Needing help here. I'm thinking this is a NO.

lyndausvi · June 2014

brittsmome2 said:

ETA?

*** Stuck in box ***

ETA - edit. I meant to add appreciate to my post and forgot. Added it later.

I get the feeling of being under-appreciated. I really do. But making up napkins congratulating them from you specifically isn't going to give you the credit you want. If anything it will give you the opposite effect.

But again, from personal experience personalized napkins are generally a waste. People wipe their dirty mouths, blow their noes or whatever and throw them in the trash. Often if you put a personalized napkin and a plain napkin next to each other people will pick the plain one more often than not. They are just a waste.

brittsmome2 · June 2014

That's true! I appreciate you listening and your kindness

ohannabelle · June 2014

If he feels unappreciated, printing names on a napkin won't help. He needs to look his daughter in the eye, and say, "Hey, Primrose, I feel really unappreciated. How about a thank you?" Or something like that. But the original post with all the her mother/what we're doing/ our names/ stuff doesn't reflect that.

Maggie0829 · June 2014

Not to thread jack or anything, but @lyndausvi your previous post reminded me of something...how did your Dad's party go? Did it rain like forecasted?

LDay2014 · June 2014

brittsmome2 said:

I think it's just a thing between my husband and his daughter and him not feeling appreciated for all he's done.

Like you said, it's between your husband and his daughter. A passive-aggressive note to the entire wedding guest list will do nothing but make a mountain out of a molehill. If he feels unappreciated, maybe they should go out for lunch to talk about it.

Doesn't really make sense to spend money on a napkin note to illustrate how unappreciated you feel about spending money.

clarke10 · June 2014

I think these napkins are a terrible idea. Obviously I don't know what your relationship with your step-daughter is like. But if my stepmother did something like this, I would be livid. It's like you're passive aggressively trying to show the guests that you are more important than the mother of the bride.

If you're doesn't feel his daughter is being appreciative enough, he certainly has the option of not paying for a wedding.

mysticl · June 2014

brittsmome2 said:

I think napkins were his way of saying "hey look, this was my idea and I wanted to do something cool". It never had anything to do with the money for him. I think I added that part from me.

But they aren't "cool" and they aren't going to make her fall to her knees in gratitude. Even if it's not about the money to him it's going to look that way to everyone else. It could also make things worse with his daughter because now she feels like he is publicly excluding her mother.

zitiqueen · June 2014

So it's not about the money but about the fact that he feels unappreciated about all of the money he's spending, so he wants to spend more money in order to make sure everybody knows how much money he's spending?

Pepperally · June 2014

If he's not feeling appreciated by what he's already spending, then spending pointless amounts of money on napkins that sound very tacky and exclude her mother is not going to get him anywhere, unless of course she hates her mother and loves tacky, attention-grabbing, thunder-stealing pieces of paper that get used and thrown away.

theartistformerlyknownas · June 2014

How will spending even more money on custom cocktail napkins make you feel appreciated? If you and your husband offered this money freely, you need to let to let go of who else did or did not contribute and by how much. You volunteered the money because you wanted to help her, not because you wanted credit from the other guests or to upstage her mother. Right?

If your step-daughter is behaving ungraciously, you need to have a conversation with her. That's a problem between her, her dad, and you - leave her mother and the wedding guests out of the equation entirely.

Alternatively, if the reason your portion has ballooned the other is because she's spending money willy-nilly, that's a different conversation about the importance of budgets and the fact that she needs to respect your input into how your money is spent. But that conversation still has nothing to do with her mother or the guests.

