Wedding Woes

One child excluded - other is ring bearer

My brother is getting married in 3 weeks. I am a bridesmaid and my 3 year old is the ring bearer and our invitation was marked "and family". I also have a 1 year old and have mentioned getting him a suit and asking my brother what the child meal options are for the kids, etc. in the recent months. We even had a lengthy discussion about the meals as my older son has a severe peanut allergy so I wanted to know what they would both be eating. The wedding is at a resort 2 hours from our home and it is outside (near the resort pool I believe). We had planned to have a friend come and stay overnight and watch the kids after dinner so that my husband and I can enjoy the reception. 

We were just informed yesterday that our 1 year old is not invited to the ceremony or dinner but is welcome at the rehearsal dinner, mingling in between ceremony and dinner, and the reception. We were shocked to say the least. I am not sure what to do now. They said it's not personal and that it was a no kids wedding because if they cry it's already interrupted (yet their dog is the flower girl). I get the no kids wedding - we also did the same; however, we did allow children at the ceremony just not the reception (except my other brothers 2 kids who came from Europe and were in the wedding) and we told them all over 8 months in advance! To cart my one year old back and forth between venues and hotel rooms will make him fussy so that by the time the reception comes around he likely will be so fussy that I or my husband will miss a lot of it. Our friend is also shocked and said she will help out however and we can just leave both kids with her if we want. My 1 year old is not great about going to sleep with anyone except myself, my husband or my mom (who will be at the wedding) so I would rather he be with one of us if he is far away.

I am contemplating between 3 options: just having my 1 year old and husband stay home (my husband is so upset he doesn't want to go now anyway), have all three boys stay home and I would go alone so my 3 year old would not be the ring bearer, or follow their wishes and hope it goes well. My mom was put in the middle as my brother told her most of this instead of me so she is super upset and crying because she wants us to all go and she said he wants my husband and other son there as well just not at the ceremony or dinner. I'm not sure what to do. Thoughts?

Re: One child excluded - other is ring bearer

  • Ugh.  I'm not sure what I would do in your situation. 

    I think you need to talk to your brother further.  Explain to him as calmly as possible that this has put you in a bind and also, up until this point you've been under the impression that your entire family was invited to the wedding.  I mean, that's what 'and family' means on an invitation.  

    I think there's more to this you're either not telling us or your brother is not telling you.  

    Whatever you do, don't use the dog as a 'reason' for why your kid(s) should be there.  I personally think it's utterly ridiculous, but I think it will only serve to make him defensive. 
    6fsnbbeth31Heffalump
  • Thanks mrs.conn23. I'm not sure what the problem is. This is all I know right now but perhaps he isn't telling us something. I have a strong feeling that it is the bride's choice - not his.
  • I agree with conn.  This is really annoying, seeing as how your entire family was invited to this wedding.

    The good news is that you already planned for the babysitter.  I'd plan for the 1yo to not attend and stay at the resort.  I wouldn't go through the hassle of going to get him between the ceremony and dinner and then taking him back before dinner.  Take him to the rehearsal dinner.  Take the 3yo back after dinner as you originally planned and try to have a good time at the reception.

    While I'd be annoyed, this would not be something I'd hold a grudge over or start a fight about.  It would have been nicer to have more notice of this, but at least you already had the sitter lined up.

    mrsconn236fsnMNNEBridebbeth31
  • 6fsn6fsn member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper

    Agreed with conn and tawillers. It's annoying and last minute and kinda rude, but I'd just try to make the best of it.  Take the 1 yo to the RD and leave him at the resort for the reception.

    As for bedtime either work on that between now and then- have friend come over whatever or accept it might be a rough night for friend and 1 yo.  They will both survive one night.

    mrsconn23MNNEBridebbeth31
  • My friend is also bringing her 3 year old to stay over at the resort as she is a single mom, so that's why I wanted to make it easier on her with just the kids after dinner. Thanks everyone for your views.
  • MNNEBrideMNNEBride Midwest member
    Knottie Warrior 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    You don't mention your DH's parents.  Is it possible for them to take the 1 yr old for the weekend?
    image
  • DHs mom and stepdad are not comfortable taking either of the kids. The 1 year old is not comfortable with them either.
  • DHs sister is great with them but she is away that week on vacation :(

     

  • bbeth31 said:

    My brother is getting married in 3 weeks. I am a bridesmaid and my 3 year old is the ring bearer and our invitation was marked "and family". I also have a 1 year old and have mentioned getting him a suit and asking my brother what the child meal options are for the kids, etc. in the recent months. We even had a lengthy discussion about the meals as my older son has a severe peanut allergy so I wanted to know what they would both be eating. The wedding is at a resort 2 hours from our home and it is outside (near the resort pool I believe). We had planned to have a friend come and stay overnight and watch the kids after dinner so that my husband and I can enjoy the reception. 

    We were just informed yesterday that our 1 year old is not invited to the ceremony or dinner but is welcome at the rehearsal dinner, mingling in between ceremony and dinner, and the reception. We were shocked to say the least. I am not sure what to do now. They said it's not personal and that it was a no kids wedding because if they cry it's already interrupted (yet their dog is the flower girl). I get the no kids wedding - we also did the same; however, we did allow children at the ceremony just not the reception (except my other brothers 2 kids who came from Europe and were in the wedding) and we told them all over 8 months in advance! To cart my one year old back and forth between venues and hotel rooms will make him fussy so that by the time the reception comes around he likely will be so fussy that I or my husband will miss a lot of it. Our friend is also shocked and said she will help out however and we can just leave both kids with her if we want. My 1 year old is not great about going to sleep with anyone except myself, my husband or my mom (who will be at the wedding) so I would rather he be with one of us if he is far away.

    I am contemplating between 3 options: just having my 1 year old and husband stay home (my husband is so upset he doesn't want to go now anyway), have all three boys stay home and I would go alone so my 3 year old would not be the ring bearer, or follow their wishes and hope it goes well. My mom was put in the middle as my brother told her most of this instead of me so she is super upset and crying because she wants us to all go and she said he wants my husband and other son there as well just not at the ceremony or dinner. I'm not sure what to do. Thoughts?

    I know it's already past. But your way wasn't any better. Inviting them to the ceremony but not reception was just as bad. From the kids point of view, probably worse. They had to dress up in a fancy, scratchy outfit, sit still (for what would be a very long time to a kid), and they missed the mingling with relatives, food, and dancing.
    KatWAG
  • I am not trying to get advice on my wedding, which has past, nor did I ask. The reason I included that information was to reference that they were told way in advance. I appreciate that you don't agree, but we discussed it with the family members who it affected months prior and didn't let them know 3 weeks before. My wedding was also in the same town as the people who had children, not 2 hours away.
  • MNNEBrideMNNEBride Midwest member
    Knottie Warrior 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    Sounds like the best you can do is what was suggested by Taw, Conn and 6.   They each have kiddos and give good advice.
    image
    bbeth31
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