Community› Wedding Discussion Boards› Chit Chat
Chit Chat
New Discussion
Options

She called off the wedding! Advice please!!!

ktjanesmomktjanesmom member
First Comment 5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
in Chit Chat
My son just called my crying, sobbing really.  His fiance called off the wedding that was supposed to take place this September.  What do I do?  How do I help him? What do I say? His heart is broken and I dont know what to say or do.   My heart is broken too. I love this girl and was looking forward to her being my daughter in-law.  Oh GOD I feel like I am dreaming this.   Words of wisdom please.
Report Reply to Post

Re: She called off the wedding! Advice please!!!

  • Options
    AlexisA01AlexisA01 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    Sending hugs to you! I do not know the right thing to tell you. Stay strong and support your son.

    Live fast, die young. Bad Girls do it well. Suki Zuki.

    Report Reply
  • Options
    pinkshorts27pinkshorts27 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    ktjanesmom said:
    My son just called my crying, sobbing really.  His fiance called off the wedding that was supposed to take place this September.  What do I do?  How do I help him? What do I say? His heart is broken and I dont know what to say or do.   My heart is broken too. I love this girl and was looking forward to her being my daughter in-law.  Oh GOD I feel like I am dreaming this.   Words of wisdom please.
    Oh that is awful. I'm sorry. Just be there for him, don't push for answers right now. If he sent out STDs offer to help notify people so he doesn't have to face the same question from everyone. Mostly, just be there and don't push to hard right now.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    image
    Report Reply
  • Options
    BlergbotBlergbot member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    I'm so sorry. Just remember not to say anything inflammatory about her (not that you would, it sounds like you really cared for her), just in case they are able to patch things up. Just be a good listener and be there for him. It's all you can do.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    CMGragainCMGragain member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Just listen.  Don't judge.  They may patch things up later.  I am sorry that your son must go through this.  Growth hurts, and this may be part of his growing up.  Right now he needs non-judgemental love.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    Report Reply
  • Options
    lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    I'm sorry. I agree just be there for him to talk to. Not sure where he lives compared to you, but maybe invite him out for a visit or you to him for support. Do NOT saying any negative about her. They could get back together and then it starts getting uncomfortable.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    Report Reply
  • Options
    ktjanesmomktjanesmom member
    First Comment 5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Thank you all for the kind words and advice.  I will certainly take the advice and just listen when he needs to talk. And I certainly will not say anything thing bad about her.  He lives very close by but he went to my daughters house for the night which is about an hour away  so I probably wont see him until sunday. 
    Report Reply
  • Options
    doeydodoeydo member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I would just listen, and tell him you are sorry and are there for him.
    image
    Report Reply
  • Options
    jdluvr06jdluvr06 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    I'm so sorry.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    chibiyuichibiyui member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I'm sorry *hugs*
    image



    Anniversary
    Report Reply
  • Options
    NYCMercedesNYCMercedes member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    I'm so sorry. This happened to my son, but the wedding wasn't as imminent as yours. Good luck.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    KeptInStitchesKeptInStitches member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I'm sorry.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    ohannabelleohannabelle member
    First Answer First Comment First Anniversary 5 Love Its
    Yes, just hug him and wait. It might blow over. If it doesn't, then it's best he knows now. Ugly break ups are terrible, ugly divorces are worse. 
    I'm sorry. I hate seeing my children hurting. 
    Report Reply
  • Options
    ktjanesmomktjanesmom member
    First Comment 5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Thats the worse part for me ohannabelle. That my son is hurting. He could hardly get the words out when he told me.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    ohannabelleohannabelle member
    First Answer First Comment First Anniversary 5 Love Its
    That is absolutely the worst part. We think we can (or should be able to) fix everything, but broken hearts are just beyond anything a mom can help. And it happens to everyone, I think. You sound like a good mom. Hang in there. 
    Report Reply
  • Options
    MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    I'm so sorry ktjanesmom. I have no better advice than what's been offered. Best wishes.
                       
    Report Reply
  • Options
    pinkcow13pinkcow13 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I'm so sorry to hear this. Like the PP's said, just be there for him. Listen to him, and support him. They may get back together, but if they don't, it is better that this happened now rather than after being married. You sound like a wonderful mom, and I'm so sorry for you and your son. I'm sending you many positive vibes and hugs.
                                 Anniversary
    imageimageimage


     

    Report Reply
  • Options
    lc07lc07 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited June 2014
    I am currently going through a divorce. My husband moved out of the country at the beginning of May and my mom offered to fly in (from across the country) to stay with me for a period of time to help me with whatever or just be around for emotional support. Which was nice. That doesn't seem like an option for you since you live locally, however you can still support him.

    I agree with the PPs about not uttering a word about his ex-FI or their relationship. If he wants to talk, listen and be supportive. I needed help with basic tasks like grocery shopping, making food and doing laundry and seeking help for depression. Maybe offer to drop off some meals for him that he can keep in the freezer. Or offer to come do some cleaning and laundry. If he has a pet, offer to walk or run them, etc. Basic every day tasks can get hard in these situations.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    BlackLace2015BlackLace2015 member
    Name Dropper First Comment 5 Love Its
    I wouldn't tell ANYONE in case they patch things up.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    emmyg65emmyg65 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I'm sorry. I can only speak as a daughter, not as a mother, but I appreciated my parents' shoulder to cry on, ear to talk to (and no prying if I didn't want to talk), and unconditional support for whatever I decided. They watched me get back together with a guy they could probably tell wouldn't work out, but they never said anything or treated him less well, and they were still there for me when we finally broke up for good.

    It sounds like you're a great mom. Hang in there.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    arrippaarrippa member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    You have gotten some good advice from above, but I just wanted to say I am sorry! 
    Report Reply
  • Options
    cupcait927cupcait927 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I've got no other advice but wanted to send along hugs for you and your son. I'm so sorry that he's dealing with such heartbreak.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its First Anniversary
    As long as the "end-er" didn't do it in a horrible manner, I say, be grateful to those people.  They did care enough for the other person to end it before the marriage took place.  While this sucks and hurts, I'll bet a lot of divorcees will tell you that being a dumped fiance is better than the misery you go through in an unhappy marriage and a crappy divorce process. 
    Report Reply
  • Options
    KellyT22KellyT22 member
    First Anniversary Name Dropper 5 Love Its First Comment

    I've been through this. My ex called off our wedding six weeks prior to the event.

    Know that there truly are no magic words in this situation, but trust that he will get through this. It won't be an easy road, but when get finds happiness again it's truly beautiful.

    The things I didn't like to hear are as follows:

    • You'll find someone new
    • so-and-so wasn't right for you
    • It wasn't meant to be
    • At least it happened now before the wedding and not after

    Those things just really annoyed me. As everyone else has said, just being there for him is the best thing you can do.


    Report Reply
  • Options
    FiancBFiancB member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    I've been there, he will get through it and be better for it. Like Kelly said, while certain platitudes are well intentioned and may be true, they are just annoying to hear. It's better to just listen, and try to help him with practical aspects like letting guests and vendors know. 
    image
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards