Wedding Etiquette Forum

registry manners

So what's the etiquette on registers? Is there a limit to places? We're an already established household with 2 kids, do we only register for like household goods? Or can I put down like books we want to read or family activities?

I'm already registered at kohls cause my grandma always gets presents from every other event there, and target cause that's where 80% of our decor is from. But I would totally register at Barnes & Nobel if it's acceptable. We're huge book nerds and half of our first date was at a library.

Re: registry manners

  • I wouldn't side-eye books on a registry, honestly. I generally think anything you'll use together as a couple (or in your case, a family) will use together is fair game. Aka board games yes, curling iron no. Sheets yes, shoes no.

    image
    image
  • I suggest Amazon.com.  You can register for almost anything there, and it is easy for your guests to find your registry.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • I LOVE books, too, but as pp said, they should be items you would use as a couple or benefit from as a couple. Barnes and Noble has some great cookbooks, maybe something like that? They have games, too. I think that counts. Does B&N have a registry? I know the Kohls near me has games, if that helps. And Target has games AND books.
    image
  • CMGragain said:
    I suggest Amazon.com.  You can register for almost anything there, and it is easy for your guests to find your registry.
    Just a note on this.  My cousin did an Amazon registry and my mom and several other people (mostly "older" folks) hated it.  They like to go to the store, see the item, pay for it and take it home.  I know there's plenty of people (myself included!) that order stuff online all the time, but OP, just know that some people prefer actual store registries.  I think it could be a fine second registry though.

    As for the number of registries, we did 2.  I think 3 is ok.  Anything more I start to side eye.  Put stuff on there you will use together.  Upgrade what you currently have.  New sheets, new towels, new baking pans, a better coffee pot, etc.
  • I second the suggestion of upgrading things you already have, or if you have any household items that you know will need replacing in the future, register for those things. I'm not totally sure what you mean by family activities (please don't set up a HM registry or anything similar) - but I wouldn't side-eye a couple registering for family friendly books, games, etc. to enjoy together. What hobbies do you enjoy as a family? Does your family do any outdoorsy activities, like camping or hiking? If so you could register for some gear from REI or something.

    Definitely recommend registering for at least a few items at a brick and mortar store, because some people just prefer to buy it there.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker



  • JoanE2012 said:
    CMGragain said:
    I suggest Amazon.com.  You can register for almost anything there, and it is easy for your guests to find your registry.
    Just a note on this.  My cousin did an Amazon registry and my mom and several other people (mostly "older" folks) hated it.  They like to go to the store, see the item, pay for it and take it home.  I know there's plenty of people (myself included!) that order stuff online all the time, but OP, just know that some people prefer actual store registries.  I think it could be a fine second registry though.

    As for the number of registries, we did 2.  I think 3 is ok.  Anything more I start to side eye.  Put stuff on there you will use together.  Upgrade what you currently have.  New sheets, new towels, new baking pans, a better coffee pot, etc.
    Yeah, I could see that, step grandma can't even use google.

    To OP, I agree with PPs about upgrades. Maybe a few 'splurge' items, such as a pizza oven or something?
    image
  • Maybe I'm the odd one here, but I would side eye anything on a registry not for the couple. So board games adults play would be cool, but I would side eye something clearly geared more towards children. Ditto for books. A wedding gift is for the couple, not their kids.
    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
  • Our kids are part of the wedding. My S/O is adopting my oldest, who he's raised for most of her life and part of his vows are to her. Some people would side eye that too, but oh well.

    We were thinking of registering for camping gear, incl. kid sized sleeping bags. And we have family game night every week so board games would get LOTS of use. I'm also someone who loathes shopping online so I hadn't even considered Amazon. I should so that, I know my mom and fsil get everything online.

    I don't shop at H&M but that's not really a family store?
  • Our kids are part of the wedding. My S/O is adopting my oldest, who he's raised for most of her life and part of his vows are to her. Some people would side eye that too, but oh well.

    We were thinking of registering for camping gear, incl. kid sized sleeping bags. And we have family game night every week so board games would get LOTS of use. I'm also someone who loathes shopping online so I hadn't even considered Amazon. I should so that, I know my mom and fsil get everything online.

    I don't shop at H&M but that's not really a family store?

    To clarify, the reason I side eye children's items on a registry is that those are things that are a parents responsibility to buy for their children. Wedding registries are for wedding gifts. Wedding gifts are for the couple. To me, registering for kids stuff is no different than registering for groceries or cash. It's just not appropriate.

    As far as your FI including promises regarding your daughter in his vows, that is sweet so long as your daughter isn't being asked to say/do anything since she is a child and isn't the one getting married.
    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
  • Ditto NYCBruin - I would only register for things you and your FI would use together, not the kids.  I get you're including the kids in the wedding (even though I'm not a fan of vows being said to children), but the fact of the matter is it's you and FI getting married, it's your name on the marriage certificate, the gifts should be for you.  As a guest, I"m not buying your kids gifts (sleeping bag, games, whatever) and I would side-eye that big time.  

