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Ugh.... FMIL goes rogue on shower invite

Kerigirl9Kerigirl9 member
Knottie Warrior 100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Ok, ladies. I've got a dilemma.

My mother and sister are throwing me a shower at FMILs house. FSILs MIL is going to be in town that weekend because of another family event and FMIL invited her to the shower (since she's already going to be here). She had no idea that by inviting her to the shower that she was in essence obligating me to invite her to the wedding. She did not get a formal invitation to the shower. So at this point she can't be uninvited and I'm feeling pressured to add her to my (already more robust than I want) guest list for the wedding. 

I've met her a couple of times (most recently at the DW for said FSIL). I think she's a lovely person but I certainly would never have included her on the guest list. Thoughts? Do I have to invite her to the wedding?
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Re: Ugh.... FMIL goes rogue on shower invite

  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    Moderator 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
    PrettyGirlLost said:
    No you don't need to invite her to your wedding. This is FMIL'S mistake, not yours. I wouldn't worry about it. Let your SIL and FMIL handle this awkward situation.
    This.
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  • ahyatt87ahyatt87 member
    Seventh Anniversary 100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    edited July 2014
    At the end of the day I feel like reflects more poorly on your FMIL than on you. My MIL is a little bit controlling and flat out refused my aunts' plan to have one shower for me, because she would not be able to host it. Long story short, my aunts asked me who I wanted at the shower and only invited females who were also being invited to the wedding. MIL want to show off her hosting skills. She did not consult with me on the guest list and invited a bunch of her friends (who were not invited) as well as some of her husband's family (who also were not invited). She was shocked and upset when so many people declined attending the shower. These were people I had never met, with the exception of two of them. Both of them I met briefly at MIL wedding to her second husband and I have not saw in more than seven years. Our wedding guest list was already set and we did not have space in the venue to invite all the extra people MIL decided to invite to the shower. I did not feel badly about it. DH and I hosted our wedding properly and we actually knew everyone at our wedding. DH was horrified when I told him that his mother invited people to the shower who she knew would not be invited to the wedding. So no, I would not feel pressured to add her to your guest list unless you or your FI want her attend your wedding.
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  • theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    Nope. 

    One of my friends randomly RSVPed to my shower for herself and her mother, who wasn't invited to anything. Ain't no way I'm adding her to the wedding guest list because I had no say in her deciding to show up at the shower.
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  • NymeruNymeru member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    Yeah, you're off the hook.  Don't worry about adding her to your guest list for your wedding.
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  • Kerigirl9Kerigirl9 member
    Knottie Warrior 100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    Oh thank you all! I was really stressing about this. I'm finding at this point in the planning process that the crazies are starting to come out.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I don't think you need to invite your FMIL's "guests" to your wedding just because she wants to entertain them.  But your FI needs to tell her and his sister to take them off the shower guest list.  If they don't, I'd stop worrying about it.  You did all that you could do.
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    And if these rogue guests are going to be invited to your shower anyway, despite your protests, get their addresses now for TY notes to be sent later.  We hear all the time of the drama regarding inviting off the master list because brides don't have addresses to send the Thank Yous.
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  • Kerigirl9Kerigirl9 member
    Knottie Warrior 100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    @adk19 THANK YOU! I would never have thought of that.
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  • Marzipan13Marzipan13 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    This exact thing happened to me, too! (You lovelies helped me out!)  
    You aren't obligated to invite these rogues - this is her mistake to get red-faced about when said rogues ask why they didn't get an invite.
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