Pregnant Rumors (VENT)

Bubblegum5586 · July 2014

What a fantastic 4th of July weekend we had with H's family (despite the actual 4th getting rained out!) we go to his aunts cookout every year and the following day is a wiffle ball tourney of 4 teams between 2 houses/yards (all H's family - brothers, cousins, uncles etc) It is so much fun as it turns into a 2 day party with the same people!

As one of the few family members that live out of town (just over an hour away) this is our time to catch up with all of H's family. We purchased our first home just over a week ago and his family was all so excited to hear about it and congratulate us. It has been 9 1/2 months since our wedding and we have had a few people question us when/ if we are pregnant which I tend to find kind of annoying and none of their business, but most were asked nicely so it wasn't a big deal.

Then when I go to walk over to my SIL (H's brother's wife) and a family cousin, they start making remarks about me being pregnant and how have I been there for a few hours and haven't had a drink yet (they were watching me?) I explained it was hot and as I tend to pass out easily in heat I was drinking water, plus I knew it would be a late night and was waiting to start drinking. I got the "sure sure" comments from them. And they just kept giving me a hard time. I was so frustrated because I am not really a big drinker so it isn't weird for me not to be drinking, and I was wearing just a bikini walking around clearly not showing at all, so if I was it would be so early that it's so rude to try and force that information out of someone! I grabbed a beer at that point just so they would leave me alone.

But it didn't really stop then either. My SIL just kept telling other people how they thought I was and how there were rumors.... but then I had a beer.... but maybe I am just irresponsible..... WTF?

My SIL and BIL had a honeymoon baby, and that is what they wanted so good for them, but for her to put all this unwanted pressure and attention on me is so annoying. And it makes me feel like I have to watch my behavior for the next however many years and more importantly... when I do become pregnant. I wont want to share that information for the first 12 weeks at least but will she uncomfortably pressure that information out of me? And what if I can't have children... who knows...

I know after you get married you start to get these questions, but this just seemed over the top to me. Anyone else in this situation? Any suggestions?

RebeccaFlower · July 2014

What the actual fuck?! You're irresponsible because you're not pregnant and had a beer? Fuck off.

That being said, people love to speculate pregnancy. My parents got engaged and married in three months (1976) and everyone thought she was pregnant. Joke is on them because my brother was born eight years later!

emmyg65 · July 2014

Yep, it happened to us. It was especially pleasant because we were dealing with infertility.

If you do have a kid, then people will start asking when you'll have the next one! I just don't know what makes people think it's okay to ask questions like this.

bethsmiles · July 2014

Wow! The rumors alone would be annoying but to then say you are being irresponsible because you are drinking and there are rumors that you are pregnant? That is the point when I would've been really pissed and confronted people.

mysticl · July 2014

Yeah, that is over the top. My advice is when she asks say "no" once. After that do not interact with her at all. When someone notices and asks about it simply state that you do not wish to associate with people who spread lies about you and make accusations about you.

sarahufl · July 2014

I cannot fathom why, once you get married, any potential pregnancy suddenly becomes up for grabs. My general policy is to say something rude back. If someone can be that nosy and rude to you, they deserve a rude response.

I would just say "thank you for your excitement, but my family planning is not one of your concerns." and I would leave it at that.

AddieCake · July 2014

This is one of my non-wedding rage issues.

vk2204 · July 2014

People have no filters, but unfortunately you will always get asked that question. I am also not a big drinker - I rarely drink when we go out but that never stopped the pregnant comments. I am currently 34 weeks pregnant and I have been getting asked when the next one is coming. Please, let me get through this first one before we talk more kids, thanks.

Inkdancer · July 2014

I don't remember which Knottie suggested this, but I loved the thought: any time someone asks you if you're pregnant/ says something about your family planning, tell them you're trying but it just doesn't seem to be working. Then ask them if they have any suggestions on positions since the ones you're using aren't cutting it. Get more detailed if necessary to shut them up.

goldchocobo.defunct635829490514903826 · July 2014

I feel this is going to happen to me. I'm 31, and FI will be 31 in September, so I feel like we will be on 'bump watch' from the second we say 'I do.' Not necessarily untrue, but it's none of everyone's concern.

What I worry about is just eating too much pasta salad or something and everyone calls it a bump. I'm sensitive enough about my body, dammit.

Yeah, your uterus is your business. Everyone else can butt out!

beethery · July 2014

Tell them you're having a food baby that will be named Burrito regardless of gender.

goldchocobo.defunct635829490514903826 · July 2014

beethery said:

Tell them you're having a food baby that will be named Burrito regardless of gender.

SITB!!

LOL!
My coworker's wife is pregnant and I keep telling him that once she has the baby to just tell everyone it was a case of really bad gas and sorry to confuse everyone.

Bubblegum5586 · July 2014

Thanks for all the advice! I think I'll go with;

beethery said:

Tell them you're having a food baby that will be named Burrito regardless of gender.

HobokensFury · July 2014

It doesn't stop. Once you have a baby people will ask if/when you're having another one.

Maggie0829 · July 2014

People like this tick me off. Whether or not you are pregnant is no one's business but your own and your H's. Just because you are married doesn't mean you want or will have children. Why do people think that everyone under the sun wants a freaking kid?

I am firmly in the no kid camp and H is all "That is too much fucking responsibility, I prefer our dog." But then I get the, "oh you will change your mind" or "oh you don't mean that" or "but how can you NOT want kids, they are so wonderful and the best thing that you will ever do." Well good for you but it is pretty easy for me to not want kids. I have never liked kids. I don't know what to do with kids. I have a niece and I have zero idea how to play with her or talk to her or what to do with her when she is around. My SIL kept trying to get me to hold her baby. I don't want to hold your freaking baby! The kid does not know me so she will probably cry and if she doesn't cry I still don't want to hold her because I have no idea what to do with her. Everyone is oohing and ahhing over all the "cute" noises that she is making and I am sitting here thinking "it is a fucking baby they make noises, I don't see what the big deal is."

But if we ever do decide to have kids then that is our business and no one else's. Thank god I have my Mom who is all "I don't care if you have a kid, you have an adorable pup and that is good enough for me."

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