Wedding Woes

Considering postponing the wedding... need advice

My fiance and I are in trouble financially. We are living with my sister (who is also MOH) and her boyfriend, and have been for 6 months (we were having an apartment renovated and did not expect to be here so long, but the renovation has been a nightmare and we're still here, impinging on their space and feeling terrible about it.) Also, it's been tough on our relationship - never having any privacy, feeling squeezed, etc. 

My parents are unable to help very much because they have financial troubles of their own, and I feel as though the wedding is our responsibility, not theirs.
 From the start, I tried to get my fiance to downscale the wedding - he's more involved in the preparations than I am. I started by asking him to elope, and he refused. He also refused a destination wedding, and a smallish wedding. We are now having 150 guests at a venue in NH this September 2011, and I'm in panic mode. There's very little money to work with and I don't want to take out a bank loan and put us in debt when we're just starting out.  

After gently trying to talk to him about my feelings for several weeks (I've been sick as a dog for nearly a month with a flu-like virus and I'm convinced it's because of the stress), I finally snapped tonight. I told him we need money and a reliable plan, or we have to postpone til next year. Now we're both miserable and broken hearted over it, and that's not how I wanted to feel about our special day, ever.

Please, please, give me some advice to think over. Thanks.  

Re: Considering postponing the wedding... need advice

  • *Barbie**Barbie* member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    you're right. you need to get your finances in order before you get married.

    set a budget, do not take out a loan, do not take from your 401k.

    basic living expenses />>> wedding.

    if you guys do not see eye to eye on money now, this is a red flag. it may cause a lot of problems later. You may want to postpone the wedding until you can sort this out.

    how does your fi plan to pay for this big wedding? does he typically live beyond his means?
  • davidsbride21davidsbride21 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I agree....it is probably best to wait until you are living comfortably without all the financial stress and then get married.  If not, it could really spoil such a special event if you are worrying how you are going to pay for it all.  On the other hand, if you both want to marry each other according to the original plan then there are so many ways to cut costs through DIY and downsizing...i'm sure there are many ideas on the budget forum and DIY forum as well as blogs and other websites devoted to throwing an inexpensive wedding. 

    It is very important though that you are both on the same page when it comes to finances and planning your wedding and the rest of your life together.  HTH :) 
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  • ootmother2ootmother2 member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 25 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    Apart from the wedding, are the two of you on the same page about finances?

    THAT would be a reason to postpone.

    Take it from there
  • mandi921vhmandi921vh member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_considering-postponing-wedding-need-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:9a2786d5-1330-4e3c-a64c-ded436756cbcPost:9cb465f3-3aac-4f9a-a2d2-049d902dd82b">Re: Considering postponing the wedding... need advice</a>:
    [QUOTE]you're right. you need to get your finances in order before you get married. set a budget, do not take out a loan, do not take from your 401k. basic living expenses /> />> wedding.<strong> if you guys do not see eye to eye on money now, this is a red flag.</strong> it may cause a lot of problems later. You may want to postpone the wedding until you can sort this out. how does your fi plan to pay for this big wedding? does he typically live beyond his means?
    Posted by *Barbie*[/QUOTE]

    <div>Yep. </div>
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  • Butter CookieButter Cookie member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    You did the right thing. Your fiance needs to pull his head out of the sand and look around. Priorities need to be established (getting out of your sister's house, for one...) and then a wedding can wait, honestly.
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  • jerseydeviljerseydevil member
    Fourth Anniversary 500 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Definitely postpone the wedding until the two of you are on your feet.
  • csousa1csousa1 member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    thank you to everyone, you have no idea how good it feels to be validated in my feelings about postponing, especially since my FH is so upset (at me and at himself) about it.
    we talked again tonight and decided to postpone until we are on our feet and have resolved our issues surrounding finances.. you're right, we don't see eye to eye about finances, and it's already been a recurring issue in our relationship. I want that issue settled once and for all before taking this next big step.

    Thanks again for the advice.
  • csousa1csousa1 member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    FYI, LMS was the OP and my sister, hence the reason it shows as though it is my post above (I must have still been signed in when she went on) Just in case there was any confusion! :)
  • edited December 2011
    I am in the same boat you are. I understand the broken heartedness. Have you sent invitaitons yet? My FI and I live together and have no parental help whatsoever.. And his car just lost the transmission, which is going to consume everything that we had for the wedding. It's OK to postpone. I feel exactly as you do. I have so many negative feelings, I don't even want to anymore..

    I hope everything works out for you. I would never want anyone to feel this way :(

    TTC March 2012!
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