Do you find this bizarre/ would you attend?

jenna8984 · July 2014

My friend is 7 months pregnant. She just sent out an email to 25 girls saying (summarized) "As most of you know, I had a less than pleasant birthing experience with <first son, 18 months ago> and I am doing everything possible to make sure this time is a positive, calming, natural experience. Instead of a baby shower, I'd like to do what's called a Blessing Way. I will be putting together a private yoga session with my instructor which focuses on sending positive wishes for a natural labor through a great workout. Then we can all go to a healthy lunch together. Instead of gifts, the price will be yada yada, on weekend yada yada."

My first inclination was you just had a baby of the same sex 18 months ago...why would you even throw out the possibilty or assumption of a baby shower or gifts?

I live out of town from her so I can't go anyways, but everyone is responding saying what a great idea it is and I'm just like well, that's weird. lol

pinkcow13 · July 2014

I've never heard of this. To each his own, I guess. I definitely would not attend, though.

larrygaga · July 2014

IMO and I'm sure many feel this way, but you get a shower for your first baby and that's it. Too bad. Also, did she just assume someone would throw her one?

Nasty.

I also feel that you get a shower for your first wedding, and that's it.

Showers are meant to set your life up. If you already had one, it gets gift grabby at the second.

climbingsingle · July 2014

I'm also one that's bothered my multiple baby showers, especially when it's the same sex and they're born so close together.

I do think the yoga class sounds neat though (I love yoga) and I'd probably attend if it wasn't too expensive.

mysticl · July 2014

I have heard of these but never to include a yoga class. And by heard of I mean I've seen threads about them on the bump, not anything IRL.

Liatris2010 · July 2014

I say this having just come from an outdoor yoga class...

That is some BS. I'm sorry you had a rough labor and delivery last time, but making your friends pay for a yoga class and eat a healthful lunch is not going to help that, and it is presumptuous to assume that people would want to do that for you.

vk2204 · July 2014

I would not attend and yes I find it very bizarre. I don't like it when 1. people assume they are getting a shower thrown for them and 2. plan their own 'party' in lieu of a shower but it is still ultimately a shower.

If she would have said "hey, wondering if anybody wanted to join me for a private yoga class for fun to help prep for birth...etc" then I wouldn't find it odd. By mentioning the shower it sounds entitled to me.

JCbride2015 · July 2014

I think the yoga and lunch thing sounds fine if you're into that. "Hey, I'd like to do a get-together yoga session for some positive vibes for my birthing experience, and we can all go grab lunch after. The yoga cost is $15 for the class, and I'm thinking of doing lunch at X Restaurant. Let me know if you want to join!" <-- totally cool.

What's not cool is that she assumed she'd get a shower. And then said "Instead of gifts, the price is X" which makes it sound like some kind of fundraiser. Could she be overcharging and keeping the money?

I would not attend for that reason.

jenna8984 · July 2014

Liatris2010 said:

I say this having just come from an outdoor yoga class...

That is some BS. I'm sorry you had a rough labor and delivery last time, but making your friends pay for a yoga class and eat a healthful lunch is not going to help that, and it is presumptuous to assume that people would want to do that for you.

Me too. And her first delivery wasn't some awful, life threatening situation. It was a standard C-section. I'm sorry, I've never had children, but I would think as long as we are both healthy and ok then I don't give a shit how he was delivered.

SBmini · July 2014

Take the "instead of a baby shower" and "in leu of gifts" part out and she's inviting you to a yoga class and lunch to celebrate the coming of her new baby. I think it's a silly idea to send positive vibes to the baby to help labor happen more easily, but the brain is a powerful thing. if she believes it will help, it might actually help.

If she's a good friend, I would go. It's a private yoga session and lunch. It's an opportunity to spend time with a friend and offer support.

jdluvr06 · July 2014

She shouldn't assume she is getting another baby shower since she has a child already. That being said I would probably go. I love yoga and it is always nice to have a girls day.

mysticl · July 2014

jenna8984 said:

Liatris2010 said:

I say this having just come from an outdoor yoga class...

That is some BS. I'm sorry you had a rough labor and delivery last time, but making your friends pay for a yoga class and eat a healthful lunch is not going to help that, and it is presumptuous to assume that people would want to do that for you.

Me too. And her first delivery wasn't some awful, life threatening situation. It was a standard C-section. I'm sorry, I've never had children, but I would think as long as we are both healthy and ok then I don't give a shit how he was delivered.

