Im truly lost...

Re: Im truly lost...

• bethsmiles member

  

  June 2014 edited June 2014

  

  
  

  It's been 7 months. You aren't even out of the honeymoon stage yet. You just need to put on your patient pants and chill. 

  
  

  
  

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• FoxandBunny member

  

  June 2014

  BrownSuga85 said:

  My sweetheart and I have been together for 7 months now, we even live together. We do a lot of things together and still manage to have our time apart. I can not dream of what my life would be like had he not come along. My 3 children love him so much and he adores them as well. We have touched on the topic of marriage and he tells me he loves me more than he has ever loved any other woman.He treats me very well and I dont question his love. We went a few months back and tried on rings (which was my idea) and we found some we both life. The more I think about the life I want to live with him and the kiddos the more I am ready to take that next step now. Even if he asked and we stayed engaged for a year or so to get things in line, at least I would know it was working towards something positive. I am really stuff and I do not nag him about it, but he knows me so well he can tell when its on my mind just by what I am looking at online. I dont want to pressure him and run him off, but I dont want to miss out on something I know I want and deserve in life. What am I to do. We both have been married before many years ago. Just wish I could not think of it so much...I am a wedding officiant and I can work professionally, I get the job done perfect, I guess you can say I am waiting on the day when I et to plan mine out. I am about to turn 30 and he is about to turn 36. 

  I agree with @bethsmiles. You need to slow down and just enjoy your relationship. You've only been dating seven months, and while I know every relationship moves at its own pace, that's still not a ton of time. To be honest, if it's meant to be you will be together for the same amount of time, married or not. Your future with him has already started, so enjoy it instead of waiting for a certain milestone.

  
  

  If it really bothers you, sit down with him and have a serious, frank conversation about timelines. Where does he see your relationship in 1, 5, 10 years? Don't pressure an answer out of him or try to rush him. See what he really thinks and wants. Communication is key to any relationship. Plus, knowing what he is thinking and what pace he wants to take should help calm you down a bit. 

  

  
  

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• Pepperally member

  

  June 2014

  You definitely don't want to rush into it with kids involved.  To me, you really need to make sure this is the right person for not only you but your kids as well, and they deserve time to adjust into this possible life-long commitment. 

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• Dignity100 member

  

  June 2014

  I agree with the others - you need to slow down and enjoy the relationship for what it is!!  Every relationship moves at its own pace.  With kids and previous marriages involved, he might want to move slower - and yes looking at engagement rings at 7 months to me does seem a little pushy. 
  

  
  
  
  

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  June 2014

  Basically what all the other PPs have said. Slow down and enjoy your relationship. I don't have babies yet but if I did and H and I were dating then I would definitely be a little more cautious about jumping into another marriage after only dating for 7 months. 

  
  

  With that being said, there is no harm in discussing marriage. I think that's important if both of you feel the same about the relationship progressing towards that.

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• blabla89 member

  

  June 2014

  I think it's important to talk with your guy about marriage, so that you can understand how he feels and his timeline for getting engaged. In general, women seem to be ready for the next step much sooner than men do. It's okay if he isn't ready yet. That doesn't mean that you will never get married, it just means that you'll need to be patient for a while until he is ready. In the mean time, it sounds like your relationship is great and he's a good father figure for your kids, so enjoy where your relationship is at right now.
  

  

  
  
  

  
  

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• minskat30 member

  

  June 2014

  I agree with what others said...enjoy your relationship as it is now.  Tell us more about yourself....these ladies are great at keeping other ladies from going crazy with wedding/engagement thoughts.  Favorite movie? Drink? How old are your kiddos?

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• loves2shop4shoes member

  

  June 2014

  You've been together for seven MONTHS.  Even under the best of circumstances, I find it a bit premature when couples get engaged before they've been together a year.
  
  You don't really know all of the facets to a person in less than a year.  You just don't.  I've been with my husband for nearly seven YEARS now, and I'm STILL learning stuff about him.
  
  It's great that you're in love and are thinking about a future with your BF, but you need to give this more time, if for no other reason than because you have three innocent children at home who absolutely do not need to witness their mother's second divorce because she rushed into marriage after seven months.
  
  Slow down, let the relationship happen organically.  You're not missing out on something else...because frankly no man in his right mind would propose to a woman with 3 kids that he's only been seeing for 7 months.
  

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• bride2b71614 member

  

  June 2014

  Seven months isn't a long time. I agree with PPs in terms of slowing your roll. Also, age shouldn't even be factored into this equation.
  
  If I'm wrong about this I apologize in advance: To me, it sounds like your wanting to get engaged is coming from a place of insecurity. Meaning you want this to last forever and that getting engaged will show you some form of stronger commitment. He is committed to you, he lives with you, loves your children, and you seem to be doing really well together. Why rush? I think you should enjoy your relation as is for now, because you're more likely to miss out on a lot if you are only focusing on a proposal or wedding.
  
  Stick around, this board will keep you sane in the meantime.

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• Blue & White member

  

  June 2014

  30 is not old, dangit.
  
  It's old enough that you should realize that it's really unnecessary to rush into a marriage just to be able to say you have that extra commitment.  I had just as much commitment in my relationship before we were engaged as I do now, except now I have some legal ramifications of being married apparently.
  
  Also, please occupy yourself with other hobbies.  Go play with your kiddos.  Seriously, it's really important for them to see a healthy relationship, and resenting your BF because you're not engaged omg after 7 months is not that healthy.
  

  I guess, to tell you the truth, I've never had much of a desire to grow facial hair. I think I've managed to play quarterback just fine without a mustache. - Peyton

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• Ollie08 member

  

  June 2014

  @BrownSuga85 - A couple of things to note. Judging by your screen name, you're born in 85, so you just turned 29 this year (like me). You have 3 kids and a previous divorce under your belt (like me, but I have 2 kids, not 3). You've been dating your boyfriend for 7 months and you're living together (like me, except we've been together slightly longer). So all in all, I'd say we have pretty similar circumstances. 

  
  

  There is absolutely NO reason to rush. Especially with your kids in the picture. Have you had any long-term relationships since your divorce? Assuming the 3 kids are from the divorce. Like the PP have mentioned, find a hobby, focus on your kids, and when you're both ready to make that decision let it happen. In the meantime, stop browsing wedding related stuff, stop putting pressure on him, or you might end up chasing him away. 

  
  

  

  
  

  
  

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