XP - Catholic Weddings

daria24 · June 2014

NYCBruin said:

Just FYI, being Catholic is not a requirement to attend Catholic school as far as I know (although maybe the schools in your area are different). Obviously the education includes Catholic teachings, but it's not a requirement that you or your children be Catholic.

This is true, but in some areas where the Catholic schools are "in demand" it is very difficult to get a non-Catholic child a spot. Where my cousin lives in DE, it's so hard to get into the Catholic elementary schools, she and her husband devoted hundreds of hours of time to volunteering at the Church, because parental involvement is one of the things that the school weighs when deciding who gets a spot.

Now where I went to Catholic school in PA, they couldn't give away the spots. The school barely has enough students to survive. Which in my opinion they deserve for the way they treated us.

jenndeirdre · June 2014

flantastic said:

jenndeirdre said:

I'm not catholic( technically my family is), but FI is. We already talked to the priest if there is anything I need to do to be married and thankfully not, my fi had me worried I'd need to get baptized and other stuff. We do have our prep course in April to go to. My kids were baptized last year, and my son goes to cathetism but I've never been in the church. I always find it awkward at catholic weddings with the blessing yourself and communion(blessing), because I don't do them and would I have to partake in them when we get married?

To the bolded:

If your family's Catholic, were you baptized Catholic? If so, the Catholic Church still considers you Catholic, even if you've "left" or stopped believing.

There are plenty of people who were baptized Catholic who choose not to partake in Communion, either because they stopped believing or because they know they're not in good standing with the Church and are supposed to hold off until they fix it. Typically there are also at least a few non-Catholics at every Catholic wedding and sometimes a lot. So I can see how this would be awkward, but at least you're probably not alone each time in not receiving or blessing yourself?

I wasn't baptized, my fathers side is non practicing catholic, and my moms side are catholic but do not go to church. My moms parents had to be married Protestant since my nanny was pregnant at the time. I am going to go a few more times to the church to get comfortable, my fmil said she'd make it easy on me

CamiSelene · June 2014

NYCBruin said:

lolo883 said:

NYCBruin said:

flantastic said:

Talk to the priest. If it's a known conservative parish, maybe try a priest at a more liberal parish.

My husband and I are both Catholic. We wanted our wedding to be legit in case we have children, but had no desire to do it inside a church or have a full ceremony with the host (ie: have communion) present.

We contacted the first priest in Louisville who came out in support of the GLBT community because we knew he'd be more liberal, and because a close friend of my family knew him personally. We took him out to breakfast and explained that we're happy in our faith, but we'd been living together for three years and weren't going to do all the pre-marital counseling because the gig's up. He laughed and said he didn't really think the counseling makes a difference anyway! He just confirmed that I wasn't pregnant and neither of us had been married previously before proceeding with planning the event. He married us outside at a horse farm. It was a 12 minute ceremony--just remarks, prayer, vows, blessing, and done. I know we couldn't have gotten this from our home parish priest.

Outdoors is okay by some more liberal priests if the host will not be administered.

Point is: pick the right priest. Some are more liberal than others if you don't want the hour-long, stand/kneel/stand/kneel ceremony with the awkward moment for non-Catholics when they don't know whether to go up for communion or not.

Yup...this is a real Catholic priest...marrying us outdoors. Technically Catholic wedding...check! Guests happy it wasn't a full mass...check!

Yeah... this is rogue priest behavior, unless he worked really hard to advocate for you guys to the bishop and got you a dispensation to have it outdoors (Mass or no Mass). The Church will still recognize your marriage, especially if you clearly didn't know that he wasn't supposed to be doing this, but to OP and lurkers, don't count on this as a plan of action for a "technically Catholic wedding." Sorry, @atlastmrsg.

To the bolded: What was the reasoning there? I'm genuinely curious.
Edit: boxes

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Yeah, this priest definitely broke several rules.

As far as the wanting the "legit" marriage for your children's sake, I imagine this has to do with wanting their children to be baptized. For lurkers, you can have your children baptized even if you weren't married in the church (trust me, I'm a Catholic whose parents broke the rules). However, I never really understood this line of thinking, why do you want to raise your children Catholic (and more importantly, how do you plan to do so) if you yourselves don't practice/believe?

Honestly... I've considered having future kids baptised/raised Catholic because of how awesome the Catholic education system is in our area versus the shitty public schools. FI and all of his cousins went through Catholic schools all 12 years (and quite a few of them on to Notre Dame) and had really good experiences. It's tempting.

Just FYI, being Catholic is not a requirement to attend Catholic school as far as I know (although maybe the schools in your area are different). Obviously the education includes Catholic teachings, but it's not a requirement that you or your children be Catholic.

You are correct about this.... at least in my area, that's the case. I don't know how it works in the States, but up here you do not have to be Catholic to attend a Catholic school. However, the education does include Cathlic teachings (however, where I am it also includes First Nations teachings as well). My friend was muslim and went to a Catholic school.

theartistformerlyknownas · June 2014

CamiSelene said:

NYCBruin said:

lolo883 said:

NYCBruin said:

flantastic said:

Talk to the priest. If it's a known conservative parish, maybe try a priest at a more liberal parish.

My husband and I are both Catholic. We wanted our wedding to be legit in case we have children, but had no desire to do it inside a church or have a full ceremony with the host (ie: have communion) present.

We contacted the first priest in Louisville who came out in support of the GLBT community because we knew he'd be more liberal, and because a close friend of my family knew him personally. We took him out to breakfast and explained that we're happy in our faith, but we'd been living together for three years and weren't going to do all the pre-marital counseling because the gig's up. He laughed and said he didn't really think the counseling makes a difference anyway! He just confirmed that I wasn't pregnant and neither of us had been married previously before proceeding with planning the event. He married us outside at a horse farm. It was a 12 minute ceremony--just remarks, prayer, vows, blessing, and done. I know we couldn't have gotten this from our home parish priest.

Outdoors is okay by some more liberal priests if the host will not be administered.

Point is: pick the right priest. Some are more liberal than others if you don't want the hour-long, stand/kneel/stand/kneel ceremony with the awkward moment for non-Catholics when they don't know whether to go up for communion or not.

Yup...this is a real Catholic priest...marrying us outdoors. Technically Catholic wedding...check! Guests happy it wasn't a full mass...check!

Yeah... this is rogue priest behavior, unless he worked really hard to advocate for you guys to the bishop and got you a dispensation to have it outdoors (Mass or no Mass). The Church will still recognize your marriage, especially if you clearly didn't know that he wasn't supposed to be doing this, but to OP and lurkers, don't count on this as a plan of action for a "technically Catholic wedding." Sorry, @atlastmrsg.

To the bolded: What was the reasoning there? I'm genuinely curious.
Edit: boxes

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Yeah, this priest definitely broke several rules.

As far as the wanting the "legit" marriage for your children's sake, I imagine this has to do with wanting their children to be baptized. For lurkers, you can have your children baptized even if you weren't married in the church (trust me, I'm a Catholic whose parents broke the rules). However, I never really understood this line of thinking, why do you want to raise your children Catholic (and more importantly, how do you plan to do so) if you yourselves don't practice/believe?

Honestly... I've considered having future kids baptised/raised Catholic because of how awesome the Catholic education system is in our area versus the shitty public schools. FI and all of his cousins went through Catholic schools all 12 years (and quite a few of them on to Notre Dame) and had really good experiences. It's tempting.

Just FYI, being Catholic is not a requirement to attend Catholic school as far as I know (although maybe the schools in your area are different). Obviously the education includes Catholic teachings, but it's not a requirement that you or your children be Catholic.

You are correct about this.... at least in my area, that's the case. I don't know how it works in the States, but up here you do not have to be Catholic to attend a Catholic school. However, the education does include Cathlic teachings (however, where I am it also includes First Nations teachings as well). My friend was muslim and went to a Catholic school.

FI's little brother's school (he's 9, long story) allows all faiths, but I also know it's really competitive and being active in the Church couldn't hurt admission chances. He also does things like his First Communion through the school... I kinda feel like a kid would feel excluded not participating in those sorts of things, KWIM? I'm not opposed to the idea of Catholicism (I was raised Episcopalian, which is very similar. My parents were both raised Catholic/went to Catholic school but their marriage was each of their second so the Catholic church gave them the boot) and I like the structure and community of the Church. I think that could be good for these hypothetical kids of mine. :-p

I was home-schooled. So I think regardless of religion, the kids won't be going to public school. Ay adult decisions.

NYCBruin · June 2014

lolo883 said:

FI's little brother's school (he's 9, long story) allows all faiths, but I also know it's really competitive and being active in the Church couldn't hurt admission chances. He also does things like his First Communion through the school... I kinda feel like a kid would feel excluded not participating in those sorts of things, KWIM? I'm not opposed to the idea of Catholicism (I was raised Episcopalian, which is very similar. My parents were both raised Catholic/went to Catholic school but their marriage was each of their second so the Catholic church gave them the boot) and I like the structure and community of the Church. I think that could be good for these hypothetical kids of mine. :-p

I was home-schooled. So I think regardless of religion, the kids won't be going to public school. Ay adult decisions.

If you don't mind me asking, I don't think I'm following this...why wouldn't you send your children to public school?

Inkdancer · June 2014

NYCBruin said:

lolo883 said:

FI's little brother's school (he's 9, long story) allows all faiths, but I also know it's really competitive and being active in the Church couldn't hurt admission chances. He also does things like his First Communion through the school... I kinda feel like a kid would feel excluded not participating in those sorts of things, KWIM? I'm not opposed to the idea of Catholicism (I was raised Episcopalian, which is very similar. My parents were both raised Catholic/went to Catholic school but their marriage was each of their second so the Catholic church gave them the boot) and I like the structure and community of the Church. I think that could be good for these hypothetical kids of mine. :-p

I was home-schooled. So I think regardless of religion, the kids won't be going to public school. Ay adult decisions.

If you don't mind me asking, I don't think I'm following this...why wouldn't you send your children to public school?

I don't know OP's area, but in my area I would go in this order: 1. magnet schools/ charter schools 2. religious schools/ private schools 3. public schools. The public schools around here are huge, have lots of gang activity, and generally provide a very poor education for students who aren't extremely self-motivated. I would do almost anything to keep my kids out of the public schools.

atlastmrsg · June 2014

NYCBruin said:

flantastic said:

Talk to the priest. If it's a known conservative parish, maybe try a priest at a more liberal parish.

My husband and I are both Catholic. We wanted our wedding to be legit in case we have children, but had no desire to do it inside a church or have a full ceremony with the host (ie: have communion) present.

We contacted the first priest in Louisville who came out in support of the GLBT community because we knew he'd be more liberal, and because a close friend of my family knew him personally. We took him out to breakfast and explained that we're happy in our faith, but we'd been living together for three years and weren't going to do all the pre-marital counseling because the gig's up. He laughed and said he didn't really think the counseling makes a difference anyway! He just confirmed that I wasn't pregnant and neither of us had been married previously before proceeding with planning the event. He married us outside at a horse farm. It was a 12 minute ceremony--just remarks, prayer, vows, blessing, and done. I know we couldn't have gotten this from our home parish priest.

Outdoors is okay by some more liberal priests if the host will not be administered.

Point is: pick the right priest. Some are more liberal than others if you don't want the hour-long, stand/kneel/stand/kneel ceremony with the awkward moment for non-Catholics when they don't know whether to go up for communion or not.

Yup...this is a real Catholic priest...marrying us outdoors. Technically Catholic wedding...check! Guests happy it wasn't a full mass...check!

Yeah... this is rogue priest behavior, unless he worked really hard to advocate for you guys to the bishop and got you a dispensation to have it outdoors (Mass or no Mass). The Church will still recognize your marriage, especially if you clearly didn't know that he wasn't supposed to be doing this, but to OP and lurkers, don't count on this as a plan of action for a "technically Catholic wedding." Sorry, @atlastmrsg.

To the bolded: What was the reasoning there? I'm genuinely curious.
Edit: boxes

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Yeah, this priest definitely broke several rules.

As far as the wanting the "legit" marriage for your children's sake, I imagine this has to do with wanting their children to be baptized. For lurkers, you can have your children baptized even if you weren't married in the church (trust me, I'm a Catholic whose parents broke the rules). However, I never really understood this line of thinking, why do you want to raise your children Catholic (and more importantly, how do you plan to do so) if you yourselves don't practice/believe?

I truly believe that whether you get married indoors at a church, or outdoors where you feel happy in the beauty of nature, has nothing to do with the faith your practice day in and day out. There are plenty of people who sit under a church's roof every week but who don't live faithfully or treat others well.

theartistformerlyknownas · June 2014

@NYCBruin we've just had a lot of history of better educational experiences outside of public schools than what's available within them in my area. None of the 10 of us (me and my siblings, FI and his siblings) graduated from public schools, and history tends to repeat itself. Public schools don't have any appeal to us since we didn't go there (past 5th grade for me, anyway), and my family did have some negative experiences while we were enrolled there. So we'll still be exploring alternative educational options for our kids, regardless of whether we choose to raise them Catholic. That might just be a tipping point in one direction depending on the state of the schools in the area we end up living when that time comes.

NYCBruin · June 2014

atlastmrsg said:

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Yeah, this priest definitely broke several rules.

As far as the wanting the "legit" marriage for your children's sake, I imagine this has to do with wanting their children to be baptized. For lurkers, you can have your children baptized even if you weren't married in the church (trust me, I'm a Catholic whose parents broke the rules). However, I never really understood this line of thinking, why do you want to raise your children Catholic (and more importantly, how do you plan to do so) if you yourselves don't practice/believe?

I truly believe that whether you get married indoors at a church, or outdoors where you feel happy in the beauty of nature, has nothing to do with the faith your practice day in and day out. There are plenty of people who sit under a church's roof every week but who don't live faithfully or treat others well.

That may be true in many religions, but that's not really the case for Catholics who are supposed to follow canon law. If you don't get married in the correct way (in accordance with canon law), it's a huge deal and you shouldn't receive communion until you confess, repent and either live as though you are not married or have a convalidation.

I completely understand (and agree) that there are lots of people who follow certain "rules" of religions but completely miss the larger lessons of the religion. There are also plenty of people who are able to do both. Do I think its better for someone to be a good, caring and kind person who cares for the poor, sick or otherwise disadvantaged but doesn't attend church than be someone who attends church every week but be mean and greedy and cruel? Yes, but the first person who breaks church rules (by not attending church) is, by definition, not a practicing Catholic.

My question was more targeted at specifically raising children Catholic. If you don't practice/believe in the Catholic church's teachings, then why wouldn't you raise your children more in accordance with your beliefs (either in a different church that is more aligned with your beliefs or no church)?

NYCBruin · June 2014

lolo883 said:

@NYCBruin we've just had a lot of history of better educational experiences outside of public schools than what's available within them in my area. None of the 10 of us (me and my siblings, FI and his siblings) graduated from public schools, and history tends to repeat itself. Public schools don't have any appeal to us since we didn't go there (past 5th grade for me, anyway), and my family did have some negative experiences while we were enrolled there. So we'll still be exploring alternative educational options for our kids, regardless of whether we choose to raise them Catholic. That might just be a tipping point in one direction depending on the state of the schools in the area we end up living when that time comes.

That makes sense, I think I was just a bit confused by your initial comment, which I read as "I was homeschooled, so therefore no public school" which seemed odd since you seem open to Catholic school. Thanks for explaining!

theartistformerlyknownas · June 2014

NYCBruin said:

lolo883 said:

@NYCBruin we've just had a lot of history of better educational experiences outside of public schools than what's available within them in my area. None of the 10 of us (me and my siblings, FI and his siblings) graduated from public schools, and history tends to repeat itself. Public schools don't have any appeal to us since we didn't go there (past 5th grade for me, anyway), and my family did have some negative experiences while we were enrolled there. So we'll still be exploring alternative educational options for our kids, regardless of whether we choose to raise them Catholic. That might just be a tipping point in one direction depending on the state of the schools in the area we end up living when that time comes.

That makes sense, I think I was just a bit confused by your initial comment, which I read as "I was homeschooled, so therefore no public school" which seemed odd since you seem open to Catholic school. Thanks for explaining!

Heh sorry, Knotting on the fly sometimes means posts that don't make sense.

CMGragain · June 2014

jenndeirdre said:

I'm not catholic( technically my family is), but FI is. We already talked to the priest if there is anything I need to do to be married and thankfully not, my fi had me worried I'd need to get baptized and other stuff. We do have our prep course in April to go to. My kids were baptized last year, and my son goes to cathetism but I've never been in the church. I always find it awkward at catholic weddings with the blessing yourself and communion(blessing), because I don't do them and would I have to partake in them when we get married?

You are welcome to attend a Catholic mass or wedding, but unless you decide to convert to Catholocism, you are forbidden to go forward to accept the communion. This is for Catholics in good standing ONLY. You are always welcome to join in prayers and singing - or not, as you wish.

mysticl · June 2014

CMGragain said:

jenndeirdre said:

I'm not catholic( technically my family is), but FI is. We already talked to the priest if there is anything I need to do to be married and thankfully not, my fi had me worried I'd need to get baptized and other stuff. We do have our prep course in April to go to. My kids were baptized last year, and my son goes to cathetism but I've never been in the church. I always find it awkward at catholic weddings with the blessing yourself and communion(blessing), because I don't do them and would I have to partake in them when we get married?

You are welcome to attend a Catholic mass or wedding, but unless you decide to convert to Catholocism, you are forbidden to go forward to accept the communion. This is for Catholics in good standing ONLY. You are always welcome to join in prayers and singing - or not, as you wish.

However, some priests will invite everyone up and ask that those who are not receiving communion cross their arms over their chest and they will be giving a blessing instead.

theartistformerlyknownas · June 2014

Some priests will also allow all Christians who've received their first communion to partake, regardless of denomination.

aspoonfulofsugar · June 2014

CamiSelene said:

NYCBruin said:

lolo883 said:

NYCBruin said:

flantastic said:

Talk to the priest. If it's a known conservative parish, maybe try a priest at a more liberal parish.

My husband and I are both Catholic. We wanted our wedding to be legit in case we have children, but had no desire to do it inside a church or have a full ceremony with the host (ie: have communion) present.

We contacted the first priest in Louisville who came out in support of the GLBT community because we knew he'd be more liberal, and because a close friend of my family knew him personally. We took him out to breakfast and explained that we're happy in our faith, but we'd been living together for three years and weren't going to do all the pre-marital counseling because the gig's up. He laughed and said he didn't really think the counseling makes a difference anyway! He just confirmed that I wasn't pregnant and neither of us had been married previously before proceeding with planning the event. He married us outside at a horse farm. It was a 12 minute ceremony--just remarks, prayer, vows, blessing, and done. I know we couldn't have gotten this from our home parish priest.

Outdoors is okay by some more liberal priests if the host will not be administered.

Point is: pick the right priest. Some are more liberal than others if you don't want the hour-long, stand/kneel/stand/kneel ceremony with the awkward moment for non-Catholics when they don't know whether to go up for communion or not.

Yup...this is a real Catholic priest...marrying us outdoors. Technically Catholic wedding...check! Guests happy it wasn't a full mass...check!

Yeah... this is rogue priest behavior, unless he worked really hard to advocate for you guys to the bishop and got you a dispensation to have it outdoors (Mass or no Mass). The Church will still recognize your marriage, especially if you clearly didn't know that he wasn't supposed to be doing this, but to OP and lurkers, don't count on this as a plan of action for a "technically Catholic wedding." Sorry, @atlastmrsg.

To the bolded: What was the reasoning there? I'm genuinely curious.
Edit: boxes

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Yeah, this priest definitely broke several rules.

As far as the wanting the "legit" marriage for your children's sake, I imagine this has to do with wanting their children to be baptized. For lurkers, you can have your children baptized even if you weren't married in the church (trust me, I'm a Catholic whose parents broke the rules). However, I never really understood this line of thinking, why do you want to raise your children Catholic (and more importantly, how do you plan to do so) if you yourselves don't practice/believe?

Honestly... I've considered having future kids baptised/raised Catholic because of how awesome the Catholic education system is in our area versus the shitty public schools. FI and all of his cousins went through Catholic schools all 12 years (and quite a few of them on to Notre Dame) and had really good experiences. It's tempting.

Just FYI, being Catholic is not a requirement to attend Catholic school as far as I know (although maybe the schools in your area are different). Obviously the education includes Catholic teachings, but it's not a requirement that you or your children be Catholic.

You are correct about this.... at least in my area, that's the case. I don't know how it works in the States, but up here you do not have to be Catholic to attend a Catholic school. However, the education does include Cathlic teachings (however, where I am it also includes First Nations teachings as well). My friend was muslim and went to a Catholic school.

Where I teach, we have quite a few children who are not Catholic at all. They pay a higher tuition (same for any child who is coming from "out of parish"), and then also do not participate in the sacraments, but still learn the Catholic teachings.

Unfortunately, and very sadly, where I live and work, Catholic schools are consolidating and closing down. It makes me worry greatly if there will be anything left for my kids.

banana468 · June 2014

lolo883 said:
Some priests will also allow all Christians who've received their first communion to partake, regardless of denomination.

If they do this it's actually a reportable offense. The Eucharist is only to be received by Catholics who have made their first Communion who are practicing and in good standing.

monkeysip · June 2014

banana468 said:

Some priests will also allow all Christians who've received their first communion to partake, regardless of denomination.
If they do this it's actually a reportable offense. The Eucharist is only to be received by Catholics who have made their first Communion who are practicing and in good standing.

Right, I've only heard of this being done at very isolated ecumenical events, approved by the bishop.

theartistformerlyknownas · June 2014

banana468 said:

Some priests will also allow all Christians who've received their first communion to partake, regardless of denomination.
If they do this it's actually a reportable offense. The Eucharist is only to be received by Catholics who have made their first Communion who are practicing and in good standing.

Right, I've only heard of this being done at very isolated ecumenical events, approved by the bishop.

Hm. I've received Communion at multiple Catholic weddings and funerals, as an Episcopalian. I was invited to.

banana468 · June 2014

flantastic said:

lolo883 said:

monkeysip said:

banana468 said:

lolo883 said:
Some priests will also allow all Christians who've received their first communion to partake, regardless of denomination.
If they do this it's actually a reportable offense. The Eucharist is only to be received by Catholics who have made their first Communion who are practicing and in good standing.

Right, I've only heard of this being done at very isolated ecumenical events, approved by the bishop.
Hm. I've received Communion at multiple Catholic weddings and funerals, as an Episcopalian. I was invited to.

Weird. I can see the possible rationale, which is that as long as you believe that the Eucharist is the body of Christ (transubstantiation or no) then you could receive, and that's probably where the isolated ecumenical approvals come in. However, yeah, that's not usually supposed to happen. The Catholic Church tries to keep it to the people who they know should hold it in the same esteem - generally Catholics and the Orthodox.

This. I've attended one funeral where the priest welcomed all to take Communion but he also knew it wasn't an approved practice.

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