Community› Wedding Discussion Boards› Wedding Etiquette Forum
Wedding Etiquette Forum
New Discussion

Wedding Guest Issues Concerning Children

13

Re: Wedding Guest Issues Concerning Children

  • soontobemrshamiltonsoontobemrshamilton member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    OP wasn't just saying she doesn't want kids at her wedding. She said, and I quote "I am extremely anti-children" I just find that unnerving, personally. She is picking out a certain group of human beings and saying she is anti them. What if she were to say....."I'm extremely, anti Hispanics? I don't think that would go over to well.
    Report Reply
  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    soontobemrshamilton said:
    OP wasn't just saying she doesn't want kids at her wedding. She said, and I quote "I am extremely anti-children" I just find that unnerving, personally. She is picking out a certain group of human beings and saying she is anti them. What if she were to say....."I'm extremely, anti Hispanics? I don't think that would go over to well.
    I think being extremely anti-someone doesn't mean anything unless you actually mean them harm.  If all it means is that she'd rather not have them at her wedding, that's her prerogative.  Children are not universally likeable any more than any other group is.
    Report Reply
  • soontobemrshamiltonsoontobemrshamilton member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    I think everyone is reading way to much into it. But when someone is going to use "anti" whatever it's going to stir the pot!

    Report Reply
  • Simply FatedSimply Fated member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    soontobemrshamilton said:

    I think everyone is reading way to much into it. But when someone is going to use "anti" whatever it's going to stir the pot!


    I think you're making a bit of a stretch, but either way, it's still an opinion she's allowed to have, whether or not you agree with it. I think people who are anti-gay are disgusting human beings, but they're allowed to be anti-gay just like I'm allowed to be anti-diagusting people.
    image
    Report Reply
  • soontobemrshamiltonsoontobemrshamilton member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    so it's ok to be anti children, but not anti-gay? What's the difference? Not trying to be snarky, I would just really like to to know!

    Report Reply
  • Simply FatedSimply Fated member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    soontobemrshamilton said:

    so it's ok to be anti children, but not anti-gay? What's the difference? Not trying to be snarky, I would just really like to to know!


    I didn't say one or the other is right or wrong. They're just opinions, that was my point.

    image
    Report Reply
  • soontobemrshamiltonsoontobemrshamilton member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Well the point is, people don't take well to people who are anti any thing. It sounds harsh and it is harsh! I think people freak out over any kind of anti, not just kids.

    Report Reply
  • ZhabeegoZhabeego member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    The Groom bungled in the face of rude, entitled guests. When someone tells you your kids aren't invited and you run into babysitting difficulties, the response is that you decline the invitation - not announce that you"have to" bring your kids. Groom needs to call these idiots back and tell them, nicely, to either find a sitter or stay home.
    Report Reply
  • offensivekitten2offensivekitten2 member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    This really doesn't need to be a huge issue. The bride or groom can call the guests all excited about them coming, and reassure them that she is hiring childcare. If they aren't ok with that, they decline to go and assume a miscommunication happened with the groom.

    If they flip out, they're kind of classes and lack social capacity.



    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers

    image
    Report Reply
  • ViczaesarViczaesar member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    offensivekitten2 said:
    This really doesn't need to be a huge issue. The bride or groom can call the guests all excited about them coming, and reassure them that she is hiring childcare. If they aren't ok with that, they decline to go and assume a miscommunication happened with the groom. If they flip out, they're kind of classes and lack social capacity.
    I disagree that this wouldn't be rude, and I also don't think it actually solves the main problem - that the FI would rather have the children there than his friend not there.  He shouldn't have spoken without talking to his FI, but his desire for his friend to be there is just as important as her desire for children not to be there.



    Report Reply
  • perdonamiperdonami member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    QueerFemme said:
    I generally don't like kids. yes, they can be cute, and fun, and funny. I have siblings with kids and I love those kids, but, my ability to tolerate them is limited to short amounts of time. And I don't wnat them in a big group. Groups of kids are loud and screamy. Not even when they are being bad. Kids are just loud. I don't like that. Therefore, I am likely seen as "anti-children". I am fine if other people want to procreate, and have their home turn into slimey, diaper smelling, crayon the walls, toy boxes. But, it's not my cup of tea.

    STIB
    Your post literally had me laughing out loud to the point my co-workers stopped to stare. Made me work day a little better. 
    Report Reply
  • indianaalumindianaalum member
    5 Love Its First Comment First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited June 2014
    Zhabeego said:
    The Groom bungled in the face of rude, entitled guests. When someone tells you your kids aren't invited and you run into babysitting difficulties, the response is that you decline the invitation - not announce that you"have to" bring your kids. Groom needs to call these idiots back and tell them, nicely, to either find a sitter or stay home.
    Just playing devil's advocate. What if the intended guests is a close friend and just RSVP'ed NO without explanation. You would probably want to know why?  Most people might even feel hurt if they were close enough and then suddenly declined without any explanation. 

    Perhaps the guest wanted to explain so it didn't look like a heartless "I just don't care to come to your wedding" reason and wasn't actually fishing to bring them. CLEARLY, the fiance felt it was important enough to have the friend there so he offered. It doesn't necessarily mean the guest was trying to invite his own kids. 

    Most people try to "explain" their absence from an event if they are close enough to a bride/groom. If my best friend checked "Decline" without an explanation, I admit I would have probably cried.

    Sometimes we need to give people the benefit of the doubt. Not everyone is trying to be rude.



    Report Reply
  • OwningAHome1981OwningAHome1981 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    RebeccaFlower said:
    huskypuppy14 said:
    If I were your FI, I would be pretty pissed if my future spouse thought not having any children at the wedding trumped me having one of my good friends there. You're entitled to your opinion, but it sounds like your FI really wants his friends at his wedding, and he already invited them.  I think this is something you just have to let go.
    I'm totally with this. I think you're out of line. Plus, he already invited them so you will look like a total bitch if you make an issue of it. I don't understand how a couple kids can cause you to be so hostile. 


    I feel the same as the OP. I don't like children at all and I didn't want them at our wedding and I hate going to weddings where there are children. She isn't out of line at all. Some people really just don't like children.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    Report Reply
  • cambryncambryn member
    First Comment Name Dropper First Anniversary 5 Love Its
    I think that your Fi was out of line to say 'absolutely! come with the kids' without consulting you.

    I think you're overly concerned about the kids being there. 

    At this point, it is a sticky situation. To go back now on having the children allowed to come could come across as highly rude.

    Perhaps a compromise is to have your Fi call the friend with childcare all but arranged saying something along the lines of 'this is so all the adults, including you,  can really relax, and the kids can too. This would not be fun for them. They can sit and watch frozen and eat icecream with [babysitter] and you can have some drinks and adult conversation. :) ' 


    Report Reply
  • mysticlmysticl member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    lolo883 said:
    cambryn said:
    I think that your Fi was out of line to say 'absolutely! come with the kids' without consulting you.

    I think you're overly concerned about the kids being there. 

    At this point, it is a sticky situation. To go back now on having the children allowed to come could come across as highly rude.

    Perhaps a compromise is to have your Fi call the friend with childcare all but arranged saying something along the lines of 'this is so all the adults, including you,  can really relax, and the kids can too. This would not be fun for them. They can sit and watch frozen and eat icecream with [babysitter] and you can have some drinks and adult conversation. :) ' 


    People really need to stop assuming they can read minds about how either adults or children will enjoy a wedding in one another's company. 

    OP, I hope you've had a conversation with your FI by now to come to a mutual understanding about your plans and intentions for the wedding and its guests. I hope you've come to accept that this means A LOT to him and you cannot rescind the invitation he has extended to those kids because it would be very rude.

    I think the most you can do is call them up and say "hey, I realize you're in a pinch with the kids and we're so excited you can make it to the wedding! But the reception isn't catering to kids at all; yours will actually be the only ones there, and we don't have kid-appropriate meal or entertainment. Would you be interested in (insert pre-vetted babysitter) staying with the kids in your hotel room, my treat?" But if they say "nope, we'll just bring them" you HAVE to just let this go. It's not the end of the world. You don't have to like their presence, and if they cause a major scene you can have your DOS kindly ask the friends to remove the kids (same as you would with a drunk or violent person - a scene is a scene). Make sure you're on the same page with your FI so it doesn't happen again, but then just let it go. 
    That statement only works if they are only serving booze for dinner and having strippers.  Because any meal is kid appropriate. I took my 9-month-old to a wedding and he ate the same food I ate. There is also nothing not kid appropriate about dancing and listening to music unless all the music is full of profanity and blatant sexual/violent language and people are grinding all over each other and taking their clothes off.  The parents could agree to the babysitter wanting to protect their child and then get to the reception and feel tricked when they realize there was nothing to protect them from.  I'd just stick with "we have the option of a sitter if you think they would be uncomfortable/bored being the only kids at the reception".  
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    Report Reply
  • offensivekitten2offensivekitten2 member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    Yeah.... I'm not a huge fan of children, but I understand that's not a majority opinion, and know that 99.9% of the adult population don't considering thier day ruined if they come within a mile radius of a small kid. I let people bring kids to my wedding, and people had a blast (free booze is pretty much an auto success with parties).



    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers

    image
    Report Reply
  • theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    mysticl said:


    lolo883 said:


    cambryn said:

    I think that your Fi was out of line to say 'absolutely! come with the kids' without consulting you.

    I think you're overly concerned about the kids being there. 

    At this point, it is a sticky situation. To go back now on having the children allowed to come could come across as highly rude.

    Perhaps a compromise is to have your Fi call the friend with childcare all but arranged saying something along the lines of 'this is so all the adults, including you,  can really relax, and the kids can too. This would not be fun for them. They can sit and watch frozen and eat icecream with [babysitter] and you can have some drinks and adult conversation. :) ' 



    People really need to stop assuming they can read minds about how either adults or children will enjoy a wedding in one another's company. 

    OP, I hope you've had a conversation with your FI by now to come to a mutual understanding about your plans and intentions for the wedding and its guests. I hope you've come to accept that this means A LOT to him and you cannot rescind the invitation he has extended to those kids because it would be very rude.

    I think the most you can do is call them up and say "hey, I realize you're in a pinch with the kids and we're so excited you can make it to the wedding! But the reception isn't catering to kids at all; yours will actually be the only ones there, and we don't have kid-appropriate meal or entertainment. Would you be interested in (insert pre-vetted babysitter) staying with the kids in your hotel room, my treat?" But if they say "nope, we'll just bring them" you HAVE to just let this go. It's not the end of the world. You don't have to like their presence, and if they cause a major scene you can have your DOS kindly ask the friends to remove the kids (same as you would with a drunk or violent person - a scene is a scene). Make sure you're on the same page with your FI so it doesn't happen again, but then just let it go. 

    That statement only works if they are only serving booze for dinner and having strippers.  Because any meal is kid appropriate. I took my 9-month-old to a wedding and he ate the same food I ate. There is also nothing not kid appropriate about dancing and listening to music unless all the music is full of profanity and blatant sexual/violent language and people are grinding all over each other and taking their clothes off.  The parents could agree to the babysitter wanting to protect their child and then get to the reception and feel tricked when they realize there was nothing to protect them from.  I'd just stick with "we have the option of a sitter if you think they would be uncomfortable/bored being the only kids at the reception".  

    Does that mean I shouldn't have strippers at my wedding? Shit.

    But yeah, you're right.
    image
    image
    Report Reply
  • theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    Re-reading last night's statement now without wine - yeah, missing some words. Meant not *specifically* catering to the kids like some weddings do, rather than kids not being able to enjoy normal food or music (because duh). "There won't be special accommodations made for them; would they have more fun at the hotel with this sitter?" But man, that was some good wine.
    image
    image
    Report Reply
  • ViczaesarViczaesar member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    lolo883 said:
    Re-reading last night's statement now without wine - yeah, missing some words. Meant not *specifically* catering to the kids like some weddings do, rather than kids not being able to enjoy normal food or music (because duh). "There won't be special accommodations made for them; would they have more fun at the hotel with this sitter?" But man, that was some good wine.
    Red or white?



    Report Reply
  • theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    Viczaesar said:


    lolo883 said:

    Re-reading last night's statement now without wine - yeah, missing some words. Meant not *specifically* catering to the kids like some weddings do, rather than kids not being able to enjoy normal food or music (because duh). "There won't be special accommodations made for them; would they have more fun at the hotel with this sitter?" But man, that was some good wine.

    Red or white?


    Red, garnacha. I've been practicing for my honeymoon by drinking Spanish wine! Although today's selection is a moscato with peach.
    image
    image
    Report Reply
  • ViczaesarViczaesar member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    lolo883 said:
    lolo883 said:
    Re-reading last night's statement now without wine - yeah, missing some words. Meant not *specifically* catering to the kids like some weddings do, rather than kids not being able to enjoy normal food or music (because duh). "There won't be special accommodations made for them; would they have more fun at the hotel with this sitter?" But man, that was some good wine.
    Red or white?
    Red, garnacha. I've been practicing for my honeymoon by drinking Spanish wine! Although today's selection is a moscato with peach.
    I like the way you drink!



    Report Reply
  • Jells2dot0Jells2dot0 mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Confession: After this hot mess of a post, I kinda want to hear from the OP again! 

     







    Report Reply
  • LadyBelle11LadyBelle11 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    Do you have a younger cousin or such who you can enlist for babysitting help? I am a former nanny, so when this issue came about for our own wedding, I got in touch with the girl who I handed over a former family to see if she was available. She is going to take care of all the kids (there are 15) at the hotel. Maybe something like this could be a possibility.
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards