Dollar Dance

Elitefourabby · July 2014

My fiance wants us to have a "Dollar Dance" at the wedding, where apparently the whole premise is that people can put a dollar in a jar and dance with one of us for a period of time. Apparently it's a tradition where he's from (Coastal rural Maine). I grew up in Atlanta, and the whole thing just sounds... well, let's just say I can hear my mother shrieking her disapproval.

Did you have a dollar dance? Have you even HEARD of it? Is it tacky?

lilacck28 · July 2014

I had never heard of it before coming to the knot. I am from lower New England. If you have never heard of it before, which it sounds like you haven't, then many people from your side will also not have heard of it. And they will be horrified. Because it is most definitely tacky.

If your fiance wants to do some version of this that badly, have people write little notes to you, or recipes or something instead of money.

chibiyui · July 2014

Elitefourabby said:

My fiance wants us to have a "Dollar Dance" at the wedding, where apparently the whole premise is that people can put a dollar in a jar and dance with one of us for a period of time. Apparently it's a tradition where he's from (Coastal rural Maine). I grew up in Atlanta, and the whole thing just sounds... well, let's just say I can hear my mother shrieking her disapproval.

Did you have a dollar dance? Have you even HEARD of it? Is it tacky?

Yes it's tacky.

Unlike the PP, I have heard of this before coming to The Knot, it's not super common in my area, but my friend did it at her wedding (first time I saw it) and it was awkward. It's one of those traditions that are really, really popular with people who like it, and it weirds everyone else out.

Don't do it. Just tell your FI your uncomfortable with it and would appreciate his understanding.

AddieCake · July 2014

Tell your fiance that it is in poor taste to ask people for money, in any fashion, at or for your wedding. It's in poor taste to ask for it for a gift, it's in poor taste to ask people to pay for drinks, and it's in poor taste to ask people to give you money to dance with them.

A lot of people do it. A lot of people have no problem with it. I would much rather have those people who are used to it going, "No Dollar Dance? Hmm. Weird." than having people who have never seen ir or find it distasteful go, "Dollar Dance? WTF?" because you will never offend guests by NOT having one. You do, however, risk offending them if you do.

MyNameIsNot · July 2014

This is so tacky.

I've actually seen one in Atlanta. It was one of the most cringe worthy wedding moments I've ever seen. The couple stood out there and the DJ made an announcement. About 3 guests understood and walked up to the dance floor. Everyone else stood around whispering about why the couple was asking for money. After one song, it was over and the couple left the dance floor. It was so embarrassing to watch. I can't imagine how they felt.

Knottie04135568 · July 2014

I will be THAT poster again. I have seen this at several weddings and it was never tacky or awkward. I'm from the Midwest but I have seen them at weddings all over. I think they are cute and fun, at one wedding it was the only time I got to spend with the Bride and Groom, and I am planning on doing it at my wedding. It's all about what works for you. talk with your fiancée about your concerns and come up with what is right for you, as a couple.

MairePoppy · July 2014

Elitefourabby , don't do that to your mama

MobKaz · July 2014

Knottie04135568 said:

I will be THAT poster again. I have seen this at several weddings and it was never tacky or awkward. I'm from the Midwest but I have seen them at weddings all over. I think they are cute and fun, at one wedding it was the only time I got to spend with the Bride and Groom, and I am planning on doing it at my wedding. It's all about what works for you. talk with your fiancée about your concerns and come up with what is right for you, as a couple.

That really isn't, and shouldn't be, the case. It is about what works for your guests, and their comfort. I have seen a few dollar dances. I saw guests squirm and find excuses to leave the room. It more often than not, zaps the life out of the reception. Squirming guests should not "work for you".

@Elitefourabby, I urge you to share your reluctance with your FI. Point out how awkward and uncomfortable guests might be if this is done. Tell him it can create a total buzz kill to the reception.

Auglaize14 · July 2014

My family is Polish, and this is a tradition at all of our family weddings...and I'm the first wedding in our family in twelve years. I completely forgot about this tradition, so when my dad told me about it, my fiance and I had the same reaction - we don't want to look like we're begging for money. Even though my family thinks the dollar dance is totally normal, the other half of our guests are going think we're greedy. Still, I want to include ties to my heritage at our wedding, at this is the only real wedding tradition my family has.

So what we've decided is this: we're calling it the "Bridal Polka," which is the more formal name of the dance. People will line up to dance with the bride for one song, and no one has to give money. The rest of the dance will play out as normal. (**ETA what that means: The guests who danced with me will form a circle around me. Once everyone's in the circle, my husband will try to break in...circle nudges him out a little...then he breaks in to the circle, carries me out the door and off to our honeymoon.) Will my family be upset that we excluded the "dollar" aspect? I doubt it, but if they are, it's a lot better than my fiance's side being offended by including it.

And to answer your original question: Yes, I did a dollar dance at my cousin's wedding when I was ten years old. Still, my first reaction was, "Why is she holding up a bucket asking for money?"

JMS62415 · July 2014

I've been to many weddings with Dollar dances and I've never been offended. I want to do one but I'm going to make the money aspect optional. The only time I was offended was when they made a minimum of $20 in order to dance with the bride or groom. For me, if they wanna give me a dollar then that's fine. It's just a fun time and a tradition in my family.

Jen4948 · July 2014

JMS62415 said:
I've been to many weddings with Dollar dances and I've never been offended. I want to do one but I'm going to make the money aspect optional. The only time I was offended was when they made a minimum of $20 in order to dance with the bride or groom. For me, if they wanna give me a dollar then that's fine. It's just a fun time and a tradition in my family.

But many others do get offended by money dances because it should be possible to dance with the couple and have fun without having to open one's wallet. That's why etiquette frowns on money dances in the first place. It looks grabby.

And in the second, if I had to get you a gift, take time off, and/or pay a lot of money just to attend the wedding, I'm definitely not going to want to pay more for a money dance.

Skip it.

bmydesigner · July 2014

My friend had one at her wedding last year. FI and I were some of the only people that didn't have cash on us, so we sat out awkwardly. It was really annoying because we just had to sit there and watch pretty much everyone else dance with the bride and groom, and it went on for quite a long time. We were about ready to leave. So yes, it is tacky and annoying lol.

Hisprinc3ss · July 2014

The dollar dance is Very common outside of the U.s. The dollar dance is not tacky! It's tacky to those who are not savy to it.

Maggie0829 · July 2014

Hisprinc3ss said:

The dollar dance is Very common outside of the U.s. The dollar dance is not tacky! It's tacky to those who are not savy to it.

Not sure what there is to be "savy" about. You are making your guests pay money to dance with you. Sounds pretty greedy and tacky to me.

LondonLisa · July 2014

Hisprinc3ss said:

The dollar dance is Very common outside of the U.s. The dollar dance is not tacky! It's tacky to those who are not savy to it.

I'm not American and find it horribly tacky. I recently asked my colleague from Warsaw about it (some people kept saying it was Polish), and she was horrified- she had never heard of it. People have already given you a gift, why do you want to extort them for more money? If guests want to give you money, fine, but why force everyone to participate whilst you panhandle from your nearest and dearest.

Maggie0829 · July 2014

LondonLisa said:

Hisprinc3ss said:

The dollar dance is Very common outside of the U.s. The dollar dance is not tacky! It's tacky to those who are not savy to it.

I'm not American and find it horribly tacky. I recently asked my colleague from Warsaw about it (some people kept saying it was Polish), and she was horrified- she had never heard of it. People have already given you a gift, why do you want to extort them for more money? If guests want to give you money, fine, but why force everyone to participate whilst you panhandle from your nearest and dearest.

To add to this...and make those guests who didn't bring money or can't afford to give more then they already have feel left out of the fun and/or embarrassed because they cannot participate.

VulgarGirl · July 2014

FI and I used to both have people pay us to dance. We were stripping at the time and they were lap dances. I always think of that when people try to sell the idea of a dollar dance. Of course a lap dance is gonna cost ya more then a dollar.

CMGragain · July 2014

The Dollar Dance is a wedding tradition in some cultures - Polish. Scandinavian, etc. If you are from one of these, and it is a tradition in your area, go ahead. It is fine. If you are NOT from this culture, then it is tacky. Don't do it.

leelabear · July 2014

My side of the family knows and does the dollar dance. Its a cultural tradition. My fiancé and his family doesn't know it. He thinks they will find it tacky so we are not doing it. Normally I would say everyone should learn to except cultural traditions and guests don't have to participate in anything they don't want to. Its just hard to argue when it comes to money.

leelabear · July 2014

If you do it maybe have your DJ/Emcee explain what it is and where it came from, then also mention guests are not expected to participate. While he explains for a minute, that will also give family time to look for cash if they want to participate.

