Question about reception etiquette!!!

nuncatierra · June 2014

I hate how everyone spends their entire reception having to make a conversation with every single guest. Brides and grooms don't hardly get to eat or dance at their own wedding! I know most people feel that is a necessary evil of weddings but I feel like there MUST be some polite way to announce that you would like to enjoy dancing and eating at your reception. Or even some sort of compromise. Because why should I even bother picking out music and songs and food if I won't even get to enjoy any of it?! Its not that i dont want to thank everyone for coming and for spending time and money on us! I am thankful! But cant we just say congrats and move on?! Anybody have a good way to try to enjoy the thousands of dollars being spent on your wedding?

lilacck28 · June 2014

1. Do a quick "thank you" toast at the beginning of the reception

2. Do a receiving line or table visits. They can be quick.

Those are pretty much the only steps I'm aware of in order to not be rude. If you're having a traditional 5 hour reception, you should be able to have some time to eat and enjoy yourself if that is your goal. But I would imagine talking to your guests is part of enjoying yourself.

ETA: Realized after the fact that I may not have been clear: I meant that you should do both step 1 AND step 2.

thisismynickname2 · June 2014

Well.... Actually this is a big reason why I wanted a smaller wedding. Greeting 150-200 guests sounds too overwhelming. Our wedding will be just close family and friends, not everyone we've ever been acquainted with like some weddings I've been to.
Aside from limiting your guest count I don't have any other advice. You sound quite stressed. Breathe!

AddieCake · June 2014

One way to be sure you get to eat and have some time together is to have a sweetheart table.

CMGragain · June 2014

Sorry, but the reception isn't for you. It is for your guests. You need to be the gracious bride and focus on your guests. You will have the rest of your lives to focus on each other.
The receiving line would be a good idea to help you meet your greeting obligations quickly.

mysticl · June 2014

I ate my dinner and spent most of the reception on the dance floor. We did a receiving line at the church and then just randomly talked to people throughout the afternoon.

The bride and groom are usually served first or go through the buffet line first. This way you get to eat while everyone is focused on getting and eating their own food.

ETA: join the various groups while you're on the dance floor too. One song with this group, another with the next group, etc.

Viczaesar · June 2014

nuncatierra said:

I hate how everyone spends their entire reception having to make a conversation with every single guest. Brides and grooms don't hardly get to eat or dance at their own wedding! I know most people feel that is a necessary evil of weddings but I feel like there MUST be some polite way to announce that you would like to enjoy dancing and eating at your reception. Or even some sort of compromise. Because why should I even bother picking out music and songs and food if I won't even get to enjoy any of it?! Its not that i dont want to thank everyone for coming and for spending time and money on us! I am thankful! But cant we just say congrats and move on?! Anybody have a good way to try to enjoy the thousands of dollars being spent on your wedding?

Why would you say congrats to your guests?

Simply Fated · June 2014

AddieCake said:
One way to be sure you get to eat and have some time together is to have a sweetheart table.

I'm not really sure why. I've seen dozens and dozens of sweetheart tables and that has rarely been the case. Some guests have no problem going right up to the couple while they're eating and start chatting to the couple.

One venue my friend was considering offered to whisk the couple away after the ceremony to a private room so they can have a moment to catch their breath. They would be served food and drinks while the guests were shown into the cocktail hour.

OP, I understand what you're saying. It can be very overwhelming with all those people and everything happening. The thing is, they ARE your guests. Mingling, conversation, and all that will be expected of you. You'll have to proactively make sure you take time to talk to all your guests, but still find time to hit the dance floor. If you seek guests out, then it'll be on your terms, on your time. Less chance of them finding you when you're preoccupied.

missnc77 · June 2014

CMGragain said:

Sorry, but the reception isn't for you. It is for your guests. You need to be the gracious bride and focus on your guests. You will have the rest of your lives to focus on each other.

Good lord. I want to blow the cobwebs off of every post you make. Yes, it's to say thank you, but it doesn't mean the bride and groom/hosts shouldn't be able to also enjoy themselves. They should be able to eat and dance while still being thankful and paying attention to their guests.

JaxInBlue · June 2014

We had a post-ceremony receiving line to greet each guest and thank them for attending the ceremony. To us, this meant we could actually sit at our sweetheart table and eat dinner. We loved our food, why wouldn't we want to enjoy our meals?

