Torn between my OWN Parents

CaitlinD19 · June 2014

My parents have been separated for about 6 years and my father has a girlfriend of 5 years and my mom a boyfriend of about a year. My mom has mentioned she would prefer me to just have her and my dad at my wedding with no dates. My dad on the other hand is giving me a guilt trip for not inviting his girlfriend. I do not have a relationship with either of their significant others due to me living far away. On another note, my father has not contributed to the wedding (nor has he asked how plans are going) and my mom is paying for my dress, the flowers and is paying majority of my bridal shower. If their dates come, all I will worry about that day is how both of my parents are feeling with their new significant others there. I will personally feel comfortable if they do not come with dates. I would appreciate some advice and thoughts from other brides!! thanks xoxo

chibiyui · June 2014

CaitlinD19 said:
My parents have been separated for about 6 years and my father has a girlfriend of 5 years and my mom a boyfriend of about a year. My mom has mentioned she would prefer me to just have her and my dad at my wedding with no dates. My dad on the other hand is giving me a guilt trip for not inviting his girlfriend. I do not have a relationship with either of their significant others due to me living far away. On another note, my father has not contributed to the wedding (nor has he asked how plans are going) and my mom is paying for my dress, the flowers and is paying majority of my bridal shower. If their dates come, all I will worry about that day is how both of my parents are feeling with their new significant others there. I will personally feel comfortable if they do not come with dates. I would appreciate some advice and thoughts from other brides!! thanks xoxo

Your parents significant others should be invited as they are a social unit. If mom prefers to attend alone, that's on her.

Your parents are fucking adults and should be able act as such for one day.

Viczaesar · June 2014

You must invite all of your guests' significant others. Your mother can decide that she doesn't want to bring her boyfriend, but she can't decide that for your father.

lyndausvi · June 2014

chibiyui said:

My parents have been separated for about 6 years and my father has a girlfriend of 5 years and my mom a boyfriend of about a year. My mom has mentioned she would prefer me to just have her and my dad at my wedding with no dates. My dad on the other hand is giving me a guilt trip for not inviting his girlfriend. I do not have a relationship with either of their significant others due to me living far away. On another note, my father has not contributed to the wedding (nor has he asked how plans are going) and my mom is paying for my dress, the flowers and is paying majority of my bridal shower. If their dates come, all I will worry about that day is how both of my parents are feeling with their new significant others there. I will personally feel comfortable if they do not come with dates. I would appreciate some advice and thoughts from other brides!! thanks xoxo
Your parents significant others should be invited as they are a social unit. If mom prefers to attend alone, that's on her. Your parents are fucking adults and should be able act as such for one day.

This all the way.

OliveOilsMom · June 2014

If you think they will have problems, seat them in separate rows for the ceremony. You should already be allowing them to host their own tables at the reception. They should have very little interaction with each other generally. They will both need to be around for the family pictures, but they don't need to speak with each other.

But your parents are adults and need to act accordingly. If they don't behave themselves, that is on them and will reflect poorly on them and not you.

CMGragain · June 2014

Are your parents separated, or are they divorced? If they are divorced, your mother has no business dictating whom your father should, or should not, bring to your wedding. If they are married, his bringing a date does seem odd.

Nymeru · June 2014

Yeah, unfortunately your mom paying for things doesn't allow her to dictate if your dad can bring a date. As awkward as she thinks it will be, you should be inviting both of their SOs to your wedding.

Simply Fated · June 2014

Viczaesar said:
You must invite all of your guests' significant others. Your mother can decide that she doesn't want to bring her boyfriend, but she can't decide that for your father.

This.

The fact that she is paying does not give her a say on this particular matter.

JaxInBlue · June 2014

Ditto PPs. Your parents GF/BF are part of their social unit. That means they both need to be invited by name. Your parents can individually decided to bring their partner, but it's not a unilateral decision one can make and impose on the other. (For the record, not knowing anyone's SO is not a reason not to include them; I hope this is not something you'd consider for other guests on your list.)

My parents are also divorced, though it's been a lot longer, and now they can be pleasant to each other when they are involved in stuff for their kids. Although they sat together, with their parents, in the first row of our venue for the service, at the reception they sat at separate tables and "hosted" their friends and family at those tables. It worked for them/us.

Other things you can do if there is animosity: decide now that you will take individual pictures with your parents, rather than them together. Get some pictures with the SOs and some without. Skip traditions that might put them together in an uncomfortable way such as a parent introductions at the reception or a receiving line.

Your parents and their SOs should be able to co-exist in one room for part of a day without conflict.

RebeccaFlower · June 2014

Your mom is out of line. They are in relationships and need to be invited with their SOs.

MyNameIsNot · June 2014

Your mother needs to get over it. She's been divorced for 6 years, and she's got a boyfriend. She doesn't get to get jealous over your father having a girlfriend.

lilacck28 · June 2014

MyNameIsNot said:

Your mother needs to get over it. She's been divorced for 6 years, and she's got a boyfriend. She doesn't get to get jealous over your father having a girlfriend.

Eh. I disagree. She get's to be jealous, her feelings are her feelings, but she doesn't get to demand that her jealousy trumps etiquette.

Majelin86 · June 2014

You should invite both of their significant others. Your dad should be able to bring a date if he wants, your mom shouldn't get to decide that.

southernbelle0915 · June 2014

Agree with everyone else. If any of your guests are in relationships, their SOs get invited. Period. Your mom can bring her bf if she wants and your dad gets to bring his gf. This isn't middle school - they should be able to handle this.

Seat them on opposite sides of the first row or in separate rows for the ceremony and at separate tables for the reception. That should be more than enough accommodation on your part. The rest is up to them.

WildMagelet · July 2014

CMGragain said:

Are your parents separated, or are they divorced? If they are divorced, your mother has no business dictating whom your father should, or should not, bring to your wedding. If they are married, his bringing a date does seem odd.

Come back, OP! I also was curious as to the answer of this question.

If your parents are still married it seems super weird to me to have them bring dates.

If you parents are divorced your mom needs to get over it. Your father's girlfriend is his significant other and should be invited as such.

Torn between my OWN Parents

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