rant Does anyone find these comments kind of rude.

hales2010 · June 2014

So I know I am not a "pure" bride obviously because my FI and I started having sex before marriage. Obviously not usually open about this but I feel the need to see if these comments annoy anyone else. My dress is pure white (oh no but your dress can't be pure white you will burn in hell..) and I love my dress and will rock it regardless of what people say. I had a friend kind of get rude with me over the fact that I had a white dress and then kind of continued to rip me a new one on how my marriage is going to fail and started gettting facts online that showed how people who have sex before marriage more than likely will get divorced. I'll be quite open and honest here...Yes my FI and I had sex before marriage. We were each others first so yes I feel like I made the right choice and I am not ashamed of it. Does anyone find these comments rude or does anyone get commetns like this about theirs? I mostly just wanted to rant about this and see what others opinion (if any) are about this.

lilacck28 · June 2014

Yes, I find those comments rude. Though, I imagine your friend is actually feeling defensive/ unsure of his/her own lifestyle choices and is trying to prove to others (you) that s/he is doing the right thing by waiting. Don't let those comments upset you... but, if it was me, I'd probably rethink having a friend that says things like that to me.

beethery · June 2014

hnbright2010 said:

So I know I am not a "pure" bride obviously because my FI and I started having sex before marriage. Obviously not usually open about this but I feel the need to see if these comments annoy anyone else. My dress is pure white (oh no but your dress can't be pure white you will burn in hell..) and I love my dress and will rock it regardless of what people say. I had a friend kind of get rude with me over the fact that I had a white dress and then kind of continued to rip me a new one on how my marriage is going to fail and started gettting facts online that showed how people who have sex before marriage more than likely will get divorced. I'll be quite open and honest here...Yes my FI and I had sex before marriage. We were each others first so yes I feel like I made the right choice and I am not ashamed of it. Does anyone find these comments rude or does anyone get commetns like this about theirs? I mostly just wanted to rant about this and see what others opinion (if any) are about this.

Your friend is an incorrect asshole.

manateehugger · June 2014

I'm a traditional person and I think people like these are dumb as hell. Send her an article about the tradition of brides wearing white.

She'd probably have something to say if you walked around in a blue dress too. Just stop talking to her about anything wedding-related. If she keeps it up, remind her that all sins are equal and inform her that that means she should also refrain from wearing white on her wedding day.

southernbelle0915 · June 2014

Your friend's comments are asinine and backed up by absolutely nothing except her own judgmental opinion. Your sex life and intimate decisions are none of her business.

Further, the whole white = purity thing is a myth anyway. Google it and you'll see the history of why white dresses are the current trend. Send her the link and tell her to stop harassing you about your dress.

If all marriages of non-virgin people failed, almost no one would be married and hell would be over-crowded.

loveislouder · June 2014

Yeah, that's absolutely rude. Prepare for potential TMI. I have a lot of opinions on the "to wait or not to wait" debacle, and I personally feel that I don't think I could marry someone I hadn't had sex with. There are a lot of emotions and feelings that go into sex, and if those feelings just aren't there, the marriage wouldn't last. That being said, I've only been with 2 people.

CMGragain · June 2014

The white dress is supposed to symbolize the purity of your love, not whether or not your hymen is intact! White wedding dresses became popular 174 years ago when Queen Victoria wore one. Your "friend" (I wouldn't use this term for someone who would say that to you.) is ignorant, judgmental, and just plain mean.
I am a retired church organist of 28 years. I doubt very much if I have EVER played for a church wedding where the white clad bride was a virgin. Well, maybe once, but the bride was 17 years old.

hales2010 · June 2014

Yeah it is one of those things where we use to be great friends (so that is how she knows about my sex life) and since then has changed. She literally is not scared to tell someone how wrong their opinion is even if it means hurting them. Only reason she saw my dress is she was around when a mutual friend asked to see it. I would not really consider her a close friend (even before this) anymore just because she has started acting that way. I fired back her of course and stood my ground. I am still going to proudly wear my white wedding dress down the aisle regardless of what she or anyone else says. I love my dress and would not trade it for the world. Not going to let some rude nasty comments turn me against it.

kerbohl · June 2014

I waited until marriage, and I see the benefits of it, but I definitely also see the cons, and I completely understand why someone would want to be intimate before marriage. I also understand the appeal of a white dress for a wedding. I would never dream of condemning someone for wearing a white dress if they hadn't waited until marriage. That is rude, not just kind of rude. People should learn manners. And for the record, blue is seen as the colour of purity (mostly due to the Virgin Mary often being depicted in blue, but for other reasons as well).
Despite waiting for marriage, I also had people making comments about me lying about it and sleeping with my husband beforehand and just claiming to be waiting. So even if you had waited OP, you might have still been getting the rude comments. People suck.

loveislouder · June 2014

@kerbohl Are you SERIOUS. I'm proud of you for not being in jail for assault because I definitely would have played whack a bitch on anyone that said something like that.

