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Should I go to my friend's destination wedding or not?

stepslhstepslh member
10 Comments
edited June 2014 in Wedding Etiquette Forum
I'm having a destination wedding and so is she. Our weddings are a month apart. She told me she was going to mine, so I said I was going to hers. Now she told me she can't come anymore because she can't afford it...Should I:

Should I go to my friend's destination wedding or not? 62 votes

Cancel on her as well? It's not fair if she's not willing to shell out the money for mine.
8% 5 votes
Still go to her wedding, since I consider her a close friend?
91% 57 votes
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Re: Should I go to my friend's destination wedding or not?

  • LondonLisaLondonLisa member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    stepslh said:
    I'm having a destination wedding and so is she. Our weddings are a month apart. She told me she was going to mine, so I said I was going to hers. Now she told me she can't come anymore because she can't afford it...Should I:

    JIC
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  • ScoutFScoutF member
    500 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    I can't believe you are really asking this. You of all people should understand what she's going through planning a DW. If you can afford to go and feel like watching your friend get married, then go. But don't cancel because she can't afford to go to yours. That is seriously so shitty.
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  • stepslhstepslh member
    10 Comments
    It's not out of spite....but seriously, most people our age don't have tons of money to go to a destination wedding. I'm not rich and can't really afford hers either, but was planning on going because she was going to mine. She has the same amount of money as me and is traveling within the U.S. next month(which would probably be the same cost as going to mine).

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  • mysticlmysticl member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    stepslh said:
    It's not out of spite....but seriously, most people our age don't have tons of money to go to a destination wedding. I'm not rich and can't really afford hers either, but was planning on going because she was going to mine. She has the same amount of money as me and is traveling within the U.S. next month(which would probably be the same cost as going to mine).

    You've seen her bank statements, paychecks, tax returns, bills, gone through her wallet to count the cash, etc.?  Because that is the only way you can know for sure that she has the same amount of money as you.  

    If the only reason you were attending her wedding is because she was attending yours then I don't think she is actually a close friend of yours.  
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  • stepslhstepslh member
    10 Comments
    She has disposable income if she just decided to travel around the U.S....
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  • Blue_BirdBlue_Bird member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer
    stepslh said:
    She has disposable income if she just decided to travel around the U.S....
    What???
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  • mysticlmysticl member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    stepslh said:
    She has disposable income if she just decided to travel around the U.S....
    And it is hers to dispose of as she sees fit.  There may be reasons behind this trip that you are not aware of.

    Don't go to the wedding.  You aren't actually her friend.  
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  • emmyg65emmyg65 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    Have you heard of the law of fuck yeah or no? It states that if you're first response is, "Fuck, yeah!" then you should do it. If it's "Eh, maybe," or whatever, just say no. If you can't attend this wedding and be happy to see your friend get married, just say no. Regardless, stop making mental calculations about how your friend spends her money. It's none of your business.
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  • SammiNJonniSammiNJonni member
    Tenth Anniversary 250 Love Its 100 Comments Combo Breaker
    You shouldn't go because apparently you are not a good friend. You should never judge how someone else spends their money.
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  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    Stop judging how your friend spends her money.  Don't go to this wedding because obviously you are a shitty friend.
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

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  • phiraphira member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    Okay, so what you're really saying is:

    "My friend says she can't come to my wedding even though I have decided she totally could come if she wanted to. So, please tell me that it's TOTALLY fine for me to not go to her wedding because she deserves a taste of her own medicine."

    Her finances are none of your business. Either go to her wedding or don't go. If you can't afford it, you can't afford it. If you can afford it, you still don't have go to. But we're not going to sit here and stroke your damaged ego.
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  • pinkshorts27pinkshorts27 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    stepslh said:
    It's not out of spite....but seriously, most people our age don't have tons of money to go to a destination wedding. I'm not rich and can't really afford hers either, but was planning on going because she was going to mine. She has the same amount of money as me and is traveling within the U.S. next month(which would probably be the same cost as going to mine).

    Ick, and I'm done with this thread already.  I would feel terrible if my friend couldn't make my wedding and I would not blame her or retaliate by not attending hers.

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  • stepslhstepslh member
    10 Comments
    Wow, I guess I shouldn't have asked a bunch of stressed-out brides their opinion.lol. Thank you for the input, but some of you were a little harsh. I guess I just didn't explain myself well......

    I really really don't want it to come across that I'm thinking of not going because of spite. Of course I would love to see her get married and am completely happy for her. Similar to what the last poster said: It seems like she could go because she just decided to go on another trip last minute. I think that's what I'm most upset about. She even asked me for advice about this trip, and since I've been to this place I know my wedding location would be the same $ or less. (I know because my other friends booked a luxury hotel and flight for $600)...Also, I'm including food for everyone pretty much the whole weekend....

    It will be a sacrifice for me to go to hers as well, but I still could go. Just like a feel like she could go to mine. Oh well, I'll wait a little longer and see what my gut tells me. Peace out!


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  • JennyColadaJennyColada member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    Don't feel obligated to attend her wedding just because you said previously that you would, and you shouldn't have felt obligated to attend her wedding even if she could still attend yours.
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  • stepslhstepslh member
    10 Comments
    No, I don't care that anybody disagrees. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. I just don't like people calling me a bad friend without even knowing me!
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  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    stepslh said:
    No, I don't care that anybody disagrees. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. I just don't like people calling me a bad friend without even knowing me!
    We can only go by what you post.  You are judging your friend's financial situation, and you openly stated that although you could afford to go to her DW, now that she's not going to yours, you're considering skipping her wedding.  That sounds like spite to me.

    And if DW's are so hard for people your age to afford..... why are you having one?  And since you know they're difficult to afford, you certainly shouldn't be upset that some people would skip it.
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  • stepslhstepslh member
    10 Comments
    We both live in the same city as the wedding we're planning. It's just a destination for our guests :)
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  • mysticlmysticl member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    stepslh said:
    We both live in the same city as the wedding we're planning. It's just a destination for our guests :)
    Then it's not a destination wedding.  It's a wedding that some guests may have to travel to, which in this day and age is pretty much every wedding.  

    A destination wedding implies you are traveling to some special place to have your wedding.  It also brings about images of something amazing that you couldn't possibly have done if you stayed home.  
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  • pinkshorts27pinkshorts27 member
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    mysticl said:
    stepslh said:
    We both live in the same city as the wedding we're planning. It's just a destination for our guests :)
    Then it's not a destination wedding.  It's a wedding that some guests may have to travel to, which in this day and age is pretty much every wedding.  

    A destination wedding implies you are traveling to some special place to have your wedding.  It also brings about images of something amazing that you couldn't possibly have done if you stayed home.  
    Also, I wonder what makes you not being able to afford to attend if it is in town?

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  • stepslhstepslh member
    10 Comments
    I live in Central America and most of my friends/family are in the U.S...

    So technically it's still a destination wedding.
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  • stepslhstepslh member
    10 Comments
    Ughhhhh, I'm done with this post. My situation is too confusing.lol..Thank you all!!!

    I live in Central America and she lives in another country, but we're both american. So they are both destination weddings, but we live in the destination.
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  • JennyColadaJennyColada member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    That's not very confusing.

    It always irks me when people try to say that their situation is confusing, when really it's not, they just don't feel like explaining it (which is fine, you don't have to…but then just say that).
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  • pinkshorts27pinkshorts27 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    JennyColada said:
    That's not very confusing.

    It always irks me when people try to say that their situation is confusing, when really it's not, they just don't feel like explaining it (which is fine, you don't have to…but then just say that).
    Agreed. Also, still not a destination wedding.

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  • pinkshorts27pinkshorts27 member
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    stepslh said:
    I live in Central America and most of my friends/family are in the U.S...

    So technically it's still a destination wedding.

    stepslh said:
    Ughhhhh, I'm done with this post. My situation is too confusing.lol..Thank you all!!!

    I live in Central America and she lives in another country, but we're both american. So they are both destination weddings, but we live in the destination.


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  • jneen101jneen101 member
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    You don't even seem to like this person so I vote no, don't go.
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  • auriannaaurianna member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Wait... what?
    You both live live in the same country and are having the weddings in the country you live in? Ergo neither of you would need to travel to go to each others' weddings and therefore this makes no sense?

    Or do you mean that you two live in different countries but for you you'd have to travel for hers and she'd have to travel for yours (I think that's what you mean)?

    I'm sorry that your feelings were hurt. Maybe initially she wanted to go to your wedding but as hers drew closer she realized she just didn't have the funds. You can't say that the funds she's using for her trip could have gone to your wedding because it's a completely separate issue. This trip could be something she has wanted to do long before your wedding was even planned. And even if it wasn't... while she may care about you greatly, your wedding is not as important to her as it is to you, nor should it be. An opportunity may have come up to do something for her that she'd really enjoy and she took it. A good friend would understand that and be happy for her.
    Not everyone has that big of a travel budget or number of work vacation days, and I blame no one that wants to use that money and time to do something they honestly want to do vs going on a trip that they wouldn't normally care to take.

    Your wedding might not be her priority, but that does not mean that she isn't your friend.

    As PPs have said, if her RSVP were not a factor, would you go to her wedding? If the answer is yes, go! Have fun. If you'd prefer though to send her your well wishes and just catch up at some point when you're in the same place, do that.
    As long as you're doing what you want for the right reasons and not for spite, there's no wrong answer here.
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