Wedding Etiquette Forum

NWR, Birthday Etiquette Question

I'm planning my DS's birthday party and wondering what I should do about food. My DS has severe allergies(nuts, onion, garlic) and sometimes feels left out at parties. One of his friends in his class also has severe and limiting allergies (dairy, soy, bovine). Because I know what it's like for my son to feel left out I'd like this child to feel included. We live in a small town and there is only one indoor venue available to us. I'm not comfortable with the outdoor options because of their lack of weather policy.

The only times they have available are meal times so etiquette says I need to serve a meal. With the exception of cake, favors, and a meal for the allergic child only, this place doesn't allow any outside food or drinks. I can make a cake that is safe and I'm doing non food favors but nothing on their menu is safe for this little boy. It seems like my options are: a) don't have a party/ don't invite classmates, b) have the party at a meal time but don't serve a meal, or c) serve the meal and explain to they child's mother what is/isn't safe for him and that he can bring his own meal. I don't really like any of these options and the last two both feel wrong to me. What would you do in this situation? TIA!
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Re: NWR, Birthday Etiquette Question

  • sabrina69barnes said:
    I'm planning my DS's birthday party and wondering what I should do about food. My DS has severe allergies(nuts, onion, garlic) and sometimes feels left out at parties. One of his friends in his class also has severe and limiting allergies (dairy, soy, bovine). Because I know what it's like for my son to feel left out I'd like this child to feel included. We live in a small town and there is only one indoor venue available to us. I'm not comfortable with the outdoor options because of their lack of weather policy.

    The only times they have available are meal times so etiquette says I need to serve a meal. With the exception of cake, favors, and a meal for the allergic child only, this place doesn't allow any outside food or drinks. I can make a cake that is safe and I'm doing non food favors but nothing on their menu is safe for this little boy. It seems like my options are: a) don't have a party/ don't invite classmates, b) have the party at a meal time but don't serve a meal, or c) serve the meal and explain to they child's mother what is/isn't safe for him and that he can bring his own meal. I don't really like any of these options and the last two both feel wrong to me. What would you do in this situation? TIA!
    So, doesn't that mean you can provide an outside meal for your son as well as the allergic friend? I'm confused. 
  • How is the guest's mom bringing in a special meal for him different than you bringing it in?
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  • lilacck28 said:
    sabrina69barnes said:
    I'm planning my DS's birthday party and wondering what I should do about food. My DS has severe allergies(nuts, onion, garlic) and sometimes feels left out at parties. One of his friends in his class also has severe and limiting allergies (dairy, soy, bovine). Because I know what it's like for my son to feel left out I'd like this child to feel included. We live in a small town and there is only one indoor venue available to us. I'm not comfortable with the outdoor options because of their lack of weather policy.

    The only times they have available are meal times so etiquette says I need to serve a meal. With the exception of cake, favors, and a meal for the allergic child only, this place doesn't allow any outside food or drinks. I can make a cake that is safe and I'm doing non food favors but nothing on their menu is safe for this little boy. It seems like my options are: a) don't have a party/ don't invite classmates, b) have the party at a meal time but don't serve a meal, or c) serve the meal and explain to they child's mother what is/isn't safe for him and that he can bring his own meal. I don't really like any of these options and the last two both feel wrong to me. What would you do in this situation? TIA!
    So, doesn't that mean you can provide an outside meal for your son as well as the allergic friend? I'm confused. 
    Me too.  
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited June 2014
    You have allergic CHILDREN coming, not just one CHILD, so the policy will surely allow for more than one meal to be brought in. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • The food offered at this place is all safe for my child but not the other child. Only a meal for the other child would need to be brought in. I mentioned my child's allergies to explain that I want this child to not be excluded and why it feels wrong to ask him mom to bring a meal for him.
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  • Oh, ok, I misunderstood. Why don't you provide a meal for him yourself instead of asking the mom to do it? Or talk with her and offer to at least do that and see if she would prefer to bring in her own. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • My suggestion is come up with a meal for him and run it by his mom to make sure it works.  She'll either give you the go ahead or say she'll take care of it.  I know some parents like to handle it themselves just to be sure.  
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  • If the mom can help me with suggestions I am more than happy to provide a meal for the little boy but is that ok? It doesn't feel quite right to invite him and serve him something different. If I were in this same situation It would be fine with a different meal because I'm used to no one considering my child's allergies but I feel like as an allergy mom I should be able to do better.
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  • What type of place is it?  Do they have bounce houses, play area etc.?  If so, the kids are going to be way more into that than the food anyway.  I really think as long as the child can play & eat the cake he will be happy & his mom will appreciate you having a safe meal for him.
  • As the venue is the problem, have a small party at your home. Then you can have all guests eat everything.
  • As the venue is the problem, have a small party at your home. Then you can have all guests eat everything.
    Our home and yard are tiny. If everyone invited were to attend, and I going to assume they will, there is no way I'd have room to host them properly.
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  • Belichick said:
    What type of place is it?  Do they have bounce houses, play area etc.?  If so, the kids are going to be way more into that than the food anyway.  I really think as long as the child can play & eat the cake he will be happy & his mom will appreciate you having a safe meal for him.
    You're right. There are bouncer houses and a play area. I'm sure it wont be that big a deal if he meal is different.
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  • If the kid has severe allergies, I'm sure he is used to eating food that's different from what other people are eating. I don't think this is an issue. His mom will probably be happy to provide something safe for him to eat, or give you guidelines.
  • sarals24 said:
    If the kid has severe allergies, I'm sure he is used to eating food that's different from what other people are eating. I don't think this is an issue. His mom will probably be happy to provide something safe for him to eat, or give you guidelines.
    My close friend growing up always had different meals because of allergies and never felt left out. It is what it is. Most kids get used to things.

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  • You could make the kids food at your house and either before or after take them somewhere to play.
  • What would make most kids feel left out would be not being able to have any food. Having special or different food = not a problem. Run your choice by his mom and offer to bring it, and you're good to go.
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