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Children at wedding....

dgirl322dgirl322 member
Third Anniversary 10 Comments
in Wedding Woes
I know this is a touchy subject for some people, so please, if your response is going to bash me please do not respond.  Im looking for POSITIVE feedback and solution ideas.  Looking over our guest list, we notice that we only have ONE couple that would want to bring their children.  That couple is family of my FH.  Although I completely understand the wanting of the children there, they would be the ONLY children there.  I do not have children myself and I'll be honest, I find very young children to be disruptive.  Ok, so sometimes it can be cute.  We are 8 months away from our wedding and the oldest of the kids is now almost 3 and although she is absolutely adorable.... she is a TERROR!!  Run, pull, throw, scream, laugh, cry kinda gal.  The youngest will be almost 1 1/2 at the time of the wedding.  Their mom will be in my wedding party and although the dad is very good at watching them, I can only see the children being a disturbance.  I already feel terrible thinking this, so please bare with me.  Although our ceremony will be on the beach, and I could hire a sitter to play with them through the ceremony, we will be having a casual but still very organized ADULT style reception.  The reception venue offers NOTHING for children to do.  There is a very near by swing set/playground type set up, but I can't imagine having 2 young children occupied by that for 3-4 hours.  Im not anti- kid but I really do not want children at my reception...  What do I do???  
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Re: Children at wedding....

  • littlestmonkeylittlestmonkey member
    Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper
    If you don't want children at the wedding, the only real solution is not to invite them - but if the couple has to travel this might mean that they can't attend. For what it's worth, many weddings don't have specific things for children to do. I'm providing colouring books so the littles ones (many around three years old) have something to do during the toasts but apart from that I expect they'll be eating and then dancing same as the adults really). The parents have commented that providing colouring books is going over and above what I need to do and that they were planning on bringing bits and pieces to entertain the children if it became necessary. One couple also has a child going through the same stage as your friends daughter and they have opted to leave the child at home anyway so you might find that even if you do invite them that they don't come. But if you don't want them there, you really should just not invite them.
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  • dgirl322dgirl322 member
    Third Anniversary 10 Comments
    Thank you for your response.  I actually jumped a year on the oldest childs age.  She is NOW almost 2 and on our wedding day will be 5 mos shy of 3 yrs.  I know not inviting them is not an option with FH and the family member would most likely over look the "non invite" if we did choose that route.  I really don't know how to tell them that although we love their kids very much, this is just not the place for them.  This family member is close enough where I could express my concerns and wishes in person, but I really don't want to hurt her feelings.  This may sound terrible, but I just don't want the kids to be the focus on the day....  chasing them (one of them anyway) around all day and fear of her just getting into everything and anything since its currently allowed...... (does that make sense?  Im cringing typing it but it really is the truth.....)  The coloring books may be good for the oldest but the venue really doesn't allow that 'lil kid space' and she is more entertained by a tv than sitting with a book or a toy....  eeeeekkkkss!!!!  LOL
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  • littlestmonkeylittlestmonkey member
    Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper
    Is there anything at the venue that is actually dangerous for the children, or is it more that there is nothing to keep them occupied? If there is something dangerous, I think it would be fine to say to the parents 'I just wanted to let you know that there is an unfenced deep pond (for example) at the venue - just wanted to give you a heads up with the little ones'. If there's nothing dangerous though and you feel you have to invite the children, you really just need to relax about it and trust that the parents and/or other family members will keep an eye on the children. They will run around but it's not for you to chase them and you only take that on if you choose to. But I honestly think you're not going to notice two children on your wedding day, assuming this isn't a ten person wedding.
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  • 6fsn6fsn member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper

    Tell the parent NOW that you are having a kid free event.  Don't make them wait until the invites go out.  Let them have plenty of time to find alternate child care and decide if they will even end up being able to make it work. 

    If the mom is in the wedding be prepared that she may step down, or dad may not go. Since it sounds like part of their family will also be attending the wedding that cuts down options for sitters and not every parent is comfortable leaving kids with an unknown person.

    If you don't want kids don't have them.  Just be prepared that this may be a burden that this couple can't get past.

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  • HeffalumpHeffalump member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    People have covered this pretty well, but throwing in my $0.02:

    1.  If you don't want kids, then don't invite kids.  But I agree with 6, be prepared that the parents may not be able to attend, then.  Only you and your FI can decide which is more important to you.

    2.  Kids are so different, but my daughter was the same age as the oldest (2 going on 3) during the crazy spring when we had three weddings.  (She was a flower girl in two of them, regular guest in the 3rd.)  She behaved herself, but that doesn't mean every kid will.

    3.  Parents take their kids all kinds of places and are used to entertaining them, whether that means bringing along crayons and paper, some amazing new (or old favorite) toy, or whatever.

    You say that you don't know how to tell them that your reception isn't the place for their kids, but it's very simple:  you don't invite them.  That's how you tell them.
    �
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  • dgirl322dgirl322 member
    Third Anniversary 10 Comments
    scribe95 said:
    I do think you are overreacting a bit to just a few children. They won't ruin your day. And you are overthinking them being entertained. Most weddings have nothing specific for kids and they are fine. Parents bring toys or they dance or play on an ipad etc. 

    Can you be more specific about what makes the wedding not appropriate for the children?
    I don't know how not wanting kids at my wedding is over reacting....  but here is the gist.  I do not want toys, and running, crying, screaming children at my wedding.  A wedding is not  a play date or a day care.  At least mine won't be.  To each their own on the presence of kids, Its just not for me.    If the oldest wasn't such a terror NOW, maybe I wouldn't be so concerned. Since I can't paint a picture of the way this child acts, you just won't understand.  

    Thanks everyone for your responses.  :)  We'll figure it out.  
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