    I think if you sit down and think about it you can find plenty of upgrades or new things to register for.  And if you can't, then just don't register.  People will give you cash and you can go buy whatever you'd like.
  • Our kids are part of the wedding. My S/O is adopting my oldest, who he's raised for most of her life and part of his vows are to her. Some people would side eye that too, but oh well.

    We were thinking of registering for camping gear, incl. kid sized sleeping bags. And we have family game night every week so board games would get LOTS of use. I'm also someone who loathes shopping online so I hadn't even considered Amazon. I should so that, I know my mom and fsil get everything online.

    I don't shop at H&M but that's not really a family store?

    An HM registry is a honeymoon registry.
    image



  • Ahh.. Well we're not having a honeymoon anyway, our littlest is too young to get left with family more than overnight. And we'd pay for it ourselves if we were!
  • I would only register for items that the two of you would use. Adult bedding, great. Kids bedding, not so much. The last wedding I was invited to, I spent $40 on bakeware that was on the registry then threw in some stickers and sidewalk chalk for the kiddo so she could feel special too (preschool age). I wasn't about to spend $100 on a sandbox that was on the registry, though I think husband would get some use out of it too!
  • I registered at Amazon and BBB. It covered the brick and mortar store and online savvy people. 

    I have to ask, because I admit I judge how people do their registries... do you really need home items? If you don't, just have a tiny registry with things like towels or sheets and people will get in hint to give you cash. I also side-eye things like camping gear, books and kid items. 
  • When registering, I don't think you should take into account everything that one of your guests "side-eyes".  Because I side-eye things like gravy boats and breakfast-in-bed type serving trays.  If I don't see any use in having it in my own home, I assume nobody else would have a valid use for it either.  I realize my logic is flawed.  But this also makes me open to give gifts of cordless drills, curtain rods, board games, and outdoor fire pits.  And I would not side-eye camping gear if I knew the couple both enjoyed camping.
  • JoanE2012 said:
    Ditto NYCBruin - I would only register for things you and your FI would use together, not the kids.  I get you're including the kids in the wedding (even though I'm not a fan of vows being said to children), but the fact of the matter is it's you and FI getting married, it's your name on the marriage certificate, the gifts should be for you.  As a guest, I"m not buying your kids gifts (sleeping bag, games, whatever) and I would side-eye that big time.  

    I think if you sit down and think about it you can find plenty of upgrades or new things to register for.  And if you can't, then just don't register.  People will give you cash and you can go buy whatever you'd like.
    This.  For many people a wedding gift is not a gift for the children of the couple.  

    You don't even have to register.  It's not a requirement.  But if you do, then the gifts should be for you and your FI-not your children.  But I also would not have your children say vows or have any said to them.  They are not getting married.
  • hanckypankyhanckypanky member
    100 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper
    edited June 2014
    I don't really care how other people feel about my s/o saying vows to our daughter because it's important to us and something we're set on, which is why I didn't ask about it :)

    we're just going to list the things we will use most. if someone doesn't like it I guess they can just get a different item they approve of. we already have new plates and a few new kitchen counter appliances listed, but we have an entire linen closet stuffed with towels and sheets. we REALLY don't need another set of backups or of the nice "display" ones we put out when guests are over. I'd rather get a good book we'll stay up late in bed reading and then discuss or argue about after. 

    Thanks for the replies!
  • I don't really care how other people feel about my s/o saying vows to our daughter because it's important to us and something we're set on, which is why I didn't ask about it :)

    Well, regardless of whether or not you asked about it, if you post about it, you are opening yourself up to commentary, and if we don't think it's a good idea, we will say so.  If you don't want to hear feedback about something, don't post about it.
  • welp, thanks for the input. 
  • I don't really care how other people feel about my s/o saying vows to our daughter because it's important to us and something we're set on, which is why I didn't ask about it :)

    we're just going to list the things we will use most. if someone doesn't like it I guess they can just get a different item they approve of. we already have new plates and a few new kitchen counter appliances listed, but we have an entire linen closet stuffed with towels and sheets. we REALLY don't need another set of backups or of the nice "display" ones we put out when guests are over. I'd rather get a good book we'll stay up late in bed reading and then discuss or argue about after. 

    Thanks for the replies!
    If you really don't want/need any traditional registry items, why register at all?  By registering for these type of items you risk offending people (as evidenced by this thread), so why not just skip the registry completely.  People will assume that means you'd prefer cash and you can then use said cash to buy whatever fits your fancy without offending anyone.
    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards