Engagement Ring Freakout

PrincessSerenity38 · July 2014

I was previously engaged back in 2012. My ex-fiance gave me the ring I'd been dreaming about for years. It was a 2.25 ct cushion cut with a halo and micropave band. It was absolutely perfect. Thin band so wedding band would sit flush and would fit under the stone. The perfect cushion cut that was elegant and what I'd been wanting for years. I can't even describe how happy I was for this ring.

Six months before the wedding, I found out he was cheating on me and as expected, the wedding was called off. Now two years later I'm happily in love with someone new. I am happier than I've ever been, and we knew immediately that we had found the one in each other.

We've talked about getting married, and he's told me that he wants to do something completely different from what the last one did. He told me to start looking around online to get an idea of what I'd like. Every single time I try, I end up crying. If he shows me something, I end up unable to sleep. Nothing out there looks good to me. It could be the biggest shiniest ring in the world, and I'd still feel like it wasn't me.

In my heart, I want something different, and I would say yes to him even if he presented me with a piece of string. However, I know that in the back of my mind, I'll be heartbroken about the fact that I can't have the ring I've always wanted. Am I wrong for wanting the same style ring I had before?

bethsmiles · July 2014

I'm not going to say you're wrong for loving a specific style of ring but your reactions to looking at or considering other styles doesn't seem healthy.

I think you need to ask yourself why this is so important to you. There are plenty of things in life we've always wanted but don't get or compromised on without being so dramatic. I don't see how an engagement ring should be any different. It's just a material object and what is symbolizes is much more important than what it actually is.

eilis1228 · July 2014

I completely agree with @bethsmiles!

ShallowSeas · July 2014

I'm agreeing with @bethsmiles as well. Its really up to you on whether you think its wrong to want the same style of engagement ring that your exFI gave you. Its a personal choice.

The perfect ring should be whatever your FI chooses to give you. If he's wanting your opinion on the ring then give him ideas of what you like, but let him pick it out. Its important that you like the ring since you're gonna be wearing it the rest of your life, but if you are worried that wanting the same ring you've already had is wrong, let him make the ultimate decision.

My advice is this: Look online at different ring styles. GO TO A JEWELER AND TRY SOME ON. You may be surprised that you like a different cut or style that you hadn't thought of before. Trying on rings is very important IMO. I had no idea I liked thin bands until I tried on wedding rings with FI before he proposed. Pick out several rings you like and let him choose from that.

lmcooper86 · July 2014

Like @bethsmiles I don't think there's anything wrong with preferring one style of ring over others, but I do think that your reactions to looking at other rings are a bit extreme.

If you want a similar style maybe think about a different cut for the center stone, or even a coloured stone. There are lots of ways that you could do something similar without replicating your previous engagement ring.

Keep in mind though, your BF might feel uncomfortable getting you something so similar to what your former FI purchased. You said you would say yes to him regardless of the ring, so like PP said, you might want to really think about why that exact style is SO important.

bethsmiles · July 2014

lmcooper86 said:

Like @bethsmiles I don't think there's anything wrong with preferring one style of ring over others, but I do think that your reactions to looking at other rings are a bit extreme.
If you want a similar style maybe think about a different cut for the center stone, or even a coloured stone. There are lots of ways that you could do something similar without replicating your previous engagement ring.
Keep in mind though, your BF might feel uncomfortable getting you something so similar to what your former FI purchased. You said you would say yes to him regardless of the ring, so like PP said, you might want to really think about why that exact style is SO important.

This is a great idea to have something similar but still obviously different. There are a lot of gorgeous gemstones out there that are great for engagement rings!

loves2shop4shoes · July 2014

I agree with @bethsmiles.

Also, perhaps he can't afford the same 2+ct diamond you had the first time, so he's going for an entirely different aesthetic so he won't feel like he failed you.

Also, did you keep the ring from your first engagement? If you did, maybe you could reuse the center stone in a new setting? (Not sure I'd love this idea myself, but I'm throwing out options.)

PrincessSerenity38 · July 2014

I've tried other things on, but honestly I think every other type of ring is too gaudy, plain, or downright awful looking.

