Do you find this bizarre/ would you attend?

erollis · July 2014

@mysticl‌ thank you for responding. I completely agree with you!

That's how it is here. I don't like it and IF I ever get lucky enough to become pregnant I know what I don't want. I don't want a doctor to tell me what I must do unless it is medically necessary.

Not all places may be like this but it's something to consider when an obstetrician recommends a c section. Is it medically necessary? If it's your choice to have one even if you don't need one that's good.

For medical reasons you need to be your own advocate. If and when you can't be you need someone who has your best interests at heart and can be your advocate.

mysticl · July 2014

erollis said:

@mysticl‌ thank you for responding. I completely agree with you! That's how it is here. I don't like it and IF I ever get lucky enough to become pregnant I know what I don't want. I don't want a doctor to tell me what I must do unless it is medically necessary. Not all places may be like this but it's something to consider when an obstetrician recommends a c section. Is it medically necessary? If it's your choice to have one even if you don't need one that's good. For medical reasons you need to be your own advocate. If and when you can't be you need someone who has your best interests at heart and can be your advocate.

Yeah, I totally learned that one the hard way. I was like I don't want an induction or a c-section but if I need them I need them. It never occurred to me that key information would be withheld from me (by 4 different health care providers) or that doctors might push surgery because it was more convenient for them.

lovesclimbing · July 2014

I don't mind second showers at all, I gladly attend them and celebrate. However, I probably wouldn't go to this. It sounds like it would probably be expensive, and I don't want people telling me how much to spend.

Also, I don't really agree with the whole spiritual side of yoga and wouldn't want to be involved with it.

PrettyGirlLost · July 2014

Liatris2010 said:

I say this having just come from an outdoor yoga class...

That is some BS. I'm sorry you had a rough labor and delivery last time, but making your friends pay for a yoga class and eat a healthful lunch is not going to help that, and it is presumptuous to assume that people would want to do that for you.

Yeah, I don't know what happened to her that was so awful the 1st go around, but having a "natural" birth probably won't be any better. . . and a hell of a lot more painful.

ETA: Ah, a C-Section. Well I can't comment on which would be more painful, a c-section or a natural birth. I'm sure the c-section recovery is 10 times worse.

PrettyGirlLost · July 2014

mysticl said:

jenna8984 said:

Liatris2010 said:

I say this having just come from an outdoor yoga class...

That is some BS. I'm sorry you had a rough labor and delivery last time, but making your friends pay for a yoga class and eat a healthful lunch is not going to help that, and it is presumptuous to assume that people would want to do that for you.

Me too. And her first delivery wasn't some awful, life threatening situation. It was a standard C-section. I'm sorry, I've never had children, but I would think as long as we are both healthy and ok then I don't give a shit how he was delivered.

A "standard c-section" is major surgery and like any surgery it carries the risk of death to the patient. It also increases the risks during all future pregnancies. What was her experience like up to the point where they decided to operate? Is she left wondering if she actually needed the c-section? Is she questioning if her care providers provided her with the best possible care? Has she since learned that important information was withheld from her? If you haven't been through this you don't get to judge how she feels about the birth of her child because you cannot possibly relate.

And yes you have hit a huge nerve with me and I am projecting my own experiences onto this. I fully own that.

All birth carries a huge risk of complications and possible death for mother and child, whether it be a vag delivery, a c-section, a "natural" birth, or a lotus birth etc. Some carry greater risks than others, but things can quickly take a turn for the worse no matter what.

PrettyGirlLost · July 2014

mysticl said:

erollis said:

erollis said:

JCbride2015 said:

The two hospitals I have worked in push c sections because they can be planned. When I hear someone's baby was born at an odd hour I know baby was ready to come (c section or vaginally). I wouldn't call any birth easy (I haven't given birth) for 99% of the population. Unless you went, oh goodness contractions! And then baby comes out in one push about two minutes later. And I imagine it would still hurt to some degree.

That is horrible. Major surgery should not be encouraged because it's convenient for the hospital.

It's not about the birth being easy or pain free, it's about it not being traumatic.
________________________________________ It's not really the hospitals. It's the doctors mainly. As another poster mentioned the doctor wanted to immediately start the c section. Less babies are born on Saturdays and Sundays because doctors schedule days/times for mom to have baby. Friday and Saturday are two of the busiest days for what I do because of the babies born on Thursday and Friday. The days leading up to a holiday are crazy. CRAZY! What doctor wants to work on a Holiday? If a woman is able to do a natural birth then she should. It really is better for mom and baby. And others have touched on that subject. A nurse recently had a water birth and said it was the "easiest" birth. Major hospitals don't do water births. You have to go to a birthing center or something similar.

Stuck in the freaking box:
The doctors also should not be doing that and the hospital should not be allowing them to schedule unnecessary surgeries just because they don't want to work weekends. The are Obstetricians, babies come when they come. If they didn't want to get called out of bed in the middle of the night or work on weekends/holidays they should have picked a different specialty.
I am the poster that the doctor wanted to cut instead of induce. It was a Friday morning. Instead he had to come in on Saturday. Since I did have a c-section I cannot give birth at a birthing center.

A.Freaking.Men.

Dermatologists and Podiatrists don't really have too many emergencies that require them to keep weekend hours.

I don't understand why anyone would want to be an OBGYN to begin with, though. Staring up and fishing around in other ppl's lady bushes doesn't sound appealing at all, and they have some of the highest malpractice insurance rates because the risk of complications, injury, and death is just so high.

Teddy917 · July 2014

mysticl said:

loveislouder said:

I'm about to sound very niave but I had zero idea you only have one baby shower lol. I obviously don't have kids yet. And like others, I have no desire to push a watermelon sized object our of my woo ha. I love kids and all, but I watch natural birthing videos on youtube and stuff and I just don't trust that my body would be able to handle it.

Your body was designed to handle it. But it is absolutely 100% your choice about what you do. I just hate to see people psych themselves out because there is a strong mental component to it. If you believe you can't do something then probably you can't. Now if you don't want to that is a whole other ball game and like I said totally your choice.

Just because your body is designed to give birth doesn't mean it will work according to design. My husband's family has a history of big babies; I'm a small woman. If I were to have a large baby, I'd likely need a C-section.

Angusaur · July 2014

I had to have a C-Section with my first son. It was unplanned, not necessarily emergency. I had stopped dialating at 5 cm and my water had broken about 26 hours before that. It was necessary to get baby out to prevent infection. It was fucking terrifying, to be given a waiver that it's not their fault if I die, and to lie there awake while they cut me open and move around my insides. I'm a pretty tough cookie but I wouldn't really classify that as standard and NBD. Yes, when I finally heard that little baby cry, I did get relieved. But I was absolutely terrified during the procedure. Recovery was also very very painful for me, and I tore my incision 1/2 open as well, which was another big painful nightmare.

My doctor thinks C-section is the way to go for baby #2. As much as I hate hate hate that, I'm willing to accept it. I think he's right when he tells me my body may respond to labor the same way as last time, and I'll likely end up with a C-section anyways. A planned C-section is safer than resorting to a C-section after failed natural delivery. (He did emphasize that its MY choice, though)

Also......... I'm having a second baby shower. My son will be 6 when Baby #2 is born. My friend has offered and I have very appreciatively and graciously accepted. I don't have so much as a baby blanket left, no matter what the gender of new baby is. And I've put out probably thousands of dollars in baby gifts for all of my closest friends who will be invited to shower.

Chipmunk415 · July 2014

I was a c section baby. It was also planned, and on a Friday. Now for the flip side of that coin....

My mom was 6 days past her due date with me. I was her first pregnancy at age 36/37. She'd had some fibroids bleed a month or so before.

The OB suggested they wait the weekend. My dad (a doctor in the pathology department) insisted they do it Friday, first thing in the morning, when everyone was awake and fresh. He wanted to avoid a problem or emergency over the weekend when people would be out of town, along with monday's hangovers (miami inthe 80s).

Friday morning they went in and got me. Good thing, as I had a short umbilical cord wrapped around my neck and I was blurple. A natural birth would have killed or severely brain damaged me.

Moral of the story: a c section is major surgery, but that doesnt mean it sshould be totally vilified.

Extra note: my sister is an obgyn in CA. Her feelings on why to go in that line of practice include women deserving to have a lady doc for an important part of their health; enjoyment in helping women in the birthing experience; and getting to see women's faces the first time they hold that baby. The father's reactions, I am told, are awesome too.

ETA: when dad insisted on the Friday birth, (keep in mind, he was pathology dept head, so dealt with lots of body parts on a regular basid) his other comment was that "he had a drawerful of dead babies from doctors taking the wait and see approach so it wouldn't inerfere with their friday golf games." He wasnt about to let that happen to his wife. Sometimes Friday schedules are a very good thing.

jenna8984 · July 2014

Teddy917 said:

loveislouder said:

I'm about to sound very niave but I had zero idea you only have one baby shower lol. I obviously don't have kids yet. And like others, I have no desire to push a watermelon sized object our of my woo ha. I love kids and all, but I watch natural birthing videos on youtube and stuff and I just don't trust that my body would be able to handle it.

Your body was designed to handle it. But it is absolutely 100% your choice about what you do. I just hate to see people psych themselves out because there is a strong mental component to it. If you believe you can't do something then probably you can't. Now if you don't want to that is a whole other ball game and like I said totally your choice.
Just because your body is designed to give birth doesn't mean it will work according to design. My husband's family has a history of big babies; I'm a small woman. If I were to have a large baby, I'd likely need a C-section.

So my best friend/ MOH who is in med school was telling me that modern medicine has totally fucked up evolution. She said back in the day if the baby were too large or the mom's pelvis were too small, both would die during childbirth and end the passing on of "big baby/ small pelvis" genes. But now you can have a c-section and both survive and pass down the big baby gene to cause the problem again the next generation.

I think it's a really fucked up way to look at it. I would much prefer what we have today and "passing on the gene" rather than a bunch of innocent mothers and babies dying when they don't have to!

erollis · July 2014

Good points and stories were brought up about c sections. They are needed. I'm not against them at all. I would much rather have all healthy moms and babies no matter how the process happened.

What I was saying is that if you were wanting a "natural birth" of some sort don't let the doctor tell you you have to have a c section if you don't need it. Basically don't give in to peer pressure and use your brain for what's best for you and baby. @Chipmunk415‌ s dad used his brain because he felt that was best for his family. And it was a c section! That's smart.

My family and Hs family have Big boys 9-10.5 lbs. The girls are always 7 something. I'm not tiny and have birthing hips. So we'll see what happens.

Going back to the OP. The more I think about it I would go if I lived close and liked this friend enough. I like yoga but I'm not to big on channeling positive energy in a woowoo way, especially in a group of people I may not know. How it was worded still gets me.

PrettyGirlLost · July 2014

jenna8984 said:

Teddy917 said:

loveislouder said:

I'm about to sound very niave but I had zero idea you only have one baby shower lol. I obviously don't have kids yet. And like others, I have no desire to push a watermelon sized object our of my woo ha. I love kids and all, but I watch natural birthing videos on youtube and stuff and I just don't trust that my body would be able to handle it.

Your body was designed to handle it. But it is absolutely 100% your choice about what you do. I just hate to see people psych themselves out because there is a strong mental component to it. If you believe you can't do something then probably you can't. Now if you don't want to that is a whole other ball game and like I said totally your choice.

Just because your body is designed to give birth doesn't mean it will work according to design. My husband's family has a history of big babies; I'm a small woman. If I were to have a large baby, I'd likely need a C-section.

So my best friend/ MOH who is in med school was telling me that modern medicine has totally fucked up evolution. She said back in the day if the baby were too large or the mom's pelvis were too small, both would die during childbirth and end the passing on of "big baby/ small pelvis" genes. But now you can have a c-section and both survive and pass down the big baby gene to cause the problem again the next generation.

I think it's a really fucked up way to look at it. I would much prefer what we have today and "passing on the gene" rather than a bunch of innocent mothers and babies dying when they don't have to!

Yeah well except that there's no one Big Head or Small Pelvis gene, and it takes two ppl to contribute genetic material to a child. . .Which means just because mom died in childbirth, there's nothing to stop dad from continuing to sow his seeds, as it were, and create more big head babies.

Paternal genes are the ones that encourage larger growth of the fetus and bigger babies in utero supposedly, anyways. Maternal genes supposedly attempt to keep the fetus smaller.

mysticl · July 2014

PrettyGirlLost said:

mysticl said:

jenna8984 said:

Liatris2010 said:

I say this having just come from an outdoor yoga class...

That is some BS. I'm sorry you had a rough labor and delivery last time, but making your friends pay for a yoga class and eat a healthful lunch is not going to help that, and it is presumptuous to assume that people would want to do that for you.

Me too. And her first delivery wasn't some awful, life threatening situation. It was a standard C-section. I'm sorry, I've never had children, but I would think as long as we are both healthy and ok then I don't give a shit how he was delivered.