LondonLisa · July 2014

leelabear said:

If you do it maybe have your DJ/Emcee explain what it is and where it came from, then also mention guests are not expected to participate. While he explains for a minute, that will also give family time to look for cash if they want to participate.

Please don't do that- If everyone at the wedding isn't familiar with it, it is just going to make it awkward and gift grabby. Also, what a horrible thing to have at your wedding: Relatives digging through their handbags to give you money! Why not have it where people have to write down a piece of advice and give it to you for dancing. That way you can still have it without dancing for money.

SBmini · July 2014

They are huge on my mom's side of my family. I didn't want one. For one, my FI's family doesn't do it and they tend to give big cash gives so to ask for more isn't appropriate. Secondly- I think they really take away from the fun. A whole half hour is wasted with people watching the bride and groom dance with others. I'd rather be out on the dance floor at that time dancing with my guests and not making them pay to dance with me.

I told both her and my sister that I didn't want one for all the reasons above and they were shocked that I wouldn't go with "tradition". Then during the wedding, apparently my aunts and uncles started asking when it would be because they brought money for it. I told my sister to direct them to the card box if they wanted to give us money. My parents still tried to force it- going as far as to mention it in a speech to the whole reception. I still have not forgiven them for doing this. Thankfully- it didn't happen and they weren't upset when it didn't happen.

april&amanda · July 2014

I been to a few weddings and in Arizona its a very common thing to help donate funds to there honey moon with the dollar dance! Everyone loves getting a chance to dance with bride and groom and help them with a few bucks!

beethery · July 2014

april&amanda said:

I been to a few weddings and in Arizona its a very common thing to help donate funds to there honey moon with the dollar dance! Everyone loves getting a chance to dance with bride and groom and help them with a few bucks!

No. No they do not. Most people feel awkward about paying to dance with the bride and groom. Also, when I bring money to a wedding, it is sealed in the card as a gift. The one time I saw a dollar dance, I had already put my card on the table, and was mortified to tell the INCREDIBLY IRRITATING FOG that I had no extra cash to give the B&G because I'd already put money in their card.

Motherfucker pointed at me and went, "COME ON, YOU HAVE NO OTHER CASH?" and hurrhurrhurred away, while I got tutted at by the MOG.

Dollar dances are stupid. Just because something is a common occurrence does not make it acceptable.

VulgarGirl · July 2014

april&amanda said:

I been to a few weddings and in Arizona its a very common thing to help donate funds to there honey moon with the dollar dance! Everyone loves getting a chance to dance with bride and groom and help them with a few bucks!

I'm in Arizona. I've known one friend to do it (I wasn't invited to the wedding, so I didn't see it). It's not an Arizona thing. In less you're in a strip club in Arizona. Then sure, dollar dances for all.

littlemushroom · July 2014

There has been a dollar dance at every wedding I have ever been to. It has never bothered me. I can see why it bothers others, but it doesn't bother me.

Jen4948 · July 2014

NikkiJay3333 said:

There has been a dollar dance at every wedding I have ever been to. It has never bothered me. I can see why it bothers others, but it doesn't bother me.

It may not bother you, but it bothers enough people that it is an almost universal breach of etiquette.

kns1988 · July 2014

I saw it at two weddings. I had never heard of it and I found it really strange. It was also awkward at the one wedding because a lot more people wanted to dance with the groom than with the bride (he had more friends and family in attendance). I ended up dancing with the bride just because I felt bad for her. Overall, it was a really uncomfortable experience. We won't be doing it.

zizibet · July 2014

Amanda, I have lived in AZ all my life and have seen it done once, more than 20 years ago now. It is not that common here at all.

KatieinBkln · July 2014

Yeah, I find it horrifying. I've never been to a wedding that had one, but I haven't actually been to a ton of weddings. I really like the compromise of having flowers or notes with well-wishes instead of actual money, if the tradition itself is really precious to one side's family or culture.

[Deleted User] · July 2014

I live in Ohio and have seen it done several time. I've even seen it done where if the guest wants, they also get a shot. I don't find it horrifying, we just opted not to do it because my husband doesn't like to slow dance so I figured why torture him.

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