"Good secrets are called surprises"

lkristenj · June 2014

I probably could post this on the Honeymoon board, but don't want to.

FI and I had discussed several honeymoon options and what we would ideally want (a 2 week cruise to New Zealand or Europe) but with purchasing a house and PTO changes at my work, it became clear that it was just a dream and reality would probably mean a 3 day "mini-moon" (do other people besides FMIL really call them that?) if we got to go on a honeymoon immediately after the wedding at all.

Anyway, we never could seem to come up with any solid ideas for our honeymoon. So, FI decided that if I'm planning all this wedding stuff (with his input) then he should get to have control of the honeymoon. He's a better trip planner than me anyway, so I agreed.

BUT, now he won't tell me anything about our honeymoon! I'll just have to pack a bag and be ready to go. Between the honeymoon and my birthday (I also asked him to skip presents this year so that we could save for the house - he's gotten me something anyway) I told him that he's keeping a lot of secrets. Then he told me that "good secrets are called surprises".

Is it unusual for people to have surprise honeymoons? I'm thankful we're going on one at all. I thought that we might just have to stay home, which is also fine since the important part is to be married. I just want to know where I'm going and what I'll be doing!

KatieinBkln · June 2014

There's surprise, and then there's SURPRISE, you know? It doesn't make any sense for you to have to be ready to get on a plane at any moment. You have to clear vacation time with work, right? A more sensible option would be for him to say, "Ok, honeymoon is these days. Ask off accordingly. You may know nothing else; I will pack for you (with the help of lady friends/family if necessary)."

That could be fun, and take the stress out of wondering when you might have to be whisked off. But if even that is more stressful than fun-sounding to you, tell him so. Not everyone loves surprises; you don't have to.

However, it sounds like you're a little worried that he's spending money the two of you don't have (or that you would rather spend on a house). That's probably a separate conversation the two of you need to have.

afox007 · June 2014

If FI was better at planning things I would love the idea of a surprise honeymoon! Sadly he would probably book a flight and forget to get a hotel.

lkristenj · June 2014

Oh, I guess I should have clarified that yes, he's told me what days I need to be off work (Monday and Tuesday after our Saturday wedding) and he normally helps me pack because I over-pack all the time.

VulgarGirl · June 2014

I'd love a surprise honeymoon. FI would hate it. I'm the type who'd go to an airport by a ticket on the next plane out and take an impromto trip. She's the type who will research each hotel in area, pick a time to go when fun things are happening, and book us on the best flight. Both trips are fun, both have their advantages and disadvantages. We've learned to make my impulsiveness and her research work together.

chibiyui · June 2014

H tried to do this to me once, not for the honeymoon though. He was going to do the "you're not really scheduled for work today, pack your bags we're going on vacation! " variant. Then my manager at work changed and he had to tell me so I could request off.

KnightsNurse · June 2014

I had a friend who's FI/Now H planned their honeymoon under very similar circumstances to yours and she loved it. He was also a very good planner and had the first night be in St. Augustine, where he proposed. She thought this was it and loved it...then he double surprised her the next day with a weekend/3 day cruise. It was so funny with her worrying how to pack (she had no idea if they were going skiiing or to the beach!); he ended up having her pack 2 bags, 1 for cold and 1 for hot and he didn't tell her which one to bring until it was time to go. She had a blast and was so glad she left it a surprise. I also think it makes for a fun story. However, if it is causing you anxiety/added stress or you are worried about the financial aspect, I would definitely address it with your FI to make sure he's not going overboard and skewing your house-buying budget.

lkristenj · June 2014

KatieinBkln - I appreciate your concern and I know it comes from a good place.

These concerns were mostly before we actually closed on the house, when we didn't have a final estimate for closing costs and didn't know exactly how much we needed so we were saving like crazy for several months while under contract. We were planning to buy a house later in the summer and wanted to start looking early. Turned out it was a bit too early and we found a house we loved before we had 100% finished our savings plan. We were never going to have no money, we just didn't know how much cushion we would need. The final cost ended up being nearly $1000 less than I had planned for, so it wasn't a big deal.

He knows how money-crazy I can be. I tend to over stress about money and he tends to under stress about it. We know that about each other and talk frequently about money and financial goals. He's not going to go out and get some $500 birthday present. He'll probably give me something small because he can't stand the idea of not getting me any present at all. I'd probably choose to save the money, but $30 ultimately isn't going to kill us. Our finances will always be a give and take between my saving-nature and his spending-nature.

The honeymoon is already booked and paid for. If we truly could not afford to take one, even a small one, we wouldn't.

KatieinBkln · June 2014

lkristenj said:

KatieinBkln - I appreciate your concern and I know it comes from a good place.
These concerns were mostly before we actually closed on the house, when we didn't have a final estimate for closing costs and didn't know exactly how much we needed so we were saving like crazy for several months while under contract. We were planning to buy a house later in the summer and wanted to start looking early. Turned out it was a bit too early and we found a house we loved before we had 100% finished our savings plan. We were never going to have no money, we just didn't know how much cushion we would need. The final cost ended up being nearly $1000 less than I had planned for, so it wasn't a big deal.
He knows how money-crazy I can be. I tend to over stress about money and he tends to under stress about it. We know that about each other and talk frequently about money and financial goals. He's not going to go out and get some $500 birthday present. He'll probably give me something small because he can't stand the idea of not getting me any present at all. I'd probably choose to save the money, but $30 ultimately isn't going to kill us. Our finances will always be a give and take between my saving-nature and his spending-nature.
The honeymoon is already booked and paid for. If we truly could not afford to take one, even a small one, we wouldn't.

Thanks for understanding my intent--I definitely meant it kindly! I might have been reading between the lines a bit too much. Either way, I'm really glad you've got your house AND your honeymoon! (even if it's a "mini-moon," the hilariousness of which I cannot even get over. Like, how long does a "real" honeymoon have to be? At what point does it become "mini"? SO MANY RULES!)

lkristenj · June 2014

@KatieinBkln - I know right?!? Who comes up with this stuff? I guess it's because it's only a 3-day trip and not a full week? I have no idea. It's still a honeymoon to me, but now she's gotten FI calling it a "mini-moon". She's a funny lady and I love her.

AddieCake · June 2014

I am a planner, so a surprise honeymoon would not make me happy. I would need to know exactly what kinds of things to pack.

climbingsingle · June 2014

I think in theory, it's great. But I too like to pack (and overpack) because I like to be prepared for all the weather and all the circumstances. And while my FI has helped me pack in the past too, he doesn't necessarily know that I'd like to wear a certain hat if we were boating, or a certain outfit for the beach, or certain shoes for horseback riding.

"Good secrets are called surprises"

Re: "Good secrets are called surprises"

Choose Another Board

Search Boards

"Good secrets are called surprises"

Re: &quot;Good secrets are called surprises&quot;

Choose Another Board

Search Boards

Re: "Good secrets are called surprises"