A "standard c-section" is major surgery and like any surgery it carries the risk of death to the patient. It also increases the risks during all future pregnancies. What was her experience like up to the point where they decided to operate? Is she left wondering if she actually needed the c-section? Is she questioning if her care providers provided her with the best possible care? Has she since learned that important information was withheld from her? If you haven't been through this you don't get to judge how she feels about the birth of her child because you cannot possibly relate.

And yes you have hit a huge nerve with me and I am projecting my own experiences onto this. I fully own that.

erollis · July 2014

JCbride2015 said:
I think the yoga and lunch thing sounds fine if you're into that. "Hey, I'd like to do a get-together yoga session for some positive vibes for my birthing experience, and we can all go grab lunch after. The yoga cost is $15 for the class, and I'm thinking of doing lunch at X Restaurant. Let me know if you want to join!" <-- totally cool.

What's not cool is that she assumed she'd get a shower. And then said "Instead of gifts, the price is X" which makes it sound like some kind of fundraiser. Could she be overcharging and keeping the money?

I would not attend for that reason.

This wording does not confuse or upset me in anyway. I think that's nice. I'll do that with my prego friend.

But how it really was worded I felt the exact opposite. Just tacky and possibly shady.

monkeysip · July 2014

I agree with PPs that it's rude that she framed this in context of a shower.

I also wouldn't mind a simple "If anyone wants to join me at XYZ yoga, I'm going for a pre-birth session yada yada and then I thought we could go out to lunch". That's fine... people can choose to go or not.

But you shouldn't expect a shower, let alone a 2nd shower, and tell people to pay for this instead of a gift.

Although, I do have to say that just because it was a "standard C-section" doesn't mean it can't be traumatic. Birth is a very important event for women, and there's nothing really "standard" about having major abdominal surgery. C-sections can be traumatic for *some* women. She has a right to feel the way she feels about her birth. But she doesn't have a right to start expecting things like this from her friends just because of her last birth.

emmyg65 · July 2014

The wording is a bit crass, but like @SBmini said, the bottom line is that she's inviting you to yoga and lunch, and she wants some support for her community. I've heard of a blessing way before and it's certainly pretty hippy dippy, but if you want to go, go. If not, decline politely.

SBmini · July 2014

jdluvr06 said:

She shouldn't assume she is getting another baby shower since she has a child already. That being said I would probably go. I love yoga and it is always nice to have a girls day.

She may not be assuming. Maybe a friend of coworker suggested a shower and she's doing this to cut them off before they throw one. It could happen.

I like giving people the benefit of a doubt. It's not a shower. It's an activity where you pay your way- like any other adult party.

Bubblegum5586 · July 2014

vk2204 said:

I would not attend and yes I find it very bizarre. I don't like it when 1. people assume they are getting a shower thrown for them and 2. plan their own 'party' in lieu of a shower but it is still ultimately a shower.

If she would have said "hey, wondering if anybody wanted to join me for a private yoga class for fun to help prep for birth...etc" then I wouldn't find it odd. By mentioning the shower it sounds entitled to me.

My thoughts exactly

JCbride2015 · July 2014

****graphic alert****
I'd say a C section could be pretty traumatic. I've never given birth, but a friend is a doula, and she says it is standard practice for the doctor to fully remove the uterus from the abdomen, inspect it for damage, and then put it back in. No wonder women feel like they got hit by a semi truck.

beethery · July 2014

Sucks that childbirth was rough but I don't need to attend a woowoo yoga session followed by a woowoo meal and pay for both just so you don't have to woowoo by yourself to wish you luck on your next baby. Peace be the journey namasté et cetera but I'm gonna be at home watching spongebob and killing baddies in my video game.

Short form: naw I wouldn't go to this. And hell yes it's bizarre.

mysticl · July 2014

JCbride2015 said:

****graphic alert****
I'd say a C section could be pretty traumatic. I've never given birth, but a friend is a doula, and she says it is standard practice for the doctor to fully remove the uterus from the abdomen, inspect it for damage, and then put it back in. No wonder women feel like they got hit by a semi truck.

Not to mention that 4-5 inch gash in your abdomen (coughing and sneezing is special kind of hell for a few days and for the love of all that is holy don't make the woman laugh). Plus, you are expected to get your @$$ up and start caring for another human being within 24 hours of this all happening. So you get to deal with sleep deprivation while trying to heal from major surgery.

lyndausvi · July 2014

SBmini said:

jdluvr06 said:

She shouldn't assume she is getting another baby shower since she has a child already. That being said I would probably go. I love yoga and it is always nice to have a girls day.

She may not be assuming. Maybe a friend of coworker suggested a shower and she's doing this to cut them off before they throw one. It could happen.

I like giving people the benefit of a doubt. It's not a shower. It's an activity where you pay your way- like any other adult party.

She is the one who said instead of a shower she wants a Blessing Way. Which implies she expected a shower and decided to plan something else instead. Tacky in my opinion. Had she simply left out the whole shower thing I would just think it was a get together.

I would not go, but I don't buy into the whole if all my friends eat health and go to yoga one day my experience is going to be better this time.

Every birth experience is different. I hope this one is better for her.

JennyColada · July 2014

I probably wouldn't go, and my first reaction is to think that it's a bunch of new-age mumbo jumbo and that that's weird. But even now, sitting here for a few minutes, it's not that totally odd, but it's still not something that I'm interested in participating in. I'd probably still get her a small gift since I wouldn't be attending her party-gathering thing.

theartistformerlyknownas · July 2014

I wouldn't go because beaming over positive hippie blessings via yoga is not something I believe in, and I'd take offense at the insinuation that a) I'm responsible for ensuring a "better" experience this time or b) I should somehow feel grateful that I'm able to participate in this rather than a shower, because I don't believe she "should" be getting a second shower anyway.

If she'd said "I wanna get some girls together for a private group yoga class, thought it would help me de-stress before Lil Bit is born. Thought we'd get lunch after. Wanna come? It's $x." then yeah, I'd definitely go.

erollis · July 2014

mysticl said:

JCbride2015 said:

****graphic alert****

I'd say a C section could be pretty traumatic. I've never given birth, but a friend is a doula, and she says it is standard practice for the doctor to fully remove the uterus from the abdomen, inspect it for damage, and then put it back in. No wonder women feel like they got hit by a semi truck.

Not to mention that 4-5 inch gash in your abdomen (coughing and sneezing is special kind of hell for a few days and for the love of all that is holy don't make the woman laugh). Plus, you are expected to get your @$$ up and start caring for another human being within 24 hours of this all happening. So you get to deal with sleep deprivation while trying to heal from major surgery.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
SITB

The two hospitals I have worked in push c sections because they can be planned. When I hear someone's baby was born at an odd hour I know baby was ready to come (c section or vaginally).

I wouldn't call any birth easy (I haven't given birth) for 99% of the population. Unless you went, oh goodness contractions! And then baby comes out in one push about two minutes later. And I imagine it would still hurt to some degree.

VulgarGirl · July 2014

Would I attend a "Blessing Way" or something where we all sit around and send positive vibes to the baby yoga class thing. Yes.

However the I'm throwing a party you have to pay for yourself and the I assumed you all would throw me a baby shower and buy gifts, that I don't like.

jenna8984 · July 2014

mysticl said:

jenna8984 said:

Liatris2010 said:

I say this having just come from an outdoor yoga class...

That is some BS. I'm sorry you had a rough labor and delivery last time, but making your friends pay for a yoga class and eat a healthful lunch is not going to help that, and it is presumptuous to assume that people would want to do that for you.

Me too. And her first delivery wasn't some awful, life threatening situation. It was a standard C-section. I'm sorry, I've never had children, but I would think as long as we are both healthy and ok then I don't give a shit how he was delivered.

A "standard c-section" is major surgery and like any surgery it carries the risk of death to the patient. It also increases the risks during all future pregnancies. What was her experience like up to the point where they decided to operate? Is she left wondering if she actually needed the c-section? Is she questioning if her care providers provided her with the best possible care? Has she since learned that important information was withheld from her? If you haven't been through this you don't get to judge how she feels about the birth of her child because you cannot possibly relate.

And yes you have hit a huge nerve with me and I am projecting my own experiences onto this. I fully own that.

Sorry, didn't mean to make the surgery sound like a piece of cake. But when you look at your beautiful child do you think how lucky you are to have him/her or do you think about how unlucky you were to have had the C-section? I mean, I do think it's a serious surgery that sucks but your baby is healthy so that's what matters.

I'm not a doctor, but hers are strongly recommending a scheduled C-section due to her scar being so recent that it could rupture during birth and be fatal to them both. But she is determined to ignore these suggestions and try for a natural birth. Not my body, not my decision, she's free to do whatever she chooses with her body but I would not take the risk she's taking. To me personally, it doesn't offer any benefits other than a potentially faster healing time.

