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FFIL wants a cash bar?

alpacalunchalpacalunch member
500 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
So Fi and FFIL were playing golf this past weekend. They apparently started chatting about the wedding, and the bar situation. Our venue, open bar is $50pp. That's a little rich for us, so we've looked into doing beer/wine/signature beverage, or a consumption bar. Fi was expressing his displeasure at $50pp, and FFIL was offering suggestions. Apparently, that included 'open bar for two hours, then switching over to cash' or (my fave) 'consumption to a certain $ amount then closing the bar' 

Wha?? Okay, when FSIL got married she had a cash bar, I get that in their family it's not a problem. But no, thank you, I will not be doing that. 

Any suggestions on how to easily kibosh this? We're staying with them this weekend, and I imagine it'll come up. And I've bean-dipped all the other random weirdness that's arisen before, but it's not easy! 

I just cannot even with this.
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Re: FFIL wants a cash bar?

  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited July 2014
    What scribe said.  If the FIL's aren't contributing then what they say has no bearing.

    Edited cause words are hard.

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  • NymeruNymeru member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    Yeah, you don't need to fuss with it at all. Don't even bring it up, but if they do ask you about it, just say you've got it handled.
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  • emmyg65emmyg65 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    Just ignore it.
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Tell them no. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • alpacalunchalpacalunch member
    500 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    scribe95 said:
    Since you are paying why do you even care? Just say you guys will handle it and your guests will be treated well.

    SITB

    Ah, but they are contributing.The 'here's some money, do with it what you will' kind of contributing.
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  • NymeruNymeru member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    Then their contribution can go toward funding the kind of bar you want.  You are under no obligation to make your guests pay for anything.  It's incredibly rude to do so. 
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Your fiance should tell them the two of you are not interested in doing a cash bar. If they push, he should repeat himself. If they ask why, he should say, "We simply prefer not to and the subject is closed." 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    Moderator 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
    It kind of sounds like this was a casual convo while playing golf. I wouldn't even think twice about it and carry on how you're planning to. 
    *********************************************************************************

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  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    chrisandcait said:
    scribe95 said:
    Since you are paying why do you even care? Just say you guys will handle it and your guests will be treated well.

    SITB

    Ah, but they are contributing.The 'here's some money, do with it what you will' kind of contributing.
    Don't count on them contributing until the money is in your hand.

    And even then, you don't need to go into details on how you are spending your money- theirs or otherwise.

    If the topic comes up, either bean dip them or tell them you are having a limited, open bar, and then change the subject or walk away.  Then, don't discuss your bar details with them any further in the future.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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  • alpacalunchalpacalunch member
    500 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Thanks, all. I am still super awkward around them, so stuff like this throws me for a bit of a loop. You've made some very good points, and I'll rehash it with Fi, who last I knew was on the same page as I was. 
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  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Honestly, I would just ignore it. I've gotten a ton of really awful suggestions from friends and family members. I just politely nod and change the subject. 
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