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Your 3-5 biggest "what not to do"s

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Re: Your 3-5 biggest "what not to do"s

  • HaileyDancingbearHaileyDancingbear member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    1.  Anything with monograms.  Just not a fan.
    2. Any stupid joke suggesting FI doesn't actually want to get married.  
    3. Pink.
    4. pretty much anything on the radio.

    Sorrynotsorry, 4 is gonna be my special snowflake thing.  I'm going to be nice and polite about everything else, and of course I'll do my best to narrow down my tastes to stuff that I think other people will enjoy or tolerate, even if it isn't their favorite thing ever.  But seriously, I hate most of the music coming out today.  No niki minaj, no ke$ha, no Katy Perry, No Miley Cyrus, no Maroon 5, etc.  Yes, I know people like dancing to that stuff.  But I hate hearing that stuff.  It irritates the hell out of me and actually puts me in a bad mood (Well relatively.  I won't stomp my feet and scowl, and if I'm in someone else's car or home I won't complain, but I'll enjoy myself a bit less- that stuff is just a total buzzkill for me.)  It's even worse for FI, he's like me in terms of music tastes only he knows a hell of a lot more about music than I do so he hates it more.  

    So yeah, sorrynotsorry, IDGAF if anyone complains to me that they're hearing Janis Joplin, Jimmi Hendrix (His cover of All Along the Watchtower is pretty much at the top of my list of songs I want played) The Grateful Dead, etc. instead of "Timber."  
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  • MGPMGP member
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    ashleyep said:
    MGP said:
    ladybird29 said:
    1. Improperly hosted 200+ person weddings. Cut the guest list and do it right or don't do it at all.
    2. I know I'm in the minority here, but not extending plus ones to every adult screams rude to me. I didn't even know this was a thing (or allowed per etiquette) until I started planning my own wedding. If you want to bring your friend, partner, boss, carpool buddy, mom, someone you met on a dating site yesterday, by all means...I would never think to invite an adult and tell them they have to come to something and dance and eat by themselves...and to those that say, 'I'm not paying for a stranger...," I argue that you want your guest to be comfortable and if bringing their yoga instructor makes them happy, they should be able to do it.
    3. Stupid tacky favors with the couple's face or names on them. Unless they're edible, they're a waste of money. YES! That's exactly what I want - a coaster with your faces on them! I mean, there's no way I would display something like that but I've gotten them at weddings before. ??
    4. Worse than the garter toss - that awkward thing where the guy who catches the garter has to put it on the girl that caught the bouquet...so uncomfortable!
    Yes, yes, yes!

    #2 - If someone has the option of going to a wedding by themselves or bringing someone with them, most will choose to bring someone.  What is better - your guest feeling uncomfortable alone or your guest bringing a guest and feeling comfortable?  Pretty much a no brainer to me. And for the people that say "ZOMG we will just DIE if any random strangers are there!" your only way to prevent that is to be a complete dick and only invite the couples where you know both halves. 

    Seriously be a good host, budget accordingly, and give people that option.  It's the gracious thing to do, not to mention proactive.  There are too many tales on these boards of people entering relationships after receiving STDates or invites and the asshat hosts didn't plan the funds or space to allow the extra person to come.  

    #3 - I have a friend who hired a very famous celebrity wedding planner for her wedding. She said one of his pet peeves was couples wanting to use their picture on invites, favors, etc. and said to her "trust me, NO ONE wants to take home something with your face on it. It's tacky and gross". I laugh because it's so true!
    The bolded actually hasn't been true in our case. We invited almost all of our single friends with dates (with the exception of my friends from my sports team that I play on - they all know each other). We haven't gotten back a single response with an "and guest" yet. Over 10 people have declined to bring a random date thus far.

