I personally think giving a small gift is very sweet! I was just asked to be a BM a few days ago. We went to lunch by ourselves, then she gave me a card about our friendship asking if I would be a BM, along with a really pretty bracelet. I loved it! .
How "sweet" would it have been if you had to say no?
Wouldn't it have made you very uncomfortable that someone did all this for you and you wouldn't have been able to give them what they wanted in return?
She's one of my best friends, and the wedding is in the town where we both currently live (no travel expenses), so pretty much 0% chance of me saying no. She basically already knew my answer beforehand, but it was still a nice gesture to be asked.
I know some people will disagree, but I just have to say this. If you are friends with someone (legitimately part of their life), the wedding isn't in some crazy far away location, and you aren't meeting with the president on their wedding date, then your answer should always be YES when your friend asks you to be in their wedding! Why on earth would you not want to stand up there during your BFFs once in a lifetime event!
I personally think giving a small gift is very sweet! I was just asked to be a BM a few days ago. We went to lunch by ourselves, then she gave me a card about our friendship asking if I would be a BM, along with a really pretty bracelet. I loved it! .
How "sweet" would it have been if you had to say no?
Wouldn't it have made you very uncomfortable that someone did all this for you and you wouldn't have been able to give them what they wanted in return?
She's one of my best friends, and the wedding is in the town where we both currently live (no travel expenses), so pretty much 0% chance of me saying no. She basically already knew my answer beforehand, but it was still a nice gesture to be asked.
I know some people will disagree, but I just have to say this. If you are friends with someone (legitimately part of their life), the wedding isn't in some crazy far away location, and you aren't meeting with the president on their wedding date, then your answer should always be YES when your friend asks you to be in their wedding! Why on earth would you not want to stand up there during your BFFs once in a lifetime event!
Sometimes it's not necessarily an issue of not wanting to, but some women decline because of financial reasons. Being a bridesmaid ain't cheap.
I know some people will disagree, but I just have to say this. If you are friends with someone (legitimately part of their life), the wedding isn't in some crazy far away location, and you aren't meeting with the president on their wedding date, then your answer should always be YES when your friend asks you to be in their wedding! Why on earth would you not want to stand up there during your BFFs once in a lifetime event!
Because some people barely make it from paycheck to paycheck. Wanting something and being able to do it are two very different things.
I personally think giving a small gift is very sweet! I was just asked to be a BM a few days ago. We went to lunch by ourselves, then she gave me a card about our friendship asking if I would be a BM, along with a really pretty bracelet. I loved it! .
How "sweet" would it have been if you had to say no?
Wouldn't it have made you very uncomfortable that someone did all this for you and you wouldn't have been able to give them what they wanted in return?
She's one of my best friends, and the wedding is in the town where we both currently live (no travel expenses), so pretty much 0% chance of me saying no. She basically already knew my answer beforehand, but it was still a nice gesture to be asked.
I know some people will disagree, but I just have to say this. If you are friends with someone (legitimately part of their life), the wedding isn't in some crazy far away location, and you aren't meeting with the president on their wedding date, then your answer should always be YES when your friend asks you to be in their wedding! Why on earth would you not want to stand up there during your BFFs once in a lifetime event!
Sometimes it's not necessarily an issue of not wanting to, but some women decline because of financial reasons. Being a bridesmaid ain't cheap.
Exactly. The last wedding I was in I spent over $1000. That included the dress, shoes, hair and makeup, bridal shower, bach party, gifts, etc. I did this willingly but there are some people who cannot afford to be a BM, but tend to feel pressured or guilted into it by lavish "proposals." They then put themselves into debt because they feel they have an obligation as a friend to say yes and throw you parties and buy things.
Yes, everyone is an adult, but sometimes you do dumb shit when it comes to your friends or family, including saying yes to being a BM when you fully know that you should say no because of financial reasons.
I have never declined, because I like being supportive. That said, there were times in my life where I wish I could have and probably should have. It isn't cheap!
I personally think giving a small gift is very sweet! I was just asked to be a BM a few days ago. We went to lunch by ourselves, then she gave me a card about our friendship asking if I would be a BM, along with a really pretty bracelet. I loved it! .
How "sweet" would it have been if you had to say no?