I don't like colored rings because they look like cocktail rings, not bridal at all. I don't like thick bands because if the wedding ring can't sit flush against it, it looks stupid. I don't like sharp lines or edges because they're too flashy and modern, so I've nixed any emerald, princess, ascher, marquise, or anything remotely similar. Rounds don't look natural on hands, and they're absolutely boring to me. Put a halo on them and they're ugly bullseyes. Someone suggested a round cushion halo but I'm too OCD to ever be okay with halo that doesn't match the shape of the stone.

Cushions without halos look like girls in a ballgown with curlers...it's not done without the halo. I realize it's crazy but there's no other ring I could possibly put on my finger and be happy with.

I have friends who now have the same ring I had, and just looking at their beautiful rings makes me sad that I'm going to get stuck with something I don't like, and that I'll spend the rest of my life pinning away for something I'll never have. I'm jealous that they get the happy perfect engagement and ring that I can no longer have.

eilis1228 · July 2014

I guess there's something to be said for knowing exactly what you want, but I really do think you're putting too much emphasis on the ring. Also, I would maybe not be so harsh when describing how much you don't like other styles of rings... you may end up offending people on here with those styles.

I would sit down with your BF and have a conversation about it. If he's really that uncomfortable with a similar ring to your previous one, then you'll need to figure out a way to compromise. If he's open to the same style, then just stick with what you like.

PrincessSerenity38 · July 2014

I've tried everything, and I think that's why I'm so frustrated. I've seen and tried on everything, but nothing even comes close. You could hand me the biggest, brightest, shiniest ring ever...but I'm still not going to like it. I'm starting to think I would rather not get married at all, and just be happy, then spend the rest of my life staring at something that makes me want to cry.

[Deleted User] · July 2014

PrincessSerenity38 said:

I've tried other things on, but honestly I think every other type of ring is too gaudy, plain, or downright awful looking.

I don't like colored rings because they look like cocktail rings, not bridal at all. I don't like thick bands because if the wedding ring can't sit flush against it, it looks stupid. I don't like sharp lines or edges because they're too flashy and modern, so I've nixed any emerald, princess, ascher, marquise, or anything remotely similar. Rounds don't look natural on hands, and they're absolutely boring to me. Put a halo on them and they're ugly bullseyes. Someone suggested a round cushion halo but I'm too OCD to ever be okay with halo that doesn't match the shape of the stone.

Cushions without halos look like girls in a ballgown with curlers...it's not done without the halo. I realize it's crazy but there's no other ring I could possibly put on my finger and be happy with.

I have friends who now have the same ring I had, and just looking at their beautiful rings makes me sad that I'm going to get stuck with something I don't like, and that I'll spend the rest of my life pinning away for something I'll never have. I'm jealous that they get the happy perfect engagement and ring that I can no longer have.

Holy crap! Well let me just go flush my ugly ring down the toilet and tell my husband that our taste in jewelry sucks!

kaitlynmichelle · July 2014

My ring has sapphires and looks bridal, thanks very much. It also has a round diamond as the center stone. Way to insult almost EVERY poster here. I think some people's rings are not my style, but I would never put them down in an insulting way like you just did. Just because something isn't your style or your dream ring doesn't mean you have to be rude about it.

It is concerning that you have such a strong reaction over this issue.

justbeingme93 · July 2014

I was going to offer advice, but now i'm just here to read the comments.

ShallowSeas · July 2014

southernpeach89 said:

PrincessSerenity38 said:

I've tried other things on, but honestly I think every other type of ring is too gaudy, plain, or downright awful looking.

I don't like colored rings because they look like cocktail rings, not bridal at all. I don't like thick bands because if the wedding ring can't sit flush against it, it looks stupid. I don't like sharp lines or edges because they're too flashy and modern, so I've nixed any emerald, princess, ascher, marquise, or anything remotely similar. Rounds don't look natural on hands, and they're absolutely boring to me. Put a halo on them and they're ugly bullseyes. Someone suggested a round cushion halo but I'm too OCD to ever be okay with halo that doesn't match the shape of the stone.

Cushions without halos look like girls in a ballgown with curlers...it's not done without the halo. I realize it's crazy but there's no other ring I could possibly put on my finger and be happy with.

I have friends who now have the same ring I had, and just looking at their beautiful rings makes me sad that I'm going to get stuck with something I don't like, and that I'll spend the rest of my life pinning away for something I'll never have. I'm jealous that they get the happy perfect engagement and ring that I can no longer have.

