Partially Hosted Bar

ashleyep · June 2014

I'm afraid to even post this...

Let me preface this by saying that when I booked my reception venue, I had no idea that cash bars were rude. So I didn't properly budget for an open bar. I made a mistake, I know.

I've since been able to convince FI and my parents to go for hosted beer and wine, but I'm not the only person planning this wedding and it took a hell of a lot of convincing to do even this. We're paying for it, my parents are not. Cool.

The venue has a full bar on display, this isn't one of those portable bars you see popped up in the reception room. They won't remove the liquor. So now I'm in the position of offering a partially hosted bar. Liquor will be available for purchase - which I really do think most of my guests would prefer to no liquor, but the etiquette part of me is dying over this. FI is not willing to spend any more money towards an open bar.

Can you help me make the most of a bad situation? Do I make a sign saying what's hosted and what's not? Do I have the bartenders tell guests that liquor isn't available even though it's sitting right there?

bethsmiles · June 2014

I would make a sign listing what's hosted and tell the bartenders not to serve anything that isn't listed. If you know your guests would prefer liquor can you choose a couple signature drinks to make available?

AddieCake · June 2014

Yes, make a sign telling what is hosted. Don't make a CUTE sign with any poems and shit (or you know we will have to cut you), just a sign.

lilacck28 · June 2014

I wouldn't beat yourself up too much. It sucks, but you're doing what you can. If the venue/ bartender refuses to tell people that the liquor is not available, then if I was a guest, I would want to know what what hosted. Maybe a little sign for the bar? Not sure about wording. Maybe just "hosted beer and wine"?

ETA: I've been to fundraisers, political events, etc. and that was how they did it. full bar was available for pay, but there was a sign indicating free beer/ wine.

ashleyep · June 2014

AddieCake said:

Yes, make a sign telling what is hosted. Don't make a CUTE sign with any poems and shit (or you know we will have to cut you), just a sign.

Girllll, I hate cutesy signs.

Something like this? Cash bars are common, so I don't want anyone thinking they need to pay gratuity:

Please enjoy the following hosted beverages (gratuity included):

Beer & Wine

Soft Drinks

AddieCake · June 2014

I like it.

ashleyep · June 2014

bethsmiles said:

I would make a sign listing what's hosted and tell the bartenders not to serve anything that isn't listed. If you know your guests would prefer liquor can you choose a couple signature drinks to make available?

I suppose I could, but the people that would want liquor over beer and wine, in my family anyway, are the type to want jack and coke or gin and tonic. Not very exciting signature drinks.

lyndausvi · June 2014

I would just have a sign of the hosted items and let things fall where they will.

Not idea, but what's done is done.

photokitty · June 2014

I'd make a sign or, if they let me, hang a curtain/ fabric in front of the bottles on display.

jules3964 · June 2014

ashleyep said:

bethsmiles said:

I would make a sign listing what's hosted and tell the bartenders not to serve anything that isn't listed. If you know your guests would prefer liquor can you choose a couple signature drinks to make available?

I suppose I could, but the people that would want liquor over beer and wine, in my family anyway, are the type to want jack and coke or gin and tonic. Not very exciting signature drinks.

I don't think signature drinks have to be exciting. We're doing a greyhound, which is just grapefruit juice and vodka, because it is FI's favorite drink.

Maggie0829 · June 2014

ashleyep said:

bethsmiles said:

I would make a sign listing what's hosted and tell the bartenders not to serve anything that isn't listed. If you know your guests would prefer liquor can you choose a couple signature drinks to make available?

I suppose I could, but the people that would want liquor over beer and wine, in my family anyway, are the type to want jack and coke or gin and tonic. Not very exciting signature drinks.

I prefer non-exciting signature drinks. The simpler the drink the more widely liked it is. If you do a sig(s) drink then have a vodka base, a rum base and a whiskey base (or whatever you think your guests would like).

ashleyep · June 2014

You don't think that it's more confusing to have *some* liquor hosted but not the rest? I'm worried it will end up being a lot more expensive. Could we host FIs favorite liquer - B&B? Probably no one else there likes it, but he wants to special order it for himself.

jules3964 · June 2014

ashleyep said:

You don't think that it's more confusing to have *some* liquor hosted but not the rest? I'm worried it will end up being a lot more expensive. Could we host FIs favorite liquer - B&B? Probably no one else there likes it, but he wants to special order it for himself.

Nope, just make it clear what is hosted on the sign!

And I think it'd be nice to host something to please the most people, but then again, if it's FI's favorite you should do what you want.

bethsmiles · June 2014

ashleyep said:

You don't think that it's more confusing to have *some* liquor hosted but not the rest? I'm worried it will end up being a lot more expensive. Could we host FIs favorite liquer - B&B? Probably no one else there likes it, but he wants to special order it for himself.