Wouldn't it have made you very uncomfortable that someone did all this for you and you wouldn't have been able to give them what they wanted in return?
She's one of my best friends, and the wedding is in the town where we both currently live (no travel expenses), so pretty much 0% chance of me saying no. She basically already knew my answer beforehand, but it was still a nice gesture to be asked.
I know some people will disagree, but I just have to say this. If you are friends with someone (legitimately part of their life), the wedding isn't in some crazy far away location, and you aren't meeting with the president on their wedding date, then your answer should always be YES when your friend asks you to be in their wedding! Why on earth would you not want to stand up there during your BFFs once in a lifetime event!
Well, possibly because they didn't stand up there during my once in a lifetime event?
And sorry, but one's answer shouldn't always be YES. What if the friend is a 'zilla? What if you don't approve of the marriage? What if you fucking can't afford it? What if you're sick, pregnant, a student, or otherwise just don't have the time or health? I can't afford to be in anyone's wedding right now no matter how much I love them.
I have never declined, because I like being supportive. That said, there were times in my life where I wish I could have and probably should have. It isn't cheap!
So if I say no because it's just not in my budget, that means I'm a crappy friend who isn't supportive of the bride?
I have never declined, because I like being supportive. That said, there were times in my life where I wish I could have and probably should have. It isn't cheap!
I'll make sure to tell my best friend who had to decline being in a very close friend's wedding due to financial/health reasons that she just needed to be more "supportive'.
I have never declined, because I like being supportive. That said, there were times in my life where I wish I could have and probably should have. It isn't cheap!
I'll make sure to tell my best friend who had to decline being in a very close friend's wedding due to financial/health reasons that she just needed to be more "supportive'.
slothiegal and @zitiqueen- That isn't what I mean. I said I haven't declined BECAUSE I like being supportive, I never said declining means you aren't. I totally get why people decline- I have spent a ton of money in the past 10 years in the 9 weddings I have been in. There were some weddings I wish I had declined but didn't because I felt bad saying no.
I made a "Will You Be My Bridesmaid Box." I have a post on my blog all about the one I handed out, I'll link it below. It was simple to make and it's easy to adjust the items in the box to fit your bridesmaid's personalities and your budget! Not to mention it was adorable and they all loved it!
When I asked my MOH we were out for lunch and pedi's. No big production, just told her I love her and wanted her with me. When I asked my BM we were at dinner. Again, no big production, just told her how much she means to me. Honestly, neither of them are showy kind of girls, so I think any big production would have made them uncomfortable. They both said yes and we went on about our day.
So, while I agree you shouldn't ask your bridesmaids with a gift, if you happen to have a bottle of wine nearby for after I say yes, I'd really appreciate that.
.......#noshame
Anyone here who needs another bridesmaid and has an extra bottle of wine laying around??
So, while I agree you shouldn't ask your bridesmaids with a gift, if you happen to have a bottle of wine nearby for after I say yes, I'd really appreciate that.
.......#noshame
Anyone here who needs another bridesmaid and has an extra bottle of wine laying around??
"Extra" wine? What is this you speak of?
Sounds a lot like "leftover wine," also a completely unfamiliar concept
Hi OP, just a word of advice from someone who did the cutesy asking thing, regardless of whether it's too Pinterest-y or cliche: just mention it to them casually first. I did this to get an idea of whether it was something they'd be game for, and then I showed up one Saturday at each of their houses with a personalized wine bottle asking them to be my bridesmaid. They all loved it but did not feel put on the spot. There is NOTHING wrong with what you want to do, and chances are all 13 of your ladies will be thrilled to say yes!!
Hi OP, just a word of advice from someone who did the cutesy asking thing, regardless of whether it's too Pinterest-y or cliche: just mention it to them casually first. I did this to get an idea of whether it was something they'd be game for, and then I showed up one Saturday at each of their houses with a personalized wine bottle asking them to be my bridesmaid. They all loved it but did not feel put on the spot. There is NOTHING wrong with what you want to do, and chances are all 13 of your ladies will be thrilled to say yes!!