If this really has nothing to do with money and your husband thinks the napkins are just cool... sorry, no, I think it's a very strange idea that would absolutely come off as a power struggle to me if I was a guest. The only time the hosts of a wedding are called out is in the invitations, and in a thank you speech to the guests during the toasts. And even then, being the host has nothing to do with paying the most money. It has to do with politely and graciously tending to the needs of one's guests. Do that and people will recognize it and thank you for hosting such a wonderful day.

cosenti7 · June 2014

I implore you...DO NOT do this. My father and step-mother are contributing financially to my October wedding, while my mother is not able to contribute at all. If it comes across as your stepdaughter is unappreciative, you and your husband should talk with her privately. Making a public statement, will embarrass the MOB and hurt your stepdaughters feelings on her wedding day for ostracizing her mother. In my situation, I am very appreciative of my fathers help, but I haven't done a grand gesture to thank them. I would be mortified if my parents would do something like that. Please understand your daughter probably is thankful and just is under stress. Passing out these napkins will make you and your husband look petty. You don't want to look like the wicked stepmother. Stay classy and be proud that you both were generous. If you do want to make personalized napkins, just print the names of the couple and their wedding date. As a guest at this wedding, I would side-eye if any drama was printed out on a napkin. Enjoy your step-daughters wedding, I'm sure you will have a wonderful day. EDIT-spelling

knottie9c5ed33df4bbd226 · June 2014

brittsmome2 said:

Sorry, it wasn't about the money. I was trying to get a different point across. The point I was trying to ask was, has anyone seen a reception cocktail with the wording on it like I had stated before?

"Cheers Our little girl got married please grab a drink and help us celebrate, The Smiths"
Lorie & Steve August 16 2014

We are having cocktail napkins made for our Engagement Party that say "Courtney & Scott, 10/24/2015" but no other names on it

CMGragain · June 2014

My DH and I paid for our daughter entire wedding, except for the rehearsal dinner. I assure you that not one of our guests knew this, which is as it should be!
"Our little girl" - Nooooooooooo!

doeydo · June 2014

clarke10 said:

I think these napkins are a terrible idea. Obviously I don't know what your relationship with your step-daughter is like. But if my stepmother did something like this, I would be livid. It's like you're passive aggressively trying to show the guests that you are more important than the mother of the bride.

If you're doesn't feel his daughter is being appreciative enough, he certainly has the option of not paying for a wedding.

This. If she is not even saying thank you or being grateful, she sounds like a spoiled brat and I wouldn't give her one more penny.

April192002 · June 2014

brittsmome2 said:

So my husband and I are paying for the venue, the cake and the centerpieces our portion of the budget is about 2.5 more than her mother's. (It was supposed to 50/50 but never is). We've already paid for the engagement party which was held at her mother's home (it was also supposed to be 50/50, so everyone assumed her mother did all of the cooking and paid for everything) which in face we did all of the food and and paid for all of the drinks for 100+ people. My husband would like to have the cocktail napkins printed that say something along the lines of . . . "Cheers Our little girl got married please grab a drink and help us celebrate, The Smiths" Bride & Groom's Name & Date of their Wedding. What do you guys think? Yes or No?

If your husband is stuck on getting napkins, I know some people get ideas and there's no talking them out of it, I would change the wording to something like: "Cheers to (Bride) & (Groom). Please grab a drink to celebrate." (Wedding Date). Definitely don't put your names on it! If he wants to do something nice, see about getting personalized toasting glasses for them or something more along that line - something people might notice or comment on and Bride/Groom can tell them who bought it. If she has a vase on her table you might be able to get that personalized. If she's likely to freak out over an etched vase then I definitely wouldn't do it without her consent! There are quite a few other things you could do other than napkins but I think the best option is to let her decide what she wants.

traditionallyuntraditional · July 2014

I say don't do it. One it's their day not your step-daughter and her daddy and step-mom's day. Two if she is being unappreciative don't give her anymore money! Three her mother will probably be offended and finally four the grooms parents may be uncomfortable with their little johnny being left out of the cocktail napkin. Don't do this to your step daughters wedding. If you must engrave a napkin just put the bride & groom's initials/name and MAYBE the date. A wedding is no place for family drama! ETA apparently I hate punctuation this evening! Sorry I blame the wine...

Needing help here. I'm thinking this is a NO.

Re: Needing help here. I'm thinking this is a NO.

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