Not at all. If I saw a sign listing what was available I wouldn't ever try to order something not listed (I think that's very rude) so it really shouldn't be a problem.

NYCMercedes · June 2014

One wedding I went to had the signs propped against the available different beers and wines at either end of the bar. No confusion there. I do like your idea of a curtain, or you could do a poster to put in front of the liquor.

KatieinBkln · June 2014

I second the idea to put some kind of curtain/cover over the liquor if they won't take it out. I'm not sure if the problem is that the venue insists on being able to sell what isn't hosted, though (I would hope not. That's lame).

I think your (straightforward, decidedly NOT cute) sign works. Have you considered backing it with burlap, tho?

Kauris · June 2014

Props to you OP for realizing what you were getting into and then steering everyone in a different direction. That says a lot about you, in a very good way. While it sucks that your venue won't cooperate, probably because they want to make more money, if you print out what you said earlier, put it in a photo frame and set it on a few spots of the bar (depending on how big the bar is) you should be covered.

Also, if your FI is planning on paying for himself to have a certain beverage that is not offered to the rest of the guests, that is considered rude as well. It's like if you are offering chicken to everyone, but then you two have filet minion for your meal, KWIM?

Anyway, good luck and good on you!

PrettyGirlLost · June 2014

ashleyep said:

I'm afraid to even post this...

Let me preface this by saying that when I booked my reception venue, I had no idea that cash bars were rude. So I didn't properly budget for an open bar. I made a mistake, I know.

I've since been able to convince FI and my parents to go for hosted beer and wine, but I'm not the only person planning this wedding and it took a hell of a lot of convincing to do even this. We're paying for it, my parents are not. Cool.

The venue has a full bar on display, this isn't one of those portable bars you see popped up in the reception room. They won't remove the liquor. So now I'm in the position of offering a partially hosted bar. Liquor will be available for purchase - which I really do think most of my guests would prefer to no liquor, but the etiquette part of me is dying over this. FI is not willing to spend any more money towards an open bar.

Can you help me make the most of a bad situation? Do I make a sign saying what's hosted and what's not? Do I have the bartenders tell guests that liquor isn't available even though it's sitting right there?

Yeah, this is what we are doing because we are also having a limited bar, and I doubt that our venue is going to hide the liquor.

I'd make a sign and say something like- "PGL and Groom are delighted to celebrate their wedding day with you, and they hope you enjoy one of the following hosted selections: (list hosted selections here)."

ashleyep · June 2014

kasmith1 said:

Props to you OP for realizing what you were getting into and then steering everyone in a different direction. That says a lot about you, in a very good way. While it sucks that your venue won't cooperate, probably because they want to make more money, if you print out what you said earlier, put it in a photo frame and set it on a few spots of the bar (depending on how big the bar is) you should be covered.

Also, if your FI is planning on paying for himself to have a certain beverage that is not offered to the rest of the guests, that is considered rude as well. It's like if you are offering chicken to everyone, but then you two have filet minion for your meal, KWIM?

Anyway, good luck and good on you!

I didn't mean we wouldn't offer it to anyone else. The venue lets us special order any alcohol we want that they don't have. If we have to partially host the bar (and honestly, with my crowd being so used to cash bars and expecting to be able to buy whatever they want I kind of think that's a better idea at this point than just covering the liquor anyway) it wouldn't be hosted unless we offered it as a signature drink, but it would be available. I just meant that most people don't like it.

Related to what you just said though, FI really wanted to taste the filet at our tasting. It would have been an upcharge of $11/person if we had went with it. Too expensive and not good enough to warrant it. The coordinator and my parents were both like "Oh but just FI can get it if he wants." NOOOOO, no he can't!! Fortunately he agrees with me. He's picked up on most of the etiquette.

ab6704a · June 2014

PrettyGirlLost said:

ashleyep said:

I'm afraid to even post this...

Let me preface this by saying that when I booked my reception venue, I had no idea that cash bars were rude. So I didn't properly budget for an open bar. I made a mistake, I know.

I've since been able to convince FI and my parents to go for hosted beer and wine, but I'm not the only person planning this wedding and it took a hell of a lot of convincing to do even this. We're paying for it, my parents are not. Cool.

The venue has a full bar on display, this isn't one of those portable bars you see popped up in the reception room. They won't remove the liquor. So now I'm in the position of offering a partially hosted bar. Liquor will be available for purchase - which I really do think most of my guests would prefer to no liquor, but the etiquette part of me is dying over this. FI is not willing to spend any more money towards an open bar.

Can you help me make the most of a bad situation? Do I make a sign saying what's hosted and what's not? Do I have the bartenders tell guests that liquor isn't available even though it's sitting right there?

