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You're fucking kidding right? We haven't even set a date!

afox007afox007 member
1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
in Chit Chat
I just got a gem of a Facebook message from FI's ex wife. "I know we haven't ever been on the greatest of terms, but once you marry FI we will be family since we will all be FSS's parents. I was hoping we would be able to put our differences aside at the wedding since it will be my first chance to see FSS in a suit and I still have a lot of mutual friends with FI that I plan to party with. Don't worry about sending an invite just let me know when and where to show up."

What in the ever living fuck? No we will never be family. No you will not be there. No you don't get to use my wedding to party. We are tentatively leaning towards next year, but due to budget issues have not set a date. Sadly I know there are several single mutual friends who would gladly bring her as their plus one and like I learned here I can't dictate who they bring.
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Re: You're fucking kidding right? We haven't even set a date!

  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Oh my god. She did not! That is crazypants.
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  • afox007afox007 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    My concern with the plus one thing is I thought you can't pick and choose who gets a plus one. I have a handful of people who are truly single (and most likely will be no matter when the wedding is) and don't think they should be penalized because of one psycho drama queen junkie.
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  • afox007afox007 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    I seriously need wine, but I start work in 10 minutes :'( I need to add security to my budget because I do not put it past her to crash the wedding. Even if their friends keep their mouth shit I know FSS or FMIL will tell her.
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  • SenecafSenecaf member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Third Anniversary First Answer
    She is nuts. Security sounds like a reasonable expense in this case. FMIL will tell her? Not cool at all.

    I would probably message her and say cool I'll let you know the deets. Since you are coming to party I just wanted to give you a heads up, the cover charge is $80.

    I wouldn't really do that. I would ignore her till closer till the wedding and have FI tell her that she is NOT invited.
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  • chibiyuichibiyui member
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    Anniversary
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  • blabla89blabla89 member
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  • blabla89blabla89 member
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    edited June 2014
    and also

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  • JMalettasJMalettas member
    500 Comments 100 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    edited June 2014
     Ugh. This would make me furious. Not only did she just invite herself to your wedding, but she's acting like it's completely cool. I'd just message her back with a polite, "not a f*cking chance." LOL. Okay, maybe I wouldn't do that, but I'd definitely make it clear it's a big NO. 

     I think you should talk to your FI for sure. Maybe he can more calmly explain to her that she won't be attending. If they have kids together, I'm sure they must converse between pick-ups at a minimum. So I wouldn't see an issue with asking him to mention it to her. 

     If you think she may crash the wedding, then totally fork over the dough for security. That would definitely be money well spent, in the case that it happens! 

     Good luck to ya!

     *J
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  • SBminiSBmini member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited June 2014
    Do you guys remember that one member here who wanted her ex-husband to be her man of honor and couldn't understand why her FI wasn't excited about that.

    Yeah. 

    Exes and weddings are not cool. I would be careful with how you handle this depending on how custody is set up. My former BIL and dad of my flower girl and ring bearer threatened to not let them come to our wedding because it was on "his weekend" and he was pissed at my SIL for leaving his dead beat ass. 
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  • Vivandiere8Vivandiere8 member
    250 Love Its Third Anniversary 100 Comments Name Dropper
    JMalettas said:
     Ugh. This would make me furious. Not only did she just invite herself to your wedding, but she's acting like it's completely cool. I'd just message her back with a polite, "not a f*cking chance." LOL. Okay, maybe I wouldn't do that, but I'd definitely make it clear it's a big NO. 

     I think you should talk to your FI for sure. Maybe he can more calmly explain to her that she won't be attending. If they have kids together, I'm sure they must converse between pick-ups at a minimum. So I wouldn't see an issue with asking him to mention it to her. 

     If you think she may crash the wedding, then totally fork over the dough for security. That would definitely be money well spent, in the case that it happens! 

     Good luck to ya!

     *J
      I agree with JMalettas.

    This should not have to be a guessing issue about whether or not your friends will bring her, or if someone else will give her the info and she just shows up. Your fiance needs to speak to her directly and tell her that you both received her email and that you are sorry but she is not invited to the wedding and she is not invited to come as anyone's plus one.

    I really feel for you because before my wedding my fiance's ex (they were never married but have a son together) wanted to come to the wedding, partly to see little son dressed up in a tux and walking down the isle as ring barer... which was interesting since she never shows up for school events, parent teacher meetings, his recitals, and constantly cancels her weekends with him, etc and supposedly doesn't have a car that works good enough to pick him, or even meet half way when she does need him dropped off for a weekend... but she could make it to the wedding many miles further than our place? Anyway, thankfully she wasn't the type to crash, but it was still an awkward situation. There was a lot of bean dipping.
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  • afox007afox007 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    edited June 2014
    SBmini said:

    Do you guys remember that one member here who wanted her ex-husband to be her man of honor and couldn't understand why her FI wasn't excited about that.


    Yeah. 

    Exes and weddings are not cool. I would be careful with how you handle this depending on how custody is set up. My former BIL and dad of my flower girl and ring bearer threatened to not let them come to our wedding because it was on "his weekend" and he was pissed at my SIL for leaving his dead beat ass. 
    I can be as bitchy as I want lol there would be no effect on custody! Me and my awesome legal skills got full legal and physical custody. She gets "visitation at the discretion of the plaintiff".

    @Chipmunk415‌ I would love to hire evil chipmunk!
    I will even throw in cake and my first born!
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  • Chipmunk415Chipmunk415 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    Afox- evil chipmunk will accept some cake, but you get to keep the munchkin. She further concurs with prettygirllost regarding blocking the ex and would appreciate more details on ex's level of BSC so she knows how much crazier shr needs to be
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  • BlackLace2015BlackLace2015 member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    my fi's ex (sons mom) invited herself to my wedding on FB in a public conversation which included fi's mom. awkward.
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  • wandajune6wandajune6 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    FI's ex-wife and her girlfriend asked about coming. I've been trying to be pleasant with them so I subtlety suggested that it might be a bad idea given our guest list (which includes a lot of people she screwed over a decade ago). She's over it- but it helped that I offered to send pictures of her son in a tux.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
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  • NYCBruinNYCBruin member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    After careful thought and consideration, I think you should respond to her message with this:

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    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
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  • lilacck28lilacck28 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    Just want to reiterate what PP said: You CAN pick and choose who gets a plus one. 

    I am planning to give plus ones to friends I invite who are either travelling REALLY long distances, or to friends that don't know many other people or aren't naturally part of a "friend group". I am NOT giving plus ones to friends who know and are good friends with many other guests. 

    You can give a plus one to anyone you want while also not giving plus one's to others. 
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  • kmmssgkmmssg mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its

    I want to know what your FI had to say about this!

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  • jenna8984jenna8984 member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    That is definitely ridiculous!!!!!! My brother and his ex wife are on good terms. They have a 4 year old son, they own houses a mile apart, they and their new spouses are all FB friends and they throw nephew a joint birthday party each year. And even they were NOT invited to each other's second weddings, nor did they expect to be or want to be!!!

                                                                     

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  • ShellD13ShellD13 member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    I think I prefer the variety of BSC ex-wife that I have to deal with...  Openly Hostile and Bitter - works for me.  She probably would have opted for torture over attending our wedding so she could see her son and daughter all dressed up.  Other than that I think you have great advice from PP.  +1 are at your discretion, tell her directly she is not invited or welcome to come as another's guest, and unfriend/block her on FB ASAP.

    As a side note congrats on the full legal and physical custody!  That rocks - especially for dads there is still a lot of bias towards moms in the system.
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  • pinkshorts27pinkshorts27 member
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  • SBminiSBmini member
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    afox007 said:
    Do you guys remember that one member here who wanted her ex-husband to be her man of honor and couldn't understand why her FI wasn't excited about that.

    Yeah. 

    Exes and weddings are not cool. I would be careful with how you handle this depending on how custody is set up. My former BIL and dad of my flower girl and ring bearer threatened to not let them come to our wedding because it was on "his weekend" and he was pissed at my SIL for leaving his dead beat ass. 
    I can be as bitchy as I want lol there would be no effect on custody! Me and my awesome legal skills got full legal and physical custody. She gets "visitation at the discretion of the plaintiff". @Chipmunk415‌ I would love to hire evil chipmunk! I will even throw in cake and my first born!
    Nice! My SIL is hoping for the same thing within a year. She's gathering evidence of him completely ignoring their legal agreement then is going to hit him hard with it when she has enough. This asshole took the crib set she was saving for us that was clearly hers in the divorce. And the Keurig. 
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  • SeaCaptainOtterSeaCaptainOtter member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    The cray is strong with that ex

    Seriously,
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  • afox007afox007 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    PrettyGirlLost said:
    Why in the shit are you FB friends with her?! Forget your awesome legal skills and how about using your awesome "Unfriend and Block" skills? ;-) I'm assuming that she is a horribly unfit mother if the courts awarded your FI and you full custody?
    Only because FSS does still see her occasionally and while he may not give us the while truth of what happened FB does. Like the lovely pics of him dumpster diving with her that she thought were hilarious. For some reason she wouldn't be FB friends with FI, but was willing to add me and now we have reason to limit visitation. 
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  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    afox007 said:
    PrettyGirlLost said:
    Why in the shit are you FB friends with her?! Forget your awesome legal skills and how about using your awesome "Unfriend and Block" skills? ;-) I'm assuming that she is a horribly unfit mother if the courts awarded your FI and you full custody?
    Only because FSS does still see her occasionally and while he may not give us the while truth of what happened FB does. Like the lovely pics of him dumpster diving with her that she thought were hilarious. For some reason she wouldn't be FB friends with FI, but was willing to add me and now we have reason to limit visitation. 
    Aha, I see your logic now. . . makes sense to me.

    But to the bolded, dafuq?  Like she's a freegan and they were grocery shopping or what?!

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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