A "standard c-section" is major surgery and like any surgery it carries the risk of death to the patient. It also increases the risks during all future pregnancies. What was her experience like up to the point where they decided to operate? Is she left wondering if she actually needed the c-section? Is she questioning if her care providers provided her with the best possible care? Has she since learned that important information was withheld from her? If you haven't been through this you don't get to judge how she feels about the birth of her child because you cannot possibly relate.

And yes you have hit a huge nerve with me and I am projecting my own experiences onto this. I fully own that.

All birth carries a huge risk of complications and possible death for mother and child, whether it be a vag delivery, a c-section, a "natural" birth, or a lotus birth etc. Some carry greater risks than others, but things can quickly take a turn for the worse no matter what.

Yes, there are risks. Yes, things can go wrong. That was my point. Many people act like a c-section is no big deal and 100% risk free. They use words like "routine" and "standard" etc. When a woman wants a VBAC some doctors will tell her all the horror stories about what could go wrong and make it sound like certain death for her and the baby. They neglect to tell her any of the risks with the c-section (until she's at the hospital signing the surgical consent and it is brushed over) and she's left believing that the VBAC is extremely dangerous and the c-section is completely safe and it would be selfish of her to do anything but choose a c-section.

mysticl · July 2014

Teddy917 said:

loveislouder said:

I'm about to sound very niave but I had zero idea you only have one baby shower lol. I obviously don't have kids yet. And like others, I have no desire to push a watermelon sized object our of my woo ha. I love kids and all, but I watch natural birthing videos on youtube and stuff and I just don't trust that my body would be able to handle it.

Your body was designed to handle it. But it is absolutely 100% your choice about what you do. I just hate to see people psych themselves out because there is a strong mental component to it. If you believe you can't do something then probably you can't. Now if you don't want to that is a whole other ball game and like I said totally your choice.
Just because your body is designed to give birth doesn't mean it will work according to design. My husband's family has a history of big babies; I'm a small woman. If I were to have a large baby, I'd likely need a C-section.

No it doesn't always work out the way nature intended. But assuming that just because you are small means you have to have a c-section is a fallacy. Your height has nothing to do with your pelvic opening. You also won't know how big your baby is until after it is born. Near term ultrasounds to determine weight are notoriously wrong, sometimes by over a pound. If you've done your research and make a truly informed decision about wanting a c-section by all means go for it, it's your choice. Just don't assume you have to have one or let someone bully you into it.

mysticl · July 2014

PrettyGirlLost said:

Liatris2010 said:

I say this having just come from an outdoor yoga class...

That is some BS. I'm sorry you had a rough labor and delivery last time, but making your friends pay for a yoga class and eat a healthful lunch is not going to help that, and it is presumptuous to assume that people would want to do that for you.

Yeah, I don't know what happened to her that was so awful the 1st go around, but having a "natural" birth probably won't be any better. . . and a hell of a lot more painful.

ETA: Ah, a C-Section. Well I can't comment on which would be more painful, a c-section or a natural birth. I'm sure the c-section recovery is 10 times worse.

Most literature says a c-section is usually more painful. While it doesn't hurt at the time because of the epidural/spinal/general anesthesia you are in more pain for a longer period of time. Obviously there are some women who experienced both births and found the opposite to be true.

mysticl · July 2014

Chipmunk415 said:

I was a c section baby. It was also planned, and on a Friday. Now for the flip side of that coin.... My mom was 6 days past her due date with me. I was her first pregnancy at age 36/37. She'd had some fibroids bleed a month or so before. The OB suggested they wait the weekend. My dad (a doctor in the pathology department) insisted they do it Friday, first thing in the morning, when everyone was awake and fresh. He wanted to avoid a problem or emergency over the weekend when people would be out of town, along with monday's hangovers (miami inthe 80s). Friday morning they went in and got me. Good thing, as I had a short umbilical cord wrapped around my neck and I was blurple. A natural birth would have killed or severely brain damaged me. Moral of the story: a c section is major surgery, but that doesnt mean it sshould be totally vilified. Extra note: my sister is an obgyn in CA. Her feelings on why to go in that line of practice include women deserving to have a lady doc for an important part of their health; enjoyment in helping women in the birthing experience; and getting to see women's faces the first time they hold that baby. The father's reactions, I am told, are awesome too. ETA: when dad insisted on the Friday birth, (keep in mind, he was pathology dept head, so dealt with lots of body parts on a regular basid) his other comment was that "he had a drawerful of dead babies from doctors taking the wait and see approach so it wouldn't inerfere with their friday golf games." He wasnt about to let that happen to his wife. Sometimes Friday schedules are a very good thing.

The actual surgery shouldn't be vilified. It absolutely saves lives. The practice of performing a c-section on a woman for reasons other than medical necessity should be vilified. And if it is done for convenience's sake it should be for the mother's convenience not because the doctor wants to be home in time for dinner.

PrettyGirlLost · July 2014

mysticl said:

Teddy917 said:

loveislouder said:

I'm about to sound very niave but I had zero idea you only have one baby shower lol. I obviously don't have kids yet. And like others, I have no desire to push a watermelon sized object our of my woo ha. I love kids and all, but I watch natural birthing videos on youtube and stuff and I just don't trust that my body would be able to handle it.

Your body was designed to handle it. But it is absolutely 100% your choice about what you do. I just hate to see people psych themselves out because there is a strong mental component to it. If you believe you can't do something then probably you can't. Now if you don't want to that is a whole other ball game and like I said totally your choice.
Just because your body is designed to give birth doesn't mean it will work according to design. My husband's family has a history of big babies; I'm a small woman. If I were to have a large baby, I'd likely need a C-section.

No it doesn't always work out the way nature intended. But assuming that just because you are small means you have to have a c-section is a fallacy. Your height has nothing to do with your pelvic opening. You also won't know how big your baby is until after it is born. Near term ultrasounds to determine weight are notoriously wrong, sometimes by over a pound. If you've done your research and make a truly informed decision about wanting a c-section by all means go for it, it's your choice. Just don't assume you have to have one or let someone bully you into it.

The issue isn't the birth weight nor the height or weight of the mother- it's the size of the baby's head as compared to the size of your pelvic opening.

There are some women whose hips are just not wide enough to squeeze large headed babies out.

mysticl · July 2014

PrettyGirlLost said:

mysticl said:

Teddy917 said:

loveislouder said:

I'm about to sound very niave but I had zero idea you only have one baby shower lol. I obviously don't have kids yet. And like others, I have no desire to push a watermelon sized object our of my woo ha. I love kids and all, but I watch natural birthing videos on youtube and stuff and I just don't trust that my body would be able to handle it.

Your body was designed to handle it. But it is absolutely 100% your choice about what you do. I just hate to see people psych themselves out because there is a strong mental component to it. If you believe you can't do something then probably you can't. Now if you don't want to that is a whole other ball game and like I said totally your choice.
Just because your body is designed to give birth doesn't mean it will work according to design. My husband's family has a history of big babies; I'm a small woman. If I were to have a large baby, I'd likely need a C-section.

No it doesn't always work out the way nature intended. But assuming that just because you are small means you have to have a c-section is a fallacy. Your height has nothing to do with your pelvic opening. You also won't know how big your baby is until after it is born. Near term ultrasounds to determine weight are notoriously wrong, sometimes by over a pound. If you've done your research and make a truly informed decision about wanting a c-section by all means go for it, it's your choice. Just don't assume you have to have one or let someone bully you into it.

The issue isn't the birth weight nor the height or weight of the mother- it's the size of the baby's head as compared to the size of your pelvic opening.

There are some women whose hips are just not wide enough to squeeze large headed babies out.

I don't believe I said anything about the weight of the mother. I specifically said her pelvic opening. As for the birth weight of the baby that is what the doctors use when they say it's a big baby and the mother won't be able to have a vaginal birth. They tell her the baby might be 10 pounds so there is no way she can give birth. They don't cite the head circumference at all.

PrettyGirlLost · July 2014

mysticl said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

mysticl said:

Teddy917 said:

loveislouder said:

I'm about to sound very niave but I had zero idea you only have one baby shower lol. I obviously don't have kids yet. And like others, I have no desire to push a watermelon sized object our of my woo ha. I love kids and all, but I watch natural birthing videos on youtube and stuff and I just don't trust that my body would be able to handle it.

Your body was designed to handle it. But it is absolutely 100% your choice about what you do. I just hate to see people psych themselves out because there is a strong mental component to it. If you believe you can't do something then probably you can't. Now if you don't want to that is a whole other ball game and like I said totally your choice.
Just because your body is designed to give birth doesn't mean it will work according to design. My husband's family has a history of big babies; I'm a small woman. If I were to have a large baby, I'd likely need a C-section.

No it doesn't always work out the way nature intended. But assuming that just because you are small means you have to have a c-section is a fallacy. Your height has nothing to do with your pelvic opening. You also won't know how big your baby is until after it is born. Near term ultrasounds to determine weight are notoriously wrong, sometimes by over a pound. If you've done your research and make a truly informed decision about wanting a c-section by all means go for it, it's your choice. Just don't assume you have to have one or let someone bully you into it.