    I think you can find a good compromise with the rule. Your single friends who don't know many people - sure. I went to a friend's wedding from high school and thank god FI came with me because I hardly knew anyone there. But my cousin is waiting to respond to see if he can find a date. Which just seems silly to me - our family is all super close, I would never want to entertain a random friend at a family wedding. Our family gets really clique-y and there's plenty of other single cousins for you to hang out with. Obviously it's his choice and I gave him the option, it just seems silly to me in that case.
    Totally get what you are saying and I know it can vary.  Sometimes bringing a guest is more trouble than it is worth, especially if you are in the wedding.  Just saying it is better planning to account for it if 1) the guest that would like the option of a +1 has it or more importantly 2) by the time the wedding rolls around and the guest has actual SO it is not an issue of adding someone because you have already accounted for them. Also it eliminates the "sorry you cannot bring your fiancé because when I made the guest list two years ago you weren't in a relationship and I don't have the budget to pay for one more plate" debacle. 
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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
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    1. Poems and "cute" signage. 
    2. Over used themes/motifs. If I go to one more "rustic" wedding I'm going to vomit burlap, lace and fall leaves into a mason jar and give it to the B&G as their wedding gift.
    3. Trendy photography. Jumping pictures, morning after pictures, BM bare ass/GM underwear pictures... 
    4. monograms all over everything. WE KNOW you're Mrs. whatever. I do not need an engraved shot glass to remind me.
    5. House parties (i.e. second class BMs)
    6. Crappy hosting - cash bar, not enough food, not enough chairs, etc.
    *********************************************************************************

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  • beetherybeethery member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    hellokellybean said:
    1.) I dislike carnival theme, "Great Gatsby" theme (not exactly a story I want my marriage to be like), and of course rustic/burlap/barn/shabby chic weddings. 

    I love Art Deco but am so sick of seeing it all over the place. If you have a genuine love for those things, do it!. But don't do it just because it's "in". I have a love and passion for vintage items and antiques, so a friend asked if we were going to have an art deco wedding :( We're not, we're just adding things we like and the theme will be "getting married".

    2.) Garter tosses/very long, rambling speeches/other things that I have to sit through

    3.) Any breach of etiquette drives me nuts
    YUP. FI doesn't care about any... stylistic elements of the decor. I LOVE art deco, but the theme for our wedding isn't "Try to score on someone else's wife and possibly run down a stranger"

    The theme is 'wedding' with art deco elements on the printed material and some of the artwork I'm going to hang up in the venue. That's it.
    --

    I'm the fuck     out.

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  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 member
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    beethery said:
    hellokellybean said:
    1.) I dislike carnival theme, "Great Gatsby" theme (not exactly a story I want my marriage to be like), and of course rustic/burlap/barn/shabby chic weddings. 

    I love Art Deco but am so sick of seeing it all over the place. If you have a genuine love for those things, do it!. But don't do it just because it's "in". I have a love and passion for vintage items and antiques, so a friend asked if we were going to have an art deco wedding :( We're not, we're just adding things we like and the theme will be "getting married".

    2.) Garter tosses/very long, rambling speeches/other things that I have to sit through

    3.) Any breach of etiquette drives me nuts
    YUP. FI doesn't care about any... stylistic elements of the decor. I LOVE art deco, but the theme for our wedding isn't "Try to score on someone else's wife and possibly run down a stranger"

    The theme is 'wedding' with art deco elements on the printed material and some of the artwork I'm going to hang up in the venue. That's it.
    Same here- our venue, a restaurant, IS already decorated as Art Deco. There are already fun jazz-age paintings on the walls along with other architectural details. I chose a headpiece that mimics one of Carey Mulligan's pieces in the latest GG movie, but I would have chosen some wacky headband (in lieu of a veil) anyway.  

    I wouldn't go to an Art Deco ballroom and put up rustic stuff, for example.  You have to go with what's already there.  In fact, I saw pictures of our venue done up for other weddings and it looked awful. When the place has dark wood floors and gold walls, and you go with Tiffany blue chair covers... bad bad bad. 

    ________________________________


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  • theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas member
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    Re: themes - I love antiques and vintage-looking things. I am not having a "vintage themed wedding." Old themed? Why is that a "thing"? We're having the reception in a 100+ year old golf club that's already just old-school classy. My dress is lace. The flowers are soft colors. The centerpiece vases look like mercury glass. But the theme is "wedding."