JCbride2015 · June 2014

Your friend is a judgmental bitch.

I understand that sometimes people have religious reasons for doing whatever it is that they do. But the minute somebody starts with that holier-than-thou judgmental bullshit, nopenopenope I'mnotlistening.

climbingsingle · June 2014

JCbride2015 said:

Your friend is a judgmental bitch.

I understand that sometimes people have religious reasons for doing whatever it is that they do. But the minute somebody starts with that holier-than-thou judgmental bullshit, nopenopenope I'mnotlistening.

Yeah, ditto this.

And no, thankfully I've never heard any comments like that at all. In this instance, I'll gladly say that most of my friends are atheists and the ones that are religious don't try to force their beliefs on others.

slothiegal · June 2014

I haven't, everyone knows I'm already going to hell.

Seriously though, that's an awful thing to say. Sex means different things to different people and that's OK. Sleep around? OK (be safe about it!). Saving yourself? Good for you (you have more willpower than me and I admire that quality!). I just don't understand the need to judge others on an action (and then to actually SAY something...so tactless).

thisismynickname2 · June 2014

You wouldn't buy a car without test-driving it, right? Alls I'm sayin'.

Sorry you're dealing with rude people. Rock that white dress!

goldchocobo.defunct635829490514903826 · June 2014

Why do we live in a society where people can talk like this? That person is presumptuous, ignorant, and just plain wrong. White wedding dresses were not about purity ever! Im so sorry you have to hear this stuff.

I personally haven't received any comments like that, and I'd correct them anyways. FI and I have been together for 9 years (once wedding time hits) so I'm pretty sure the truth is out there and people can do the math.

God, some people are just....gah!

(ETA not about purity of virginity ever, love is okay)

AlexisA01 · June 2014

hnbright2010 said:

So I know I am not a "pure" bride obviously because my FI and I started having sex before marriage. Obviously not usually open about this but I feel the need to see if these comments annoy anyone else. My dress is pure white (oh no but your dress can't be pure white you will burn in hell..) and I love my dress and will rock it regardless of what people say. I had a friend kind of get rude with me over the fact that I had a white dress and then kind of continued to rip me a new one on how my marriage is going to fail and started gettting facts online that showed how people who have sex before marriage more than likely will get divorced. I'll be quite open and honest here...Yes my FI and I had sex before marriage. We were each others first so yes I feel like I made the right choice and I am not ashamed of it. Does anyone find these comments rude or does anyone get commetns like this about theirs? I mostly just wanted to rant about this and see what others opinion (if any) are about this.

I come from a black and Persian Muslim family. I get this ALL the time because my FI and I were each other's first. It is very annoying because they talk about how much my worth is based on what is between my legs. Since my worth has become "compromised' they are not sure if I am a "good woman", I can't get married at our Assembly, and how my dress shouldn't be white. I hate it and I separate my self from some my family overseas in Tehran. I stopped getting the you aren't pure speech less and less after I went off one day. Eventually it got better after a while, after I stopped speaking to them for a long time.

mellowmarshmallow · June 2014

hnbright2010 said:

So I know I am not a "pure" bride obviously because my FI and I started having sex before marriage. Obviously not usually open about this but I feel the need to see if these comments annoy anyone else. My dress is pure white (oh no but your dress can't be pure white you will burn in hell..) and I love my dress and will rock it regardless of what people say. I had a friend kind of get rude with me over the fact that I had a white dress and then kind of continued to rip me a new one on how my marriage is going to fail and started gettting facts online that showed how people who have sex before marriage more than likely will get divorced. I'll be quite open and honest here...Yes my FI and I had sex before marriage. We were each others first so yes I feel like I made the right choice and I am not ashamed of it. Does anyone find these comments rude or does anyone get commetns like this about theirs? I mostly just wanted to rant about this and see what others opinion (if any) are about this.

