Gap between ceremony ending & cocktail hour/reception beginning

casey8784 · June 2014

OP, I would try my hardest to start the cocktail hour at 3:30 at the latest. And depending on your crowd, *maybe* you could stretch it longer than the "standard" 60 minutes so you could start the reception at 4:45 or 5:00, so it would be more like the evening reception like you are envisioning. I'm very anti-gap like many of the other PPs, but I've also done the Bristol-Providence route, and it's never been a 30 minute drive unless it's midnight or there's no traffic - but seriously, hell will freeze over before there's no traffic. I would plan for the drive taking 45-60 minutes, which I think is also a bit too long of a drive, but still the "lesser evil" than a 2 + hour long gap...

courtneyandjohn2014 · June 2014

MobKaz said:

You never indicate to guests their attire. Grown adults know how to dress. Your choice of invitation will convey the formality of your wedding and guests will take it from there.

That is just not true. There is no invitation in the world that could make me wear an evening gown without being specifically told that it is a black tie event. Even Emily Post says its acceptable to write that at the bottom of the reception invitation to give guests a heads up.

MobKaz · June 2014

courtneyandjohn2014 said:

MobKaz said:

You never indicate to guests their attire. Grown adults know how to dress. Your choice of invitation will convey the formality of your wedding and guests will take it from there.

That is just not true. There is no invitation in the world that could make me wear an evening gown without being specifically told that it is a black tie event. Even Emily Post says its acceptable to write that at the bottom of the reception invitation to give guests a heads up.

A legitimate black tie event is the only acceptable occasion when attire can be indicated.

courtneyandjohn2014 · June 2014

Well I assume that's what she means by "formal" in this case, since she thinks people might want to change after church. I've never been to a Catholic church wedding that wasn't already formal in the regular sense.

MobKaz · June 2014

courtneyandjohn2014 said:

Well I assume that's what she means by "formal" in this case, since she thinks people might want to change after church. I've never been to a Catholic church wedding that wasn't already formal in the regular sense.

That is the problem with indicating attire on an invitation. Black Tie is the only attire with specific parameters. Anything else is subject to interpretation and assumption. Formal will mean something different to just about everyone.

LondonLisa · June 2014

MobKaz said:

courtneyandjohn2014 said:

Well I assume that's what she means by "formal" in this case, since she thinks people might want to change after church. I've never been to a Catholic church wedding that wasn't already formal in the regular sense.

That is the problem with indicating attire on an invitation. Black Tie is the only attire with specific parameters. Anything else is subject to interpretation and assumption. Formal will mean something different to just about everyone.

I agree, by definition she is not having a black tie wedding if it is in the afternoon and has a gap. Unless it is truly black tie (which is well-beyond formal), no attire should be listed.

Maggie0829 · June 2014

OwningAHome1981 said:

I don't know, I just think people get too angry sometimes. I've been @ weddings out of state with gaps and I never minded.

Well good for you, but you aren't ever person in the world and from the looks of these boards the variety of people who post on them, gaps are thought of more as rude and irritating then something that people don't have an issue with.

Now if I went to a wedding with a gap, as an adult, I am perfectly capable of entertaining myself for a few hours BUT I shouldn't have to do that and I would be really irritated having to kill time when I am most likely dressed up in cocktail attire.

The whole point is to not put your guests in a position where they are not hosted or have to kill time. These are your guest and are your nearest and dearest so treat them as such. Just because they love you doesn't mean that they won't be irritated as all hell if they have to twiddle their thumbs for a few hours because you can't change your vision around a little.

ohannabelle · June 2014

This is what baffles me...when nine out of ten people responding say, yes, this is rude. Yes, this bothers me, and this is why, the response is almost always, "well, it doesn't bother any of my friends/family/anyone in my city," etc.

Here you have a random assortment of people from coast to coast and across oceans, who don't even know each other, from just about every possible social/economic status and background.

We don't randomly get together and make this shit up. We aren't part of an evil etiquette cabal dedicated to ruining your wedding vision.

If nine out of ten assorted strangers tell you the sky is blue, and one says no, it's magenta, who do you listen to? Unless you really really want a magenta sky, and don't want to deal with reality.

Gaps are rude, inconvenient, and thoughtless of your guests.

Viczaesar · June 2014

courtneyandjohn2014 said:

Well I assume that's what she means by "formal" in this case, since she thinks people might want to change after church. I've never been to a Catholic church wedding that wasn't already formal in the regular sense.

Formal is not synonymous with Black Tie.

beethery · June 2014

ohannabelle said:

This is what baffles me...when nine out of ten people responding say, yes, this is rude. Yes, this bothers me, and this is why, the response is almost always, "well, it doesn't bother any of my friends/family/anyone in my city," etc.

Here you have a random assortment of people from coast to coast and across oceans, who don't even know each other, from just about every possible social/economic status and background.
We don't randomly get together and make this shit up. We aren't part of an evil etiquette cabal dedicated to ruining your wedding vision.

If nine out of ten assorted strangers tell you the sky is blue, and one says no, it's magenta, who do you listen to? Unless you really really want a magenta sky, and don't want to deal with reality.