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  • ashleyepashleyep member
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    beethery said:

    YUP. FI doesn't care about any... stylistic elements of the decor. I LOVE art deco, but the theme for our wedding isn't "Try to score on someone else's wife and possibly run down a stranger"

    The theme is 'wedding' with art deco elements on the printed material and some of the artwork I'm going to hang up in the venue. That's it.
    Our primary color is navy blue. And we're getting married near Cape Cod. I have anchors in a few places on some of my paper items. But I certainly wouldn't call it a nautical themed wedding!
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  • kerbohlkerbohl member
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    RebeccaFlower said:
    1) Matchy matchy bridesmaids dresses. I always assume bride is bat shit crazy if they are matching. I, personally, hate regular bridesmaids dress stores like David's- gag. 

    2) Poorly planned ceremonies with weather. No, I don't want to sit outside in August with no tent for 45  + minutes. Mostly because H will be complaining. 

    3) Cocktail hours that drag on forever. I get you want 1,000 photos of yourself, but keep it moving! We didn't take any pictures together before the ceremony but we still got to the reception within an hour of finishing the ceremony. 

    4) Telling people not to take pictures. People take pictures because they are excited! I get that people put too much on social media, but it's 2014 and having a cell phone in the back of your pictures won't ruin them for gods sake.

    SITB

    I know someone that insisted on no photos except those from the photographer.  We ignored her and got death glares for taking pictures during the ceremony (no flash, obviously).  We found out later that she went off the deep end on facebook on one of her bridesmaids who dared to post pictures of her wedding on facebook, and then refused to ever talk to her again.  Maybe it's because of this experience, but I find asking people not to take pictures a little controlling.  It should be flattering - people want to take pictures of your wedding to remember your day.  Cool!

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  • tigersgirlgvtigersgirlgv member
    5 Love Its First Comment First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited June 2014
    Molly&Domenic said:
    These aren't my pet peeves for everything, they are just definite "not to do" things for my own wedding. 
    1. Garter and bouquet toss
    2. Toasts 
    3. Promise to obey during the vows

    For weddings in general, mine or someone else's, here are things I don't like:
    1. Gaps- I was at one recently in which the ceremony and reception were in the same location. We weren't allowed to eat until the bride and groom finished pictures. Luckily, I had chips in my car for just such an occasion, so my fiancé and I went to the car for about 45 minutes to snack.
    2. Being called out if I don't want to go up for the bouquet toss
    3. DJ's stopping the music or turning it down low in an effort to get people to sing the words- I was very clear that I did not want the DJ messing up a good song by turning the volume down to try to get people to sing along. 
    4. Line dances

    So much this! That was my one complaint about my sister's wedding. The DJ kept doing that to annoying degree. You're being paid to play the music, not make us sing it! But he was a last minute replacement when their chosen DJ needed surgery, so what can you do?


    ETA: grammar is hard

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  • Knottie04135568Knottie04135568 member
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    Wow, do you guys like anything? Or are all of you gonna get married at the courthouse cuz it sounds like none of you like ANYTHIING that makes a wedding different from any other party. Just saying. I know that's what this board is for, just had to say it.


    Have fun being snarky, brides!

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  • RebeccaFlowerRebeccaFlower member
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    Knottie04135568 said:

    Wow, do you guys like anything? Or are all of you gonna get married at the courthouse cuz it sounds like none of you like ANYTHIING that makes a wedding different from any other party. Just saying. I know that's what this board is for, just had to say it.


    Have fun being snarky, brides!

    Are you fucking kidding? How classic. Wedding Bee is probably much more your speed, if you're into rainbows up your ass. 
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  • Knottie04135568Knottie04135568 member
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    Thanks I'll look into that. Way to keep it classy with the language too.
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  • PrincessOfHavocPrincessOfHavoc member
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    I do like weddings. Granted, I listed 12 things I don't like and I've got more. But most are just eye roll worthy, maybe some side eyes. You have a Great Gatsby theme, I know you're just aiming for Pintrest style.
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  • RebeccaFlowerRebeccaFlower member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited June 2014
    chibiyui said:

    Wow, do you guys like anything? Or are all of you gonna get married at the courthouse cuz it sounds like none of you like ANYTHIING that makes a wedding different from any other party. Just saying. I know that's what this board is for, just had to say it.


    Have fun being snarky, brides!

    Thanks I'll look into that. Way to keep it classy with the language too.
    I am an intelligent, well educated lady who happens to say "fuck" a lot. If adult language bothers you, maybe the internet is not for you.
    Couldn't agree more.
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  • kerbohlkerbohl member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    Stoopster09 said:
    Yay for my first post! Here are a couple things I have gathered over the years that I do not like at weddings.
    1. Cake shoving: don't shove the cake up the person who you should love's nose so hard that they cry. My FI knows I will punch him in the throat if he attempts this, he has been warned.

    2. People doing "country" or "rustic" when they have never even been on a farm. Yes, I am doing Mason Jars, but that is because my family has farmed (and canned) for generations and has 100s of the antique blue ones. Free decorations? I like that shit. Also, my dog is currently having a staring contest with a calf across the road, I feel like I can use rustic if I want. 

    3. I know that this topic has been mentioned on here before, but I loathe burlap. It is what use to hold my grandpa's goat feed, and smells HORRIBLE if it gets wet. Mark Twain always said he wanted to be in Kentucky if the world ends because its 20 years behind everyone else, which means that burlap has just emerged on the wedding world in KY!


    Yes, a thousand times yes to the bolded.  This is why themes should always be ones that are relevant to the bride and groom - you've probably got stuff floating around already that you can use.  It saves headaches.

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  • Simply FatedSimply Fated member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    Knottie04135568 said:

    Wow, do you guys like anything? Or are all of you gonna get married at the courthouse cuz it sounds like none of you like ANYTHIING that makes a wedding different from any other party. Just saying. I know that's what this board is for, just had to say it.


    Have fun being snarky, brides!

    I'm not sure you understand what the word "different" means. If multiple people are doing it, it's not different. It's the same.
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  • PrincessOfHavocPrincessOfHavoc member
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    Also, my "do not like" list, I apply most of that to any party I host. Granted, a number of things on my list aren't happening at a "normal" party, like a gap, so I'm further baffled as to how unhosted gaps are remotely acceptable.
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  • Knottie04135568Knottie04135568 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    If you are well educated and intelligent, you could find a better way of expressing yourself than using expletives. There are thousands of words in the English language. I know it is my own fault for checking out the snarky bride postings. Some things I will not understand. Thanks for the tip on the Wedding Bee site, it looks like a great website!
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  • kerbohlkerbohl member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    chibiyui said:
    Knottie04135568 said:
    If you are well educated and intelligent, you could find a better way of expressing yourself than using expletives. There are thousands of words in the English language. I know it is my own fault for checking out the snarky bride postings. Some things I will not understand. Thanks for the tip on the Wedding Bee site, it looks like a great website!
    I am disinclined to acquiesce your request. While there are bounteous words to choose from, online communication is best served by brevity and pertinence. Using imperious language only serves to stifle discussion. When corresponding with another, the succinct selection, is the best selection.

     "Copulate" and "Fornicate" do not have the same cathartic release that "Fuck" does. "Fuck" is the superior word in the context with which I utilize it.
    I disagree - "fornicate" has a certain finesse.  But other than that, top-notch response!

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  • ohannabelleohannabelle member
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    Knottie04135568 said:
    If you are well educated and intelligent, you could find a better way of expressing yourself than using expletives. There are thousands of words in the English language. I know it is my own fault for checking out the snarky bride postings. Some things I will not understand. Thanks for the tip on the Wedding Bee site, it looks like a great website!
    There are indeed thousands of words in the English language. Any one of them might be the "better" way to express how the writer feels. But expletives are legitimate words, as well. Like it or not.
    Sometimes, for instance, bullshit is exactly the correct word. Or even effing bullshit, if I want to express an extra emphasis or contempt. Welcome to the real world, where adults might choose to express themselves differently than other adults. 
    Another person might believe using "cuz" and "gonna" are equally or more indicative of lack of education and intelligence, but I would never make that assumption, because that might be utter bullshit. 
    I'd just assume that the writer had a different style of communication and made different choices than I might. 
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  • Marzipan13Marzipan13 member
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    Knottie04135568 said:

    Wow, do you guys like anything? Or are all of you gonna get married at the courthouse cuz it sounds like none of you like ANYTHIING that makes a wedding different from any other party. Just saying. I know that's what this board is for, just had to say it.