Yeah, this is what we are doing because we are also having a limited bar, and I doubt that our venue is going to hide the liquor.

I'd make a sign and say something like- "PGL and Groom are delighted to celebrate their wedding day with you, and they hope you enjoy one of the following hosted selections: (list hosted selections here)."

I really like this wording!

Strawberry211chicago · June 2014

I feel so much better after reading this thread, I have the same situation with the bar at our venue. I was worried a simple not pinterest sign saying what is hosted (beer, wine, soda, and I think 1 signature drink) would be considered tacky like a cash bar.

RebeccaFlower · June 2014

I just want to throw out there that I appreciate the fact that you learned something new and you went with the etiquette approved version. I also live in a cash bar rampant area and people were thrilled we hosted the bar, so good for you!

MairePoppy · June 2014

You could make up little signs for the tables with the list of hosted drinks so the guests will know before they head to the bar. Don't forget to include the soft drinks you're hosting.

huskypuppy14 · June 2014

I'm so glad my venue will remove the top shelf liquor that we are not hosting (we are hosting premium liquors), so that it's not even in sight.

Good job OP for making the best etiquette choice that you can in this situation.

AddieCake · June 2014

@Emmy211‌ Your expression "simple not Pinterest" is my new favorite thing.

Strawberry211chicago · June 2014

Thanks @addiecake ! I think it is for the best to clarify these things. All the rhyming & pinteresting kind of makes me feel like I've stepped into a burlap covered Dr. Seuss book, but without the fun wockets and cats in hats.

MuppetOverlord · June 2014

ashleyep said:

AddieCake said:

Yes, make a sign telling what is hosted. Don't make a CUTE sign with any poems and shit (or you know we will have to cut you), just a sign.

Girllll, I hate cutesy signs.

Something like this? Cash bars are common, so I don't want anyone thinking they need to pay gratuity:

Please enjoy the following hosted beverages (gratuity included):
Beer & Wine
Soft Drinks

I vote for this really simple sign. I want people to read it.

hyechica81 · June 2014

there are states where all venues have bars not included in the price i know Ma is one of them where you pay one price for dinner and appz and all that good stuff but if you want open bar it is separate charge. i am in ct and every venue that is a full service banquet hall has liquor included in its prices.

you get dinner sit down buffet or stations and then you get appz hot and cold cake coffee tea and full open bar.

lavenderfields13 · June 2014

OP thanks for posting this- same thing happened to me. We booked our venue before realizing the whole etiquette thing because cash bars are the norm in our families/social circles. Thank goodness our venue allows a limited bar so that's what we're doing but I never even thought about asking if they take down what we're not hosting-I just assumed they would be. This is a question I need to ask my venue. I was thinking of making a sign with what we'll be hosting anyways though just because I know most of our guests will be confused that they're not able to purchase whatever they want.

mrs4everhart · June 2014

leese19 said:

OP thanks for posting this- same thing happened to me. We booked our venue before realizing the whole etiquette thing because cash bars are the norm in our families/social circles. Thank goodness our venue allows a limited bar so that's what we're doing but I never even thought about asking if they take down what we're not hosting-I just assumed they would be. This is a question I need to ask my venue. I was thinking of making a sign with what we'll be hosting anyways though just because I know most of our guests will be confused that they're not able to purchase whatever they want.

You should definitely ask and not assume they would. I run a bar/restaurant/music venue and have been in charge of event coordination for a very long time. We're in business to make money and to be blunt I'm never going to mention to anyone what etiquette would dictate on the subject. If a party host contracts to pay for a limited bar I would never ask them if they'd like other options removed because it is still within our right to sell other beverages for profit. Only if a party host specifically asked if removing other brands could be added to their contract would I oblige and only if their event was taking place in a fully private area of the venue. I will say this though, very few guests opt to pay for drinks when there are hosted options, even if they are fully displayed. I would say that 80% or more of our party hosts elect the partially hosted option, regardless of etiquette. Or an open bar with a tab limit then it converts to cash. From our perspective I usually find this awkward, it creates a situation where the server or bartender has to explain that the tab is closed and they need to pull out a credit card to start their own tab. Sort of weird, imo.

peachy13 · June 2014

Don't beat yourself up over this. You're doing a good thing by wanting to offer beer and wine. And even though an open bar was my number one priority, if it wasn't possible, I would do a wine and beer bar instead. People will be happy with that, honestly!

I don't know if this is possible but could you pick up the bar tab at the end of the night? So none of your guests will pay, and the venue will know you will take care of the check. I wouldn't be surprised if they couldn't make this work... as long as they know someone is paying at the end of the night. Not sure how strict the venue is though.

Another idea is to host an after party and get the first round (or the whole tab) for your guests who want to join the after party.

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