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Am I Being Rude?

MsChicagoFanMsChicagoFan member
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in Snarky Brides
DH and I got married back in September, and we were surprised that many of the guests we invited from Boston (where we both attended school) came to our wedding in Chicago.

Fast forward to now, one of the guests that made the trip is getting married later this month. While DH and I would love to attend, I am starting a new job the Monday after the wedding AND we are in the process of house-hunting. Not to mention, we are already committed to a 3-day wedding "event" the week before. All-in-all, it is just not the best time for us to be flying across the country for a wedding.

However, I understand that everyone has their lives to live, and this couple made the effort to be there for our day. Am I being rude by not putting forth the same effort?
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Re: Am I Being Rude?

  • abbyj700abbyj700 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    ^Ditto this.
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
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    No. Just because it worked out for her to attend your wedding doesn't mean it works out for you to attend hers.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • ZhabeegoZhabeego member
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    Technically, you're not being rude but...depending on how important these people are to you, I think you should carefully consider going. Yes, the timing is inconvenient but life is like that. If these people are important to you - then you should consider making the effort to go. It means something that they came to your wedding and that they invited you to theirs. You need to decide if a temporary inconvenience is worth not being there for them on their wedding day.
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  • pinkshorts27pinkshorts27 member
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    Zhabeego said:
    Technically, you're not being rude but...depending on how important these people are to you, I think you should carefully consider going. Yes, the timing is inconvenient but life is like that. If these people are important to you - then you should consider making the effort to go. It means something that they came to your wedding and that they invited you to theirs. You need to decide if a temporary inconvenience is worth not being there for them on their wedding day.
    eh, I think if they were that important (like very close family) she probably would have made it work to go. I would say that it really isn't that big of deal to miss it. It is nice if you can attend, but I have to be seriously close to someone to fly to go to a wedding. Send a gift and don't worry about it. They probably won't even miss you (I mean they will have other guests)

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  • pearlsofsteelpearlsofsteel member
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    Yes.
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  • FavouritecakeFavouritecake member
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    I flew from London to attend a friends wedding in Boston a while back, and when I got married they couldn't make it to mine because similar reasons to you. (Granted my wedding was in Thailand) but I didn't feel offended or upset at all. I was just lucky that the situation my life was in when she got married, afforded me the opportunity to go. Life happens and I'm sure your friend will (or should) understand how much you would make it happen if you could. Maybe once your life settles down, you could go visit her and her new husband for a weekend. That way you'd get to spend even more quality one-on-one time with her.
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  • MGPMGP member
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    Zhabeego said:
    Technically, you're not being rude but...depending on how important these people are to you, I think you should carefully consider going. Yes, the timing is inconvenient but life is like that. If these people are important to you - then you should consider making the effort to go. It means something that they came to your wedding and that they invited you to theirs. You need to decide if a temporary inconvenience is worth not being there for them on their wedding day.
    Sometimes inconveniences just aren't worth it, time wise and financially. The OP said she is starting a new job, house hunting, and attending a wedding the weekend before.  That is a lot in itself.  It sounds like she would love to go, but has other various commitments. 

    You can't say yes to everything. It makes you a people pleaser and a pushover, not to mention spending money you don't want to or possibly in debt.  People need to not take declines as a personal attack. Sometimes even things we want to do are just not doable.
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  • slothiegalslothiegal member
    First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    No.  Sometimes things just don't work out.  There are a couple of my guests who can't make my wedding after I've gone to theirs, and while I'm bummed I won't get to see them and celebrate with them, there's no hard feelings.  That's just the cards life deals you sometimes.

    I agree with PPs, though, definitely carve out some time afterwards to catch up and hear all about it.
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  • peachy13peachy13 member
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    You're certainly not obligated to attend, but what I would do is send a heartfelt gift including a card explaining that you're you cannot attend.
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