    Have fun being snarky, brides!

    Firstly, I know you acknowledged this, but that is literally the point of this thread... posting the things we dislike.

    Secondly, don't knock courthouse weddings - they may not be for you, but they are the wedding method of choice for many brides here.

    Thirdly, I am a classy lady.  Some situations simply call for stronger, more profane language.  Also, this is the internet - simmer.

    Lastly, I am having fun being a snarky bride!  Bye now!
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  • brideofgingerbrideofginger member
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    kerbohl said:


    RebeccaFlower said:

    1) Matchy matchy bridesmaids dresses. I always assume bride is bat shit crazy if they are matching. I, personally, hate regular bridesmaids dress stores like David's- gag. 

    2) Poorly planned ceremonies with weather. No, I don't want to sit outside in August with no tent for 45  + minutes. Mostly because H will be complaining. 

    3) Cocktail hours that drag on forever. I get you want 1,000 photos of yourself, but keep it moving! We didn't take any pictures together before the ceremony but we still got to the reception within an hour of finishing the ceremony. 

    4) Telling people not to take pictures. People take pictures because they are excited! I get that people put too much on social media, but it's 2014 and having a cell phone in the back of your pictures won't ruin them for gods sake.

    SITB

    I know someone that insisted on no photos except those from the photographer.  We ignored her and got death glares for taking pictures during the ceremony (no flash, obviously).  We found out later that she went off the deep end on facebook on one of her bridesmaids who dared to post pictures of her wedding on facebook, and then refused to ever talk to her again.  Maybe it's because of this experience, but I find asking people not to take pictures a little controlling.  It should be flattering - people want to take pictures of your wedding to remember your day.  Cool!


    My thing with photos is that 1) I paid a lot of money for the photographer to be there, and if your iPhone flash ruins the images (and ruined is not a melodramatic word here - a washed-out image from someone else's flash is a useless one), I'm going to be pissed. It's not even just the flash, either. Ruder guests will jump into the photographer's shot, so all we see is the back of that person's head. Google it. It's an epidemic. 2) I consider weddings to be a bit of an intimate moment in people's lives. I share enough with social media through Facebook/Twitter/IG/etc. I WORK on social media - I promise, I spend more time on it than I want to usually. I don't particularly care to blast my wedding on it if I can help it. A few images? Sure, whatever. But please don't live-tweet it, you know? 3) I would prefer not to have pictures of people holding up their phones instead of enjoying the moment (though I suspect I will care a lot less about this once the ceremony is over.)

    My thing right now is trying to figure out IF I need to communicate to my guests to put their phones away during the ceremony, and if so, how?
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  • MollyandDMollyandD member
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    brideofginger said:
    RebeccaFlower said:
    1) Matchy matchy bridesmaids dresses. I always assume bride is bat shit crazy if they are matching. I, personally, hate regular bridesmaids dress stores like David's- gag. 

    2) Poorly planned ceremonies with weather. No, I don't want to sit outside in August with no tent for 45  + minutes. Mostly because H will be complaining. 

    3) Cocktail hours that drag on forever. I get you want 1,000 photos of yourself, but keep it moving! We didn't take any pictures together before the ceremony but we still got to the reception within an hour of finishing the ceremony. 

    4) Telling people not to take pictures. People take pictures because they are excited! I get that people put too much on social media, but it's 2014 and having a cell phone in the back of your pictures won't ruin them for gods sake.

    SITB

    I know someone that insisted on no photos except those from the photographer.  We ignored her and got death glares for taking pictures during the ceremony (no flash, obviously).  We found out later that she went off the deep end on facebook on one of her bridesmaids who dared to post pictures of her wedding on facebook, and then refused to ever talk to her again.  Maybe it's because of this experience, but I find asking people not to take pictures a little controlling.  It should be flattering - people want to take pictures of your wedding to remember your day.  Cool!
    My thing with photos is that 1) I paid a lot of money for the photographer to be there, and if your iPhone flash ruins the images (and ruined is not a melodramatic word here - a washed-out image from someone else's flash is a useless one), I'm going to be pissed. It's not even just the flash, either. Ruder guests will jump into the photographer's shot, so all we see is the back of that person's head. Google it. It's an epidemic. 2) I consider weddings to be a bit of an intimate moment in people's lives. I share enough with social media through Facebook/Twitter/IG/etc. I WORK on social media - I promise, I spend more time on it than I want to usually. I don't particularly care to blast my wedding on it if I can help it. A few images? Sure, whatever. But please don't live-tweet it, you know? 3) I would prefer not to have pictures of people holding up their phones instead of enjoying the moment (though I suspect I will care a lot less about this once the ceremony is over.) My thing right now is trying to figure out IF I need to communicate to my guests to put their phones away during the ceremony, and if so, how?
    I am SO glad people took pictures of my wedding last night. I have to wait a few weeks to see the professional ones. No one jumped in front of either photographer. Besides, I hired a professional for a reason. My photographer and her second shooter were wonderful. She told me that for important photos, she sometimes takes several shots rapidly. If something is wrong with one, she can cut it out and save that moment. 
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  • chibiyuichibiyui member
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    brideofginger said:
    RebeccaFlower said:
    1) Matchy matchy bridesmaids dresses. I always assume bride is bat shit crazy if they are matching. I, personally, hate regular bridesmaids dress stores like David's- gag. 

    2) Poorly planned ceremonies with weather. No, I don't want to sit outside in August with no tent for 45  + minutes. Mostly because H will be complaining. 

    3) Cocktail hours that drag on forever. I get you want 1,000 photos of yourself, but keep it moving! We didn't take any pictures together before the ceremony but we still got to the reception within an hour of finishing the ceremony. 

    4) Telling people not to take pictures. People take pictures because they are excited! I get that people put too much on social media, but it's 2014 and having a cell phone in the back of your pictures won't ruin them for gods sake.

    SITB

    I know someone that insisted on no photos except those from the photographer.  We ignored her and got death glares for taking pictures during the ceremony (no flash, obviously).  We found out later that she went off the deep end on facebook on one of her bridesmaids who dared to post pictures of her wedding on facebook, and then refused to ever talk to her again.  Maybe it's because of this experience, but I find asking people not to take pictures a little controlling.  It should be flattering - people want to take pictures of your wedding to remember your day.  Cool!
    My thing with photos is that 1) I paid a lot of money for the photographer to be there, and if your iPhone flash ruins the images (and ruined is not a melodramatic word here - a washed-out image from someone else's flash is a useless one), I'm going to be pissed. It's not even just the flash, either. Ruder guests will jump into the photographer's shot, so all we see is the back of that person's head. Google it. It's an epidemic. 2) I consider weddings to be a bit of an intimate moment in people's lives. I share enough with social media through Facebook/Twitter/IG/etc. I WORK on social media - I promise, I spend more time on it than I want to usually. I don't particularly care to blast my wedding on it if I can help it. A few images? Sure, whatever. But please don't live-tweet it, you know? 3) I would prefer not to have pictures of people holding up their phones instead of enjoying the moment (though I suspect I will care a lot less about this once the ceremony is over.) My thing right now is trying to figure out IF I need to communicate to my guests to put their phones away during the ceremony, and if so, how?
    So first off. Breath. calm down. 

    You can have your pastor/officiant request at the beginning that people not take pictures during the ceremony. That is all you can do. 

    Secondly, these problems are not caused by people taking pictures with their cameras/cellphones. They are caused by assholes. 

    Regarding your individual points. 1. A good photog will get many, many pictures and knows who to deal with errant flashes of assholes. Unless every guest you have is an asshole who takes a pictures every 2 seconds, you will be fine. 
    2. You can't control what people post. You work in social media, you should know that. You can control what shows up on your wall. You work in social media, you should know how to work privacy settings.
    3. You can't control this either. Personally, I'm fully able to operate the camera function on a phone and pay attention to what's happening in front of me. Thats why I'm taking the picture to begin with. And like it or not, people being connected to their phones is a part of life. It would be weird if 20 years from now you look over your pictures and don't see a single phone in the crowd shots. it would be anachronistic. 
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