Social science nerd rant commencing... Sounds like your judgmental friend needs a lesson in correlation vs causation. Yes, people who live together or have sex before marriage have higher divorce rates, but that doesn't mean it's BECAUSE they did those things. Rather, people who choose to wait or not live together are more likely to have traditional or religious views that discourage divorce, among other lifestyle factors. So, IMHO, she is rude and naive about statistics.

lilacck28 · June 2014

mellowmarshmallow said:

hnbright2010 said:

So I know I am not a "pure" bride obviously because my FI and I started having sex before marriage. Obviously not usually open about this but I feel the need to see if these comments annoy anyone else. My dress is pure white (oh no but your dress can't be pure white you will burn in hell..) and I love my dress and will rock it regardless of what people say. I had a friend kind of get rude with me over the fact that I had a white dress and then kind of continued to rip me a new one on how my marriage is going to fail and started gettting facts online that showed how people who have sex before marriage more than likely will get divorced. I'll be quite open and honest here...Yes my FI and I had sex before marriage. We were each others first so yes I feel like I made the right choice and I am not ashamed of it. Does anyone find these comments rude or does anyone get commetns like this about theirs? I mostly just wanted to rant about this and see what others opinion (if any) are about this.

Social science nerd rant commencing... Sounds like your judgmental friend needs a lesson in correlation vs causation. Yes, people who live together or have sex before marriage have higher divorce rates, but that doesn't mean it's BECAUSE they did those things. Rather, people who choose to wait or not live together are more likely to have traditional or religious views that discourage divorce, among other lifestyle factors. So, IMHO, she is rude and naive about statistics.

Also, there have been quite a few recent studies that suggest that the reason for the higher number of break ups/ divorces of those who live together before marriage are because many of those couples who lived together first only did so out of convenience rather than loving the other person and wanting to live with them. The reason for cohabitation makes a difference.

hellohkb · June 2014

mellowmarshmallow said:

hnbright2010 said:

So I know I am not a "pure" bride obviously because my FI and I started having sex before marriage. Obviously not usually open about this but I feel the need to see if these comments annoy anyone else. My dress is pure white (oh no but your dress can't be pure white you will burn in hell..) and I love my dress and will rock it regardless of what people say. I had a friend kind of get rude with me over the fact that I had a white dress and then kind of continued to rip me a new one on how my marriage is going to fail and started gettting facts online that showed how people who have sex before marriage more than likely will get divorced. I'll be quite open and honest here...Yes my FI and I had sex before marriage. We were each others first so yes I feel like I made the right choice and I am not ashamed of it. Does anyone find these comments rude or does anyone get commetns like this about theirs? I mostly just wanted to rant about this and see what others opinion (if any) are about this.

Social science nerd rant commencing... Sounds like your judgmental friend needs a lesson in correlation vs causation. Yes, people who live together or have sex before marriage have higher divorce rates, but that doesn't mean it's BECAUSE they did those things. Rather, people who choose to wait or not live together are more likely to have traditional or religious views that discourage divorce, among other lifestyle factors. So, IMHO, she is rude and naive about statistics.

I am studying to be a couples therapist- This is what I tell people all the time. The same people who will save themselves for marriage are usually more traditional and are not as likely to seek a divorce. It's not that somehow having sex or living together previously will tarnish your relationship or whatever.

Also, your friend is really rude and- like PPs have mentioned-, totally incorrect. The white is supposed to symbolize the purity of your love. Wear whatever damn color you want with pride.

monkeysip · June 2014

H and I were virgins until our wedding, at age 26. We believe strongly in waiting until marriage, and we do believe it has benefits for our marriage. But that's OUR choice. And it is not my place to judge anyone who chooses otherwise. And your marriage is NOT doomed to fail because you had premarital sex. And ditto to the white dress=sexual purity BS. I'm sorry that you know some a**holes. I would never say anything negative to my friends about their choice not to wait until marriage. That's not "kind of rude".... it's really rude. ETA: once again, no line breaks in my post because TK hates me.

monkeysip · June 2014

kerbohl said:

Despite waiting for marriage, I also had people making comments about me lying about it and sleeping with my husband beforehand and just claiming to be waiting. So even if you had waited OP, you might have still been getting the rude comments. People suck.

Yes, and this too. H and I dated for 10 years before marrying, and some people didn't believe we waited.

Screw them. Whether you waited or you didn't, it's none of people's business, and people will be judgmental no matter what.

CMGragain · June 2014

I wore white.I have been married for 38 years. No, I wasn't..... Yes, I wore a white wedding dress.

theartistformerlyknownas · June 2014

Lawd knows if I'm going to hell it'll be for a lot of other reasons than wearing white as an "impure" bride. Your "friend" is a bitch.

ashley8918 · June 2014

How incredibly rude!

I have 2 kids with someone else, so it's pretty clear that I didn't wait until marriage, haha. My son was also born before I was married to my first husband. Luckily, I haven't heard any comments like this.