After we finished eating, and again after we cut our cake, we did table visits (about half each time) to again say hello and thank you to guests. In addition, when we were on the dance floor, we circulated among our guests and danced with different groups of people.

As we noticed guests gathering their things to leave, we also made sure to break away from what we were doing to say goodbye.

We ate. We dance. And we still spent plenty of time talking with guests.

luckysnorkel · June 2014

Simply Fated said:

One way to be sure you get to eat and have some time together is to have a sweetheart table.
I'm not really sure why. I've seen dozens and dozens of sweetheart tables and that has rarely been the case. Some guests have no problem going right up to the couple while they're eating and start chatting to the couple. One venue my friend was considering offered to whisk the couple away after the ceremony to a private room so they can have a moment to catch their breath. They would be served food and drinks while the guests were shown into the cocktail hour. OP, I understand what you're saying. It can be very overwhelming with all those people and everything happening. The thing is, they ARE your guests. Mingling, conversation, and all that will be expected of you. You'll have to proactively make sure you take time to talk to all your guests, but still find time to hit the dance floor. If you seek guests out, then it'll be on your terms, on your time. Less chance of them finding you when you're preoccupied.

The bolded is what FI and I are planning on doing -- heading to a private room right after the ceremony to have some alone time and eat dinner together. That way, we can do table visits while the guests are eating dinner, and we'll be free to mingle and dance as we see fit for the rest of the night.

mysticl · June 2014

scribe95 said:

luckysnorkel said:

Simply Fated said:

One way to be sure you get to eat and have some time together is to have a sweetheart table.
I'm not really sure why. I've seen dozens and dozens of sweetheart tables and that has rarely been the case. Some guests have no problem going right up to the couple while they're eating and start chatting to the couple. One venue my friend was considering offered to whisk the couple away after the ceremony to a private room so they can have a moment to catch their breath. They would be served food and drinks while the guests were shown into the cocktail hour. OP, I understand what you're saying. It can be very overwhelming with all those people and everything happening. The thing is, they ARE your guests. Mingling, conversation, and all that will be expected of you. You'll have to proactively make sure you take time to talk to all your guests, but still find time to hit the dance floor. If you seek guests out, then it'll be on your terms, on your time. Less chance of them finding you when you're preoccupied.

The bolded is what FI and I are planning on doing -- heading to a private room right after the ceremony to have some alone time and eat dinner together. That way, we can do table visits while the guests are eating dinner, and we'll be free to mingle and dance as we see fit for the rest of the night.

You aren't eating in the same room as your guests?

Stuck in the box:

We had a venue that offered this too (didn't use them). You do eat dinner with the guests. You just spend cocktail hour apart from the guests but food and drinks are brought to you so you don't miss out on that stuff. You aren't missed because you aren't expected at cocktail hour anyhow. When DH and I showed up halfway through ours and wanted announced the DJ was shocked because cocktail hour wasn't over. I guess he thought we'd just hang out in the lobby or something.

ETA: I missed the part about the follow up post couple having their full dinner in another room. I find that kind of odd and would think it was weird as a guest.

iloveotters2014 · June 2014

We actually did pretty good with our table visits and were able to really enjoy our reception.

Basically we ate quickly and split up to divide and conquer. It made things go much faster. I also made sure to tell every guest when I was finished "I'll see you on the dance floor!" My H and I made it a point to be on the dance floor basically all night. A ton of people came up to us and danced and chatted.

it was a good time

emmyg65 · June 2014

Don't you want to socialize with your family and friends? Isn't that the whole point of inviting them?

We went through the buffet first and ate quickly while everyone else got food. Then we went around to the tables, speaking with our guests. We also danced with lots of different people. Yeah, it was a whirlwind to try to socialize with everyone, and I missed the chance to dance to a few songs I was excited about. But it was the only time in my life I'll ever have that many people I love dearly in one place. I wanted to see them! My husband and I had our whole honeymoon to make googly eyes at each other, to say nothing of the rest of our lives together.

tcnoble · June 2014

As long as I get to eat cake, I'll be happy to spend the night socializing with guests who took the time to come celebrate with us. If you don't want that part, don't have guests.

AddieCake · June 2014

Simply Fated said:

One way to be sure you get to eat and have some time together is to have a sweetheart table.
I'm not really sure why. I've seen dozens and dozens of sweetheart tables and that has rarely been the case. Some guests have no problem going right up to the couple while they're eating and start chatting to the couple.

We spent a good 20 minutes completely uninterrupted for our meal at ours.

Simply Fated · June 2014

scribe95 said:

luckysnorkel said:

Simply Fated said:

AddieCake said:
One way to be sure you get to eat and have some time together is to have a sweetheart table.
I'm not really sure why. I've seen dozens and dozens of sweetheart tables and that has rarely been the case. Some guests have no problem going right up to the couple while they're eating and start chatting to the couple.

One venue my friend was considering offered to whisk the couple away after the ceremony to a private room so they can have a moment to catch their breath. They would be served food and drinks while the guests were shown into the cocktail hour.

OP, I understand what you're saying. It can be very overwhelming with all those people and everything happening. The thing is, they ARE your guests. Mingling, conversation, and all that will be expected of you. You'll have to proactively make sure you take time to talk to all your guests, but still find time to hit the dance floor. If you seek guests out, then it'll be on your terms, on your time. Less chance of them finding you when you're preoccupied.

The bolded is what FI and I are planning on doing -- heading to a private room right after the ceremony to have some alone time and eat dinner together. That way, we can do table visits while the guests are eating dinner, and we'll be free to mingle and dance as we see fit for the rest of the night.

You aren't eating in the same room as your guests?

I can't speak for pp, but in my friend's case it would just be the food from the cocktail hour. Dinner would be eaten in the same room at the same time.
The bride and groom isn't usually expected at the cocktail hour, either way.

vsgal · June 2014

missnc77 said:

CMGragain said:

Sorry, but the reception isn't for you. It is for your guests. You need to be the gracious bride and focus on your guests. You will have the rest of your lives to focus on each other.

Good lord. I want to blow the cobwebs off of every post you make. Yes, it's to say thank you, but it doesn't mean the bride and groom/hosts shouldn't be able to also enjoy themselves. They should be able to eat and dance while still being thankful and paying attention to their guests.

Really? Yes, the B/G should enjoy themselves, but they need to make themselves available to their guests. You know, the same guests that set aside a day if not a weekend for your wedding. The same guests that spent money on plane tickets and hotels. The same guests that bought you the $100 sheet set you asked for on your registry. It is up to the bride/groom to make time for themselves but understand that that time may only be 20 minutes. We had plenty of time to eat and got some dancing in. We also spent a good amount of time talking to all of our guests. We also took candid photos with any and everyone who asked. We had 150 guests. Do you really think the couple will not enjoy spending time with their loved ones that made the journey to spend the day with them? If they want a copious amount of time to themselves, then the couple needs to have a small guest list or they need to elope.

monkeysip · June 2014

I too had a small wedding, so I can't sympathize with having to greet 200 guests (we only had 57). But our table visits were done in like 10 minutes, after dinner. We enjoyed ourselves during dinner and took our time. And we were able to both spend a lot of time together and time with our guests throughout the night.

I think some B&Gs get held up too long by some guests and need to practice the gracious break away statements, i.e. "It's been so great talking to you, but I need to go the bathroom, say something to my husband, get a drink, etc."

JoanE2012 · June 2014

We had a a sweetheart table and were served each course first, so we ate and then got up and greeted each table. By the time all the courses were served, we had met with each table. It wasn't really that difficult. I think it's important that you either have a receiving line after the ceremony or visit the tables at the reception. It needs to be more personal than a generic "thank you" to everyone at the start of the reception.

April192002 · June 2014

My friend and her DH didn't eat at their wedding because of how it was set up. Instead of having a cocktail hour during pictures the buffet was opened. Pictures took much longer than anticipated so by the time we were done, none of the bridal party really had time to eat.

My other friend who just got married had a cocktail hour, was introduced, went right into their first dance & father/daughter, the buffet opened and the caterer served their plates to them at their sweetheart table. Toasts were made during dinner and when they were finished eating they started going around to the tables, especially those with little kids who'd have to leave first. We danced, they cut the cake (guests got cupcakes), they finished their rounds as the kids danced, and we danced more.

There's a chance you won't talk to everyone, but you definitely need to try!

luckysnorkel · June 2014

scribe95 said:

luckysnorkel said:

Simply Fated said:

One way to be sure you get to eat and have some time together is to have a sweetheart table.
I'm not really sure why. I've seen dozens and dozens of sweetheart tables and that has rarely been the case. Some guests have no problem going right up to the couple while they're eating and start chatting to the couple. One venue my friend was considering offered to whisk the couple away after the ceremony to a private room so they can have a moment to catch their breath. They would be served food and drinks while the guests were shown into the cocktail hour. OP, I understand what you're saying. It can be very overwhelming with all those people and everything happening. The thing is, they ARE your guests. Mingling, conversation, and all that will be expected of you. You'll have to proactively make sure you take time to talk to all your guests, but still find time to hit the dance floor. If you seek guests out, then it'll be on your terms, on your time. Less chance of them finding you when you're preoccupied.

The bolded is what FI and I are planning on doing -- heading to a private room right after the ceremony to have some alone time and eat dinner together. That way, we can do table visits while the guests are eating dinner, and we'll be free to mingle and dance as we see fit for the rest of the night.

You aren't eating in the same room as your guests?

Yikes, when you put it that way, it sounds super snooty. That's totally not what I'm going for!

We haven't decided for certain yet, we might just have them bring us a plate of cocktail hour appetizers. I'm just a little concerned that if we don't eat then, we're going to be pulled in so many different directions once we join the party that we won't end up sitting down to eat during dinner.

mysticl · June 2014

luckysnorkel said:

scribe95 said:

luckysnorkel said:

Simply Fated said:

One way to be sure you get to eat and have some time together is to have a sweetheart table.
I'm not really sure why. I've seen dozens and dozens of sweetheart tables and that has rarely been the case. Some guests have no problem going right up to the couple while they're eating and start chatting to the couple. One venue my friend was considering offered to whisk the couple away after the ceremony to a private room so they can have a moment to catch their breath. They would be served food and drinks while the guests were shown into the cocktail hour. OP, I understand what you're saying. It can be very overwhelming with all those people and everything happening. The thing is, they ARE your guests. Mingling, conversation, and all that will be expected of you. You'll have to proactively make sure you take time to talk to all your guests, but still find time to hit the dance floor. If you seek guests out, then it'll be on your terms, on your time. Less chance of them finding you when you're preoccupied.

The bolded is what FI and I are planning on doing -- heading to a private room right after the ceremony to have some alone time and eat dinner together. That way, we can do table visits while the guests are eating dinner, and we'll be free to mingle and dance as we see fit for the rest of the night.

You aren't eating in the same room as your guests?

Yikes, when you put it that way, it sounds super snooty. That's totally not what I'm going for! We haven't decided for certain yet, we might just have them bring us a plate of cocktail hour appetizers. I'm just a little concerned that if we don't eat then, we're going to be pulled in so many different directions once we join the party that we won't end up sitting down to eat during dinner.

Everyone else will be sitting down to eat too so they probably aren't going to be trying to monopolize your attention at that point. If someone does try to hold you up just politely excuse yourself.

Vivandiere8 · June 2014

If you don't make an effort to talk to your guests you may find yourself regretting it later. I am so glad we made the time to speak to everyone, even if it was just for a minute. I wish the reception could have gone on longer so that I could have had longer conversation with some people. It was very busy, but we did manage to eat, dance, talk etc.

But feeling the love from so many people, hearing them express personally how happy they were for us, how they loved us, how beautiful I looked coming down the isle, the look on my fiances face when he saw me, how much they enjoyed the ceremony, my one friend telling me she started crying out of happiness for us when they pulled into the parking lot of the church! Introducing my new husband to me dear cousins who had driven from two states away to come to the wedding!!!... Just saying, you dont' know what you might miss by not talking to your guests.

dramamonkey · June 2014

My husband and I truly enjoyed our wedding day...we got to eat our full meal and, later, cake, and still managed to make it to 13 tables during dinner service to greet/thank our guests.

As an aside - if you can swing it, try to get a photo with each table. It's something we didn't do but wish we had.

CMGragain · June 2014

nuncatierra said:

I hate how everyone spends their entire reception having to make a conversation with every single guest. Brides and grooms don't hardly get to eat or dance at their own wedding! I know most people feel that is a necessary evil of weddings but I feel like there MUST be some polite way to announce that you would like to enjoy dancing and eating at your reception. Or even some sort of compromise. Because why should I even bother picking out music and songs and food if I won't even get to enjoy any of it?! Its not that i dont want to thank everyone for coming and for spending time and money on us! I am thankful! But cant we just say congrats and move on?! Anybody have a good way to try to enjoy the thousands of dollars being spent on your wedding?

OP, if you are wondering why you are getting so much negative feedback, it is because of the highlighted phrases you posted.
Where on earth did you get the idea that a wedding is all about you? It is about family and friends coming together to help you celebrate your marriage to the love of your life. If you wanted your wedding to be all about you, you should have eloped. With no guests, you would have no responsibilities.
Your guests are not your audience. They are not coming to your wedding to witness a show that you are starring in. They should not be coming for a free meal and open bar, either. They are coming to your wedding because they care about you.You should be grateful for their kindness and generosity. Instead, you are complaining. ME, ME, ME!!! I really do not understand this at all.

lilacck28 · June 2014

CMGragain said:

nuncatierra said:

I hate how everyone spends their entire reception having to make a conversation with every single guest. Brides and grooms don't hardly get to eat or dance at their own wedding! I know most people feel that is a necessary evil of weddings but I feel like there MUST be some polite way to announce that you would like to enjoy dancing and eating at your reception. Or even some sort of compromise. Because why should I even bother picking out music and songs and food if I won't even get to enjoy any of it?! Its not that i dont want to thank everyone for coming and for spending time and money on us! I am thankful! But cant we just say congrats and move on?! Anybody have a good way to try to enjoy the thousands of dollars being spent on your wedding?

OP, if you are wondering why you are getting so much negative feedback, it is because of the highlighted phrases you posted.
Where on earth did you get the idea that a wedding is all about you? It is about family and friends coming together to help you celebrate your marriage to the love of your life. If you wanted your wedding to be all about you, you should have eloped. With no guests, you would have no responsibilities.
Your guests are not your audience. They are not coming to your wedding to witness a show that you are starring in. They should not be coming for a free meal and open bar, either. They are coming to your wedding because they care about you.You should be grateful for their kindness and generosity. Instead, you are complaining. ME, ME, ME!!! I really do not understand this at all.

I don't feel like the responses have been negative, so why would you paint them in that light to the OP? They just haven't provided an alternate solution, and have spoken mostly about how talking to guests will be fun.

theartistformerlyknownas · June 2014

nuncatierra said:

I hate how everyone spends their entire reception having to make a conversation with every single guest. Brides and grooms don't hardly get to eat or dance at their own wedding! I know most people feel that is a necessary evil of weddings but I feel like there MUST be some polite way to announce that you would like to enjoy dancing and eating at your reception. Or even some sort of compromise. Because why should I even bother picking out music and songs and food if I won't even get to enjoy any of it?! Its not that i dont want to thank everyone for coming and for spending time and money on us! I am thankful! But cant we just say congrats and move on?! Anybody have a good way to try to enjoy the thousands of dollars being spent on your wedding?

Why even bother inviting guests if you don't want to spend time with them? Have a private wedding and dance to your heart's content.

If anyone is trying to interrupt you/monopolize your time while you're eating, you're within your right to say "excuse me, but can I just get 10 minutes to finish my meal? I'll come see you at your table when I'm done!" because that person is the one being rude. Besides that... you invited these people because you love them and want them to celebrate with you, right? Not just for the gifts? Celebrate WITH them, not in spite of them.

offensivekitten2 · June 2014

Er...... if you think talking for a minute or two with your family is such a huge annoyance, then I don't think you should be inviting them. Seriously? Eating in another room to get away from them? Wtf, they're not some muddy dog that might beg for food. You can't be real.

Maggie0829 · June 2014

H and I freaking enjoyed the hell out of our reception.

We got to eat our tasty dinner, relax for a bit at our table with our parents, made a round to all the tables to say hi to everyone (I mean we were excited to see everyone who came to our wedding) and then for the rest of the night my ass was on the dance floor and H was at the bar/hanging out with his friends. We had a total blast and still managed to talk to everyone and spend time with our guests.

I personally do not understand how a couple doesn't have time to eat or enjoy themselves. If that is the case then you aren't doing things right.

melbenso · June 2014

I have friends who did a first look, so they didn't have to do pictures after the wedding, but still did a cocktail hour that they did not attend. That way, they got to spend a little time together, just the two of them, before they went in to the reception to greet their guests.

You could always try something like that....

Question about reception etiquette!!!

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