Wedding Woes

Bridesmaids possibly dropping out...

So, I have 12 bridesmaids. I know, I know. I love them all but a few of them aren't contributing at all. That's fine. We all have lives but one I haven't heard from since I got engaged four months ago and the other is my cousin who is young and it's a long story but I don't think they're going to stay in it for the long haul. 

How should I address this? I want to talk to them about how I'd like their help in some way or another. I wouldn't have asked each of them to be bridesmaids if I didn't want them to contribute, even if it's something little, ya know? 

It's pretty frustrating. I feel like giving my cousin an out. Long story short, her step dad is a D*** and most likely won't buy her dress and I can't afford to pay for it for her unfortunately. I have no idea what I should do. Any ideas?

Re: Bridesmaids possibly dropping out...

  • larrygagalarrygaga Czechoslovakia member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    edited June 2014
    JMS62415 said:
    So, I have 12 bridesmaids. I know, I know. I love them all but a few of them aren't contributing at all. That's fine. We all have lives but one I haven't heard from since I got engaged four months ago and the other is my cousin who is young and it's a long story but I don't think they're going to stay in it for the long haul. 

    How should I address this? I want to talk to them about how I'd like their help in some way or another. I wouldn't have asked each of them to be bridesmaids if I didn't want them to contribute, even if it's something little, ya know? 

    It's pretty frustrating. I feel like giving my cousin an out. Long story short, her step dad is a D*** and most likely won't buy her dress and I can't afford to pay for it for her unfortunately. I have no idea what I should do. Any ideas?
    Your wedding party is only expected to show up, sober and in the dress you decided on that's in budget. Maybe since you love them you should ask about their lives? Your wedding is only important to you and your FI. Most people only give a damn about it on the actual day.
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    pinkshorts27MNNEBride
  • What are you asking your FI to contribute? Because, you know, it's his wedding, And your wedding. Not your bridesmaids' wedding.

    kmmssgAddieCake
  • JMS62415 said:
    So, I have 12 bridesmaids. I know, I know. I love them all but a few of them aren't contributing at all. That's fine. We all have lives but one I haven't heard from since I got engaged four months ago and the other is my cousin who is young and it's a long story but I don't think they're going to stay in it for the long haul. 

    How should I address this? I want to talk to them about how I'd like their help in some way or another. I wouldn't have asked each of them to be bridesmaids if I didn't want them to contribute, even if it's something little, ya know? 

    It's pretty frustrating. I feel like giving my cousin an out. Long story short, her step dad is a D*** and most likely won't buy her dress and I can't afford to pay for it for her unfortunately. I have no idea what I should do. Any ideas?
    You can't get much more wrong than what is in the bold when it comes to picking your bridal party.  You choose them to HONOR their place in your life, NOT for what they can do for you.
    thejucheideaMNNEBride
  • I didn't choose them so they can do stuff for me. I didn't mean for it to come across that way and this isn't what that post is about. I'm talking about a friend who I've tried to reach but isn't contacting me back. I may not have made that clear. I haven't heard from her in months and she hasn't bought her dress yet so I have no idea what's going on with her and my cousin I'm pretty sure isn't going to go to the wedding. I just don't know how to bring it up without being rude. 

    FYI, my fiance is doing his own part. We live four hours apart and he works six days a week working 12 hour days so it's a little difficult for him to be fully involved. 

    Also, I didn't realize the only obligation a bridesmaid has is to show up sober. When I'm a bridesmaid, I certainly do more than that. 
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited June 2014
    JMS62415 said:
    I didn't choose them so they can do stuff for me. I didn't mean for it to come across that way and this isn't what that post is about. I'm talking about a friend who I've tried to reach but isn't contacting me back. I may not have made that clear. I haven't heard from her in months and she hasn't bought her dress yet so I have no idea what's going on with her and my cousin I'm pretty sure isn't going to go to the wedding. I just don't know how to bring it up without being rude. 

    FYI, my fiance is doing his own part. We live four hours apart and he works six days a week working 12 hour days so it's a little difficult for him to be fully involved. 

    Also, I didn't realize the only obligation a bridesmaid has is to show up sober. When I'm a bridesmaid, I certainly do more than that. 
    If you can't get her to contact you back, I guess you don't even have to worry about being rude bringing it up. She will either get the dress and show up on time to the wedding, or she has taken herself out of it. There's not a lot you can do if you have honestly tried contacting her and she ignores you. 

    As for your cousin, you need to contact her and find out what the story is with her dress. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • AddieCake said:
    JMS62415 said:
    I didn't choose them so they can do stuff for me. I didn't mean for it to come across that way and this isn't what that post is about. I'm talking about a friend who I've tried to reach but isn't contacting me back. I may not have made that clear. I haven't heard from her in months and she hasn't bought her dress yet so I have no idea what's going on with her and my cousin I'm pretty sure isn't going to go to the wedding. I just don't know how to bring it up without being rude. 

    FYI, my fiance is doing his own part. We live four hours apart and he works six days a week working 12 hour days so it's a little difficult for him to be fully involved. 

    Also, I didn't realize the only obligation a bridesmaid has is to show up sober. When I'm a bridesmaid, I certainly do more than that. 
    If you can't get her to contact you back, I guess you don't even have to worry about being rude bringing it up. She will either get the dress and show up on time to the wedding, or she has taken herself out of it. There's not a lot you can do if you have honestly tried contacting her and she ignores you. 

    As for your cousin, you need to contact her and find out what the story is with her dress. 
    ok, Thank you! I wasn't sure if I should contact them and see what's up or if I should see what happens. This makes it clear. 
  • larrygagalarrygaga Czechoslovakia member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    JMS62415 said:
    I didn't choose them so they can do stuff for me. I didn't mean for it to come across that way and this isn't what that post is about. I'm talking about a friend who I've tried to reach but isn't contacting me back. I may not have made that clear. I haven't heard from her in months and she hasn't bought her dress yet so I have no idea what's going on with her and my cousin I'm pretty sure isn't going to go to the wedding. I just don't know how to bring it up without being rude. 

    FYI, my fiance is doing his own part. We live four hours apart and he works six days a week working 12 hour days so it's a little difficult for him to be fully involved. 

    Also, I didn't realize the only obligation a bridesmaid has is to show up sober. When I'm a bridesmaid, I certainly do more than that. 
    Most people do more than just show up sober if they are in a wedding party. However, it's wrong of you to expect more. 

    It's like how pretty much everyone brings a gift to a wedding, even though it's not expected and should not be demanded for.
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  • JMS62415 said:
    I didn't choose them so they can do stuff for me. I didn't mean for it to come across that way and this isn't what that post is about. I'm talking about a friend who I've tried to reach but isn't contacting me back. I may not have made that clear. I haven't heard from her in months and she hasn't bought her dress yet so I have no idea what's going on with her and my cousin I'm pretty sure isn't going to go to the wedding. I just don't know how to bring it up without being rude. 
    I would be super concerned if I had tried contacting my friend for months and had not heard from her at all.  I wouldn't be worried about her dress.  Is she alive?  Is she okay? 
  • thejucheideathejucheidea East Nashville, Tennessee member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    larrygaga said:
    JMS62415 said:
    I didn't choose them so they can do stuff for me. I didn't mean for it to come across that way and this isn't what that post is about. I'm talking about a friend who I've tried to reach but isn't contacting me back. I may not have made that clear. I haven't heard from her in months and she hasn't bought her dress yet so I have no idea what's going on with her and my cousin I'm pretty sure isn't going to go to the wedding. I just don't know how to bring it up without being rude. 

    FYI, my fiance is doing his own part. We live four hours apart and he works six days a week working 12 hour days so it's a little difficult for him to be fully involved. 

    Also, I didn't realize the only obligation a bridesmaid has is to show up sober. When I'm a bridesmaid, I certainly do more than that. 
    Most people do more than just show up sober if they are in a wedding party. However, it's wrong of you to expect more. 

    It's like how pretty much everyone brings a gift to a wedding, even though it's not expected and should not be demanded for.
    Out of the 90 people we had at our wedding, maybe 20 actually got gifts for us.

  • JMS62415 said:
    I didn't choose them so they can do stuff for me. I didn't mean for it to come across that way and this isn't what that post is about. I'm talking about a friend who I've tried to reach but isn't contacting me back. I may not have made that clear. I haven't heard from her in months and she hasn't bought her dress yet so I have no idea what's going on with her and my cousin I'm pretty sure isn't going to go to the wedding. I just don't know how to bring it up without being rude. 

    FYI, my fiance is doing his own part. We live four hours apart and he works six days a week working 12 hour days so it's a little difficult for him to be fully involved. 

    Also, I didn't realize the only obligation a bridesmaid has is to show up sober. When I'm a bridesmaid, I certainly do more than that. 
    And that's your choice to do more. 

    thejucheidea
  • jneen101 said:
    JMS62415 said:
    I didn't choose them so they can do stuff for me. I didn't mean for it to come across that way and this isn't what that post is about. I'm talking about a friend who I've tried to reach but isn't contacting me back. I may not have made that clear. I haven't heard from her in months and she hasn't bought her dress yet so I have no idea what's going on with her and my cousin I'm pretty sure isn't going to go to the wedding. I just don't know how to bring it up without being rude. 
    I would be super concerned if I had tried contacting my friend for months and had not heard from her at all.  I wouldn't be worried about her dress.  Is she alive?  Is she okay? 
    Yes, she's fine. I've seen her post on fb. She just hasn't responded to me personally. 
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