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How to let them down..

southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
Moderator 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
in Chit Chat
One of my friends from high school is getting married in another state in a few months. We've drifted a bit over the years, but still remain friends and I plan to continue this friendship as long as possible. I'll call them couple A. She sent a STD a long time ago and I verbally told her we're planning to make the trip. 

We have another set of friends who are local. They're in our close group of local friends. They also sent a STD a while ago. I'll call them couple B. We haven't seen them much since we got the STD and haven't verbally told them anything about attending/not attending. However, I was invited to her shower and bach over a month ago (they haven't taken place yet) and I RSVP'd yes to both.

I have all this stuff on my fridge and didn't realize these weddings are on the same date. I know, I know... I just got couple B's formal invitation on Friday and realized the conflict. I have not received couple A's formal invite (we're still 12 weeks out) so haven't officially RSVP'd yet. Couple B are very good friends of ours, but I've already verbally told couple A we're planning to make the trip for their wedding. I've more or less figured we should to attend Couple A's wedding because I already told her we would. For the record, we love both of them (couple A for long-term, history friend and couple B for local, inner circle friends) and want to attend both weddings, but obviously can't. So.....

1) Do you agree we should attend couple A's wedding?
2) If so, how should we let couple B down? I don't just want to send a "no" in the RSVP. They're not phone people (we've called, they don't answer and then immediately text...those people). And I don't want to send a text. 
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Re: How to let them down..

  • mysticlmysticl member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    I would got to couple A's wedding since you already gave them a verbal "yes'.  As for couple B how about including a note with the RSVP that explains that as much as you would love to attend you have another commitment that day but will be thinking about them?
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  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    Yep, I would go to Couple A's wedding since A) you told them yes and B) you don't get as much opportunity to see them.

    Just include a nice little note with the RSVP for Couple B.  And send them the same gift you would have given had you been able to attend.
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  • sarahuflsarahufl member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Which one would you prefer to attend? We got a good number of verbal "We can't wait!"s and then a decline on the formal RSVP. A verbal commitment isn't final.

    However, if you do choose to go to B's wedding and not A's, you should include a note in your RSVP card explaining that would would have loved to attend but you can't.

    It may be better for the relationship to go to As since you said you would, but I don't find the verbal RSVP to be binding.
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  • jenajjthrjenajjthr member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    You just got a formal invitation to a local wedding that is still 12 weeks out? Why so early? A invite is not a summons. And unlike a verbal invite where they must send you a formal invitation, a verbal yes does not mean a formal yes. Go to the wedding you prefer to go to. That could be because you gave a verbal yes first, because you prefer one couple over the other, because one is local and the other is not (finances), whatever. Just make sure to RSVP to the one you are not going to. A card with a note letting them know you are thinking of them on this day would be awesome too.
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    I would go to the one you'd rather go to and include a note in your RSVP to the other one. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • Bubblegum5586Bubblegum5586 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    A note on the RSVP should work, getting just a few words explaining/apologizing was so much nicer then just the "no"
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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    Moderator 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
    jenajjthr said:
    You just got a formal invitation to a local wedding that is still 12 weeks out? Why so early? A invite is not a summons. And unlike a verbal invite where they must send you a formal invitation, a verbal yes does not mean a formal yes. Go to the wedding you prefer to go to. That could be because you gave a verbal yes first, because you prefer one couple over the other, because one is local and the other is not (finances), whatever. Just make sure to RSVP to the one you are not going to. A card with a note letting them know you are thinking of them on this day would be awesome too.
    *sigh* I don't know. If only she would have consulted us.. :) Overzealous on their part. But it'll give me more of a chance to tell them early. I guess I'm just feeling bad because they had a lot going on around the time H and I got married and they really went out of their way to attend our wedding. I know all the "it's not tit for tat", but doesn't help me from feeling a little bad about it.

    Oh well, that's the way the cookie crumbles! I'll still plan on sending them a nice card and gift.
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