Why do all these people think everyone's so "thrilled" to be asked to be a bridesmaid that they're automatically going to say yes? That's bullshit. Not everyone is "thrilled to say yes" no matter how much she loves the bride. What if she's a student, pregnant, about to get married around that time herself, a mother, broke? What if she just isn't thrilled to be asked in a cutesy way with a gift or in front of others?
Just ask, with no gifts or cutesy gimmicks, and be prepared for them to say no. It's a valid response. Not every female is "thrilled to say yes" on being asked to be a bridesmaid. It's not something every female wants to do-regardless of how much she loves the bride.
Hi OP, just a word of advice from someone who did the cutesy asking thing, regardless of whether it's too Pinterest-y or cliche: just mention it to them casually first. I did this to get an idea of whether it was something they'd be game for, and then I showed up one Saturday at each of their houses with a personalized wine bottle asking them to be my bridesmaid. They all loved it but did not feel put on the spot. There is NOTHING wrong with what you want to do, and chances are all 13 of your ladies will be thrilled to say yes!!
Why do all these people think everyone's so "thrilled" to be asked to be a bridesmaid that they're automatically going to say yes? That's bullshit. Not everyone is "thrilled to say yes" no matter how much she loves the bride. What if she's a student, pregnant, about to get married around that time herself, a mother, broke? What if she just isn't thrilled to be asked in a cutesy way with a gift or in front of others?
Just ask, with no gifts or cutesy gimmicks, and be prepared for them to say no. It's a valid response. Not every female is "thrilled to say yes" on being asked to be a bridesmaid. It's not something every female wants to do-regardless of how much she loves the bride.
Because most of our friends love us! LOL. No, most friends just want to be there for us on our big day!! And the financial burdens or other extenuating circumstances are why I suggested to OP to mention it to her future bridesmaids ahead of the "proposal." But of course, Knot-zis only focus on the one trigger phrase that gets their self-appointed etiquette panties in a wad (you might have noticed I alluded to my wedding being MY day...jump on that one piranhas!). Here's the thing: some people like cutesy stuff and gestures. Some people like rainbows and puppies and smiles and don't think that anything remotely sentimental or heartfelt is an immediate breach of etiquette or good taste. Besides, getting your bridesmaids cute gifts (especially alcohol) softens the later blow of turning them into "living dolls" or "props" when you pick out matching shoes or dresses for them
I'm not sure if this applies and I hope I'm not derailing but... I only had one person that I was bound and determined to have standing beside me on my wedding day, and I would do anything to make sure that she was standing beside me on my wedding day, including pay for her dress and change my wedding date such that she could be there (thank God she's not overseas anymore- I'm not sure I would wait an extra year to get married if she was- just have to figure out a time to pipe her in over the internetz!). If she wants to organize a shower or whatever that's gravy but I wouldn't expect her to put in a brass nickel she couldn't afford or take a second off from her job she couldn't take. I actually told her when I called and said we were engaged "you're my maid of honor.... That's okay right? We'll find a day you can take off from work don't worry!"
Now of course when you have 13 people that are special enough to be bridesmaids I guess you can't be that accommodating so I agree with PPs: don't go with the showy crap, and be prepared to be declined (at least once).
So @lizhurt, am I correct in hearing that you "mention" the idea of being in a wedding party to your bridal party, then go back and formally ask them with a gift?
Not my cup of tea, but mmmmkay.
Btw, the idea of turning your nearest and dearest into "living dolls" or "props" sounds pretty miserable to me. I was in a wedding once where I felt like this, and I have purposefully distanced myself from this bride since her wedding because of it.
Hi OP, just a word of advice from someone who did the cutesy asking thing, regardless of whether it's too Pinterest-y or cliche: just mention it to them casually first. I did this to get an idea of whether it was something they'd be game for, and then I showed up one Saturday at each of their houses with a personalized wine bottle asking them to be my bridesmaid. They all loved it but did not feel put on the spot. There is NOTHING wrong with what you want to do, and chances are all 13 of your ladies will be thrilled to say yes!!
Why do all these people think everyone's so "thrilled" to be asked to be a bridesmaid that they're automatically going to say yes? That's bullshit. Not everyone is "thrilled to say yes" no matter how much she loves the bride. What if she's a student, pregnant, about to get married around that time herself, a mother, broke? What if she just isn't thrilled to be asked in a cutesy way with a gift or in front of others?
Just ask, with no gifts or cutesy gimmicks, and be prepared for them to say no. It's a valid response. Not every female is "thrilled to say yes" on being asked to be a bridesmaid. It's not something every female wants to do-regardless of how much she loves the bride.
Because most of our friends love us! LOL. No, most friends just want to be there for us on our big day!! And the financial burdens or other extenuating circumstances are why I suggested to OP to mention it to her future bridesmaids ahead of the "proposal." But of course, Knot-zis only focus on the one trigger phrase that gets their self-appointed etiquette panties in a wad (you might have noticed I alluded to my wedding being MY day...jump on that one piranhas!). Here's the thing: some people like cutesy stuff and gestures. Some people like rainbows and puppies and smiles and don't think that anything remotely sentimental or heartfelt is an immediate breach of etiquette or good taste. Besides, getting your bridesmaids cute gifts (especially alcohol) softens the later blow of turning them into "living dolls" or "props" when you pick out matching shoes or dresses for them
Wow, @lizhurt, Knot-zis? You're already reverting to making Nazi references after one reply to your post?
Sure, most people we are close enough to that we'd ask to be in the WP will probably want to say yes and support us. But life situations can make that hard. And yeah, some people like cutesy stuff. But a lot of people don't. If OP is unsure enough to ask a bunch of internet strangers, I'm betting she doesn't know conclusively that her friends like cutesy stuff. That can be pressure-filled for someone who doesn't naturally like that stuff. So if she's that unsure... better to just call up her friends or meet them for coffee and simply ask.
Everything about a wedding doesn't need to be a big production. I was "proposed to" in a big group like this with a wedding-themed Pinterest-inspired box. Am I happy to be a BM for my friend and did I say yes? Yep. But I'm now aware she is a Pinterest-crazy bride and I'm preparing for some Pinterest-zilla moments. So far we've got a 3.5-hour gap, multiple picture locations, and mandatory hair and makeup. The big proposal was just a tip-off.
"I'm not a rude bitch. I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."
So @lizhurt, am I correct in hearing that you "mention" the idea of being in a wedding party to your bridal party, then go back and formally ask them with a gift?
Not my cup of tea, but mmmmkay.
Btw, the idea of turning your nearest and dearest into "living dolls" or "props" sounds pretty miserable to me. I was in a wedding once where I felt like this, and I have purposefully distanced myself from this bride since her wedding because of it.
Yep, that is how I did it. I just didn't want to put anyone on the spot but still wanted to do the cute, sentimental thing. And the props thing was a joke because I got accused of being a psycho bridezilla on a previous post for wanting matching shoes/dresses, even though I readily acknowledged I know it's not for everyone. I just like to be cheeky sometimes because the wrath of all the hardcore etiquette proponents makes me giggle.
So @lizhurt, am I correct in hearing that you "mention" the idea of being in a wedding party to your bridal party, then go back and formally ask them with a gift?
Not my cup of tea, but mmmmkay.
Btw, the idea of turning your nearest and dearest into "living dolls" or "props" sounds pretty miserable to me. I was in a wedding once where I felt like this, and I have purposefully distanced myself from this bride since her wedding because of it.
Yep, that is how I did it. I just didn't want to put anyone on the spot but still wanted to do the cute, sentimental thing. And the props thing was a joke because I got accused of being a psycho bridezilla on a previous post for wanting matching shoes/dresses, even though I readily acknowledged I know it's not for everyone. I just like to be cheeky sometimes because the wrath of all the hardcore etiquette proponents makes me giggle.
So @lizhurt, am I correct in hearing that you "mention" the idea of being in a wedding party to your bridal party, then go back and formally ask them with a gift?
Not my cup of tea, but mmmmkay.
Btw, the idea of turning your nearest and dearest into "living dolls" or "props" sounds pretty miserable to me. I was in a wedding once where I felt like this, and I have purposefully distanced myself from this bride since her wedding because of it.
Yep, that is how I did it. I just didn't want to put anyone on the spot but still wanted to do the cute, sentimental thing. And the props thing was a joke because I got accused of being a psycho bridezilla on a previous post for wanting matching shoes/dresses, even though I readily acknowledged I know it's not for everyone. I just like to be cheeky sometimes because the wrath of all the hardcore etiquette proponents makes me giggle.