Otherwise:

MollyandD · June 2014

Anyone can wear white at anytime. I'm sorry this person was so terrible to you. You don't have to explain your life choices to this so called friend.

hellosweetie1015 · June 2014

mellowmarshmallow said:

hnbright2010 said:

So I know I am not a "pure" bride obviously because my FI and I started having sex before marriage. Obviously not usually open about this but I feel the need to see if these comments annoy anyone else. My dress is pure white (oh no but your dress can't be pure white you will burn in hell..) and I love my dress and will rock it regardless of what people say. I had a friend kind of get rude with me over the fact that I had a white dress and then kind of continued to rip me a new one on how my marriage is going to fail and started gettting facts online that showed how people who have sex before marriage more than likely will get divorced. I'll be quite open and honest here...Yes my FI and I had sex before marriage. We were each others first so yes I feel like I made the right choice and I am not ashamed of it. Does anyone find these comments rude or does anyone get commetns like this about theirs? I mostly just wanted to rant about this and see what others opinion (if any) are about this.

Social science nerd rant commencing... Sounds like your judgmental friend needs a lesson in correlation vs causation. Yes, people who live together or have sex before marriage have higher divorce rates, but that doesn't mean it's BECAUSE they did those things. Rather, people who choose to wait or not live together are more likely to have traditional or religious views that discourage divorce, among other lifestyle factors. So, IMHO, she is rude and naive about statistics.

Did you know: the divorce rate in Maine is almost a PERFECT (0.992258) positive correlation to the consumption of margarine in the USA (meaning as margarine consumption goes up, so do Maine's divorce rates). Does that mean that if the USA were to cut back on its margarine intake, people in Maine would be less likely to get a divorce? HELL NO IT DOESN'T it just means the numbers line up nicely! CORRELATION DOES NOT EQUAL CAUSATION! High five, @mellowmarshmallow, for beating me to the punch.

You could actually use that stat, OP, if you wanted to have some fun with it. Or the one that correlates @ 0.92 the link between marriages in North Carolina and legal executions.

MollyandD · June 2014

CaitTDid23 said:

Did you know: the divorce rate in Maine is almost a PERFECT (0.992258) positive correlation to the consumption of margarine in the USA (meaning as margarine consumption goes up, so do Maine's divorce rates). Does that mean that if the USA were to cut back on its margarine intake, people in Maine would be less likely to get a divorce? HELL NO IT DOESN'T it just means the numbers line up nicely! CORRELATION DOES NOT EQUAL CAUSATION! High five, @mellowmarshmallow, for beating me to the punch.

You could actually use that stat, OP, if you wanted to have some fun with it. Or the one that correlates @ 0.92 the link between marriages in North Carolina and legal executions.

This is great. I hate when people look at statistics, have no clue what they mean, and still use them to prove a point. Similar to how annoyed I, a teacher, felt when I learned that a politician said that it was terrible that half of our students perform below average on the end of year standardized tests. Looks like someone missed the lesson on bell/normal curves.

Nymeru · June 2014

Screw her. Wear the white dress with pride. She doesn't sound like someone whose opinion you should give a damn about.

I've gotten a couple of comments from my FI's family about us living in sin, but usually all it takes is my death stare ( I seriously just stare at them until they look away) and they shut right up. No one way is right for everyone. People know this. They just like to be jerks sometimes because it can feel so good to judge others and revel in your superiority.

Viczaesar · June 2014

hnbright2010 said:

So I know I am not a "pure" bride obviously because my FI and I started having sex before marriage. Obviously not usually open about this but I feel the need to see if these comments annoy anyone else. My dress is pure white (oh no but your dress can't be pure white you will burn in hell..) and I love my dress and will rock it regardless of what people say. I had a friend kind of get rude with me over the fact that I had a white dress and then kind of continued to rip me a new one on how my marriage is going to fail and started gettting facts online that showed how people who have sex before marriage more than likely will get divorced. I'll be quite open and honest here...Yes my FI and I had sex before marriage. We were each others first so yes I feel like I made the right choice and I am not ashamed of it. Does anyone find these comments rude or does anyone get commetns like this about theirs? I mostly just wanted to rant about this and see what others opinion (if any) are about this.

I suggest you start with informing her that tradition of the bride wearing white has nothing to do with the state of one's hymen and everything to do with Queen Victoria starting a trend of wearing expensive white (and therefore at that time uncleanable) dresses to show off wealth. Then I'd segue into telling her to fuck off and peddle her judgmental bitchiness elsewhere.

Chipmunk415 · June 2014

I wore ivory. Dh and I were living together officially for a year and a half before we got married. White is not a good color for me- celtic skin and not much time to get tan, I'd have been a white blob in photos.

If this "friend" keeps it up, perhaps remind her the duchess of cambridge wore white, and she and william had lived together previously, went on vacations together and the implications are there too. If the queen of England approves, what gives your friend the higher power to judge :-)

ElcaB · June 2014

A person who makes an effort to prove how likely your marriage is to fail because of premarital sex doesn't sound like a friend to me.

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