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NRW: what the what?!

JaniV123JaniV123 member
Sixth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
edited July 2014 in Chit Chat
We are moving all the big stuff this weekend and since neither of us is over 25 then my mom will have to drive the cargo van up to our place. Well since we are debating whether to return it at the new town or back at the pickup site my mom might have to stay over. Well I am kind of angry at FI right now (time of month dues soon so I become kind of a cranky pants) because he is suggesting my mom and I sleep together so it wont be awkward. 

IT IS OUR FREAKING APARTMENT AND SHE WILL BE OUR GUEST WHY SHOULD WE FEEL ASHAMED/WEIRD/AWKWARD OF SLEEPING TOGETHER IN OUR HOME JUST BECAUSE SHE IS THERE AND WE ARE NOT ALLOWED TO SLEEP TOGETHER IN HER HOME?

Am I being weird or unreasonable?! Is he right? I am just cranky and confused... 

ETA: He also mentioned that it is out of respect that she should sleep with me. I said, "If it was her home fine, but it is not it is OUR home, OUR space" 


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Re: NRW: what the what?!

  • bethsmilesbethsmiles member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I don't think you are being weird or unreasonable. It's your home, why would you change your sleeping habits because your mom is staying over?


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  • pinkcow13pinkcow13 member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Yea I don't think you are being unreasonable either.
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  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited July 2014
    I do not think you are being unreasonable.      

    Do you have a spare bed and room?  If not, I can see him saying he would take the sofa because mom might be more comfortable in a bed.   When we lived in a one bedroom we gave my mom the bed. But other than that, I do not get his reasoning.


    That all said, it's not something I would fight him on either.  It's one night.  Once mom leaves I would be having sex with DH all over the new place.


    ETA - part of me thinks it's sweet your DH wants to respect your mom's feelings. Not saying I agree with him, but IDK, it's kind-of sweet he even thought about what your mom thinks on the subject. DH's mom let him have GFs spend the night in HS. My parents did not like us sleeping together in their home and we lived together and were in our 30's. He was so respectful of that. Way more so than I was. Actually I thought my parents were crazy. As annoying as it was, at the same time sweet he cared what they thought of him.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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  • falsarafalsara member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer

    It's your place, that means that you make your own rules and your rules say that you get to sleep in the same bed as your FI.

     

    Its things like this that make me grateful that I have forward thinking parents, and grandparents.

                                               

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  • SapphireCounselorSapphireCounselor member
    250 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    kimches said:
    If your mom is aware that you are living together, she is aware that yall share a bed. If she didn't agree with your choice to live and sleep together, she probably wouldn't be helping you move. You shouldn't have to change the sleep arrangements for her when she is aware of your usual sleeping arrangements.
    I agree. When they are helping you move one bed into a one-bedroom apartment (not sure if this is the real size or not so feel free to correct me) the jig is up at that point, lol.
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  • JaniV123JaniV123 member
    Sixth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited July 2014
    @lyndausvi and @kimches

    we are moving into a 2 bed 2 bath and we will have a very  comfy futon in the guestroom/office and we have a sofa-bed. 

    I do appreciate that he cares and respects her and I understand the comfort situation. She can have the bed but we both sleep in the futon. What bothers me is he suggesting we sleep separetly as to not "offend" her. 

    to everyone else. Thanks for the input! 


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  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Did you ever think that he is using mom's feelings as an excuse for his own discomfort? 

    Only you can decide if this is something you want to fight.  If my then-FI was uncomfortable sharing a room with me with my mom around I'm not sure I would fight it.    But that doesn't mean I do not understand if you do.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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