What would you do?

iloveotters2014 · June 2014

I've never understood the "upgrade" mentality. I guess I get it if you didn't get much of a ring or a hand me down ring because your fiance was just starting out and you want something totally new in like 20 years? Then that is ok I suppose. But if you decide a few years down the road that you don't like your 1 carat ring and decide you need a 2 carat ring....well that's just greedy.....

OP personally I would just go with the diamond you already own. However, I personally would not muck up a beautiful diamond with a halo. But that's just my opinion. A halo isnt going to make it really look bigger and I think mixing square with round will be odd.

I also don't see anything that makes a square more "grown up" than a round. The cut has a lot to do with the type of sparkle...not so much the level of being "grown up"....unless you want heart shape

That's not really grown up haha.

yogablossom · June 2014

I saw a really beautiful ring in a vintage jewelry shop: it was a round diamond in a square setting (NOT a halo). It had the illusion of being a princess cut because of the square setting, but it had the brilliance of the round diamond that you just don't get with an actual princess cut diamond. Maybe try something like that with the diamond you already have?

debbeau · June 2014

We all have our own tastes and I can understand being torn between using what you have or getting something you fell in love with. I fell in love with a ring, the stone shape and setting. I told him this is the style I like so if he finds something in his budget that looks like it I would be thrilled. He did. Maybe you can try different stores or on line sources and do this. Good luck.

aurianna · June 2014

alytn said:

The gemologist who won my case for me advised no higher than SI1 and the jeweler's wife said she'd by happy with up to an I color. I've studied a lot on the 4 cs. I'm looking at Princess, Asscher and maybe even a sapphire.
To clarify to one mean girl, my fiance knows about the diamond and, possibly getting something to replace the setting it's in because my mother had it set into the necklace for me so it shouldn't be left empty. I also asked him if he minded if I paid for some of it and he said he didn't want me to and I have no intention of lying. A jeweler said that women pay towards their rings and have them bill the groom for the balance all the time. This is why I'm asking for opinions.

Ah ok! Your OP just said "high color/clarity" and anyone saying "high clarity" always raises a red flag for me.

My own ring is an SI1 but it's a trillion ergo a modified brilliant. I only suggested VS2 because princess is a mixed cut. Though for Asscher I'd seriously considering looking at VS2s along with SI1s. Occasionally with step cuts like asscher SI1s aren't always eye clean since they're so clear.
My personal opinion only, but while I'd like an I color in a brilliant cut, for a step cut I'd want a higher color because step cuts are so beautiful when they are icy. (just my personal opinion though!)

I

diamonds and wish I had an excuse to buy more...

STARMOON44 · June 2014

None of the above. I would talk to my guy about what I want and why it matters, our finances and priorities, and our budget. And I would listen to what he says and think about it.

Adding to the budget without telling him is an atrocious idea. It means your engagement is starting with a deception.

Blergbot · June 2014

I have a round diamond in a square setting (no halo, although it is set with many smaller diamonds in an art deco setting). It's also heirloom. If it were me, that is the direction I would go in...because that is the direction I did go in. I guess I just felt so lucky to have something that I didn't have to pay for, was beautiful, and had a meaningful history. So much win!

CMGragain · June 2014

I used to work in the jewelry industry many years ago. I got my engagement ring wholesale, but my fiance chose it. It wasn't what I would have chosen. He wanted a classic tiffany mounted round solitaire. I am still wearing it 38 years later, and I wouldn't think of replacing it.
Those dollar signs in your eyes are not very attractive.

missnc77 · June 2014

This is so dramatic. It's a ring, not a tattoo. You can keep it forever, but you can always upgrade later in life or whatever else. Let him get what he wants to get. You still have the other diamond and can wear it as the necklace it is now - it's not like you're losing out.