Holy crap! Well let me just go flush my ugly ring down the toilet and tell my husband that our taste in jewelry sucks!

Same here. Apparently my round diamond is boring and my sapphires look like they belong in a cocktail ring.

bethsmiles · July 2014

PrincessSerenity38 said:

I've tried everything, and I think that's why I'm so frustrated. I've seen and tried on everything, but nothing even comes close. You could hand me the biggest, brightest, shiniest ring ever...but I'm still not going to like it. I'm starting to think I would rather not get married at all, and just be happy, then spend the rest of my life staring at something that makes me want to cry.

1) You have offended a lot of women on here, including myself.

2) You sound like a spoiled 5 year-old in your posts.

3) If the ring is so fucking important to you then leave your BF (probably doing him a favor) and buy the ring. Obviously having a shiny rock will make you so much happier in life than the love of another human being.

minskat30 · July 2014

Meh, have your opinion about what you like but your post is rude. I'm particular about jewelry but I wouldn't call someone else's taste gaudy, ugly, etc. Just don't get a ring so you don't have to "spend the rest of [your] life staring at something that makes [you] want to cry." Dramatic much? If a piece of jewelry is going to make you cry for the rest of your life, you need some life expierence with bigger things to be concerned about.

eilis1228 · July 2014

PrincessSerenity38 said:

I've tried everything, and I think that's why I'm so frustrated. I've seen and tried on everything, but nothing even comes close. You could hand me the biggest, brightest, shiniest ring ever...but I'm still not going to like it. I'm starting to think I would rather not get married at all, and just be happy, then spend the rest of my life staring at something that makes me want to cry.

Wow. You're seriously missing the whole point of marriage here. Are you sure you're mature enough for this?

ShallowSeas · July 2014

Here's your solution: Don't get a ring. Don't even get married, because whats a marriage without a PERFECT RING?!??!?!

I'm glad you have your priorities straight.

BreMR · July 2014

I can't even imagine crying about a lovely piece of jewelry. I agree with @twodimes, just don't get a ring

buddysmom80 · July 2014

OP you're a materialistic bitch if all you care about is how your ring looks, seriously????

If FI gave me a fucking piece of string I'd be happy. Unfortuantely (to you) I have an ROUND DIAMOND THAT DOESN'T LOOK GOOD ON MY FINGER.

Get the fuck over yourself.

Swazzle · July 2014

You sound like a spoiled rotten BRAT. I hate to say it but I feel sorry for your boyfriend.

buddysmom80 · July 2014

I'm reading back and she literally put down every reg poster's engagement ring. You're going to be welcomed here with open arms. Just kidding.

KeptInStitches · July 2014

Aww, my round moissanite must be especially tacky. It's not even a diamond - how could it be bridal?

OP, get over yourself. Save up and buy a ring if it matters that much to you.

Swazzle · July 2014

buddysmom80 said:

I'm reading back and she literally put down every reg poster's engagement ring. You're going to be welcomed here with open arms. Just kidding.

I was in the clear until she said the halo shape MUST match the diamond shape. SO CLOSE YET SO FAR.

Swazzle · July 2014

PrincessSerenity38 said:

I was previously engaged back in 2012. My ex-fiance gave me the ring I'd been dreaming about for years. It was a 2.25 ct cushion cut with a halo and micropave band. It was absolutely perfect. Thin band so wedding band would sit flush and would fit under the stone. The perfect cushion cut that was elegant and what I'd been wanting for years. I can't even describe how happy I was for this ring.

Six months before the wedding, I found out he was cheating on me and as expected, the wedding was called off. Now two years later I'm happily in love with someone new. I am happier than I've ever been, and we knew immediately that we had found the one in each other.

We've talked about getting married, and he's told me that he wants to do something completely different from what the last one did. He told me to start looking around online to get an idea of what I'd like. Every single time I try, I end up crying. If he shows me something, I end up unable to sleep. Nothing out there looks good to me. It could be the biggest shiniest ring in the world, and I'd still feel like it wasn't me.

In my heart, I want something different, and I would say yes to him even if he presented me with a piece of string. However, I know that in the back of my mind, I'll be heartbroken about the fact that I can't have the ring I've always wanted. Am I wrong for wanting the same style ring I had before?

JIC

justbeingme93 · July 2014

Alright, I'm not usually snarky. But, I couldn't pass up on this gif.

Ollie08 · July 2014

OP - I was going to offer some sincere advice, and even call in other regs that didn't necessarily LOVE their rings, but you don't even deserve that. Geez, I'm sure glad I had a phone call to make before responding…

loves2shop4shoes · July 2014

PrincessSerenity38 said:

I've tried other things on, but honestly I think every other type of ring is too gaudy, plain, or downright awful looking.

I don't like colored rings because they look like cocktail rings, not bridal at all. I don't like thick bands because if the wedding ring can't sit flush against it, it looks stupid. I don't like sharp lines or edges because they're too flashy and modern, so I've nixed any emerald, princess, ascher, marquise, or anything remotely similar. Rounds don't look natural on hands, and they're absolutely boring to me. Put a halo on them and they're ugly bullseyes. Someone suggested a round cushion halo but I'm too OCD to ever be okay with halo that doesn't match the shape of the stone.

Cushions without halos look like girls in a ballgown with curlers...it's not done without the halo. I realize it's crazy but there's no other ring I could possibly put on my finger and be happy with.

I have friends who now have the same ring I had, and just looking at their beautiful rings makes me sad that I'm going to get stuck with something I don't like, and that I'll spend the rest of my life pinning away for something I'll never have. I'm jealous that they get the happy perfect engagement and ring that I can no longer have.

Welp, I fall into the curlers category. I got a cushion cut diamond with no halo. I thought halos were too trendy and took away from the beauty of the center stone. There. How does it feel to have YOUR dream ring knocked?

Listen, @ PrincessSerenity38, you are not going to garner any friendships by showing up on a board and insulting literally ALL engagement rings besides cushion cuts with a thin, pave band and a halo, which account for a very small percentage of the engagement rings sold today. It's one thing to say something isn't your style. It's another to be RUDE, crass, and obnoxious. Did they not teach you that in How to Get a Big, Perfect Rock School?

The fact that you said you'd rather not get married than have an "ugly" engagement ring is absolutely insane, and scary. I bet if you showed your BF this post, he'd run faster than you could say "materialistic bitch with fucked up priorities."

Pro Tip for the Princess: Marriage is about FOREVER. For better or worse. In sickness and health. For richer or poorer. In the course of forever, you'll fight. You'll get sick. You could lose your job, your house, your money. If you're particularly unlucky, it could all happen at the SAME time. Marriage isn't about looking down at your hand and thinking "My ring is perfect, so I have a perfect life." Marriage isn't about driving a fancy car, having a big house, or dressing well. And if strangers on the internet have to tell you this, you are NOT ready to get married.

And frankly, if you're this much of a peach, I don't wonder why your ex strayed.

cu97tiger · July 2014

severmilli12 said:

I'm agreeing with @bethsmiles as well. Its really up to you on whether you think its wrong to want the same style of engagement ring that your exFI gave you. Its a personal choice.

The perfect ring should be whatever your FI chooses to give you. If he's wanting your opinion on the ring then give him ideas of what you like, but let him pick it out. Its important that you like the ring since you're gonna be wearing it the rest of your life, but if you are worried that wanting the same ring you've already had is wrong, let him make the ultimate decision.

My advice is this: Look online at different ring styles. GO TO A JEWELER AND TRY SOME ON. You may be surprised that you like a different cut or style that you hadn't thought of before. Trying on rings is very important IMO. I had no idea I liked thin bands until I tried on wedding rings with FI before he proposed. Pick out several rings you like and let him choose from that.

Meh, I think I know what you're getting at here, @severmilli12, but I don't agree completely. Traditionally (read: in the olden days), the men picked out the ring and the women just accepted them. In this day and age, women can (and should, if it's important to them) have a big say in what their ring looks like. It's one of my regrets from our wedding process that I didn't have more say in my ring.

And OP - eff that noise. My round diamond looks effing PHENOMENAL on my hand. My ring has color in it (blue enamel) and it definitely looks bridal, even though I have a thick band. I guess I'd get points for at least having my wedding band sit flush with the e-ring. What kind of entitled brat seriously can't find one other kind of ring that they like? I get it, your previous FI got you an awesome ring. Poor you for having to find ANOTHER awesome ring.

GoldenPenguin · July 2014

That's all I have to say.

Peaseblossom55 · July 2014

I have nothing to say really but I just wanted an excuse to post Prince

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