Wedding Etiquette Forum

Who should the father of the bride match...the bride or the mother of the bride?

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Re: Who should the father of the bride match...the bride or the mother of the bride?

  • Seriously OP a tie is going to ruin your wedding day!!!!!? Just silly. 

    When I look at my wedding photos the last thing I am looking at or thinking about is a tie!! Someone has way toooo much time on their hands.
  • I agree with other posters, however, many people have the Dad's match the groomsmen or wear a tux and tie chosen by the bridal couple. 

     For my wedding, and my sister's wedding, and my husband's brother's wedding the Dads got a tux, and the tie and vest colors were chosen by the bride and groom. Now if the Dads didn't want to wear that , we wouldn't have made them, but it's pretty common place from other weddings I've seen as well.

    We had no say in the mother's attire though. 

    I got lucky in that the entire bridal party (including the parents) wore black and white.
    Yeah, my dad *wanted* to match the groomsmen. I had to tell him that we bought the suits BOGO from Men's Wearhouse and unless he wanted to pay full price, he should just get a grey suit on his own if he wants to match the guys. Or wear the grey suit he owns. I bought him the same navy tie I got the groomsmen - but again, only because he wanted to.
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  • photokittyphotokitty where I want to be mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Just add some blue flowers to your bouquet...problem solved.
    Your parents can whatever they want. It will not bug you forever. If it does, don't hang a photo with them on your living room wall. Or pay you for your dad's tux rental/ buy him a suit and get him a white or black tie.

    FWIW - my mom and dad always color coordinate. So I would not be surprised by mom wanting the blue tie. I would add blue flowers to my bouquet if I cared that much. 
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

  • ashleyepashleyep member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    edited June 2014
    @Viczaesar I just googled it and found "Traditionally, the bride’s mother has the honor of selecting her outfit first." and "As for who calls whom to discuss ‘our outfits,’ the mother of the groom shouldn’t stand on ceremony; if she hasn’t heard anything once the initial wedding plans are underway, she’s perfectly welcome to call the mother of the bride." I knew I had heard it somewhere and wasn't making it up! But yes, the adults can wear whatever they want (unless it's restricted by the venue...but they can still wear it and not be let in)...but I don't think that was Wegl13's confusion - she just hadn't heard of it!
    I think it's in my Emily Post Wedding Etiquette book. But that doesn't mean it's an etiquette rule. Half the shit in there is ridiculous and conflates tradition with etiquette.

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  • beachyone15beachyone15 TEXAS (the home of my exes) member
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    Umm....this is CRAY!


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  • beachyone15beachyone15 TEXAS (the home of my exes) member
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    AndreaT04 said:
    My dad is wearing the same tan suit that the groom and groomsmen are wearing. I wanted my dad to wear either a coral or green tie to go with the colors of my flowers and so it would look put together in the pictures of my dad walking me down the aisle. However, my mom is insistent that my dad's tie should match her dress and not my flowers because "he's only going to be with you when you're walking down the aisle....he'll be with me the rest of the time." But my mom's dress is blue so that would mean my dad would be wearing a blue tie! I know that it will forever bother me when looking at the photos. My feeling is that he should match my flowers because it's my day, not my mom's. They had their day 30 years ago, it's our turn now! Any thoughts?
    So, I admit stopped reading after the bolded. I just read the last two sentences. I guess it's true what they say, weddings DO really bring out the crazy in some people.


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  • chibiyuichibiyui The Boring Part of MD member
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    This is such a non issue. Buy him a tie like lolo883 posted. Or better yet, let it go.
    *pretend there's a Frozen gif here. Mobile knotting cramps my style*
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  • bmydesignerbmydesigner member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited June 2014
    Yeah, this is just absurd to me why this would bother you so much. At the end of the day, colors don't matter. What matters are the people wearing those colors.

    My FMIL is planning on wearing a pink dress to the wedding. Our colors are purple and gray. While I don't particularly like purple and pink together, I could care less that she wants to wear this dress. All's I care about is that she feels beautiful and comfortable.

    Also, (here comes my soapbox) be thankful you have your dad there. People like me don't get that opportunity, and would give anything just to have him there.

    Edited because words are hard
    JCbride2015
  • chibiyui said:
    This is such a non issue. Buy him a tie like lolo883 posted. Or better yet, let it go. *pretend there's a Frozen gif here. Mobile knotting cramps my style*
    Here, I'll help!

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  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 Dirty Jerz member
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    @lolo883 Great, thanks, now I'm shopping on TheTieBar for Fi.  He really needs ties but avoids buying them because they are so expensive!
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  • theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas peaced out. member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    @JCbride2015 sorry not sorry. :) We got our guys' ties from there, the silk herringbone one in Pool. They're gorgeous, couldn't believe how cheap they were!

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  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Lest I come off as unhelpful, here are some options you may suggest to your dad to choose from that will coordinate with everyone and look good with a tan suit, all available at thetiebar.com for $15. It is still his choice though.
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    These are some great examples on how he can coordinate with everyone, yet not "match" anyone.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • My dad's tie matched my mom's dress and had not a single hue in common with my bouquet and I love our pictures together.

    OP, I think pinterest has you in a tizzy.
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    [Deleted User]
  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I don't understand why people believe parents should match the bridal party for the sake of pictures. 

    Aren't you getting pictures with all the other guests? Have you ever looked at a group photo of bridal party, friends and family and thought, "Gee, that guest's hot pink dress clashes with the bridesmaids' green dress."  No, you don't, because that's dumb.    People take group photos all the time without regard to coordinating, and a wedding is no different. 

    I have no idea what my dad's wearing and I don't care. My mom chose a floral dress with navy accents, and my bridesmaids are wearing black. FMIL hasn't chosen yet but wants something in the purple range. OMG! 
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  • KatWAGKatWAG Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    You and your mom are both being ridiculous. He doesn't need to match either of you. Do couples normally match when they go out to dinner or walk down the street? If you're so worried about clashing in your photos, print them in black and white. Or ask if he'd like to wear a black, white, or other neutral tie. Or one with blue, green and coral stripes. But it's up to him, not either of you.

    My H and I will get dressed seperately and we are almost always matching, pure coincidence. I always make one of us change.

    OP, a blue tie wont ruin your wedding. And if it does, that is pathetic.

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  • KatWAGKatWAG Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    @lolo883 I completely agree. Old people dressed alike is super cute, kind of like babies. But when H and I both put on jeans, Rainbow flip flops and green t shirts, its not cute. Its weird.
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
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    I looked. My dad's tie was yellow, so that means he matched our cake. I like it. 


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  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle NYC 'burbs member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I'm seriously cracking up at the thought of someone looking at their wedding album 15 years later and thinking, "Look at that awful tie on my dad. That tie ruined my wedding day!" 
    southernbelle0915[Deleted User]
  • photokittyphotokitty where I want to be mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    I'm seriously cracking up at the thought of someone looking at their wedding album 15 years later and thinking, "Look at that awful tie on my dad. That tie ruined my wedding day!" 
    Years later it's usually it's the bride saying that about her hair or the puffy sleeves on her dress. But it was sooooo fashionable at the time.
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  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
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    My dad is wearing the same tan suit that the groom and groomsmen are wearing. I wanted my dad to wear either a coral or green tie to go with the colors of my flowers and so it would look put together in the pictures of my dad walking me down the aisle. However, my mom is insistent that my dad's tie should match her dress and not my flowers because "he's only going to be with you when you're walking down the aisle....he'll be with me the rest of the time." But my mom's dress is blue so that would mean my dad would be wearing a blue tie! I know that it will forever bother me when looking at the photos. My feeling is that he should match my flowers because it's my day, not my mom's. They had their day 30 years ago, it's our turn now! Any thoughts?
    Your dad should wear whatever he wants. He isn't in the bridal party and he is an adult. He doesn't have to match anyone.
    If a father is escorting his daughter, the bride, down the aisle, then isn't he in the bridal party?  I have always thought so.  I consider my Dad as part of my wedding party.

    That said, I let him choose the type of tux he wanted to wear.  @CMGragain will be proud of him, he chose morning coat attire for our 3pm wedding.  The Groom and the rest of the GMs will be in tuxes, though.  Dad and FI are wearing ivory, and the GMs are wearing ivory and gold.

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  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited June 2014
    I'm seriously cracking up at the thought of someone looking at their wedding album 15 years later and thinking, "Look at that awful tie on my dad. That tie ruined my wedding day!" 
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    Here is a picture of my brother and his wife.   This is what happens when couples do not coordinate.     Did it ruin my family picture?  No..   Do I look at the family portrait hanging in my living room and say "WTF were they thinking?".    YES.

    Individually they looked fine.  Together?  Not so much.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • Yeah, this is just absurd to me why this would bother you so much. At the end of the day, colors don't matter. What matters are the people wearing those colors.

    My FMIL is planning on wearing a pink dress to the wedding. Our colors are purple and gray. While I don't particularly like purple and pink together, I could care less that she wants to wear this dress. All's I care about is that she feels beautiful and comfortable.

    Also, (here comes my soapbox) be thankful you have your dad there. People like me don't get that opportunity, and would give anything just to have him there.

    Edited because words are hard
    Purple and Pink are our wedding colors, LOL. I get they aren't everyone's taste. Fiance' picked them out. They are my two favorite colors and purple is his. Our wedding is only 20 people though so we aren't going too crazy in the color department.

    We told our parents to wear what they want. We are having a lunchtime wedding and going into Disneyland afterwards so I don't think the mother's are even wearing dresses, just nice pants and blouses. My dad wants to wear a tux. I told him to go for it if that's what he wants. I did tell him it's a lunch wedding and everyone else will be much more casual, so I suspect he won't, but Hey, if it makes him feel good he can go for it. I can't even imagine being bothered by the color of his tie!
  • NavyBlue143NavyBlue143 member
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    edited June 2014
    Our wedding colors were red, black, and silver. My mom wore a silver dress, because she wanted to. His mom wore a black and pink dress. Not exactly coordinating, but that was the last thought in my mind. She looked nice and happy, and she was there. That's all that mattered. My dad wore white and khaki. Again, though neutral, not exactly coordinating or matching the formality of what my mom and I were wearing. I did not care.

    This is us laughing because he made a joke right as we started walking. Do you think whenever I look at this picture, I give a shit what he's wearing? No. I see my wonderful dad and I sharing a moment. What he is wearing has no bearing on how important he is to me or my relationship. And those are the things I think about when I look at this picture. Your wedding photos should be about capturing moments, not coordinating outfits so it looks like a magazine. For the record, I liked his outfit. But even if I hadn't, I would feel no different about the memories those pictures captured.

    Let your dad pick what he wears for goodness sake. It's just a tie. A tie is really going to bother you as you look back on your wedding day and pictures of you with your father? That's what you're going to choose to focus on? Really?
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  • VulgarGirlVulgarGirl Desert Oasis member
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    He should rock one of these bad boys: 
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    My thought process is...grown ups who are trusted to dress themselves every other day of the year, should have that same trust extended to them on your wedding day.
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  • VulgarGirlVulgarGirl Desert Oasis member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    chibiyui said:
    This is such a non issue. Buy him a tie like lolo883 posted. Or better yet, let it go. *pretend there's a Frozen gif here. Mobile knotting cramps my style*
    I got your back.

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  • ShellD13ShellD13 Can't get there from here member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    edited June 2014
    I'm in a similar boat as a couple of PP, our dads wanted to coordinate with the GM (we only had one) so we bought camp shirts that matched for all three of the men.  Moms chose their own outfits and I got them corsages that matched our colors.

    Because we had such a small wedding I think the pictures look really cool.  Neither mom was matchy matchy with their husbands but everyone still looked terrific!

    ETA: @lolo883 Yea they sell XXL ties!  H is in big and tall sizes and Mens Warehouse charges like $50/per tie its ridiculous! 
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