Name Change

tabathafaye · July 2014

Anyone else having or had a hard time deciding on the name change. I am having a HARD time deciding what I want to do. I def want to take fiance's last name, but I am super attached to both my middle and last names. (Middle is mom's middle name, last is late father's last name.) And I really don't want to hyphenate....

Ideas

My name now: Tabatha Middle Last

Options

Tabatha Last Fiance'sLast

Tabatha Middle Fiance'sLast

Tabatha Middle Last Fiance'sLast

Blah

msuprincess04 · July 2014

You can also move your last name and have two middle names. But something to keep in mind is how long the name will be. Simple things like plane tickets have letter limits and that may cause problems.

KatWAG · July 2014

There isnt a correct answer to this. And there also isnt a rush to make a decision. You dont need to decide before the wedding or right after.

I have had several friends who kept their maiden names after the wedding and then legally changed their name when they had kids.

misshart00 · July 2014

It sounds like the last option you will like best. My mom has two last names.

goldchocobo.defunct635829490514903826 · July 2014

I didn't know a middle name factored into things. I never thought about that part of it. Leave your middle name, you sound attached to it

My maiden name is difficult for people to spell. All my life, I would roll my eyes at the 5 little letters that gave me the most grief. I was last in line for pizza day as a little girl at school, I have to spell it a million times on the phone booking things, and people mocked how it sounded...

My FI's last name is fairly common. It's easier to spell and isn't dead-last in the alphabet. I always joked that that was one of the perks of marrying him!

But now I'm a little sad, because my old last name was unique and interesting (now that I am older and understand its history) and now it bothers me a little that my last name will be different from my immediate family's. I want to match with them.... But I always want to take FI's name to show we are a family unit of our own. I wonder if my mother had the same conflict...

Sorry about the min-rant/vent. You're not alone in your dilemma. You can always hyphenate your maiden and married name to Tabatha Middle Maiden-Married.

lilacck28 · July 2014

I always told myself I would change my last name if I liked whoever I married's last name better. Except his last name and my last name are basically the same to me... sort of like Smith and Jones. So I'm not totally sure what I want to do.

I really like Fiance's middle name. I tried convincing him that we should both change our last names to that. No go. And then that we should do a smoosh of our last names to make a new last name just for us. He's not interested. He is perfectly fine with me not changing my name, but doesn't want to change his.

But I would like our future kids to match the both of us, so I will probably "cave" and switch my last name over to his. Professionally, I may go by my maiden since I've started to build a web presence with it. But, who am I kidding... not THAT much of a presence. Maybe I'll switch over my website and business cards and email too. That can wait a little longer though.

Does anyone know if its easier to change your last name when you get married (and would that be right before or after?), or if it doesn't make a difference? Because if it doesn't make a difference I'd probably just keep my name until I got pregnant, since there's always a chance that won't happen for us.

JennyColada · July 2014

I decided on
Jenny Colada FiLast
I'm dropping my current middle name. Having 4 names just seems confusing for paperwork, so I wanted to stick with three.

tabbicakes · July 2014

I really hate that this is so hard for me to decide on.

Another option is Tabatha Middle Fiance'sLast and get my maiden name as a tattoo.

I just need to think about it.

tabbicakes · July 2014

goldchocobo said:
My FI's last name is fairly common. It's easier to spell and isn't dead-last in the alphabet. I always joked that that was one of the perks of marrying him!

I'm "moving up" from H to A.

tabbicakes · July 2014

And somehow I logged on to an old account. Weird.

brideofginger · July 2014

I haven't been able to decide, either. I definitely don't want two middle names but some days I want to bump my maiden name to my middle, and some days I want to drop my maiden name completely. Initially I didn't want to change it at all, but I figure that doesn't make sense for when we have kids.

southernbelle0915 · July 2014

This is a very personal choice. I kept my last name because it means a lot to me. My thought is that if I want to take his last name down the road, I can. But it'd be much more awkward to take his name and then decide later on I want my maiden name back... My whole thing was being 100% sure I wanted his last name before I did it. I never got to that point so I still have my last name. We are happily married and its fine.

Maggie0829 · July 2014

msuprincess04 said:

You can also move your last name and have two middle names. But something to keep in mind is how long the name will be. Simple things like plane tickets have letter limits and that may cause problems.

I had two middle names until I got married and then I dropped the one I never used. Just because you have two middle names does not mean you have to use them. On pretty much all documents I used my First FirstMiddle Last. The second middle name was only ever on my social security card and birth certificate.

emmyg65 · July 2014

Both DH and I kept our own names when we got married, for pretty much the same reasons. We both felt tied to our families through both our last names and our middle names (family names), didn't want four names, and had established ourselves under our current names. We'll hyphenate for the kidlet.

AmaCassidy · July 2014

If I were you, I would either do a) FirstName MiddleName CurrentSurnameAsASecondMiddleName Fiance'sSurname or b) FirstName MiddleName CurrentSurname-Faince's Surname (or indeed, without the hyphen). I plan to b but bother my sister's and my SIL have done a and it hasn't been a problem with them, even though sometimes it has made the name very long.

00kim00 · July 2014

KatWAG said:

And there also isnt a rush to make a decision. You dont need to decide before the wedding or right after.