That's not being cheeky, that's being a troll.
Ignoring the fact that you just proved my point on the lack of humor witnessed on these boards, you'll notice that I have only posted defending curious women who have been ripped apart by so-called etiquette experts. AND, I am getting married, so I think I have every right to be on this board, even if I disagree with many of the opinions espoused by frequent posters [who tried to get me banned without merit (hey, I'm still here!!)]. So, no, I'm not a troll. If you want to name call, please be more creative
So @lizhurt, am I correct in hearing that you "mention" the idea of being in a wedding party to your bridal party, then go back and formally ask them with a gift?
Not my cup of tea, but mmmmkay.
Btw, the idea of turning your nearest and dearest into "living dolls" or "props" sounds pretty miserable to me. I was in a wedding once where I felt like this, and I have purposefully distanced myself from this bride since her wedding because of it.
Yep, that is how I did it. I just didn't want to put anyone on the spot but still wanted to do the cute, sentimental thing. And the props thing was a joke because I got accused of being a psycho bridezilla on a previous post for wanting matching shoes/dresses, even though I readily acknowledged I know it's not for everyone. I just like to be cheeky sometimes because the wrath of all the hardcore etiquette proponents makes me giggle.
That's not being cheeky, that's being a troll.
Ignoring the fact that you just proved my point on the lack of humor witnessed on these boards, you'll notice that I have only posted defending curious women who have been ripped apart by so-called etiquette experts. AND, I am getting married, so I think I have every right to be on this board, even if I disagree with many of the opinions espoused by frequent posters [who tried to get me banned without merit (hey, I'm still here!!)]. So, no, I'm not a troll. If you want to name call, please be more creative
Puuuuhlease. No one was ripped apart.
I know you are on WW and I also know that some people over there give very similar advice and in a very similar manner and tone. Do you all accuse them of "ripping people apart"?
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
I think you should do what feels right. I personally did a little something for my MOH and it turned out great, but I knew it would. If you are not 100% sure they'll say yes, then maybe skip the gift?
I think you should do what feels right. I personally did a little something for my MOH and it turned out great, but I knew it would. If you are not 100% sure they'll say yes, then maybe skip the gift?
Why wouldn't just asking in a straightforward, dignified, loving, respectful way, with no one else present and no cutesy gimmicks, "feel right" ?
I asked each of my girls privately and after each of them said yes I sent them champagne and a few chocolates as a yay I'm excited gift. It wasn't anything major but I just wanted to do a little something for them.
I found out after you aren't supposed to mail alcohol. Oops haha
Re: Proposing to Bridesmaids
She's one of my best friends, and the wedding is in the town where we both currently live (no travel expenses), so pretty much 0% chance of me saying no. She basically already knew my answer beforehand, but it was still a nice gesture to be asked.
I know some people will disagree, but I just have to say this. If you are friends with someone (legitimately part of their life), the wedding isn't in some crazy far away location, and you aren't meeting with the president on their wedding date, then your answer should always be YES when your friend asks you to be in their wedding! Why on earth would you not want to stand up there during your BFFs once in a lifetime event!
When I asked my BM we were at dinner. Again, no big production, just told her how much she means to me.
Honestly, neither of them are showy kind of girls, so I think any big production would have made them uncomfortable. They both said yes and we went on about our day.
Why do all these people think everyone's so "thrilled" to be asked to be a bridesmaid that they're automatically going to say yes? That's bullshit. Not everyone is "thrilled to say yes" no matter how much she loves the bride. What if she's a student, pregnant, about to get married around that time herself, a mother, broke? What if she just isn't thrilled to be asked in a cutesy way with a gift or in front of others?
Just ask, with no gifts or cutesy gimmicks, and be prepared for them to say no. It's a valid response. Not every female is "thrilled to say yes" on being asked to be a bridesmaid. It's not something every female wants to do-regardless of how much she loves the bride.
That's not being cheeky, that's being a troll.
Puuuuhlease. No one was ripped apart.
I know you are on WW and I also know that some people over there give very similar advice and in a very similar manner and tone. Do you all accuse them of "ripping people apart"?
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."