My brother is getting married in 3 weeks. I am a bridesmaid and my 3 year old is the ring bearer and our invitation was marked "and family". I also have a 1 year old and have mentioned getting him a suit and asking my brother what the child meal options are for the kids, etc. in the recent months. We even had a lengthy discussion about the meals as my older son has a severe peanut allergy so I wanted to know what they would both be eating. The wedding is at a resort 2 hours from our home and it is outside (near the resort pool I believe). We had planned to have a friend come and stay overnight and watch the kids after dinner so that my husband and I can enjoy the reception.
We were just informed yesterday that our 1 year old is not invited to the ceremony or dinner but is welcome at the rehearsal dinner, mingling in between ceremony and dinner, and the reception. We were shocked to say the least. I am not sure what to do now. They said it's not personal and that it was a no kids wedding because if they cry it's already interrupted (yet their dog is the flower girl). I get the no kids wedding - we also did the same; however, we did allow children at the ceremony just not the reception (except my other brothers 2 kids who came from Europe and were in the wedding) and we told them all over 8 months in advance! To cart my one year old back and forth between venues and hotel rooms will make him fussy so that by the time the reception comes around he likely will be so fussy that I or my husband will miss a lot of it. Our friend is also shocked and said she will help out however and we can just leave both kids with her if we want. My 1 year old is not great about going to sleep with anyone except myself, my husband or my mom (who will be at the wedding) so I would rather he be with one of us if he is far away.
I am contemplating between 3 options: just having my 1 year old and husband stay home (my husband is so upset he doesn't want to go now anyway), have all three boys stay home and I would go alone so my 3 year old would not be the ring bearer, or follow their wishes and hope it goes well. My mom was put in the middle as my brother told her most of this instead of me so she is super upset and crying because she wants us to all go and she said he wants my husband and other son there as well just not at the ceremony or dinner. I'm not sure what to do. Thoughts?