Not necessarily true. I live in California, and you have to make your decision when you get your marriage license (for ume, just under 90 days before the wedding). The only way to change your name after that is: 1. Before the wedding, get the license voided, pay the fee again and go back with your fiancé to get a new license. Or 2. After the wedding, go through the legal name change process, which is much more expensive and time consuming and requires going to court ETA:@lilacck28, see the above, but check your state as it may be different

misshart00 · July 2014

00kim00 said:

KatWAG said:

And there also isnt a rush to make a decision. You dont need to decide before the wedding or right after.

Not necessarily true. I live in California, and you have to make your decision when you get your marriage license (for ume, just under 90 days before the wedding). The only way to change your name after that is: 1. Before the wedding, get the license voided, pay the fee again and go back with your fiancé to get a new license. Or 2. After the wedding, go through the legal name change process, which is much more expensive and time consuming and requires going to court ETA:@lilacck28, see the above, but check your state as it may be different

kind of the same with Oklahoma. You have to sign your license with your name "as you will be known."

falsara · July 2014

I totally want to take FI's name, even though I'm moving back in the alphabet. Asking FI to change his last name was never an option to me. FI is my late FIL only son, so there is a huge connection. And I love my middle name so I'm keeping it. I'm a writer though, so I can always use my maiden name as a pen name.

It's a super personal choice and it can be a hard one. My mom kept her maiden name until after she was medically retired from the Navy, there was just too much paperwork and everything. I just found out a couple years ago that I originally had my mother's maiden name as my last name, but only for a few months. After my parents got married they changed it.

JennyColada · July 2014

00kim00 said:

KatWAG said:

And there also isnt a rush to make a decision. You dont need to decide before the wedding or right after.

Not necessarily true. I live in California, and you have to make your decision when you get your marriage license (for ume, just under 90 days before the wedding). The only way to change your name after that is: 1. Before the wedding, get the license voided, pay the fee again and go back with your fiancé to get a new license. Or 2. After the wedding, go through the legal name change process, which is much more expensive and time consuming and requires going to court ETA:@lilacck28, see the above, but check your state as it may be different

This!

I'm a California bride too and we are going up in two weeks to get our license, so I've been giving this a lot of thought recently!

JMS62415 · July 2014

I'm changing my last name as soon as we're married

tabathafaye · July 2014

I have at least 3 weeks after the wedding to decide. I cannot change it before then because we are going on a cruise 2 weeks later for our honeymoon and I need my passport for that.

AlliT17 · July 2014

I've opted to do two middle names and take my fiances last name, in the medical world a hyphenated last name is torture when it comes to medical records but my middle name and last name are very unique and mean a lot to me.

lbass2 · July 2014

My FI has a hyphenated last name. I've always felt strongly that I don't want to give up my name entirely, but I also want to share a last name with my kids when we have them.

I would have considered going by three names - Leslie Maiden HisLast - but with his hyphen it's WAY too long.

We thought about the possibility of smushing our (combined) three last names together, but no combination we've tried has flowed well at all.

The best option in my mind (so far) would be for me to give up my last name in favor of taking MY mother's maiden name, and him keeping the name from HIS dad's side, and then hyphenating -- so he carries on his paternal last name and I carry on my matriarchal last name. This could also work as a pattern for the future if our kids wanted to do the same.

This approach would solve a lot of problems, but requires a big sacrifice on both sides (including giving up his name from his late mom's side, which is heartbreaking to me). Not to mention that I would still be taking on an entirely new name (even if half of it came from my family), and possibly offending my dad for getting rid of his name altogether.

Thoughts? What other options do we have?

babystace1985 · August 2014

Uggh I am also deciding between dropping my middle name and having my maiden name as my middle name or having 2 middle names. I also really like my middle name and also don't want to hyphenate. Arghhhhhhh Lol

caitlinmca · August 2014

I'm keeping my middle name and dropping my current last name and taking his. My name is a family name starting from my grandma going through my mom to me, thus I won't drop my middle name.

tabathafaye · August 2014

I am going to do something I think is totally different. I am going to hyphenate my middle name!

First Middle-Maiden Hislast

caitlinmca · August 2014

tabathafaye said:

I am going to do something I think is totally different. I am going to hyphenate my middle name!

First Middle-Maiden Hislast

I could see that working if you have short names for everything, or don't mind extremely long everything. However, if you have long names that may get a little cumbersome. IE: my first name has 7 letters, middle has 8 letters, and my current last name has 9 letters while my fiances last name has 7 letters. For me, that's just too many. I could see doing something like that if it was a common name like Nye, Smith, Jones, Miller, etc.

Knottie37373131 · August 2014

I will be keeping Fiance's last name. I already have two middle names so if I kept my maiden name anywhere my name would be way to long. My middle name Lyn Marie which is a combination of both of my Aunts middle names. Fiance thinks I am crazy because if we have a girl, I am considering giving her my middle name because I love it so much. However, I might change my mind on that.

tabathafaye · August 2014

First name Tabatha. Middle is 4 letters, last is 6, his last is 6. Not too bad.

danamw · August 2014

I know a girl who took her husband's last name at his insistence, despite wanting to keep her maiden/father's name. She gave her first son the middle name of her maiden name.

It is now 17 years later, and she is gradually moving towards hyphenating her maiden/married names. She has always loved her father more than anyone in her life, and wants his name.

I wouldn't be surprised if she drops husband's name someday.

dreamlet · September 2014

I'm in the same boat. I will definitely take his name, and am thinking of keeping my maiden name as a second middle name. I never thought I would feel this way, but it is hard to give up my maiden name! My only hesitation is that having 4 names seems a little long.

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