-choosing-gifts  (though I don't usually refer to Emily Post for etiquette any more, her daughters have taken over and changed some things that aren't right)

    Judith Martin (Miss Manners) suggests that a cash gift isn't as thoughtful as a physical gift - and I can understand that point of view - but when we received cash gifts at the wedding with a kind note, we did not feel that way at all.  Our friends and family know we are traveling a lot this summer, and we will enjoy some nice wine in Paris and bring home some art painted in the Impressionist Village with those gifts.
    MGPPrettyGirlLost
  • vt&dtvt&dt member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    vt&dt said:
    OP, I hope you can step back and take a look at the advice you've been given objectively. I know it's probably not what you wanted to hear, but your friends and family are likely to tell you they don't mind/find something tacky because they care about you and don't want to hurt your feelings. 1 - HM Registries are blatantly asking for $, which is tacky, AND is dishonest to the people giving you $, because when they "buy" tickets for you through the registry, you actually get a check for their gift minus 5-10% that the HM registry site keeps. I'd MUCH rather give a couple a check if they weren't registered and then hear that they used it for tickets on their travels in a TY note. 2 - You shouldn't host your own shower. Any party that is about giving you gifts should be hosted by someone else (though the brunch does sound AWESOME). At this point, you could change the name to some type of brunch (I'd ALWAYS go for hosted brunch to celebrate a friend's ANYTHING) - or call it a "recipe" shower - guests bring their favorite family recipes and then celebrate with you. Then you're not breaking etiquette, can still have the brunch, and wouldn't have to open anything in front of people. Good luck.
    You just summed up my "I know you don't want to clear up misconceptions" post very accurately. 
    I'm hoping that the same message in a few different ways helps!!

    And now I'm hungry for brunch.  I need some waffles and a Bloody Mary.
  • It's simple. A honeymoon registry is asking for cash. Asking for money is rude, no matter how it's done.
    If your honeymoon is already paid for, then you're asking guests to reimburse you, and pocketing the money?
    The purpose of giving wedding gifts is not to pay for luxury vacations. 
    It's fine to give cash or checks. It's just never ever ever acceptable to ask for them.
    chibiyuiKeptInStitchesPrettyGirlLost
  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes BOS, NYC, DC. Forever a city girl member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited June 2014
    You specifically asked how to make less tacky a party for yourself where you told your guests to bring you money. There is absolutely no way that the tacky ship hadn't left the dock the minute you mailed the invitations. I would never attend this event and probably wouldn't attend your wedding, either. You also said that you could have just one uncomfortable guest. I'm guessing you might not have very many guests at all.
    PrettyGirlLost
  • CMGragain said:
    What if I posted, "I am planning to sell tickets to my wedding because that is the only way I can afford to pay for it.  I don't want negative opinions.  How can I make this less tacky?"

    Now do you understand?
    Absolutely not. That's not the way it's working at all. I know that no one here cares for me to help clear up the misconceptions, but I'm going to anyway. 

    This isn't to pay for anything. We paid for the honeymoon. This is basically to help us prevent people from buying us crap we don't want, or already have. Our friends and family have wanted to contributed, so we thought it was the best option for us. We can start our married life with a little less on our credit card. Yes - it's just a check. I realize that. I thought that taking the precaution of paying the  fees and everything would be a good gesture to lighten the "deceit" (not going to touch that definition with a ten foot pole). CLEARLY - you all do not feel the same way. I get it. 

    However, no one seems to understand that not everyone feels the same as you. Again (shot time), original intention was to find a way to NOT cancel, because cancelling is not a compromise no matter how badly you wish that it was, but to find an inventive way to make it less tacky IF you feel that way. Let me be clear because maybe up until this point, I haven't been - I think it'd rude to cancel when people have already donated. I still think it's a shower in a true sense as physical gifts are also registered for (or not registered for, but appreciated none the less). I think that I came to the wrong place if my intention was to find a broad spectrum of ideas, and for that I have repeatedly apologized. I didn't like the answers, you were right, however I do have to maintain that some people had some tact...while many did not. 
    Oh good grief.  So you already paid for your honeymoon, so people REALLY aren't actually giving you a gift, they are reimbursing expenses you've already incurred.  Ick.

    You paying the fees I suppose makes it less rude, but people are still writing a check for $100 and you are basically burning 3 of those dollars for no reason.

    Host a bridal brunch, don't mention gifts and close the HM registry.  You still get to celebrate with your friends and don't risk offending anyone.
    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
    chibiyuipinkshorts27OliveOilsMomPrettyGirlLost
  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 Dirty Jerz member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    Wait a minute, OP-- your honeymoon is already paid for????  And you are asking guests to contribute cash to your "honeymoon?"  Now you are lying to your guests and being deceitful.  That is never okay.

    Here's what you should do.  Change the wording to "Bridal luncheon" if you do not want physical gifts.  Then you can have the get-together with your friends without opening or receiving gifts, which you clearly do not want (that's fine btw).

    As for the HM registry, you close it if you can do so without offending those who already used it.  Or, you just stop mentioning it.  Take it off your website, off the luncheon invitations, never mention it.  Pretend it doesn't exist.

    People will still give you cash.  You don't need to grub for it.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    image

    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

    chibiyuimiaawallacePrettyGirlLost
  • FWIW, here is a short story about the last honeymoon registry I contributed to.  This couple was going to Hawaii.  One of the things on the HR was a volcano hike - this is what I chose to buy for them.  About a month after they returned from their trip, I received a thank you card from the bride and groom with a picture of them at the top of the volcano.  I thought it was really cute and thoughtful, and it let me know that they did actually use the money for what I had intended.

    I get that maybe not everyone is that way, but... I don't know... I've had positive experiences in general with honeymoon registries. 

    Someone said above "Just because YOU feel that way doesn't mean EVERYONE does".  Well flip that.  Just because YOU ALL feel the way you do doesn't mean every wedding guest feels the same.
    You could always write "treat yourself to a nice dinner on your honeymoon" on the check line or in your card.  Or you could actually purchase something for the couple for their honeymoon (plane tickets, hotel rooms, massage gift cards, wine bottles to their room, etc) without the use of a honeymoon registry.  My family has been doing this for years, well before "honeymoon" (I use quotes since unlike actually giving gifts towards a honeymoon, you are just getting cash) registries were a thing.  
    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
    misshart00yogablossom
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