The issue isn't the birth weight nor the height or weight of the mother- it's the size of the baby's head as compared to the size of your pelvic opening.

There are some women whose hips are just not wide enough to squeeze large headed babies out.

I don't believe I said anything about the weight of the mother. I specifically said her pelvic opening. As for the birth weight of the baby that is what the doctors use when they say it's a big baby and the mother won't be able to have a vaginal birth. They tell her the baby might be 10 pounds so there is no way she can give birth. They don't cite the head circumference at all.

I know you didn't say anything about weight. . . whomever you were responding to said she was small, and I was trying to address that neither the mother's weight or height matter. That's usually what ppl mean when they say they are small. ETA; Even though I was responding to your quote, my comment was more directed at the person you were talking to. . . I was basically trying to back you up about the birth weight being irrelevant to whether or not you can have a vag delivery.

Actually, some OBGYNs do look at the size of the baby's head as compared to the size of the mother's pelvic opening. That's how my friend came to have a c-section, it had nothing to do with her son's weight. Her OB flat out told her that his head was not going to fit. Plus I know some OB residents and docs and we have discussed this a bit at parties ;-)

mysticl · July 2014

PrettyGirlLost said:

mysticl said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

mysticl said:

Teddy917 said:

loveislouder said:

I'm about to sound very niave but I had zero idea you only have one baby shower lol. I obviously don't have kids yet. And like others, I have no desire to push a watermelon sized object our of my woo ha. I love kids and all, but I watch natural birthing videos on youtube and stuff and I just don't trust that my body would be able to handle it.

Your body was designed to handle it. But it is absolutely 100% your choice about what you do. I just hate to see people psych themselves out because there is a strong mental component to it. If you believe you can't do something then probably you can't. Now if you don't want to that is a whole other ball game and like I said totally your choice.
Just because your body is designed to give birth doesn't mean it will work according to design. My husband's family has a history of big babies; I'm a small woman. If I were to have a large baby, I'd likely need a C-section.

No it doesn't always work out the way nature intended. But assuming that just because you are small means you have to have a c-section is a fallacy. Your height has nothing to do with your pelvic opening. You also won't know how big your baby is until after it is born. Near term ultrasounds to determine weight are notoriously wrong, sometimes by over a pound. If you've done your research and make a truly informed decision about wanting a c-section by all means go for it, it's your choice. Just don't assume you have to have one or let someone bully you into it.

The issue isn't the birth weight nor the height or weight of the mother- it's the size of the baby's head as compared to the size of your pelvic opening.

There are some women whose hips are just not wide enough to squeeze large headed babies out.

I don't believe I said anything about the weight of the mother. I specifically said her pelvic opening. As for the birth weight of the baby that is what the doctors use when they say it's a big baby and the mother won't be able to have a vaginal birth. They tell her the baby might be 10 pounds so there is no way she can give birth. They don't cite the head circumference at all.

I know you didn't say anything about weight. . . whomever you were responding to said she was small, and I was trying to address that neither the mother's weight or height matter. That's usually what ppl mean when they say they are small. ETA; Even though I was responding to your quote, my comment was more directed at the person you were talking to. . . I was basically trying to back you up about the birth weight being irrelevant to whether or not you can have a vag delivery.

Actually, some OBGYNs do look at the size of the baby's head as compared to the size of the mother's pelvic opening. That's how my friend came to have a c-section, it had nothing to do with her son's weight. Her OB flat out told her that his head was not going to fit. Plus I know some OB residents and docs and we have discussed this a bit at parties ;-)

Now those are good doctors making decisions based on actual facts. Unfortunately, I have heard too many stories of you are only this tall and your husband is this tall or you have GD so you might have a 10 pound baby and there is no way you can give birth to that so lets induce you a few weeks before your due date or lets just schedule a c-section.

PrettyGirlLost · July 2014

mysticl said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

mysticl said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

mysticl said:

Teddy917 said:

loveislouder said:

I'm about to sound very niave but I had zero idea you only have one baby shower lol. I obviously don't have kids yet. And like others, I have no desire to push a watermelon sized object our of my woo ha. I love kids and all, but I watch natural birthing videos on youtube and stuff and I just don't trust that my body would be able to handle it.

Your body was designed to handle it. But it is absolutely 100% your choice about what you do. I just hate to see people psych themselves out because there is a strong mental component to it. If you believe you can't do something then probably you can't. Now if you don't want to that is a whole other ball game and like I said totally your choice.
Just because your body is designed to give birth doesn't mean it will work according to design. My husband's family has a history of big babies; I'm a small woman. If I were to have a large baby, I'd likely need a C-section.

No it doesn't always work out the way nature intended. But assuming that just because you are small means you have to have a c-section is a fallacy. Your height has nothing to do with your pelvic opening. You also won't know how big your baby is until after it is born. Near term ultrasounds to determine weight are notoriously wrong, sometimes by over a pound. If you've done your research and make a truly informed decision about wanting a c-section by all means go for it, it's your choice. Just don't assume you have to have one or let someone bully you into it.

The issue isn't the birth weight nor the height or weight of the mother- it's the size of the baby's head as compared to the size of your pelvic opening.

There are some women whose hips are just not wide enough to squeeze large headed babies out.

I don't believe I said anything about the weight of the mother. I specifically said her pelvic opening. As for the birth weight of the baby that is what the doctors use when they say it's a big baby and the mother won't be able to have a vaginal birth. They tell her the baby might be 10 pounds so there is no way she can give birth. They don't cite the head circumference at all.

I know you didn't say anything about weight. . . whomever you were responding to said she was small, and I was trying to address that neither the mother's weight or height matter. That's usually what ppl mean when they say they are small. ETA; Even though I was responding to your quote, my comment was more directed at the person you were talking to. . . I was basically trying to back you up about the birth weight being irrelevant to whether or not you can have a vag delivery.

Actually, some OBGYNs do look at the size of the baby's head as compared to the size of the mother's pelvic opening. That's how my friend came to have a c-section, it had nothing to do with her son's weight. Her OB flat out told her that his head was not going to fit. Plus I know some OB residents and docs and we have discussed this a bit at parties ;-)

Now those are good doctors making decisions based on actual facts. Unfortunately, I have heard too many stories of you are only this tall and your husband is this tall or you have GD so you might have a 10 pound baby and there is no way you can give birth to that so lets induce you a few weeks before your due date or lets just schedule a c-section.

Yeah, and that is a damn shame.

Tee- time should never be more important that your patients' health and well being. Like you said, if you don't want to have such an erratic schedule, then change specialties.

And thank you for trying to warn women of what doctors/nurses might push on them, warning them that they might not be given all of the necessary information, and encouraging them to speak up.

Ladies, never ever be afraid or intimidated to ask your doctors questions or to tell them that you don't agree with something and you'd like an alternative. It might not always be possible, but at least you are communicating with each other.

Yes, they have extensive training and knowledge, but that doesn't mean you should feel like you can't ask for more information, a 2nd opinion, clarification, etc. A doctor may see 100 patients in a day but you only have one life and one body. Don't take what people tell you at face value, ask questions. If anyone ever gives you an attitude for asking questions, tell them you want to see another physician immediately.

ashley8918 · July 2014

I personally find anything woowoo that involves vibes and good/bad juju to be kind of weird. I definitely wouldn't attend, but I wouldn't snark on it either.

erollis · July 2014

@PrettyGirlLost‌ and @mysticl‌ you two are awesome. And make great advocates. You two have articulated this much better then I could. I

U.

mrsmorales2be · July 2014

lolo883 said:

I wouldn't go because beaming over positive hippie blessings via yoga is not something I believe in, and I'd take offense at the insinuation that a) I'm responsible for ensuring a "better" experience this time or b) I should somehow feel grateful that I'm able to participate in this rather than a shower, because I don't believe she "should" be getting a second shower anyway.

If she'd said "I wanna get some girls together for a private group yoga class, thought it would help me de-stress before Lil Bit is born. Thought we'd get lunch after. Wanna come? It's $x." then yeah, I'd definitely go.

So much this.

LadyMillil · July 2014

Late to the party (busy day at work)

Three of my friends had babies in the past 3 months. 2 of them had midwives that did delivery at the hospital just in case, and one had an OB. The two that had midwives said that the midwife went over everything that could happen during labour and delivery and made sure they were informed of all the options, and when/why it might be necessary to switch from vaginal birth to c section. They felt empowered and as in control as they could be during labour. The one that had an OB was the complete opposite. I don't know if she felt pressured to do what the doctor wanted, but I know she felt like no one was advocating for what she wanted because she hadn't been as well informed by her OB and she was told she "needed" to do this. No c section, but everything else she didn't want she ending up having. My friends have highly recommended that I see a midwife when it's baby time.

beethery · July 2014

LadyMillil said:

Late to the party (busy day at work)

Three of my friends had babies in the past 3 months. 2 of them had midwives that did delivery at the hospital just in case, and one had an OB. The two that had midwives said that the midwife went over everything that could happen during labour and delivery and made sure they were informed of all the options, and when/why it might be necessary to switch from vaginal birth to c section. They felt empowered and as in control as they could be during labour. The one that had an OB was the complete opposite. I don't know if she felt pressured to do what the doctor wanted, but I know she felt like no one was advocating for what she wanted because she hadn't been as well informed by her OB and she was told she "needed" to do this. No c section, but everything else she didn't want she ending up having. My friends have highly recommended that I see a midwife when it's baby time.

My mother said her midwife was great. Her OB told her OVER THE PHONE that she could not possibly be in labor. He finally dragged his ass in super late to the delivery. It was Thanksgiving, and inconvenient. Mom thinks I was a couple weeks early. She didn't have any ultrasounds, and it was 1985.

I was hoping in 28 years things have changed, but apparently they haven't!

lovesclimbing · July 2014

beethery said:

LadyMillil said:

Late to the party (busy day at work)

Three of my friends had babies in the past 3 months. 2 of them had midwives that did delivery at the hospital just in case, and one had an OB. The two that had midwives said that the midwife went over everything that could happen during labour and delivery and made sure they were informed of all the options, and when/why it might be necessary to switch from vaginal birth to c section. They felt empowered and as in control as they could be during labour. The one that had an OB was the complete opposite. I don't know if she felt pressured to do what the doctor wanted, but I know she felt like no one was advocating for what she wanted because she hadn't been as well informed by her OB and she was told she "needed" to do this. No c section, but everything else she didn't want she ending up having. My friends have highly recommended that I see a midwife when it's baby time.

My mother said her midwife was great. Her OB told her OVER THE PHONE that she could not possibly be in labor. He finally dragged his ass in super late to the delivery. It was Thanksgiving, and inconvenient. Mom thinks I was a couple weeks early. She didn't have any ultrasounds, and it was 1985.

I was hoping in 28 years things have changed, but apparently they haven't!

Unfortunately, there's a lot of bad doctors out there. I am definitely having H's and my kids with a midwife in a midwifery center or possibly a midwifery center attached to a hospital (unless, of course, it's high risk, which I doubt because I'm healthy, we plan to have kids in my mid-to-late 20s, and my family has a history of easy, low risk pregnancies.)

KytchynWitche · July 2014

If she'd phrased the email in a more "casual", "this is what I'm doing, feel free to join in" kinda way, I'd be all over it like white on rice. It sounds a little hippy dippy, but also kinda fun, and hey, new experiences FTW. But, she phrased it like an entitled (and whiney) brat, so no. I wouldn't go. As to the C-section debate: I was born by C-section. Natural birth was never an option for my mother because her hip bones are formed weirdly. Rather than attempt a natural birth that would almost certainly result in complications and unnecessary trauma to both baby and mother, the doctor insisted they schedule a C-section. I'm thankful every day that they did because chances are I wouldn't be alive if my mom had insisted on a natural birth. Yes, some doctors are scuzzy and will try to schedule things for their own convenience, but sometimes it really is a medical necessity. Second, third, fourth opinions are your friend, and your life (and your baby's life) should really be more important than either your doctor's convenience or your own need to do things in a certain way. And I don't mean that to sound judge-y, just saying every case should be considered on its own merit. ETA: TK ate my beautiful paragraphs!

Simply Fated · July 2014

If a friend posted on facebook that she wanted to do some new yoga thing and wanted me to come with her and then join her for lunch afterwards, I'd be totally down for that. But her wording just throws me off.

ZeroOrchestra · July 2014

I haven't posted here in forever, but just wanted to throw in my own birth experience. I went into labor on a holiday, Memorial Day. I got the on call doctor from my OB's practice. Without getting into the entire situation, she tried her damnedest to push a C-section on me. I declined. She was livid. She told me I was selfish and other things like that.
She then tried to force Pitocin. I declined.

Five hours later, my son was born with zero complication.

If I had it all to do over I would have gone to a birthing center. That doctor was rechid.

Sorry, I know this post is a few days old, just a hot topic for me.

Do you find this bizarre/ would you attend?

Re: Do you find this bizarre/ would you attend?

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