Gaps are rude, inconvenient, and thoughtless of your guests.

Every time I read a statement like that, I always find myself going, "HOW NICE FOR YOU!!!! HOW INCREDIBLY NICE! That is FABULOUS that you feel that way! Most people don't agree, but I'm SO GLAD it is ok with you. We were all seeking your validation, I'm glad we know where to go from here!"

kaylslaw · June 2014

Its so annoying when people choose wedding dates without a care in the world about how they'll affect their guests.

How cute would it be for my fiancé and I to get married on our dating anniversary! It falls on a Wednesday, but who cares!

Whether they happen or not, gaps are rude and inconsiderate of your guests time. I would highly recommend finding another venue or changing your date.. Why would you want to put all this time and effort into planning an event that is going to make people moan and groan with inconvenience..

PrettyGirlLost · June 2014

courtneyandjohn2014 said:

Well I assume that's what she means by "formal" in this case, since she thinks people might want to change after church. I've never been to a Catholic church wedding that wasn't already formal in the regular sense.

Nope, absolutely not. A true black tie event is just that- it's an event. Black Tie NOT a dress code and has very specific criteria that MUST be met:

Event begins after 6pm
High end, indoor venue
Valet service provided by the Bride and Groom
Gloved service
Hand passed hor d'ourves
Top shelf open bar with full wine list and preferably with a sommelier on site to assist with wine choices.
Multi course gourmet level plated meal- generally 5 to 7 courses, and preferably with dual entrees or tableside ordering
Real china, silver ware, glassware, linens, etc
Multi piece live band and and a DJ or secondary performers for when the main entertainment takes breaks
High end decor and custom lighting

These are the MINIMUM criteria that must be met in full, or you cannot actually call your event Black Tie.

speakeasy14 · June 2014

While it is a bit of an inconvenience having a gap, at this point there is really nothing you can change. The only wedding that I went to that had a long gap, several locals hosted mini-pre-parties at their homes. The thing is, no one told them to do so, they just did and then invited guests they knew over.

If you have a wedding website, I highly advise having a list of things to do in the area. There is so much to do in Providence, that I'm sure guests can fill their time.

*Edit* I should have read the rest of the comments. If you can move the cocktail hour up an hour, that will help. And as stated, your guests are perfectly capable of entertaining themselves (though suggestions are nice if they are not familiar with the area), but should not have to entertain themselves.

KwajKenDean · June 2014

I find this interesting because my supervisor who is Catholic had a very large gap between her ceremony and reception, but this was due to no fault of her own. A funeral came up so it got priority and there was wedding that was scheduled before hers so everything was pushed. She went home and hung out before going to the reception. But I do have to ask, I'm looking at a wedding program for a wedding that I just went to and the wedding was at 3:30 and the reception started at 5:40. The ceremony was over at 3:45, maybe 4:00p, but it seemed really short. It took us about 25 mins to get to the venue so we sat outside of it until it opened. I really didn't have any feeling about it because I went to a wedding last August with the same scenario and went to a bar with friends until the venue opened. The BP was taking after pictures, so with this becoming common, is it really still in bad taste? I really didn't have any reaction but I didn't know that it was bad etiquette, I just assumed it was normal.

Thanks for the information

NYCMercedes · June 2014

KwajKenDean said:

I find this interesting because my supervisor who is Catholic had a very large gap between her ceremony and reception, but this was due to no fault of her own. A funeral came up so it got priority and there was wedding that was scheduled before hers so everything was pushed. She went home and hung out before going to the reception. But I do have to ask, I'm looking at a wedding program for a wedding that I just went to and the wedding was at 3:30 and the reception started at 5:40. The ceremony was over at 3:45, maybe 4:00p, but it seemed really short. It took us about 25 mins to get to the venue so we sat outside of it until it opened. I really didn't have any feeling about it because I went to a wedding last August with the same scenario and went to a bar with friends until the venue opened. The BP was taking after pictures, so with this becoming common, is it really still in bad taste? I really didn't have any reaction but I didn't know that it was bad etiquette, I just assumed it was normal.

Thanks for the information

Yes, it's extremely bad taste even if it's becoming common. If you're having "after pictures", then the B&G miss the cocktails.

Viczaesar · June 2014

KwajKenDean said:

I find this interesting because my supervisor who is Catholic had a very large gap between her ceremony and reception, but this was due to no fault of her own. A funeral came up so it got priority and there was wedding that was scheduled before hers so everything was pushed. She went home and hung out before going to the reception. But I do have to ask, I'm looking at a wedding program for a wedding that I just went to and the wedding was at 3:30 and the reception started at 5:40. The ceremony was over at 3:45, maybe 4:00p, but it seemed really short. It took us about 25 mins to get to the venue so we sat outside of it until it opened. I really didn't have any feeling about it because I went to a wedding last August with the same scenario and went to a bar with friends until the venue opened. The BP was taking after pictures, so with this becoming common, is it really still in bad taste? I really didn't have any reaction but I didn't know that it was bad etiquette, I just assumed it was normal.

Thanks for the information

Yes.

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