artbyallie · June 2014

If you can afford your dream ring, buy it and wear it on your right hand. And I grant you, maybe he just has no idea what diamonds cost currently and perhaps taking him shopping so he can see what different price points get you might cause him to rethink the budget. BUTbutbut, you still should not feel entitled to him buying the exact ring of your choice. And by the way, I'm 26 and have no intention of upgrading my (lab-created sapphire) e-ring. He can always buy me other rings/jewelry for gifts, which he does. None of them will ever compare to the ring he proposed with, even if/when he is able to afford more expensive pieces.

tammym1001 · June 2014

If it were me I would try to find a princess cut I loved in his price range. It sounds like the princess cut is what you really want and you wouldn't be happy with the other options. I like the idea of a pp who said to perhaps look for a diamond with lower color or clarity that is still really nice.

You have to wear the ring for the rest of your life and I think it would be a shame if you wished you had something else every time you look at it.

FWIW, I think you should also do something with your other diamond that would allow you to wear it more. It's a shame to have a beautiful family heirloom and hardly ever wear it.

AlexisA01 · June 2014

alytn said:

More meanness from Rebecca Flower. What you don't understand is a sense of humor. Maybe you will adopt one when you mature...but I doubt it.

Thank you lilacck28. There is huge sentimental value. It belonged to my grandmother and then I was burglarized from someone who was invited into my home and I had to fight for it and it was a long, hard, expensive proposition. The "vested" part, as all options, came from relatives and friends. This is why I've asked a community but seems more like judgy and bitchy girls so thank you for being kind about it.

I'm closing this post unless Ms Flower wants to insult me some more.

Rebecca was very pleasant to you. I think you are the one that is lacking maturity by being a hypocrit. No where was Rebecca rude or mean to you in her posting.

alytn · June 2014

I was thinking halo to make it look square, not bigger. There are many options and this is new to me. I do appreciate the suggestions.

I'm in no way greedy or entitled. I've worked since I was 14 years old...walked, uphill both ways in ice and snow without shoes and I have never had a ring in my life that I didn't buy for myself. I love my fiance' with all my heart. Everything I wrote he knows about. I would never lie to him. All options were suggestions from relatives and friends. Thanks to those who opined on the actual question.

lc07 · June 2014

larrygaga said:

How about accepting the ring he gives you and then buying your own big sparkler? The ring is a gift that means he wants to be with you and only you forever, not a status symbol, and the size does NOT relate to how much he loves you.

I love you. I want a black Range Rover Sport and a Margarita Machine. I'm going to buy both of them myself.

OP, your friends and family sound disgusting in their judgement of your FI based on what ring he proposes to you with. I'd be very upset with them if I were you.

smalfrie19 · June 2014

All I got from reading all of this is "man the op would not think my three stone aquamarine ring is very "grown up"

ohannabelle · June 2014

Well. This is all very romantic.

phira · June 2014

smalfrie19 said:

All I got from reading all of this is "man the op would not think my three stone aquamarine ring is very "grown up"

Right? My tiny bezel-set sapphire that was all we could afford must mean I am practically a little girl.

Fairyjen1 · June 2014

I must be trying to be younger, because my ring has Mickey Mouse on it! (we are both Disney Fans). I am the same age as the OP, or will be when we get married.

STARMOON44 · June 2014

How on earth does he know about option 3, increase the budget without telling him ?

I think now you're just changing your story.

hyechica81 · June 2014

you need to look at rings he can afford and go from there, you may invision something in your head and its all you can see then when you actualy go and try on that particular ring, you no longer feel the same way ( like wedding dresses you see online and in magazines it never looks the same on you as in the photo does)

when we first started looking at rings my fi had a really low budget he didnt want to spend more than 1500 i was totally fine with it i showed him photos of tons of rings even one i tried on and feel in love with but was 100 over budget.

he went ring shopping then a week later we were at the mall and he was at the store he was looking at the cataloge and said oh crap and i said what ( he didn't want to tell me) so then he gets the sales lady and says to her i bought a ring last week but i think i got the wrong one. so he showed me the ring he bought it was way way over budget it was very pretty the sales lady wanted to know if he had it sized and he said no she asked me what size i was and when i told her she said this is one of the very few rings we have that cant be sized up

(yes some diamond rings cant be sized up) turns out the ring i fell in love with i could have sized up to a 10 i have a simple square princess setting the center diamond is set like a halo i have smalll diamonds all around it and on the sides of the ring

missnc77 · June 2014

I just think you're looking at it from the wrong perspective, I'm not trying to insult you. I have a nice size ring, but sometimes I wish it were bigger when I see other huge rings. But then I think about the love of my life going into the jewelry store, looking at all the rings, working with the sales people, and finally deciding on "the one." And then I think of his proposal scheme gone wrong and how anxious and nervous he was to just go ahead and pop the question and give me the ring. He was so excited about giving me *this* ring. He put so much thought into it. When I think about this, I wouldn't change a thing.

lennonkdc · June 2014

Frankly I more concerned that the OP's FI told her to just go get an Ering and send him the bill... I mean different strokes I guess, but the thing that I love most about my ring is the time my FI spent picking it out.

offensivekitten2 · June 2014

I don't understand all this drama over a ring. It makes me worry about how she goes about life decisions in general.

MandyMost · June 2014

STARMOON44 said:

None of the above. I would talk to my guy about what I want and why it matters, our finances and priorities, and our budget. And I would listen to what he says and think about it. Adding to the budget without telling him is an atrocious idea. It means your engagement is starting with a deception.

You're adults and you're getting married. Shouldn't you be talking about things like budgets and priorities and be on the same page with them?

It's fine if he doesn't want to go buy you a ring by himself--some other people here had cute stories about their husbands/fiances picking out a ring all by themselves, but it's not necessary. But even if you essentially pick it out yourself, it's still a gift from him. Personally, I believe it is different from a traditional gift since your'e really expected to wear it every day, so you should have more input. If you are not into ANY rings at all (with any stones--not just diamonds) that you would be willing to wear every day, then you should tell him that. Tell him you don't want a ring.

My engagement ring is an infinity band--no one big center stone. It's exactly what I wanted. I gave him a lot of detail into the type of ring I wanted, and then let him do all the legwork (find a jeweler, etc. I would never wear something from a "chain" jewelry store because I want to support local artists). Because we're getting married, and we love each other, this was no surprise to him. We were on the same page.

phira · June 2014

I also would love to know how increasing the budget without this guy's knowledge would work.

monkeysip · June 2014

phira said:

I also would love to know how increasing the budget without this guy's knowledge would work.

She said earlier that she would give the ring shop a large payment, and then they'd bill him for the rest, making him think that THAT was the actual price of the ring. Romantic, eh?

slothiegal · June 2014

phira said:

I also would love to know how increasing the budget without this guy's knowledge would work.

I'm glad it's not just me...I was genuinely confused by this and thought I was just having an extra difficult time this morning...

phira · June 2014

monkeysip said:

phira said:

I also would love to know how increasing the budget without this guy's knowledge would work.

She said earlier that she would give the ring shop a large payment, and then they'd bill him for the rest, making him think that THAT was the actual price of the ring. Romantic, eh?

That's kind of what I figured when I was trying to work that out in my head. Super fucking romantic/mature.

ashley8918 · June 2014

I dont really have anything much to add. PPs hit the nail on the head. this comes off as super greedy/materialistic. My ring is a super basic 1/2 carat (OH NO! THE HORROR!) princess cut diamond and I NEVER plan to "upgrade" it.

For frame of reference, I am 24 and so I apparently have "plenty of time to upgrade". Um, no fucking thank you.

MrsMack10612 · June 2014

I have a 1C square, radiant cut (I added the square part because I don't know if all radiants are square). It's beautiful. It sparkles like nobody's business.

I would never think of upgrading it. H picked this out all by himself with very little input from me.

And for the record, I'm 40 (almost 41) and was married at 39 for the first (hopefully only) time. Getting engaged/married whatever late in life has nothing to do with feeling entitled.

What would you do?

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