VulgarGirl · July 2014

JCbride2015 said:

****graphic alert****
I'd say a C section could be pretty traumatic. I've never given birth, but a friend is a doula, and she says it is standard practice for the doctor to fully remove the uterus from the abdomen, inspect it for damage, and then put it back in. No wonder women feel like they got hit by a semi truck.

And people can't understand why I have no desire to get pregnant.

JCbride2015 · July 2014

MagicInk said:

JCbride2015 said:

****graphic alert****
I'd say a C section could be pretty traumatic. I've never given birth, but a friend is a doula, and she says it is standard practice for the doctor to fully remove the uterus from the abdomen, inspect it for damage, and then put it back in. No wonder women feel like they got hit by a semi truck.

And people can't understand why I have no desire to get pregnant.

I have always wanted to adopt. I have a high pain tolerance but ick.

But as I get older, I kind of like the idea of passing on mine and Fi's genes and seeing some lil bitty us running around. I will probably end up having bio kids, barring some latent medical issue. Still not looking forward to the birth part.

Also right now I accidentally typed "bitch" instead of "birth" and had to correct myself. Not only am I in a bitchy mood this week, but obviously any birth day involving me will be a bitch day.

VulgarGirl · July 2014

JCbride2015 said:

MagicInk said:

JCbride2015 said:

****graphic alert****
I'd say a C section could be pretty traumatic. I've never given birth, but a friend is a doula, and she says it is standard practice for the doctor to fully remove the uterus from the abdomen, inspect it for damage, and then put it back in. No wonder women feel like they got hit by a semi truck.

And people can't understand why I have no desire to get pregnant.

I have always wanted to adopt. I have a high pain tolerance but ick.

But as I get older, I kind of like the idea of passing on mine and Fi's genes and seeing some lil bitty us running around. I will probably end up having bio kids, barring some latent medical issue. Still not looking forward to the birth part.

Also right now I accidentally typed "bitch" instead of "birth" and had to correct myself. Not only am I in a bitchy mood this week, but obviously any birth day involving me will be a bitch day.

FI wants to "experience pregnancy" so I'm gonna let her have at it. It's kind of nice that we can just pick which uterus we want to use. She also wants an all natural home birth. I love her. But she's nuts. I'd want all the drugs. But it's what she wants so I'm going along with it.

mysticl · July 2014

erollis said:

JCbride2015 said:

****graphic alert****
I'd say a C section could be pretty traumatic. I've never given birth, but a friend is a doula, and she says it is standard practice for the doctor to fully remove the uterus from the abdomen, inspect it for damage, and then put it back in. No wonder women feel like they got hit by a semi truck.

Not to mention that 4-5 inch gash in your abdomen (coughing and sneezing is special kind of hell for a few days and for the love of all that is holy don't make the woman laugh). Plus, you are expected to get your @$$ up and start caring for another human being within 24 hours of this all happening. So you get to deal with sleep deprivation while trying to heal from major surgery.
----------------------------------------------------------------- SITB The two hospitals I have worked in push c sections because they can be planned. When I hear someone's baby was born at an odd hour I know baby was ready to come (c section or vaginally). I wouldn't call any birth easy (I haven't given birth) for 99% of the population. Unless you went, oh goodness contractions! And then baby comes out in one push about two minutes later. And I imagine it would still hurt to some degree.

That is horrible. Major surgery should not be encouraged because it's convenient for the hospital.

It's not about the birth being easy or pain free, it's about it not being traumatic.

jdluvr06 · July 2014

JCbride2015 said:

MagicInk said:

JCbride2015 said:

****graphic alert****
I'd say a C section could be pretty traumatic. I've never given birth, but a friend is a doula, and she says it is standard practice for the doctor to fully remove the uterus from the abdomen, inspect it for damage, and then put it back in. No wonder women feel like they got hit by a semi truck.

And people can't understand why I have no desire to get pregnant.

I have always wanted to adopt. I have a high pain tolerance but ick.

But as I get older, I kind of like the idea of passing on mine and Fi's genes and seeing some lil bitty us running around. I will probably end up having bio kids, barring some latent medical issue. Still not looking forward to the birth part.

Also right now I accidentally typed "bitch" instead of "birth" and had to correct myself. Not only am I in a bitchy mood this week, but obviously any birth day involving me will be a bitch day.

I've always wanted to adopt too. FI and I will probably still eventually adopt. We're going to try to biologically have one first though. Key word there is try *trying not get my hopes up on this*

Do you find this bizarre/ would you attend?

Re: Do you find this bizarre/ would you attend?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards