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Family Concern

brittneefaithbrittneefaith member
10 Comments First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper
in Wedding Woes
Hey there...

Slight family concern - my mom and dad (divorced) will both be helping to pay for the wedding.  Mom is paying more, and does not get along AT ALL with dad's girlfriend.  I am inviting her because I enjoy her company and I feel it is the right thing to do, but mom is very upset and says she feels like it will ruin the day for her, and has voiced concerns about paying for an event which she will be coming to, but I don't feel like that should be a factor at all.

Thoughts on how to handle this situation?

Thanks!
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Re: Family Concern

  • mrscatymrscaty member
    Fifth Anniversary 250 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer
    I would tell your mom that if she is uncomfortable contributing to an event where your dad's GF will attend, then she doesn't have to contribute. Dad's GF needs to be invited and your mom needs to act like an adult for one day. 
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  • monkeysipmonkeysip member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    ladygoldfish said:
    I would tell your mom that if she is uncomfortable contributing to an event where your dad's GF will attend, then she doesn't have to contribute. Dad's GF needs to be invited and your mom needs to act like an adult for one day. 
    This exactly.  You can't exclude Dad's GF, and your mom needs to put her feelings aside for one day for your wedding.

    But be prepared for your mom to pull her contribution.  You need to be financially prepared to pay for that part of the wedding yourself.

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  • thejucheideathejucheidea member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Pay for your own wedding. Problem solved.

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  • tawillerstawillers member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    These are the (shitty, selfish, childish) strings attached to your mom's money.  Politely decline her gift and pay for it yourself.

    Your mom also needs to be reminded that this day isn't about her.  It's about you and your FI.  She shouldn't be worried about all the things that will ruin it for her.
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  • brittneefaithbrittneefaith member
    10 Comments First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Thanks so much everyone.  Going to be having a sit down with her soon to discuss.  Appreciate all of the input!
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  • 7651arty7651arty member
    10 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    BUT, I would not invite dad and gf to show up any earlier than necessary, and tell gf to leave you mom alone at all costs.
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  • AuntFloAuntFlo member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    7651arty said:
    BUT, I would not invite dad and gf to show up any earlier than necessary, and tell gf to leave you mom alone at all costs.
    What?  Why?  Dad and GF shouldn't be punished for Mom's issues.
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  • 7651arty7651arty member
    10 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    AuntFlo, I see where that was not properly explained. My suggestion was simply meant to keep the mom and dad's gf apart for as long as possible to avoid any issues, etc that could come from mom and gf being exposed to each other for too long. I'm keeping in mind that gf may play an active role in purposely upsetting mom, we don't know.

    The rest of this post may be unpopular, but it's just what I would do. No one has to agree, but let's play nice, please.

    My opinion may not be etiquette, but I hope her dad would take every preventative measure to not cause his daughter undue stress on her wedding day. Not because he has to, but because he's her dad. Because he wants his daughter's wedding day to be a joyous celebration, not a possible meltdown for the bride's mother. I agree that Mom should do the same. Mom should smile and never says a harsh word against gf. But, I think we all know that it's nearly impossible to put on a sincere happy face when we feel horrible inside.

    Considering that mom will likely be with the bride for most of the day, it makes sense to ME that everything be done to keep mom and bride stress free.

    Sometimes, for the sake of family, one person (dad and gf, in this case) should concede a little more than another(mom and bride), if it is for the good of your child, especially on the child's wedding day.
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