HELP!!! FMIL just hijacked the guest list.

annathy03 · June 2014

Nymeru said:

They're paying for the music and the flowers, but everything else is being paid for by us.

My FI has talked to his mom, but she doesn't really care. Our wedding is going to be the first "family wedding" since all the grandchildren were born (they're all under 10), and she feels that it is important that they are included. She believes in family first and that it's not right to exclude the kids.

I see a few different options from here.

1) Have FI call the families, and explain that his mother was incorrect and the children were not invited, and there will not be seats or meals for the kids. Be prepared to pay for the flowers and music she was covering, while that doesn't entitle her to guest list decisions she may not be willing to cover them.

2) Have FI call his mother and tell her that she has overstepped to the point that you are no longer looking forward to the event and will cancel the wedding and elope. If she still won't rescind the invites she had no right to issue, then follow through and send out cancellation notices "The wedding of Nymeru and FI will not take place as planned". Keep in mind your willingness to follow through is critical with this, if he says you'll cancel and you don't she'll know she can step on you guys for the rest of your lives. Also you'll eat deposits/contracted money, but your photog/venue/officiant may let you move dates to cover the elopement.

Sorry your FMIL is being such a turd. I understand some people feel it's "family first" but it isn't her wedding to plan, and you DID invite the family first as evidenced by the fact that they weren't on your B-list in the first place.

climbingsingle · June 2014

Holy hell. I don't have any advice. Just sympathy. I'd run away and elope if I were you.

beethery · June 2014

Nymeru said:

We're about 20 people over the limit at this point if the kids come. Still working it out, but now I'm getting facebook messages from other guests saying things along the lines of, "Heard things are a bit more flexible now. That's great. With my three kids, we'll be 5 people now. Looking forward to it!"

Who the hell is blabbing? I will murder them. I mean it. I, too, can have a Red Wedding. HBO should come on over. It's going to be a ball.

Oh my fucking god. Run. Elope, tell your FMIL to pound sand. This is beyond ridiculous.

Sugargirl1019 · June 2014

Idk what to say, but if I was angry, I would message them right back and say I'm sorry, you must have heard wrong. We cannot accommodate further guests. Shall I put you down for 2 or a decline?

I get fiesty and try to handle the situation myself since FMIL won't correct her mistakes.

annathy03 · June 2014

Nymeru said:

We're about 20 people over the limit at this point if the kids come. Still working it out, but now I'm getting facebook messages from other guests saying things along the lines of, "Heard things are a bit more flexible now. That's great. With my three kids, we'll be 5 people now. Looking forward to it!"

Who the hell is blabbing? I will murder them. I mean it. I, too, can have a Red Wedding. HBO should come on over. It's going to be a ball.

Missed this update, O.M.G.

I'm a little passive aggressive, so I'd write back "I'm sorry, can you tell me who you heard that from? FI and I haven't invited any children, and if everyone's kids come we will be over the fire code capacity which the venue obviously won't allow."

daria24 · June 2014

As tempting as eloping is, I wouldn't want to punish OP's family and friends just because her MIL is a shitty-ass turd muncher. Since this woman isn't budging, you and your FI should start contacting the family that was told their kids could now come, apologize for the confusion, and tell them that unfortunately you are at max fire code and any extra guests will be turned away at the door. Some of them might pitch a fit but hey maybe they won't come and then problem solved anyway. And then it would be months, if not years until I spoke to MIL again. There would need to be much atoning.

blabla89 · June 2014

Nymeru said:

We're about 20 people over the limit at this point if the kids come. Still working it out, but now I'm getting facebook messages from other guests saying things along the lines of, "Heard things are a bit more flexible now. That's great. With my three kids, we'll be 5 people now. Looking forward to it!"

Who the hell is blabbing? I will murder them. I mean it. I, too, can have a Red Wedding. HBO should come on over. It's going to be a ball.

What the what?? That would make me stabby too, but I'd resist the temptation to ask who told them. I would probably say something like, "Hi (Guest), I'm so sorry, but whoever said that was mistaken. The invitation was for you and (SO name) and unfortunately we're unable to accommodate any additional guests. Please let us know if you and (SO) will be attending."

I'm sure you'll find out who blabbed, one way or the other.

theartistformerlyknownas · June 2014

Daria, I gave you a love-it just for shitty-ass turd muncher.

OP... get on speakerphone with your FI. Call these yahoos up. Say "I'm not sure who gave you that information, but we do not in fact have any room for children. This is a legal/safety issue, is non-negotiable and out of our hands, despite what you may hear elsewhere. Will you still be able to make it?"

Same call to people FMIL invited but place the blame squarely on her. "I'm terribly sorry, but FMIL was incorrect in extending the invitation to Timmy and Susie. We will not legally be able to accommodate them."

Then I'd probably trap FMIL in a pit in the basement to keep her from inviting anyone else. It's not a matter of appeasing the family anymore when you're over your venue limit.

jdluvr06 · June 2014

Geesh... This just keep becoming a larger and larger cluster fuck. I agree with the PPs. You need to call everyone and tell them that their children can't be accommodated and then you and FI need to have a serious talk with FMIL.

Nymeru · June 2014

Yeah, we're in the process of doing it. Ugly, ugly, ugly. I'm feeling some serious resentment that she's put us in this position. I'm letting my FI handle his family's phone calls though. It might be unfair, but it's harder to hate a family member than someone's FI. I have enough on my plate trying to have my friends stop inviting their children and stomping on the rumor that we have room for more people.

daria24 · June 2014

Nymeru said:

Yeah, we're in the process of doing it. Ugly, ugly, ugly. I'm feeling some serious resentment that she's put us in this position. I'm letting my FI handle his family's phone calls though. It might be unfair, but it's harder to hate a family member than someone's FI. I have enough on my plate trying to have my friends stop inviting their children and stomping on the rumor that we have room for more people.

Internet hugs for you. I know it sucks. It is so shitty that you guys have to be the "bad" guys when you weren't the ones who created this situation. But if it's any consolation, the Knot Army is behind you. Good luck with your calls.

theartistformerlyknownas · June 2014

Nymeru said:

Yeah, we're in the process of doing it. Ugly, ugly, ugly. I'm feeling some serious resentment that she's put us in this position. I'm letting my FI handle his family's phone calls though. It might be unfair, but it's harder to hate a family member than someone's FI. I have enough on my plate trying to have my friends stop inviting their children and stomping on the rumor that we have room for more people.

Ugh that's so shitty. Sorry you have to deal with this. Hang in there!

HELP!!! FMIL just hijacked the guest list.

Re: HELP!!! FMIL just hijacked the guest list.

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